dasani08810 Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 Here's my story: My ex and I met online 2 years ago in a forum for people trying to help spouses in mid-life crisis. To cut to the chase, I was a friend to her throughout the ordeal of her ex being a cheating jerk. It unintentionally grew into a relationship between me and her a couple months after she tossed him out. We went on for about 3 months, then she dumped me to give it another chance. I respectfully detatched from the situation and let her go. After about 2 months, she wanted him gone again. And again, I got wrapped up in the circle again. DUH Me. Anyway, she left him 6 months later, moved to another state. I gave her financial help to do that. After she moved, she and I started seeing each other again. We did so for about 8 months. Til a couple months ago when she decided it wouldn't work between us. Her life is such a freaking mess and mine is just as peaceful as it could be. Well, needless to say, I did the pursuing and all that crap that we do to trade our dignity for another chance. The last few days without contact has been very relaxing for me. Of course I miss her; but, all I get from her is "I don't have time to call...blah blah blah"; funny thing is, I never asked her to call. Last week the email crap started all over again and after a couple of them I just wrote "look, I'm out of words. You win! I hope you find what you're looking for and feel free to call when you're ready to be friends." That was it. Yesterday, she IM'ed me "Happy Father's Day, enjoy as always". After she put up her away message a while later, I IM'ed her back "Thank you! So far it's been nice." And left it at that. But, when she IM'ed me, my away message was up. My kids and I keep track of each other through IM away messages. That way, wherever we are, we know where everyone is just by going online. Anyway, when she IM'ed me, my away message was still up from the night before "Not around, Manhattan bound. Out shopping, the zoo, dancing, and a play. Good morning and good night". Of course, when she IM'ed me, she got that back. Now she hasn't IM'ed me nor been online for a month so I wasn't quite careful about what I put up for an away message. I never expected an IM from her. Now that's my story: here's my issue. She emailed me about some conversation she had with her ex and how pleasant it was about joking around, her having to move (which she has not officially told me about) blah blah blah. Then she closes by telling me that she thought it was funny and wanted to share it with someone that knows what he put her through. All of her friends know what he put her thorough, as well as her family. From a person a week ago would not tell me squat and just wanted to battle and be cold in emails; to wanting to share this crap with me. I just want to be out of the circle of her mess. She wants to stay in it and apparantly wants to get some kind of reaction from me. I always was suspicious of being too far in it too soon because of the chance of her going back to him. She knows that. I mean, she already dumped me once for him. I'm thinking this is just a carrot to see if I still am "in it" so she can continue to live her reckless life knowing I'm around to be her safety net. Of course, one of her most common phrases is "I'm out of it, do what you have to do." Now my first response is to just write back "I'm out of it, do what you have to do". The other ones that come to mind are 'I'm trying to forget the whole mess; you, him, your (screwed up) family, all the mess that constitutes your life." :-) However, I know those aren't the correct responses. Truth is, my life is very calm and peaceful. The only mess I have in it is her and her messes. I would love to try to get back together after she cleans up the messed up life she has, but I can't be in it anymore. I really think she has a lot of potential, but right now, her baggage is too heavy. The fallout is just too complicated. Don't get me wrong, I do love this girl; but, she wanted the break-up and at first I resisted. Now I'm between being hurt and being thankful for dodging a bullet because of her decision. The question is: do I email her back a cutesy email, ignore her completely or what? Should I tell her to share that mess with everyone else that knows what he put her through and she shares her time with? I mean, WTF, she claims to not have time to talk to me but always finds time to talk to everyone else for hours every night. Arrrrrgggghhhhh I HATE THIS CRAP!!! :-)
StartingAgain Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 The woman' a psycho. She's toying with you. She keeps sending you little messages drawing you in so you'll continue chasing her tail, so she can turn on you and reject you. Block her on IM, don't respond to her emails and screen your calls. Maybe her husband isn't as big a jerk in real life as he is in her head? Or maybe he really is a jerk and she's making you pay for it.
Author dasani08810 Posted June 21, 2004 Author Posted June 21, 2004 OH MY GOD!!! That's so funny. I thought the same exact thing. Whenever she went off on me for very little things, I used to just start singing the song by Billy Joel " I am the innocent man". That's why I'm kinda relieved about this whole thing. It sucked that I put so much into this thing and came up empty handed; but, on the other hand, life is getting better. I think the hurt is more based on my ego than it is her not being around. Maybe I'll just not even respond and see what happens. There are just way too many hoops she has to jump through at this point before I invest any more in it. The girl needs some therapy and get past a lot of things. I just don't have the energy anymore and I think she'll soon see how much I did for her; especially after she finds out what guys typically will or won't put up with. If you only knew her resume!! I'm even kicking myself for doing what I did. But then, I bring home stray animals too. I just want everyone to be happy. Maybe there really are people that love to live in the drama. For me, I just want SOMETHING real. I thought she was it. But in her defense, he was a jerk. I've seen his emails and heard him yelling at her on the phone. But, in his defense, she is way high maintenance and very draining. Oh well, off for my second date tonight in 2 days!!! Life goes on!! LOL Her loss.
sportsloving Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 You shouldn't respond to her email, and if she sends a follow up, simply write to her what you said to us : Truth is, my life is very calm and peaceful. The only mess I have in it is her and her messes. I would love to try to get back together after she cleans up the messed up life she has, but I can't be in it anymore. I really think she has a lot of potential, but right now, her baggage is too heavy. The fallout is just too complicated. Don't get me wrong, I do love this girl; but, she wanted the break-up and at first I resisted. Now I'm between being hurt and being thankful for dodging a bullet because of her decision. There are some people who no matter what happens, how happy they should be, seem to never grasp the concept of having a nice happy life. I don't think she will ever be a calm and peaceful sort .... so if you do take her back, be prepared for her drama (forever and always), Good luck on your date ~ I hope it goes well
Author dasani08810 Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 I just responded with this: Hey, I got your e-mail but didn’t have much time to respond. Now when I have some time, I found that I have deleted it. For personal reasons, I developed a habit of deleting things after I read them. Anyway, good that you and **** had a decent conversation for once. LOL It’s about freaking time! And the CD, I told you I would send it and what pretenses it was sent. Sorry if you find it sad. I guess in a way it is. I’m look at the pictures more like a building block to the rest of my life. You taught me things that I will carry into other relationships. I try to weed out the bad and keep the good. I don’t think it was all that bad and I’ll remember you with a smile, no regrets. Love ME By the way, the CD is a copy of all the pics throughout our relationship. I had them on my PC from my camera and she had asked me to copy them for her. So I did and I sent them. Oh, and the date? Freaking AWESOME!!! But, I ain't about to get into anything serious or even remotely close to serious at this point. I've put myself into a major commitment phobe mental state; by choice! LOL
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