goodguy Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 My girlfriend and I broke up a week ago out of the blue (We had been going out for 1 year and 4 months). Things seemed to be going really well, we had just gotten back from a fun Memorial Day Weekend trip and told each other how we were going to miss being able to go to bed together every night (she lives with her parents and I live with roommates). We also live 45 minutes apart. The following weekend (the last time we were together) went great too, we had such a fun time and it was sad as always when she had to go home. That week she had told me a friend of hers was coming down and she was going to have a girls' night out on Friday. At the time, I didn't have any plans so I told her I would probably just hang out at home. (we both liked going out with just the girls or just the guys about 1-2 times a month, trust was never an issue with us). Friday afternoon she called me and told me her friend had cancelled and that she wasn't going out. But, I had already made plans to have some buddies come up to my apartment and then go out afterwards for a guys night. She asked if she could come (I never asked to go on her outings), but I said there were going to be like 9 guys out, and she agreed she would probably be out of place. Then she told me how she just ordered some pictures from our trip and even had some of pics of us made up to 8x10. So I went out with the guys and she wound up going out with her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend. The next day I called her and we were happy to talk to each other and talk about the night before. She then asked me if I met somebody which she had never done before, and I said no, but I actually ran into a girl who I had once met for a date, but was a total psycho, and we both laughed about it. I asked her why she asked me if I met somebody and she said that she had a dream that I did. Well, we talked a couple more times during the day, and she was supposed to come up later in the evening. She called me later on and said she didn't feel too well and that she wasn't coming up. I was upset because I really wanted to see her, but I was feeling really tired and not really up to making the 45 minute drive to her house and then not even be able to sleep in the same bed as her (I had to stay in the guest room at her house.) So I told her I was going to go to bed early, which I did, and she said that she was probably just going to hang out with her brother who she hadn't seen in a while. We were going to see each the next morning anyway (she was going to come up to see the new house I bought and have lunch with my parents). We talked before we went to bed, and laughed and joked, and everything seemed fine. The next day she called me and said that she thought we shouldn't see each other anymore. I was shocked, I had plans to surprise her with a great trip on her birthday, and I was thinking about proposing. We basically talked for the next couple of days, and I came to find out that she felt that I wasn't "dying to see her" and that I would find a person one day who I would want to see every day. The truth is I would love to see her every day, but she works and goes to school two nights a week, I work, and we both like going to the gym. I would usually go to her house on Wednesdays and Fridays, and she would come to my place on Saturdays and Sundays. The other days we would talk on the phone (I would tell her I love her and email her I love You's all the time), and for me, to know I had her in my life and that I loved her, it seemed ok. When we talked after the breakup, I told her how much I loved her, about the trip I was planning, and that I would come down to her house and see her every night if she wanted. But she refused to see me or give me another chance. So we talked a couple of more days and then finally this past Friday I told her I wasn't going to call her anymore, that she really needs to be alone and figure out what she wants. But low and behold, I ran into her Friday night in the exact same place and spot where we met. I was so happy to see her that I hugged and kissed her, but her friend pulled her into the bathroom. When she came out of the bathroom, I just told her I wanted to say goodbye, and that I loved her with all my heart. She again said, "You're going to find somebody you want to see every day." I told her I was looking at her, but she disagreed. I said goodbye, and I haven't talked to her since. My birthday is coming up in a week (she told me before we broke up she was planning to get me something really special). I refuse to call or email her even though it hurts so much, and I am wondering if she will even acknowledge my birthday. I keep analyzing and analyzing to try and figure out what happened, she seems to be contradicting herself as she always said she liked having time to herself and not being smothered. But when we broke up, she said she felt alone even though she had a boyfriend. I know I wrote a lot, but has anybody ever gone through this or have an opinion on what went wrong? And I know she is really stubborn and hard-headed so I don't think she is going to call me again. Is me not calling her the best thing to do even though she said the reason we broke up is that I basically didn't pay her enough attention by not seeing her enough and not calling her enough? I thought I had finally found the girl of my dreams, and no it is all gone.
tiki Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 This may sound sad, boring and pathetic to you, but my boyfriend and I see each other seven days per week. We both work and are single parents. I go to school. He's the love of my life and I cannot imagine a day without him. We've only been dating for about seven months. I can kinda see where she might be coming from, especially with the schedule thing. I've dated someone that didn't appear interested, you could tell...he never really wanted to see me that much. I found someone that was more on *my* level. Now my current boyfriend wants to see me all the time, seven days a week, kids or no kids, school or no school, no excuses. I love it and thank GOD that I've found someone that I admire and that admires me in return...7 days a week! You sound like such a sensitive guy! Do you really want to lose her forever? Could you promise to give her your all? Maybe that's what she's waiting to hear. You make that decision. Good luck!
Baubles Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 I think 2 things are going on: 1) has she mentioned wanting you to propose? maybe that's what she wants to hear - that she cannot be w/ you every day (btw,how old are you both). 2) she's insecure and clingy- cannot go a day w/out seeing you. most likely just insecure. I've had weird dreams b4 like that- in serious relationships when i started to doubt I was "the one"- I'd dream the guy found someone else- I'd wake up unsettled- just a manifestation of feeling insecure. Her friend sounds strange. If she's just insecure, why is her friend pushing her away from you not towards you. I think whoever she went out w/ that night might may have put something in her head. I'd back off and see what she does- maybe she'll come to you and tell you the real reason she's behaving like this- what's bothering. You definately sounded like you were spending serious time together- I don't think you did anything wrong.
StartingAgain Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 Man, I am sorry to read your story. I really can't begin to tell you what's going on in this woman's mind, but it isn't good and you sure don't need it. She's playing some sort of head game with you. she felt that I wasn't "dying to see her" Sounds like she's been reading one too many Harlequin romances. She's either very immature and/or she's a spoiled brat, who thinks that you must devote your every moment and thought to her. A mature woman would be more secure in herself and not expect you to be her fawning puppy. I suspect that sooner or later, you're going to hear what this is really about. You may be being tested (kind of a game). If so (or if not), you are doing the right thing by not contacting her at this time. She threw you over for the lamest of reasons and you shouldn't be crawling to her. Make her come to you. If she doesn't, well, hurt though it may, you are better off without her. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't do this. If she contacts you - and I suspect she will - you should make it clear to her that she has hurt you bdly, that she has shattered your trust and confidence in her and that she's got a lot of explaining and work to do if she wants the *chance* at the two of you continuing in this relationship.
morrigan Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 Sometimes people's feelings change. Her reasons for breaking up with you--you don't give her enough attention or you will meet another girl you will spend all of your time with--are contradictory. It may be that she is no longer in love or attracted to you, and gave you excuses about why you should break up. She may be insecure and feel that because you decided to keep your plans and hang out with your friends one night, you placed them as a priority over her. (I don't feel that you did that.) Or she may be interested in someone else. Whatever the reason, it's unrealistic for anyone to expect another person to be there for them 24/7. You each have the right to have other friends and activities--it's only when you deliberately and continuously place other people or priorities before your SO that there is a problem. You can analyze endlessly about this breakup, but it isn't the best thing for you to do. Call her one more time and tell her how you feel, and that you would like to get back with her. If she is still not interested, it's time to let go, not contact her, and get on with your life. It's not easy, and it feels awful, but it's the best thing you can do.
Author goodguy Posted June 21, 2004 Author Posted June 21, 2004 Everyone, thanks for all your replies, it definitely makes me feel better hearing from you. Well, StartingAgain brought up something. My girlfriend told me that love should be magical and I am too practical about it. And I told her it's not the easiest situation coming to your house with your parents always around and not even being able to sleep in the same bed as you when I do come down. Oh yea, I am 26 about to be 27 and she is 25. And I don't mind her living at home, we both are really close with our families, but sometimes too many people get in the way. She mentioned that when I started looking for a house that I didn't even think about included her or asking her to live with me, but we had only been dating for a year, and she had always said that since she has never lived on her own, she wanted to get her own place for a while and then keep it as an investment. So when she broke up with me I told her she should move in with me so we can see each other every day, and she said I was just saying that because we just broke up. But, I truly do want to be with her, I told her I would give her my all, which I always did when we were physically together. She once told me I was the only one who every really "got" her. She had even said in the past that her best friend is way too possesive of her boyfriend and insecure, and she couldn't understand why they won't give each other space to be able to do things on their own. Them main things I constantly think about is the lack of communication. She always bottled things up and then exploded. And this time she broke up with me first before even discussing with me what was wrong. All she had to say was, I think we should make an effort to see more of each other, and it would have been so easy.
StartingAgain Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 "She always bottled things up and then exploded. And this time she broke up with me first before even discussing with me what was wrong. All she had to say was, I think we should make an effort to see more of each other, and it would have been so easy." Sentence 1: There's a name for people who express anger in this way: exploders. They are unpredicable and can make your life a living hell if they don't leard how to express anger in a more healty way. Sentence 2: This behavior is unaceptable. What will your life be like? You make mistakes (and you will) or you won't meet unstated and perhaps unrealistic expectations and she just walks away? Not a very good confict management program is it? Sentenct 3: Either you used the wrong tense of the verb to think or she's playing with you. Didn't you offer for the two of you to live with one another so that you could see each other every day? Didn't she blow that off as your just saying it because she'd broken up with you? You capitulate to her point, offer her what she wants and it's still not enough. So there must be something else going on that you don't know about. I don't know what your life is like. It think that tikibandy has a great thing going in that she can she her man daily. Maybe they live closer. But I knwo that I have a job that requires long hours, a household to run, and a host of other responsibilities. Seeing someone who lives 45 minutes away on a daily basis would be nearly impossible. No doubt, if I had a honey like tikibandy's I'd find a way.
moimeme Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 I think she still has an extremely immature idea of what love actually is. Not only that, but she choosed to believe what she wants to about you even when you tell her the truth; meaning she doesn't trust you. Unfortunately, this girl has a ton of growing up to do before she's ready for an adult relationship. I'm sorry this happened to you, and it's rotten that you cared so much about her and then got dumped this way, but that would not have been a successful marriage. You've dodged a bullet. If you truly love someone, the love stays with you all the time even when the person is not there. You don't HAVE to see your love to love or to feel loved. When you are in a relationship like that, that will be the one to make permanent.
Author goodguy Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 What moimeme said is what I truly believed in and I told her that just because I don't see her everyday doesn't mean that I don't think about her every minute. She was my inspiration to work hard and just looking at her picture at work or reading her old emails that I saved would always put a smile on my face. I had a little shoebox of things to remind me of her at home like a seashell she gave me from our first beach date, a napkin she drew on one night at a restaurant, pictures she drew of me holding her hand, every ticket stub from every movie we went to together, pictures of her, every card she ever gave me, etc... The last day when we were together, she found this box and everything in it, and it seemed to make her very happy that I cherished the times we did spend together and that I was always thinking of her. The days we didn't see each other we talked, emailed, and talked some more. I told her I was so secure about our relationship together, that we had plenty of time in the future to be physically together, basically for the rest of our lives, we just had a lot going on right now in our lives. I even told her several times that "I love you so much, I'm going to marry you." She got a new job like 4 months ago. (She works full time and goes to school at night). Her old job had her busy all day and working kind of late, so we never really talked on the phone during the day (we emailed), but since she worked close to where I work, we met for lunch once or twice a week. Her new job (an hour away from where I work), gives her a lot of free time to do her homework there, and then she is bored a lot, and she would call me a lot more each day. My job is not crazy busy, but I can't talk on the phone for hours a day. She would tell me when I told her I had to get back to work that "I don't want you to go, I want to keep talking to you." I always felt bad, and would even call her back sometimes saying I want to talk more to, but I have to work. I think maybe she had too much time to think. When she was taking math classes in school, I would come down to her place at least twice week to tutor her (even when I was sick and lost my voice), I would also spend 8 hours a day on the weekends helping her study and teaching her. I even wrote a ten page paper for her one weekend because she had no time to do it herself. The thing that really pisses me off is her change of attitude so quickly in one weekend and how she forgets everything that I did do for her. Everything she said to me when we broke up totally contradicted everything she had said while we were going out. I truly believe whoever she was with that weekend was in her ear about me not coming down to see her, so I must not love her. Instead of venting her frustrations with me she vented to her friends (who by the way are all overpossessive of their boyfriends and think their boyfriends will cheat on them if they are allowed to go out alone). I never even had a say in the matter before she broke up with me! After she broke up with me, I told her all my feelings for her and all my future plans for us, and she said she didn't know I felt that way and now she was confused. Then when we spoke the next day (she probably spoke her friends in between), she said I was just playing mind games with myself, and I really didn't feel that way, and if I did I would have come down to see her more and call her more when we were dating. I asked her about 10 times for a second chance and she said no, I asked to see her and she said she couldn't see me, I told her to tell me she didn't love me, but she said she couldn't. She said that I could call her whenever I wanted and that she would really like to remain friends. I haven't had contact with her since Friday, and I am wondering if she is even thinking of me, or if she is just getting that negative reinforcement from her friends. IT"S SO HARD!!! Again, thank you all for your feedback!
tiki Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 I feel so bad for you. Maybe write her a letter explaining how you feel. You sound like you've been an awesome boyfriend. Maybe she just cannot appreciate what she has. Maybe someone else can?
Author goodguy Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 I already wrote her a letter describing all the little things that I love about her and that I am going to miss about her (all the little things that just her and I had together in our own world) and I even included the seashell from our first beach date in that letter. That didn't seem to do any good. She told me that I didn't do anything wrong, and I was a great boyfriend, and I would find somebody that I wanted to see every day. She is the one I want to see every day, but I just can't seem to convince her of that.
StartingAgain Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 No emails, no contact, no phone calls no anything. Give her exactly what she says she wants. She knows how you feel already. She started this and you're playing her game, so SHE must be the next to make contact, not you. DO NOT pursue her. If she really us using her "I need space" excuse to end the relationship, your efforts will be futile and you'll end up exhausted and feeling like a fool. If she really means what she says, then trying to contact her will push her away. You have but one thig to do right now: deal with the pain and decide how long you are willing to wait on her before you move on.
Author goodguy Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 I had a good day yesterday not really thinking about her, the gym definitely helps (I'm am going there in a little bit today), but today I find myself thinking about how cute and sweet she was. When I was dating for the year before I met her, I could not find anyone who I clicked with, and I went on a lot of dates. I yearned to have a companion to share my life with. But when I found her, we had so much in common, it clicked right away, and I am kind of afraid that after seeing what was out there before I met her, that I won't find someone with all the common interests we shared. I remembered one time when I didn't come down to see her that she said "don't you miss me?" and I told her I miss her and love her, but I just was exhausted and didn't feel like driving 45 mins there and then 45 mins back in one night. Now, I so wish I had gone down there. But then I think about the time when we had planned to see each other, and an hour before I was ready to go, she called me and said her friend who she never really sees anymore (because she is obsessed with her boyfriend), stopped by and they were going to get dinner. I offered to come see her after, but she said she was tired and just going to go to bed. I remember I let her know that night that I was upset that she cancelled our plans and we kind of fought, but after a day we were fine. I just wish she would have done the same with me. My birthday is on Monday and I can't help but wonder if she is even going to acknowledge it. Also, she starts a new math class next week which I know she would need my help in, and I would love to help her because she has worked so hard to get a degree. In the past I would sit there for 8 hours teaching her and not once did she complain. She worked her butt off and even when I became frustrated with her when she couldn't get a concept we had spent the last 7 hours on (she would cry sometimes, and I felt so bad and not sure if I was being mean to her, so I would apologize for getting frustrated, and I would hug and kiss her and let her know she was going to do great). And I am thinking to myself, that if we can be friends, I can help her with her math and she could achieve her goal. I truly do want to be there for her, if just as a friend, because she is a great person. Oh yea, her best friend who had helped me in my house hunt called me today. She wanted to check and see how things were coming with my new place. She had also been there for me when we first broke up, but had said we were both her friends and she didn't want to get in the middle of this. Anyway, she asked how my weekend was, and I told her it sucked, how I ran into my ex on Friday (she said that my ex didn't tell her that). Then she told me a story about something that happened to her yesterday, and she mentioned my ex's name in the story, and it kind of hit me hard. I wasn't expecting that. She asked me how I had been holding up and I told her I was pretty pissed off and that my ex had really hurt me. I think talking to her might have made the day a little harder. It's funny, I really don't have the urge to contact her, but it is SO HARD reliving our past good times and knowing that it will never happen again.
StartingAgain Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Ah, goodguy, I recognize so much of what I just went through in the things you write. It's so hard to be so hurt, so pissed off at the one who hurt you, and still love her with all your heart. You are going to be on this rollercoaster for awhile. Surround yourself with friends and don't retreat into your cave to lick your woulds too much. You will need some cave time, so take it. Just don't crawl in there and shut yourself off from the world. You need th be damned sure you allow yourself to go through the grienving process completely; don't skip any of the steps. It' hard, but it's important. One word of warning. Be careful what you say to her best friend.
beautiful Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I read your story and thought I give you my opinion. Noone breaks up without a reason. Whatever her reason is, simply repsect it and move on. I noticed you called some girl that you dated once a psycho..........when you dated her she wasen't a psycho! I don't think you should call anyone a psycho. When something does not go a guys way.......she is always a psycho! About your ex...............there ismore to this then you telling. Take care of you and find out what you can do for you and maybe then you be able to have a healthy relationship.
Author goodguy Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 beautiful, the girl I called a psycho I never dated and I never would. I met her for one blind date (we were supposed to meet a time before, but she cancelled on me a half hour before the date) where she told me that she still had a boyfriend and started lecturing me on who I should date and who I shouldn't; consequently, I thought she was really strange for her to be giving me that advice when she had a boyfriend and I didn't even know her. Plus she wouldn't stop jumping around, literally jumping up and down in place. That is where the psycho term came from. As for my ex, I think I told everything there is. Her reason was that she thought I didn't want to see her enough so she felt alone even though she had a boyfriend. I told her she should have told me this before she broke up with me, and she agreed she should have been more open about her feelings; however, she refused to give me another chance. She told me I was a great boyfriend and did nothing wrong, and that I would meet someone who I would die to be with every day. I know there is more to it, but unless she tells me, I probably will never find out.
Author goodguy Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 Man, this forum is a life saver! I want to call my ex so bad and ask her if she misses me, but I come here to vent instead. I still can't stop thinking about how I messed up and she got the impression that I didn't really want to be with her. Maybe it was my fault. I admit, there were times when I didn't go see her when she wanted, but she wouldn't come up and see me when I wanted sometimes. I preferred her to come see me because that was the only place we could have privacy and be alone and intimate together. She told me I was selfish about that once. But, I never stopped loving her and never stopped letting her know that. I'd leave her voicemails singing like a goof about how much I loved her, I would email I LOVE YOU's to her, I'd also compliment her all the time about how beautiful she was, I'd take her on trips so we could be alone together. And she felt so comfortable around me, told me things and experienced things with me that she had never done before. She was my first really serious girlfriend and my first love, and she mentioned a couple of times that she worried that I never really got being single out of my system and that later on down the road I would want to. But I would tell her, the reason why I was never in a serious relationship before was because I was so picky when I was single, I would meet and date girls every week (so I saw what was out there), but I always found something that bothered me about them. My ex was different, I couldn't wait to go on dates with her and find out more about her. She has been in some more lengthy relationships than I had. She said one guy she dated was obsessed with her, wouldn't do anything without her (this is when she would say people need their own lives, they can't be together all the time), and would wait in her driveway for her to come home when she went out with her girlfriends. Another guy she dated, she broke up with because she never loved him, and I would jokingly ask if she was going to do that to me, and she said that there was no way, that I would probably break up with her first. It seemed like she was kind of waiting for me to break up with her. I am fearing the No Contact thing might not be the best answer to my problem because the reason she broke up with me was because I didn't pay her enough attention or call her enough. When we broke up I told her I would love to call her every hour, but I didn't want to smother her. I would have smothered her in a heartbeat if I knew that's what she wanted, I just held back a little because of the things she said in the past. Should I stick with the No Contact policy, what if she contacts me on my birthday on Monday?
Author goodguy Posted June 28, 2004 Author Posted June 28, 2004 Well, it has been about two weeks since my ex and I broke up and 10 days of no contact. Today is also my birthday. I thought I was doing better, but then yesterday and today I feel terrible. I just keep thinking back to last year when her and I spent my birthday together (It is also when I told her I loved her for the first time), it was the best birthday of my life, and now this one is the worst. I keep wondering if she is thinking of me and if she misses me. And I keep wondering if she is going to even acknowledge my birthday today. I had talked to her best friend last week and mentioned how pissed and hurt I was since we broke up. I wonder if that got back to my ex and now she is even afraid to contact me on my birthday. I so bad want to email her and just ask if she misses me and if she would like to go out to dinner as friends. I went out this past weekend with a bunch of friends and talked to a bunch of girls, but none can even hold a candle to my ex, so it actually made things even worse going out. My mind is racing with a million ideas of what I want to do. And I keep feeling NC is not the best thing since she said the reason we broke up is that she felt alone even though she had a boyfriend and that I really didn't feel as strong for her as I thought. She also said that my reactions and feelings about her would subside because it was just my mind playing tricks on me as a result of the breakup. But, I think our time apart has made me realize even more how much I love her and want to be with her, it has been a good break for me too. I am wondering if the break has made her realize that she misses me and loves me still, but she is so hardheaded that she will not contact me, feeling I probably have gotten over her already. I want to send her flowers at work with a poem she had once written when she was a kid and for some reason that I have always remembered. I don't know what to do! Any suggestions??????
StartingAgain Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Goodguy, you aren't getting it. This relationship is over because she wants it to be over. It's time for you to start healing yourself and put her behind you. This is going to take time, but the longer you agonize over what she's thinking, whether or not the no contact is right or wrong, etc., the longer it's going to take. She's finish, my friend and you should be too. It's time to get off that emotional roller coaster. No more what ifs. Take a deep breath, have a good cry and move on. What you are doing to yourself is very damaging. You're getting stuck in the denial stage of grief.
Author goodguy Posted June 28, 2004 Author Posted June 28, 2004 I just got the following email from my ex: Hi, I want to wish you a Happy Birthday! I hope that you had a nice B-Day weekend and I hope that you are doing well. Sincerely, Reading this hurts so bad, knowing everything she did for me last year for my birthday and then seeing this, basically like I'm just some acquaintance. Do I even respond to this? Obviously, she left no indication that she wants to hear from me. I am hurting SO BAD right now. I think I am going to make an appointment to go see a therapist, does anybody have any experience with therapy for this sort of thing?
StartingAgain Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 The birthday message was a nice gesture, though her coldish tone was carefully selected. "I hope you are doing well" means "I sure do hope you are getting over me, cause I'm sure as heck over you." "Sincerely" -- <eye roll> Brace yourself, GG. Every holiday or special occasion that you spent with her is going to be painful the next time it rolls around. I had to endure what would have been my wedding anniverary a few weeks ago, And though I';m much farther along than you are, it was not pleasant. Her birthday is coming up in a few weeks. She will get a card and maybe a book or something in the mail from me. This is the sort of thing I do for friends. She may just be feeding me a line about wanting me to remain her friend (women often do), but I still do consider her my friend and her divorce doesn't change that. I think therapy is a good idea. It's not like you're going to need to be in therapy for several years. A few sessions to help you gain perspective and lear some coping skills should do the trick.
dasani08810 Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 I noticed you called some girl that you dated once a psycho..........when you dated her she wasen't a psycho! I don't think you should call anyone a psycho. When something does not go a guys way.......she is always a psycho! Boy do I have a story to share with you!!! Dated a girl that came across as a normal funtioning person. After a couple of months, I noticed some stangeness about her. I just blew it off as uniqueness. One day I did the "hmm, wonder what's in the medicine cabinet" thing. She had antipsychotics and all kinds of stuff with her name on them. I kinda led her into a conversation about mental health and eventually she let it slip that she had been in a mental hospital and had on several times tried to kill herself. Of course, I just chalked it up to life expereience and all was cool. Not long after that, she quit taking those drugs and said she didn't need them anymore. She was happy. Then, things started to go down hill fast. I ended up breaking up with her. Two days later, I woke up with her in my room with a knife!! Of course, I got the hell out of there. When I got to my garage, I saw that she had carved up the keypad on the outside of the garage. Last time I saw her was through the rear windshield of a police car. I think I qualify as being allowed to call this girl psycho!
Author goodguy Posted July 19, 2004 Author Posted July 19, 2004 Well, it has been a while since I posted, basically because I have been doing NC with my ex for the past two weeks and making a effort to forget about her. I actually starting forgetting about her and began having fun again. I have met some new girls that seem to be really nice and was just planning to take some time to myself for a while to heal and get to know me again. However, last night my ex called me to tell me that she misses me so much and is crying everyday without me. She said she has tried to move on and go on dates, but she compares every guy to me, and just thinks about me all the time and doesn't even want to talk to anyone else. She had told me when she broke up with me that she wasn't in love with me and that she hoped I would find someone else who would make me happier. I am so confused now. I just wanted to go to her and see her, but I am having a hard time being able to trust her now. How do I know she won't do this again? Is she just saying all this stuff because she had one lousy date and I am just the "comfortable old shoe"? I was devastated the first couple of weeks after we broke up, but I was able to get myself together and move on and do NC. If I really did want to be with her, should I still be crying over her? The past two weeks I kept telling myself all the reasons why she wasn't good for me and convinced myself of those things. I told her my concerns and she said she is willing to try and change and work on them. But can people really change? OR are they just who they are? Any advice would be appreciated. My gut feeling on this is that we need more time apart to really find out if we can't live without each other. But part of me does not want to lose her again. HELP!
jw32802 Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Ok good guy This is a turning point for you and if you make the wrong decision you will mess it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT GO BACK TO HER JUST YET. Go to your nearest store and buy "Makeup dont breakup" (barnes and noble or amazon.com) by bonnie eaker weil. YOu need to keep up this no contact for at least 6wks to 8 weeks, otherwise she will not respect you because now she thinks "ohhh whenever i want him back, he will take me back!". I read this book a milllion times and if you take the right steps you have a 98% success rate. DONT GET BACK WITH HER, you can talk to her but practice apathy!
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