celia1990 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 my ex and i were in love when we started high school. it felt like too much too young at the time, i thought he was too young for it as he seemed to get so unaturally awkward. i missed us being friends and thought the serious relationship stuff should be for another era. i dumped him in a very cowardly manner and offered no explaination, not out of cruelty but out of ignorance on my part. he was very hurt and after an initial period of pleading with me he began to really hate me. i know that i was very much in the wrong. i always wanted to tell him how sorry i was and i really did try to be friends but he wouldn't even speak to me. so i moved on with my life. years later we've coincidentally started to work for the same company. it's a very large company so i don't bump into him every day or anything but it's been very awkward seeing him around. he seems to try to avoid me and looks very tense when he says hi. i don't know if it's because he hates me or not.... it's been years! i still like him, always did. no matter what. i wish him the very best. he seems very successful, has a way better job than me, is amazing at sports and is very popular. the last few things i mentioned, although they are great are not why i like him.... i do hope that if he knew i still like him would he assume that that's only because he's "successful" now? the reason i ask is his friends hacked into his facebook account and pretended to be him talking to me on chat. my heart jumped into my mouth as he never talks to me on chat, i have messaged him once or twice though. so i was chatting back, small talk. then they made odd comments and i realised that it wasn't him so i said hahaha, funny you guys etc. then they said that he is always talking about me though. i just said "riiight." they said "no seriously though" i left it. i wasn't the only girl they guys contacted through his account that night as a joke and he made a status appologising for it when he realised what happened. he never contacted me personally to apologise. i felt he should have.... or was he partially in on the joke? it would be optimistic to assume that he really was still crazy about me and his friends were either trying to really annoy him or maybe help him by telling me (but who does that?!), right? i'm thinking, they know i like him, all hate me and thinnk he's way too good for me and so they all laughed at my expense. i feel so humiliated. it just makes no sense.
darkmoon Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) insist on an apology? let him have the last word to make life easy for yourself he got dumped which is hard to take he could get spiteful and cause you trouble at work, hacking is illegal btw, i don't think many ppl are going to be interested in who was once in love with who if they are in a work environment, they are there to make the organisation grow, anyone worth knowing in your workplace would be ambitious and professional and be after promotions and not much else such as gossip about you, i'd leave them all alone to move on, plz note the possibilty that this old flame of yours could be rekindled, i mean you might just get a promotion from that Edited May 2, 2012 by darkmoon
Author celia1990 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 thanks for your advice. i guess hacking isn't the right word, he had left his facebook signed in on his friends computer while they were all hanging out. were you saying i should or shouldn't insist on an apology? i'm not going to say anything to anyone about it but i thought that if he liked me he would have contacted me to say sorry. the fact that he didn't means that either he does still hate me and his friends were acting on his hate or that he was even in on the prank. i can't help but hold on to the hope that he does really talk about me all the time. but that's crazy right? also, we are working for different departments and childish antics at our junior level are not too serious a matter. i don't think our relationship whether it's good or bad will affect our careers, personally i won't bring any of this into the work place, i am always polite and reserved. thanks again for your input... it really helps to see another point of view on this thing.
geegirl Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 thanks for your advice. i guess hacking isn't the right word, he had left his facebook signed in on his friends computer while they were all hanging out. were you saying i should or shouldn't insist on an apology? i'm not going to say anything to anyone about it but i thought that if he liked me he would have contacted me to say sorry. the fact that he didn't means that either he does still hate me and his friends were acting on his hate or that he was even in on the prank. i can't help but hold on to the hope that he does really talk about me all the time. but that's crazy right? also, we are working for different departments and childish antics at our junior level are not too serious a matter. i don't think our relationship whether it's good or bad will affect our careers, personally i won't bring any of this into the work place, i am always polite and reserved. thanks again for your input... it really helps to see another point of view on this thing. I'm not sure why you use the word "hate" when he could just be uncomfortable being around you. Granted it's been years since you broke up, and while he was hurt and raw at the time, he probably feels an awkwardness now. If someone dumped me in a cowardly manner and left me hanging, I'd pretty much want nothing to do with them. With that said, you failed to ever apologize for your behavior in the way you broke his heart but now you feel entitled to an apology over some silly juvenile prank on FB? He extended an apology over FB to everyone that was a part of the prank. Whether he was in it or not, it's not such an injustice that you have to insist for an apology. And if you have to insist, then it's forced and carries no meaning. He apologizes because he wants to, not because you insist.
Author celia1990 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 ok please believe me when i say i am not looking for an apology, not insisting on one, that is not, i repeat not what this post is about. the only relevance the apology has to this conversation is that i have this crazy dellusion that he might still have feelings for me despite the fact that i am a horrible person. therefore i believe the lack of apology prooves that no, he wants nothing to do with me as you say. i feel that if it was true that his friends were partially trying to let me know that there's still something there between us that he then would have used it as an excise to message me and say sorry, that was silly, the guys were idiots. hope life is good etc etc. instead he made a general apology which does suffice but also tells me that he does infact not wish to know me and would laugh at the thought of my feeling very hurt and or humiliated. yes, aged 13 i made a mistake. tried to turn it around the best that i could at the time. i was immature, stupid and inexperienced. i did try to be friends and talk about it. i'm not blaming him for anything. but i have been hurting for years, whats worse it's all my fault and i deserve everything i get. i used to think that if i ever bumped into him in a bar i would try to properly chat to him and try to get to know him again, just as friends first.... i guess now i'm wondering do i need to take the latest happenings as i sign that i will always be an ogar to him and his friends. i don't deserve him and need to move on. it's very sad.
Author celia1990 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 and the reason i believe he might still like me is because a) i want to as i still like him. b) the tension could be hate, discomfort, awkwardness or old feelings...?? and c) i'm a dreamer. sorry if i've been confusing. i am confused. i guess i'm looking for confirmationt that he doesn't want to know me and that i should move on.... that trying to be friends with him after this is crazy on my part.
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Personally, I don't think it was a personal dig on you. Because his friends also harassed other girls as well. I kind of believe this because of his blanket apology to EVERYONE that his friends may or may not have contacted. They were being immature and having a laugh on your Ex's behalf. I thing you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. You were a "convenient victim" as well as other girls at that time. I wouldn't read too much into it.
dsw31 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I'm sure he doesn't hate you anymore! He probably feels akward because he got rejected & still probably has no idea why.I think if YOU wanted to apologize to him & explain it,just as you did to us.He can finally feel at ease & you can relieve some of your guilt. Who knows? This might be the beginning of something new... BTW-before any of that happens. How long has it been since you guys have broken up?
Author celia1990 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 thanks for your replies guys! chitown i hope you're right, it makes a lot of sense.... although i know i shouldn't look into it i think i can safely say i'd be embarrassing myself by still hoping to hook up with him though right? the way i saw it it either meant nothing, or something and if it mean't something (which is possible) then it was either positive (as in he really is talking about me all the time) or he is repulsed by me and his friends wanted to make him squirm and laugh and also get to watch me almost take bait and then get thrown back into the sea like unappetising washed up old fish that i am (at least to him anyways)... Dsw- it's been an entire 8 years! an eternity i know. we still can't really talk face to face.... maybe just out of awkwardness. he's not like that with other people. i managed to chat to him on facebook before this incident and he was very nice to me but didn't keep the conversation going for very long. i am now very awkward around him as i don't know whether he wants to talk to me or not.... i don't know if being near him is upsetting him or not. i know it sounds so weird. the last time i said hi to his face i was smiling and he looked either threatened by my or angry.... not sure which. :/ i hate this....
geegirl Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Celia, I think you're beating yourself up too much. All this speculating about hate and ogres is only making you spiral into negative views about yourself. So, if you didn't bump into him, would you still have been harboring these strong feelings you say you have for him now or are you reattaching yourself to what you were once familiar with? I do believe he is feeling awkward. Again, if I was dumped by someone, I'd feel the same way and most likely would stay away. Have you ever thought of extending that apology or even breaking the ice with him? You have to understand that he's looking at you from a different standpoint. Someone who broke up with him and wanted nothing to do with him. That's how he remembers you.
dsw31 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Well it's been 8 years...that's a long time (which is good) You guys have both grown & matured alot.If there is anyway you could send him an email or something, I would suggest saying along the lines of Hey (his name) Crazy how things happen sometimes.I can't believe that we have bumped back into each other after all these years! I just wanted tell you that I have wished you well since the time we broke up.It looks like you'be turned out -just as I thought you would-Awesome! Anyway, I hope things are well & if you ever want to get in touch with me feel free
Author celia1990 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 Celia, I think you're beating yourself up too much. All this speculating about hate and ogres is only making you spiral into negative views about yourself. So, if you didn't bump into him, would you still have been harboring these strong feelings you say you have for him now or are you reattaching yourself to what you were once familiar with? I do believe he is feeling awkward. Again, if I was dumped by someone, I'd feel the same way and most likely would stay away. Have you ever thought of extending that apology or even breaking the ice with him? You have to understand that he's looking at you from a different standpoint. Someone who broke up with him and wanted nothing to do with him. That's how he remembers you. thank you, that is great insight and advice. he wrote me letters when we were younger and i kept them. i've been reading over them sporadically over the past few years. i guess i always thought about him. at the moment i feel like i have grown up a lot, had a lot of life experiences and i know more who i am and where i might be goig in my life. i used to hate serious relationships and that's what he is all about. now i'm ready for a serious relationship and boom, he has popped back up in my life. doesn't help that he's really hot either. i'm really terrified to talk to him about the breakup as i'm so scared that he will laugh at me or humiliate me. i know, i lack courage. i actually also think that he'd be shocked that i even still cared after 8 years. he might be freaked out and then tell everyone and everyone will be laughing at me.... you're right though, less being hard on myself and being dramatic and negative. i hope i figure this out and do something.... seems a shame to let it slip away without closure at least. i just wondered was the facebook prank a sign that i should stay away from him or not?
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 You said that his friends were telling you that "he talks about you all the time." Write this off. You're in NC. Unless HE says that he talks about you all the time and can get you off of his mind, I wouldn't buy into it. Hell, they already tried to pass themselves off as your Ex to you, why would you believe anything they have to say? Don't be embarassed because they want to be immature. Hold your head up high and walk the walk!
Author celia1990 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 You said that his friends were telling you that "he talks about you all the time." Write this off. You're in NC. Unless HE says that he talks about you all the time and can get you off of his mind, I wouldn't buy into it. Hell, they already tried to pass themselves off as your Ex to you, why would you believe anything they have to say? Don't be embarassed because they want to be immature. Hold your head up high and walk the walk! ok so i won't allow their behavior to affect my view of myself and i will try and just forget about it. you're right it is immature.... but if you were me would you still live in the hope that maybe this guy still has feelings for you or would you protect yourself from any more hurt and stay away. the thing is i contacted him on facebook to say "hey how are you how is life etc?" he was polite and answer questions and even asked me a few but then said he had to go. i actually indirectly asked him to go for a drink... well i told him where i was going. he said sorry i have a flight to catch early the next morning which was the truth so i understood. i said keep in touch, he said will do. he never did until his friends pranked me. in a way i imagine it might have been their way of saying "drop it and move on crazy girl, hahaha" why on earth can't i have feelings for less complcated people? argh i really hate this situation!
geegirl Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 You're scaring the daylights out of yourself! Filling your mind with thoughts as to his reactions when/if you reach out to him. You will never know if he will reject you or accept you. The only way to know that is to bite the bullet and be honest. Honesty either gets you what you want or it doesn't. If he rejects you, I hardly believe he'll be throwing a Mock Celia party. His reactions are not in your control. Whether he freaks out or not, is something you have to put aside so that it doesn't weigh on what you want to do because you can't bank on speculation. I don't believe the FB thing was a prank on you because it was a prank on several other girls as well. Two choices. You either step back and work through your feelings and let this go or let your honesty take its course.
geegirl Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 the thing is i contacted him on facebook to say "hey how are you how is life etc?" he was polite and answer questions and even asked me a few but then said he had to go. i actually indirectly asked him to go for a drink... well i told him where i was going. he said sorry i have a flight to catch early the next morning which was the truth so i understood. i said keep in touch, he said will do. he never did until his friends pranked me. in a way i imagine it might have been their way of saying "drop it and move on crazy girl, hahaha" why on earth can't i have feelings for less complcated people? argh i really hate this situation! I don't think he is complicated. He's being normal. After reading this I would say, step back. You told him to keep in touch and he hasn't so let him make the next move.
dsw31 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Sorry Celia I agree with Geegirl.He can contact you if he wants to
Author celia1990 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 i guess you're right. it's a harsh reality. my heart is as broke as Greece right now. i'm sure i'll move on with time...
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Here's the rub. I strongly suggest that you block him on FB. This little prank set you back to square one. Questioning everything. You're going to have a hard time healing and moving on until you can stop these feeling for your Ex. It's time to move on. Believe me, there are 7 billion people in this world. There's gonna be a guy out there for you
geegirl Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I'm sorry Celia. I know it's hard. Agree with Chi. You need to block him from FB otherwise you will keep falling back in your efforts to move on.
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