Today is the first day I woke up and didn't care anymore

[Gulf-Delta]

Last nite I was just having these massive panic attacks about my ex. Couldn't eat, barely got to sleep. The anxiety was just about her moving on. How the person she used to be is no longer existing. I was worried about her seeing in someone else, what she saw in me. Worried that I'm never going to see her again. I was basically having a meltdown.

 

But when I woke up today, day 12 on NC, I realized none of this is any of my business. She's gone. I've mostly accepted it's over and need to move on. The person I fell for, is basically dead. She has changed.

 

I still love that person very much, but like any other death, no amount of love or caring will ever bring them back. I know inside she's the person I fell in love with, but she won't admit to it and she won't let herself be that person.

 

Would I give her a second chance? Not without some serious convincing on her part. At this point, I do love, but not really in love with who she is now. She still haunts my mind, memories of us are still lurking around up there, and my trust has seriously been damaged.

 

I was there for this woman, and did anything and everything for her. I know that there are memories that only her and I shared that no one else will EVER get to experience with her, and I'm grateful that she was in my life to give me such great memories.

 

Right now, I'm somewhat filled with anger. Of being replaced. Of her forgetting or not caring about what I've done for her. Angry about her abandoning our friendship, and her breaking my trust when she promised she never would. And honestly, this anger hurts. Badly.

 

For the past months since we split, I've been trying to scheme, and plan about how to get her back. Convince her to be my friend again, but at the end of the day, there's no point.

 

Maybe our paths will cross again someday. In fact, I'd still love to know this girl in someway, but that just isn't really possible. I still wish we could be friends, but if we're meant to cross paths again, it will happen. If not, I guess I can be okay with that.

[jphcbpa]

sorry for your pain. it sucks, i know. it seems to me you are on the right path, that you are beginning to see things clearly now about what happened and what the future will be. dont keep going back there mentally..you will get lost.

 

it helps me just to pray and pray for her (that she would attain anything/everything that I would ever ask for myself).

 

do it for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

[Gulf-Delta]

sorry for your pain. it sucks, i know. it seems to me you are on the right path, that you are beginning to see things clearly now about what happened and what the future will be. dont keep going back there mentally..you will get lost.

 

it helps me just to pray and pray for her (that she would attain anything/everything that I would ever ask for myself).

 

do it for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

 

I hope for her happiness too.

 

I hope she never loses the person I fell for inside because, when I met her she was the most beautiful person I'd ever met. She was everything I was looking for. Funny, smart, mellow, artistic...she's a very talented artist and writer, and she's very smart. My only hopes now is that we can be friends someday, but most of all, that she doesn't flush her gifts down the toilet. She has so much potential to be an incredible elementary teacher (her chosen field), that I hope she doesn't leave it behind.

 

I really just want her to find success and happiness, ragardless of if I'm with her or not. I would have liked to share the journey with her, but I guess that isn't meant to happen.

 

I did a lot for this girl, and I built her up to be who she really is. I told her she was beautiful when she thought she was ugly. I encouraged her when she said she "can't". I built her up, and while this isn't exactly how I expected to be repaid, knowing some other man is reaping my hard work, but that's the way it goes.

 

I do hope to get back in touch with her someday, because I care about her, always will, but not for a long while I suppose.

[rhymes]

Gulf-Delta, I can relate very much to your situation, and while I'm glad you're feeling that way today, I do think, very much like myself, you still have a ways to go.

 

I also plotted and schemed to try and make it work in any possible way after we broke up. We did try and reconcile in January, but to her, it was us just being friends and the residuals emotions still lingering after a long term break up, even though we still acted like a couple. But too me, I was desperate to make it work and fix the situation. I ended up getting hurt all over again, because it meant a lot more to me than to her, which isn't fun in the least bit. Some days we were hot, others cold, but in the end she didn't think we'd be together forever after spending the past five years in a relationship.

 

Some days I feel like I've gotten over it, and other days I'm filled with anger, resentment and disbelief.

 

For me, I know she's started to see someone a month or so after we officially cut all ties and it still stings me now.

 

I feel all the same things. The fear of being replaced, wondering what this guy has to offer that I didn't. Shock at how someone you're best friends with and talked with everyday can just leave you high and dry, like you didn't mean anything, or not caring about all the precious times. I knowe the times we shared were special and one of a kind and you can't be replaced, but it doesn't make it any easier.

 

I know it was hard on her too, and I've seen her cry many a times over us, but at the end of the day, she still pulled the trigger and it's hard.

 

You sound very much like you are still grieving the loss of your partner, friend and what you used to have.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head here:

 

"I still love that person very much, but like any other death, no amount of love or caring will ever bring them back."

 

At the end of the day, it is none of our business, but it's easier to say that than to live it.

 

I does get easier, I'm still struggling, but getting there day by day. Just know you will have your ups and downs and that's completely normal.

 

Keep on keeping on hombre. Always good to vent, or get your emotions out there. Just know you're not alone.

[Gulf-Delta]

Gulf-Delta, I can relate very much to your situation, and while I'm glad you're feeling that way today, I do think, very much like myself, you still have a ways to go.

 

I also plotted and schemed to try and make it work in any possible way after we broke up. We did try and reconcile in January, but to her, it was us just being friends and the residuals emotions still lingering after a long term break up, even though we still acted like a couple. But too me, I was desperate to make it work and fix the situation. I ended up getting hurt all over again, because it meant a lot more to me than to her, which isn't fun in the least bit. Some days we were hot, others cold, but in the end she didn't think we'd be together forever after spending the past five years in a relationship.

 

Some days I feel like I've gotten over it, and other days I'm filled with anger, resentment and disbelief.

 

For me, I know she's started to see someone a month or so after we officially cut all ties and it still stings me now.

 

I feel all the same things. The fear of being replaced, wondering what this guy has to offer that I didn't. Shock at how someone you're best friends with and talked with everyday can just leave you high and dry, like you didn't mean anything, or not caring about all the precious times. I knowe the times we shared were special and one of a kind and you can't be replaced, but it doesn't make it any easier.

 

I know it was hard on her too, and I've seen her cry many a times over us, but at the end of the day, she still pulled the trigger and it's hard.

 

You sound very much like you are still grieving the loss of your partner, friend and what you used to have.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head here:

 

"I still love that person very much, but like any other death, no amount of love or caring will ever bring them back."

 

At the end of the day, it is none of our business, but it's easier to say that than to live it.

 

I does get easier, I'm still struggling, but getting there day by day. Just know you will have your ups and downs and that's completely normal.

 

Keep on keeping on hombre. Always good to vent, or get your emotions out there. Just know you're not alone.

 

I know there's still a long ways to go for me.

 

And I feel like there's somethings I'll never be able to let go of. My first time living away from home was with her. She taught me to drive. She pushed and supported me through school. She did loads for my self esteem. She was really my balance in a lot of ways. Where I was sloppy and unorganized, she she brought order.

 

And I'm lucky to share those memories with her. Do I still think or paths will cross in some capacity? Yes. I don't know if that's foolish to think, but even if we're never lovers again, just have a feeling that we haven't heard/seen the last of each other. And I hope we do, but it has to be from her end. I've tried to maintain a friendship with her, but at this point, she doesn't want it.

 

I still hold a lot of anger and distrust toward her for the way she acted during the breakup (which was completely out of character for her), but one day I'll forgive her, I know it.

[jphcbpa]

Do I still think or paths will cross in some capacity? Yes. I don't know if that's foolish to think, but even if we're never lovers again, just have a feeling that we haven't heard/seen the last of each other. And I hope we do, but it has to be from her end.

 

this is the tough part. trying to move on, but holding onto an old idea or a projected image/fantasy of the future.

 

i think healing comes when you reach a point that either way you will be okay and deep in your core you are good with that because you want what is best for her and perhaps that best for her is with someone else.

[robkris8079]

well I have had plenty of days of waking up and not caring. Several in a row. Few nights she didn't cross my mind at all and feeling like this is the best time of my life happening right now and it has nothing to do with her.

 

Then today some emotions came rushing back. Maybe because I noticed where she was and who she was with? No I didn't FB stalk her just have some mutual friends. Maybe I'm still on the roller coaster though it doesn't seem to move all that much these days. I'm not letting this get me down. I'm going to feel it and let it go.

 

I'm trying my hardest to just let her go and the OP should be doing the same. Holding on to any chance of being together again will never let you heal and sure as hell stop you from enjoying your time now.

[Gulf-Delta]

this is the tough part. trying to move on, but holding onto an old idea or a projected image/fantasy of the future.

 

i think healing comes when you reach a point that either way you will be okay and deep in your core you are good with that because you want what is best for her and perhaps that best for her is with someone else.

 

Well yeah/ I WANT to see her again someday, but I know that even if I don't, life goes on.

 

As I've mentioned in another thread, I lose a lot of friends. But she was my best friend, and I view her as family, and for that reason, I hope to see her again.

 

I'm a big believer in fate. I think me and her, for better or worse, were brought together by fate. If fate means us to be together, it will happen. And if not, then we made each other better people, and have some great memories. Like it or not, her and I are forever attached. No matter if she marries a dude in 10 years and has 15 kids, no matter what I was still the one who shared 2 years of her life.

[Gulf-Delta]

well I have had plenty of days of waking up and not caring. Several in a row. Few nights she didn't cross my mind at all and feeling like this is the best time of my life happening right now and it has nothing to do with her.

 

Then today some emotions came rushing back. Maybe because I noticed where she was and who she was with? No I didn't FB stalk her just have some mutual friends. Maybe I'm still on the roller coaster though it doesn't seem to move all that much these days. I'm not letting this get me down. I'm going to feel it and let it go.

 

I'm trying my hardest to just let her go and the OP should be doing the same. Holding on to any chance of being together again will never let you heal and sure as hell stop you from enjoying your time now.

 

Yea, I'm sure I have some rough days ahead. But today, I'm feeling nothing but acceptance.

[LasVegasGuy]

Good that means you are on the road to healing, next exist (not thinking about them at all) I know I went a year in a half without thinking about my ex, and the other ex I had to pratical remind myself to think about her, because I missed thinking about her. Strange huh?

[DuchessKaye]

Last nite I was just having these massive panic attacks about my ex. Couldn't eat, barely got to sleep. The anxiety was just about her moving on. How the person she used to be is no longer existing. I was worried about her seeing in someone else, what she saw in me. Worried that I'm never going to see her again. I was basically having a meltdown.

 

But when I woke up today, day 12 on NC, I realized none of this is any of my business. She's gone. I've mostly accepted it's over and need to move on. The person I fell for, is basically dead. She has changed.

 

I still love that person very much, but like any other death, no amount of love or caring will ever bring them back. I know inside she's the person I fell in love with, but she won't admit to it and she won't let herself be that person.

 

Would I give her a second chance? Not without some serious convincing on her part. At this point, I do love, but not really in love with who she is now. She still haunts my mind, memories of us are still lurking around up there, and my trust has seriously been damaged.

 

I was there for this woman, and did anything and everything for her. I know that there are memories that only her and I shared that no one else will EVER get to experience with her, and I'm grateful that she was in my life to give me such great memories.

 

Right now, I'm somewhat filled with anger. Of being replaced. Of her forgetting or not caring about what I've done for her. Angry about her abandoning our friendship, and her breaking my trust when she promised she never would. And honestly, this anger hurts. Badly.

 

For the past months since we split, I've been trying to scheme, and plan about how to get her back. Convince her to be my friend again, but at the end of the day, there's no point.

 

Maybe our paths will cross again someday. In fact, I'd still love to know this girl in someway, but that just isn't really possible. I still wish we could be friends, but if we're meant to cross paths again, it will happen. If not, I guess I can be okay with that.

 

GD... I understand the pain and I know it's always hard but whatever it is you're going through... it will be over soon enough. One day meet you will the perfect girl for you, the one who will appreciate you for who you are.

And when that day comes, don't forget to give her chocolate

Haha, just a thought.

Smile! :)

[Gulf-Delta]

Good that means you are on the road to healing, next exist (not thinking about them at all) I know I went a year in a half without thinking about my ex, and the other ex I had to pratical remind myself to think about her, because I missed thinking about her. Strange huh?

 

Eh, I really don't think I'm going to forget about her. Like I said, the first time I lived away from home was with her. She has my virginity. I still have a box of stuff she gave me that I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of...

 

Too many memories attached to forget completely.

[Gulf-Delta]

GD... I understand the pain and I know it's always hard but whatever it is you're going through... it will be over soon enough. One day meet you will the perfect girl for you, the one who will appreciate you for who you are.

And when that day comes, don't forget to give her chocolate

Haha, just a thought.

Smile! :)

 

Honestly, I don't think I can really trust "love" anymore. It's not worth the risk. I put SO MUCH into this relationship, and lost everything. This girl was perfect, and she changed. I have no reason to believe other women will be any different.

[DuchessKaye]

I have no reason to believe other women will be any different.

 

Someday, somehow, you will...

I promise you...