xdelilah Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 My bf and i talked last night and he says he needs time to think about us and if we're right for each other? He still wants to talk to me as a friend and while he cleans his head out? I asked how much time do you need...he says if you cant wait for me then thats you. He says he isnt going to date other girls. If I want to date other guys he says I can if that is what I want to do.
jobaba Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 My bf and i talked last night and he says he needs time to think about us and if we're right for each other? He still wants to talk to me as a friend and while he cleans his head out? I asked how much time do you need...he says if you cant wait for me then thats you. He says he isnt going to date other girls. If I want to date other guys he says I can if that is what I want to do. If that is what you are thinking of doing and you just broke up last night, then he did you a favor. Apparently you weren't into each other very much at all.
TheFinalWord Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 My bf and i talked last night and he says he needs time to think about us and if we're right for each other? He still wants to talk to me as a friend and while he cleans his head out? I asked how much time do you need...he says if you cant wait for me then thats you. He says he isnt going to date other girls. If I want to date other guys he says I can if that is what I want to do. He may already be interested in someone else. All you can do is give him the space, but mentally be ready to accept he isn't coming back. I would tell him you would like to not talk until he has made up his mind. Basically he wants to test the waters and still keep you on his emotional leash. Best of luck!
TakeMeasIam Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 No, I think that's what he's telling her. I think she means he said: "If you want to date other guys go ahead, if that's what you want to do. He also added - "If you don't want to wait that's you." What he is doing is giving her clearance to date someone else, but if she does she obviously can't wait for him, and it would be on her.... He's breaking UP with her, but trying to find a way to do it which alleviates his guilt, by giving her 'permission' to date other guys. But there again, he is trying to 'clear his head....'? really? if I was her, I would say: "I understand you need time to clear your head. A month should do it, don't you think? I promise I will not contact you at all, during this month, because you say you need the time and space. OK. So I will leave you completely alone - and of course, I would not dream of dating anyone else. But a month from today, I will contact you, and see whether your head is clear yet. And if you still cannot make up your mind, you will have to explain to me why exactly I should carry on waiting for you, when you cannot seem to decide what it is you want, and tell me precisely how long you expect me to wait, for you to clear your head.... OK?" OP: Take control of your life, don't keep hanging on at the whim of somebody else. He is trying to take control of the situation by offloading a final decision on you. give that back.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 My bf and i talked last night and he says he needs time to think about us and if we're right for each other? He still wants to talk to me as a friend and while he cleans his head out? I asked how much time do you need...he says if you cant wait for me then thats you. He says he isnt going to date other girls. If I want to date other guys he says I can if that is what I want to do. I'll translate your post into man speak... he says he needs time to think about us and if we're right for each other I don't really want to be with you, so let me figure out a way to tell you this that doesn't require as much balls/courage to let you down easily so I don't have to hurt you or feel like the bad guy He still wants to talk to me as a friend and while he cleans his head out? This doesn't mean I want to completely cut you off, I still have use for you...like spending time together, having sex (if you're having it) and generally as a backup girl I asked how much time do you need...he says if you cant wait for me then thats you Enough time for me to figure out what to do with you...although I ultimately know I don't REALLY want to be with you or this would be a no-brainer. If you can't wait for me then this is even better because I can put the blame on you, plus I'm trying to spin this around so that you'll feel sorry for me because I'm also focused on how I feel He says he isnt going to date other girls. If I want to date other guys he says I can if that is what I want to do. I'm not going to technically "date" other girls, I'm just going to see what else is out there...or that I even have the ability to get with...If I fail I might fall back to you. If you want to date other guys you can, again this will make you look like the bad guy and like you don't care even though I'm the one breaking up with you...plus I'm testing to see how much control I have over you as It will give me quite an ego boost IF you stick around and wait too...even though most women do this anyway because once they're into a guy they do this on auto-pilot...although I'm too young of a guy to realize this yet 3
waiting4u Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I hate to say it, but what Ninja is saying is exactly the thing. I've issued this speech. I felt like crap about it, but was trying to avoid confrontation.
Author xdelilah Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 So you guys think its hopeless to get back with him completely? I honestly think he is being a little sincere because he wants to have both of us happy? I really do love him and this hurts so much.
TakeMeasIam Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I think you should propose exactly what i suggested. He is deciding on this break, but is leaving it open-ended, and basically telling you that you can find another man to date, but then, the fault will be yours. so put my suggestion to him as if it was yours, of course. Tell him you understand his plan, and that you think you should agree on a time-frame. You perfectly understand that he might need time to sort his mind out - but could he please give you an indication of a how long he believes he will need? How long is he expecting you to wait for him? How long does he believe he will adequately require? And why does he feel the need to sort his head out? Yours is perfectly fine.... What is his confusion, exactly....?
Author xdelilah Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 I told him how long doyou need..I said 3 to 6months might be to long for me to wait. I can't waste time. He said no not that long not a month., he claims he has a.job interview and wants go in there clear headed and in the mean time he doesnt want us to fight and wants decide if we are good. Friday is.his job interview and he.wanted my help....so I'm very confused.
TakeMeasIam Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Good. After Friday then, he should in theory be able to clear up your confusion. Have we not already done this for you?
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) I told him how long doyou need..I said 3 to 6months might be to long for me to wait. I can't waste time. He said no not that long not a month., he claims he has a.job interview and wants go in there clear headed and in the mean time he doesnt want us to fight and wants decide if we are good. Friday is.his job interview and he.wanted my help....so I'm very confused. What's confusing about it? did you miss what I mentioned in the last post? This doesn't mean I want to completely cut you off, I still have use for you...like spending time together, having sex (if you're having it) and generally as a backup girl Maybe you need a better description of what this means as you'll take any sign of intimacy what so ever as true emotion and interest...so this means If I'm this guy I will still; - Want to talk to you, after all you're still someone close to me - When I get bored, will still show interest but not because I'm head over heels for you but because you're always when I call, you pick up, you respond - I'll still share and talk to you about important aspects of my life, I'll just keep my emotions on a short leash, you'll chase the carrot on a stick (love) while I have my own perspective and already initiating you into back-up girl mode while you just naively go along with it - Nothing I do is really as important as you make it out to be, in fact you take everything I do much farther than I ever intend - I'm going to pretend that you should be there for me without your personal emotions, because I want you for MY agenda, I'm not trying to be there to fulfill YOURS - In short, this will continue to LOOK like a relationship in your eyes, except I don't have to invest emotionally and I'm not responsible for how you feel and what you think because I already told you I need time to clear my head..which will turn into "I'm not sure" and "I have so much going on right now, I can't think clearly" Everything you believe at this point is essentially going to be a half-truth or lie, he's already making it clear that he's not interested in investing with you, he's trying to pull away and get out of it, he's trying to make you less of a priority, he still wants the milk just doesn't want to buy the cow. So unless you're interested in scraps and aren't going to demand that your needs be met, for yourself...not for him, then just keep what you're doing..continue to be confused, continue to follow your "emotions"...honestly, there's a million other women out there doing the exact same thing right now, and there's just as many other men doing it to women..so you decide whether that's good enough for you, or whether you're strong enough and respect yourself more than the validation of what a man gives you...but If you're not strong enough, just know that If it isn't this guy doing it to you, then it'll just be another, only you can open your eyes, accept the truth and walk away or at some point you're enabling men to do this to you...because you know the answer, you just won't do what you know is right, welcome to the real world of love...there is something better out there, but you've got to be willing to believe in it and sacrifice situations like this for it. Edited May 2, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 2
Yookie Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 So you guys think its hopeless to get back with him completely? I honestly think he is being a little sincere because he wants to have both of us happy? I really do love him and this hurts so much. Sorry you're hurting sweetie. Please do yourself a favor and cut all contact with him so you can have time to heal from this. Don't let him dangle the relationship in front of you and keep you confused. As everyone has pointed out here, he really wants to break up with you but doesn't have the balls to do it properly. Think of it this way: what man would want the woman he loves to go out and date other men?? He wouldn't push you away if he really wanted to be with you. 1
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