threebyfate Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Chemistry, connection and courtesy. The 3Cs of sexing!
Els Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Huh. Okay, fine, so that's the norm for 18-35 year old non-overweight women in SoCal, America. I don't suppose it's possible for me to refute that, nor that I'd even want to. I would advise opening up more windows.
january2011 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 By the way he looks and smiles at me - both of us are thinking exactly the same thing. These lyrics from "I'm Not That Girl" (Wicked) pretty much describe what happens, especially the second line: Hands touch, eyes meet Sudden silence, sudden heat 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Whenever i've lusted for someone it's physically hit me hard. Height, muscle tone/definition, cheeky eyes, their smile, hair, the proportions of their body, way they move, and VOICE is a big one for me. I love a low, deep voice, so much so that a bad/girly voice can automatically negate all other attractive features. Think if the Rock had the voice of Frank Spencer... So i'd say it's lots of physical intricities that kinda get under your skin and you want to explore further; the way a muscle ripples, the way they run their hands through their hair, the way they might groan when they lift something...and you get a 'kick' of lust for them that can stay in your mind/body for a long time.
Andy_K Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I do not know anyone whose first time with each guy perpetually involved booze. Are you living in forum-storyland again? Actually, I agree with somedude on this one. In my personal experience, almost every single time I've slept with a girl for the first time there has been alcohol involved. I'm 28 and the girls have ranged from 17 (when I was much younger) to mid 30's.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Actually, I agree with somedude on this one. In my personal experience, almost every single time I've slept with a girl for the first time there has been alcohol involved. I'm 28 and the girls have ranged from 17 (when I was much younger) to mid 30's. I've never had to have alcohol to have sex. I think that's kinda sad...and suggests the girl wanted attention/'love' rather than genuinely wanted to have sex with a man.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Sd, believe it or not, even though I am an old granny now I am 100% in touch with EXACTLY how I felt and what it was like to be dating when I was in my 20's. The benefit of being able to look upon it from some distance is great. You should not discount the points of view of people who have already been through that time of our own lives. We aren't in the maelstrom of it right now, but we WERE, and we can talk about it from a different perspective. I'm not telling you to do what we say, but I am telling you that having input from people who have already been where you are now and who lived to tell is a great potential help for you. I also have a 24 year old daughter who tells me EVERYTHING (much to my dismay, at times) and I can assure you that there are zero "generational" differences except for the advent of OLD. Which I'm also an expert at, from my experiences since my divorce. Dating as an old lady wasn't that much different than dating as a young one, except for my self confidence was much higher and my tolerance for BS was much lower. 4
Author counterman Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 That's the sort of effect I want, when you make eye contact and the both of you are thinking the same thing and that smile slowly creeps up on her face... I'm not looking for anything in particular, just going with whatever happens. Of course I would like a relationship but the girls I have dated recently, we just weren't that compatible. Now I just want to have fun. The issue is I meet girls who are 18 to early 20s. I can describe myself as an honest, caring, friendly and nice guy, but let's face it, being the 'nice' guy rarely sparks anything, unless she's already attracted. I guess I want to highlight and convey the most attractive qualities of myself beyond the physical and express myself accordingly, especially when it's the first impression. More or less, it comes down to just talking to more girls and getting comfortable with my sexuality, in my opinion. As for alcohol, I wouldn't a girl who only wanted to sleep with me because she's drunk... 1
PJKino Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Alcohol was the reason for my only hookup with a women who later felt horrible that she made out with my ugly ass and told me to tell no one
kaylan Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Do people here have selective amnesia? Tons of first sex stories on this foum involve alcohol...why jump on somedude for stating the obvious. People like to drink so they are less nervous about getting what they want. It is what it is. People use alcohol a lot of the time when first hooking up because they feel chicken ***** without it and want a little liquid courage to push them along. P 2
coffee.girl Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 (edited) That's the sort of effect I want, when you make eye contact and the both of you are thinking the same thing and that smile slowly creeps up on her face... I'm not looking for anything in particular, just going with whatever happens. Of course I would like a relationship but the girls I have dated recently, we just weren't that compatible. Now I just want to have fun. Counterman, I remember your thread where you wrote about approaching girls and documented your experiences/successes..... If what you wrote there was accurate, I think that you will have no trouble. Your attitude of not taking things too seriously and just having fun/rolling with it is very attractive, and this will no doubt shine through with the girls you meet. The issue is I meet girls who are 18 to early 20s. I can describe myself as an honest, caring, friendly and nice guy, but let's face it, being the 'nice' guy rarely sparks anything, unless she's already attracted. I guess I want to highlight and convey the most attractive qualities of myself beyond the physical and express myself accordingly, especially when it's the first impression. More or less, it comes down to just talking to more girls and getting comfortable with my sexuality, in my opinion. You mention that you're approaching girls between eighteen/early twenties... despite the idea on this board that girls of this age are going through a "slut phase" blah blah.... I think most girls this age are still figuring themselves out and may not know or be able to express what it is that is attractive to them. So you may not come across many girls who are confident enough to show that 'they are thinking what you're thinking' after a short period of time.... but if you are pursue a relationship and make them comfortable you may have more success. There also seems to be this idea that nice guys aren't desirable etc... I take issue with this. It isn't that being 'nice' is a turn off, or unattractive. 'Nice guys' have trouble when they are ONLY 'nice', and have no other interesting qualities (that they show, at least). I'm not entirely sure i've interpreted your post right, but what I think you are asking, is how to get that masculine/sexual energy thing happening. The guys that i've met that have had this (and yes, I would have jumped their bones given the opportunity :love:) have had qualities like- -Physical presence. I don't necessarily mean ripped or tall or anything like that, but their body language indicates they are comfortable in their own skin and their surroundings, and with me. -Entered my personal space/stayed close/made casual physical contact. Before somedude jumps in with "but she'll call me a creep!" it's pretty obvious if the girl is okay with this or not.... read her body language. If she is receptive, it's all good, if not, back off. -Playful conversation. Took an interest in me and my opinions beyond superficial chit-chat. Not afraid to challenge those opinions. -Were passionate about something. I think if you have a goal/passion for something or even just a passion for life itself it shines through and makes you charismatic to the people you meet. Edited May 3, 2012 by coffee.girl
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Do people here have selective amnesia? Tons of first sex stories on this foum involve alcohol...why jump on somedude for stating the obvious. People like to drink so they are less nervous about getting what they want. It is what it is. People use alcohol a lot of the time when first hooking up because they feel chicken ***** without it and want a little liquid courage to push them along. P True, a lot of people use alcohol to have sex, but that's sad, and suggests you don't have the courage/wil/want to do it without. Alcohol actually dampens sex as well...unless you've just had a little. I kinda like the lil anxiety that chemistry can spark. Why would you wanna mask that with alcohol? To me that suggests for a lot of people, particularly women, they don't actually WANT sex, and are just drinking to 'force' themselves to do it for some attention/validation.
Author counterman Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Coffee.girl, I guess I've become so stressed out with my studies and work lately that I've neglected the fun of my random approaches I had not too long ago. Hence, why I wanted instant gratification...to deal with that tension inside and the growing stress. But I bet as soon as I start having fun with it again, the feeling of the want for instant gratification will subside. I agree, that most girls in their late teens to early 20s are figuring themselves out and I guess I shouldn't expect them to feel comfortable expressing what they find attractive in any way right off the bat. I think something I need to work on is building rapport, and developing a connection with others. Often, I do not even connect with some of my friends... As for pursuing a relationship, deep down I know that's what I want, it's just meeting a girl that I can see myself in a relationship with and who can see herself in a relationship with me. In the years after the break-up with my one and only girlfriend, I have had girls who had shown interest in wanting to be in a relationship with me but I just never felt anything for them. That makes more sense, that nice guys have trouble when they're not showing any other interesting qualities. I would say that's definitely not me. However, you have interpreted my post correctly, and thanks for sharing those qualities. Something I can see more improvement in myself in is that banter/playful conversation. I do tend to banter really well with my friends and whatnot but with girls I've just met, it's touch and go. Guess that'll come with talking to more girls Also, having a passion for something. I am passionate about lot of things but have not be exploring other areas of interest that I use to... I find that this usually leads to more interest being developed and from that anything can happen. As for what I'll be doing, I'll be taking myself out of my comfort zone more. The many girls I have approached, by the end of it, it felt really safe. I was really comfortable (that is a good thing!) but was lacking some excitement. I'm going to take more chances and flirt more and most importantly just have fun, do something that makes me happy and not over think it.
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