Eternal Sunshine Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I have a male collegue who is sort of a "playa". He brags that he has slept with 300 women. He is obsessed with his looks and really arrogant. To his credit, he is honest that he is after sex and if you are not dating him, he is a fairly decent guy. He sometiemes shows me message exhanges between him and girls that try to hit on him... (yes, girls hit on him everywhere and all the time, I witness it daily). I don't object to this because I learn a lot on how NOT to act. This went down over FB; (he and girl met in a foregein language class and they never dated or hang out): ---------------------- Girl: Hey, I happen to have two tickets to a ...... show this Saturday, would you like to join me? Him (2 days later): Sorry, I already made plans. Girl: Are you sure? Let me know ifr you change your mind Him: OK, will do! Girl (2 days later): Have you changed your mind? (he doesn't reply).... Girl (a week later): Hey! I am a bit of a music nut and I have two tickets for next Sat, want to join? Oh I have the funniest story...(she goes on to write an essay about how she hit her head).. finishes with this: I would really like to see you xxxx (he doesn't reply)... Girl (few days later): Hey again, I am sorry if my messages were inappropriate. I don't like you like that and I was just trying to be friendly. I hope I didn't creep you out. If you want to hang out sometimes let me know xxxx :sick: I kind of cringed for her. 1
Radu Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I don't see the problem. The ideea of a girl chasing a guy bothers you ?
Radu Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I moved away from this but something kept nagging me about this. This man, by showing you this (and you decide how he acted when he did this) shows a complete a total disregard for the girls who approached him. It's like he has no empathy. And you want to learn how NOT TO ACT from this guy ? Get a better rolemodel, normal ppl get disgusted at something like this. And, i suspect he did this to make you one of his babes. 3
Leigh 87 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 THANKS for the entertaining thread, ES:) I really appreciate real life shows of what girls REALLY do! I like to get chummy with hot guys and people in general, and get insights into things like that! It is really invaluable... Better yet, it HELPS people, haha... Yes, there are people like myself who were once clueless, a former ugly ducking, and had to act desperate until they learnt otherwise. I wish I had come across this sort of thing earlier haha. u would cringe ( heck, every one would!) at the despo things I once did, it is sickening. Thakns f*cking god I love my life and love who I am now lol and have faith that a guy will be into me and come to ME ha. Can u let me know on here any other funny sh*t girls write to him? Even better, would be to also include what HE thinks about it:) I want to know what hotties think about women. I think I know, logically ( they are into u or not, and iti s clear), but still:)
Leigh 87 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I moved away from this but something kept nagging me about this. This man, by showing you this (and you decide how he acted when he did this) shows a complete a total disregard for the girls who approached him. It's like he has no empathy. And you want to learn how NOT TO ACT from this guy ? Get a better rolemodel, normal ppl get disgusted at something like this. And, i suspect he did this to make you one of his babes. Come on, there is a difference between being direct, and being DESPERATE. I am super direct and confident once I know a guy likes me. I am not afraid to put my ego on the line, and I ask straight out if a guy wants to see me. .. ... The thing is, you have to do it in the right way! trust me, there is a right and wrong way to go about being confident and direct with guys. U make the first move, then wait for them to reply. If they don't, the only don't push it. See them in person if your in a class of theirs, but that is it. if they were excited or intrigued by the thougt of being with u, they would have replied. If they were just busy, so be it, plenty of fish in the sea. No point risking sounding DESPERATE, just because he may have been " busy" ( small chance!)
Radu Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 You are missing the point, it's that he was bragging with them and that the OP decided to take this as an 'example' and as a 'model'.
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 To be honest it kinda hurts to read that, I have guy friends who are mean too but they dont go as far as showing these kinda things. It hurts cause it might happen to me etc and I have been asked by a guy who I dont like this is what I tell him, I dont tell him I will think about it, cause that is leading him on, I simply say Dont take this personally but I have issues right now regarding my personal life and im usually not in a very good mood and dont want to share my bad mood with anyone so its better if you ask someone else.. usually people take the hint.. The problem w/ this guy friend of the op is that she didnt think he had any reason to turn her down, maybe they were friendly in language class, maybe she really didnt have anyone to go with and thought he seemed like a fun guy..silence and no response PLUS saying he will think about it doesnt necessarily mean "go away". Not everyone has common sense in terms of these things..
somedude81 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 And I bet all that time, she's turning down normal guys that would like to date her. Girls like her get no respect or sympathy from me.
SmileFace Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 And here I thought I seemed desperate by intiating text messages with a guy. I think we all have had desperate times -- some not as bad as the one mentioned in this thread. I remember the first guy I ever dated stated to ignore me. I sent him a text on new years, that technically was a request for a booty call. I was 18 and was hurt that I was being ignored and assumed that would have made him return. However he didn't reply so I deleted his number and changed my number the following day, shrugs -- it happens to use all.
shayla Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 You are missing the point, it's that he was bragging with them and that the OP decided to take this as an 'example' and as a 'model'. I took that to mean that she is using this as an example of how not to conduct herself with a man. I don't see anything wrong with that. How many women start threads here describing calling, calling, texting, and emailing a man trying to get something going when he is obviously not interested? Perhaps seeing how the man sees this behavior is just what they need to make different decisions in their approach. Looks like a positive lesson to me. 1
RedRobin Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Note to OP... If he's a player, you have no idea what he tells this other woman when you aren't around... personally, I wouldn't want to associate with a guy like that. I'm questioning your need to further the 'remote' humiliation of this woman by posting it here.... instead of questioning the integrity of this colleague.
Els Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Yeah, girl was desperate, unable to take 'no' for an answer, and appears very likely to be clingy and ignorant of social cues. No sympathy from me either. However, she isn't solely the one to blame here. Seriously, when she pressured him, he should have just stood his ground like a man, instead of saying he'd let her know when he changed her mind. That's a bit of a cop-out, and gives people like this false hope (ensuing in spamming of your inbox). I learnt that very quickly with a guy who acted like this girl did... 1
irc333 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 You know what's wierd, this dialogue with it being the OTHER way around...is so alien to me. I always see the majority of the time , where it's the men chasing the women, falling over themselves...HARDLY the other way around Even HANDSOME men, fall over themselves for women. I have a male collegue who is sort of a "playa". He brags that he has slept with 300 women. He is obsessed with his looks and really arrogant. To his credit, he is honest that he is after sex and if you are not dating him, he is a fairly decent guy. He sometiemes shows me message exhanges between him and girls that try to hit on him... (yes, girls hit on him everywhere and all the time, I witness it daily). I don't object to this because I learn a lot on how NOT to act. This went down over FB; (he and girl met in a foregein language class and they never dated or hang out): ---------------------- Girl: Hey, I happen to have two tickets to a ...... show this Saturday, would you like to join me? Him (2 days later): Sorry, I already made plans. Girl: Are you sure? Let me know ifr you change your mind Him: OK, will do! Girl (2 days later): Have you changed your mind? (he doesn't reply).... Girl (a week later): Hey! I am a bit of a music nut and I have two tickets for next Sat, want to join? Oh I have the funniest story...(she goes on to write an essay about how she hit her head).. finishes with this: I would really like to see you xxxx (he doesn't reply)... Girl (few days later): Hey again, I am sorry if my messages were inappropriate. I don't like you like that and I was just trying to be friendly. I hope I didn't creep you out. If you want to hang out sometimes let me know xxxx :sick: I kind of cringed for her.
Woggle Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Some women just go gaga over players like this. To be honest I have a hard time feeling sorry for her. She knew what he was like but thought she would be the one to tame the player. 1
JesseJames Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Regarding your desperate girl, I've given my like and that should aboot do it. I will say that I have a close friend that ranks an 11, literally stopping women in their tracks. In the 19 years that I've known him, not once has he ever bragged. It's more like a disease. I command more attention and influence since I'm unique, but whenever we are together he always out-trumps me. He's arrogant, but he isn't an a-hole, which is a strong word. Your dude sounds like an a-hole.
M2155 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) Yep, been there! Never realized how desperate it sounded at the time. The thing is, it doesn't matter about the other side or if he is a player, the girl can only control her actions and her responses toward him. I agree with Shayla that is the lesson in the post. Initiating contact and showing interest is great. But when she shows that she will keep offering and being available- even when he ignores her, then SHE is teaching him that it's okay to treat her that way. When he sees that you can decline days later or not at all and she is still ready to hang with him, why should he change it? Edited May 2, 2012 by M2155
RedRobin Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) I think both men and women have been in a situation where whatever behavior they are using with X person isn't working... but it worked in the past, so they keep trying it. OR, they are just learning, and they are trying different approaches. If there is no ill intent, they shouldn't be ridiculed. TBH, I think it is mean for the OP to post this. Her and the colleague are having a good laugh at her expense, and you guys are joining in. Way to go. For me, the lesson is don't text or email anyone where it might put you in a negative light because they could post it online or use it for ill purposes. Actually, this IS a lesson taught me from my place of employment. Edited May 2, 2012 by RedRobin 1
jobaba Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I have a male collegue who is sort of a "playa". He brags that he has slept with 300 women. He is obsessed with his looks and really arrogant. To his credit, he is honest that he is after sex and if you are not dating him, he is a fairly decent guy. He sometiemes shows me message exhanges between him and girls that try to hit on him... (yes, girls hit on him everywhere and all the time, I witness it daily). I don't object to this because I learn a lot on how NOT to act. This went down over FB; (he and girl met in a foregein language class and they never dated or hang out): ---------------------- Girl: Hey, I happen to have two tickets to a ...... show this Saturday, would you like to join me? Him (2 days later): Sorry, I already made plans. Girl: Are you sure? Let me know ifr you change your mind Him: OK, will do! Girl (2 days later): Have you changed your mind? (he doesn't reply).... Girl (a week later): Hey! I am a bit of a music nut and I have two tickets for next Sat, want to join? Oh I have the funniest story...(she goes on to write an essay about how she hit her head).. finishes with this: I would really like to see you xxxx (he doesn't reply)... Girl (few days later): Hey again, I am sorry if my messages were inappropriate. I don't like you like that and I was just trying to be friendly. I hope I didn't creep you out. If you want to hang out sometimes let me know xxxx :sick: I kind of cringed for her. Good post. It's seriously been I think over a decade since I got that gaga for a woman based on just her looks. A lot of gals get like that though. A lot of guys too. I have a buddy who is good looking and he met this girl through a group one night and somehow they exchanged #s. She sent him a text like this: "I'm sorry if this seems forward but I would like to meet you. I know we barely know each other but I would really like to meet you." She didn't even talk to him long enough to find out that he had a GF WHO WAS THERE the night that he and her met.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 And I bet all that time, she's turning down normal guys that would like to date her. Girls like her get no respect or sympathy from me. I don't know about the last part. But, yeah I'd be willing to bet there's a guy who would love to date her but she's not interested because he's "nerdy" or "weird" or not sexy enough or something.
jobaba Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) And I bet all that time, she's turning down normal guys that would like to date her. Girls like her get no respect or sympathy from me. I don't know about the last part. But, yeah I'd be willing to bet there's a guy who would love to date her but she's not interested because he's "nerdy" or "weird" or not sexy enough or something. I wouldn't bet against that last part at all. As a matter of fact, I almost guarantee it. The girl I referenced in my story wasn't half bad looking and was fairly normal and in fact I was trying to talk to her (and her friend at the same time). I ended up getting her friend's number and I took her out on NYE a few years back. She spoke condescendingly to me at a few points, left the party I took her to without me, and ended up chasing after another of my good looking player friends who totally used her for sex a few times and then ignored her. And she could have passed for my sister. But she thought she was that much better than me. SD gets accused of being bitter, but a lot of what he sees is reality... Edited May 2, 2012 by jobaba
Princess71 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Obviously people here who are saying they have no sympathy are assuming that these desperate girls are always going after "hot" players. That is not always the case. Girls can be just as desperate for someone of average looks who they know on a more intimate level, like as a friend, for example. I'm in this situation right now where I really have strong feelings for a friend who apparently doesn't have them for me, although has given me mixed messages. It is taking extreme will power NOT to do desperate things like call more or write, etc. It's funny because I was just thinking today that I should just say screw it and pursue him like a madwoman and seduce him etc lol and then I saw this thread. Good timing I guess.
zengirl Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Its the same way men go after women. Sometimes they do, but I'd suggest neither men nor women do THAT --- if you're not getting a response at all, stop calling/texting. Trying again for another night maybe if they say they're not available that night (though generally look for people who are proactive and say, "I'm busy then but. . ." etc) is not the same as this. That's not pursuing -- it's desperation. I don't know about the last part. But, yeah I'd be willing to bet there's a guy who would love to date her but she's not interested because he's "nerdy" or "weird" or not sexy enough or something. So what? I don't feel sorry for the girl or whatever -- it's her own choice to act that way -- but I also don't feel sorry for every guy she turns down. Just as the Player Guy has a right to his own desires and agenda and to turn down or not commit to women, so does a girl have the right to turn down anyone she pleases for any reason. It's not like the woman came here complaining about players.
Els Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I wouldn't bet against that last part at all. As a matter of fact, I almost guarantee it. The girl I referenced in my story wasn't half bad looking and was fairly normal and in fact I was trying to talk to her (and her friend at the same time). I ended up getting her friend's number and I took her out on NYE a few years back. She spoke condescendingly to me at a few points, left the party I took her to without me, and ended up chasing after another of my good looking player friends who totally used her for sex a few times and then ignored her. And she could have passed for my sister. But she thought she was that much better than me. SD gets accused of being bitter, but a lot of what he sees is reality... This is true, but it really isn't just girls. Honestly, you have no idea how many guys drool around the 'hot girl' while ignoring other perfectly nice ones. Both genders are equally culpable in this - it's sad, but I don't feel sorry for either of them. If they're that desperate to get a hot guy/girl that they lose all self-worth and perspective in the process, well... 1
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