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Players and nice guys

amythan

By amythan
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amythan Established Member

amythan

Posted
Posted

Hi,

 

After breaking up with my ex-bf i was pretty much having fun but lately I start thinking about dating again. Now I realize I am always attracted by the same kind of guy. The wrong one. And I am trying to understand why and how I can break this pattern. So, for example, I met these two guys:

 

Guy A: Went partying and slept together right away. He is hot, charming, a flirt, social butterfly, a player always surrounded by stunning girls, and much younger than me. Sex was just incredible but it is just that, sex. He leaves right after and never texts me the day after. We went out a few times but mind you, he does not give a ****. And I have a huge crush on him.

 

Guy B: Friend of a friend. Last saturday we went partying, we went to his place and he made clear that I can sleep there and just cuddle. He walked with me under the rain in the morning just to find a cab, asked for my number, texted me the same day to say he had a great time and wanted to see me again. Added me in fb, texted me again today .. He looks like a good and caring person.

 

There is nothing wrong with Guy B but i cannot help myself and like the other one. My friends tell me that I have to give him a try (in case he is interested, of course) but deep inside i know i am not going to lose my mind for him. And i really could for the other one. What is wrong with me ? Why do i also like the players and unreliable guys ?

 

Thanks for your comments !

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
Hi,

 

After breaking up with my ex-bf i was pretty much having fun but lately I start thinking about dating again. Now I realize I am always attracted by the same kind of guy. The wrong one. And I am trying to understand why and how I can break this pattern. So, for example, I met these two guys:

 

Guy A: Went partying and slept together right away. He is hot, charming, a flirt, social butterfly, a player always surrounded by stunning girls, and much younger than me. Sex was just incredible but it is just that, sex. He leaves right after and never texts me the day after. We went out a few times but mind you, he does not give a ****. And I have a huge crush on him.

 

Guy B: Friend of a friend. Last saturday we went partying, we went to his place and he made clear that I can sleep there and just cuddle. He walked with me under the rain in the morning just to find a cab, asked for my number, texted me the same day to say he had a great time and wanted to see me again. Added me in fb, texted me again today .. He looks like a good and caring person.

 

There is nothing wrong with Guy B but i cannot help myself and like the other one. My friends tell me that I have to give him a try (in case he is interested, of course) but deep inside i know i am not going to lose my mind for him. And i really could for the other one. What is wrong with me ? Why do i also like the players and unreliable guys ?

 

Thanks for your comments !

I predict a riot :laugh:

 

We need a little bit more details about Guy B. We will assume that he is just a little bit less charismatic than Guy A and doesn't quite exude the same presence.

 

Guy A is a charming guy obviously, and is comfortable with himself completely. Players have that vibe about them (true players anyway). They are usually honest about it and tend to be respectful on some level (believe it or not), hence why women hopelessly fall for them.

 

If you know you're not going to fall for Guy B, don't entertain him. But at the same time, recognize that men like Guy A are not going to fall easily, and I think that while you are undecided about Guy B, it's best to be tentative and see where it goes, but make it clear that there isn't a strong interest either way.

 

As I said though, I can see a whole lot of posts coming your way....

Fondue Established Member

Fondue

Posted
Posted

They say women start going for guy B when they're ready to "settle down."

 

Maybe you're just not ready for that yet?

  • Like 3
Cracker Jack Established Member

Cracker Jack

Posted
Posted

Well, I'm not going to sit up here and claim something is wrong with you. You're simply attracted to Guy A and not attracted to Guy B, which is what it comes down to. I don't think you should give him a try, since that'll likely just lead to confusion and other issues, since it sounds like he's into you. You'd rather avoid that altogether.

 

You know nothing's going to happen with the other guy, so I'm not sure if you're just looking for the sex there or if you're actually trying to have a relationship with him. Either way, that doesn't look promising. Just be sure to keep your expectations in check.

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
They say women start going for guy B when they're ready to "settle down."

 

Maybe you're just not ready for that yet?

That's the line being touted these days.

 

Honestly, the whole nice guy thing is the last thing I want to see anymore. We all know that there are attributes that players have that a lot of guys seem to be oblivious of and do not know how to cultivate in themselves. A lot of them seem to be insecure about the attributes they do have too and this manifests itself in the way that women tend to turn them down, as I have experienced myself.

 

Once you embrace these attributes, at that point you start to express them more positively, whatever they are, and you will attract the woman who likes that.

 

OP clearly likes the players though :laugh:. She needs a charmer who is socially advanced.

Mr. Savage Established Member

Mr. Savage

Posted
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"Guy A: Went partying and slept together right away."

 

You gave him what he wanted right away. On to the next conquest for him.

 

Up until the point you two had sex where you wanting this guy as a boyfriend and to have a real relationship with him? Were you thinking thats what this could be?

 

The answer to this question will prompt me to ask other questions to get to the bottom of this. Thanks.

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amythan Established Member

amythan

Posted
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Haha you are right. I always liked charmers ! My ex-bf was the italian charmer cliche and my heartbreak was massive so this guy is doing me a favor not being interested :) But you have a point, there is something about him which exudes confidence. He always knows where to go, he makes plans as if it was obvious i cannot say no, he kisses me as if i do not have option .. and yes, he is honest meaning that he never tried to fool me. Well, this one is case closed :D

 

Guy B is attractive and funny but there is a lack of masculine attitude. Maybe he is just respectful or he cares more. I guess part of the confidence about the other one is that if I say no he has lots of hot girls lined on so what ?

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted

Go with Guy A, that's clearly what you want. Let someone who actually wants Guy B have him.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
Haha you are right. I always liked charmers ! My ex-bf was the italian charmer cliche and my heartbreak was massive so this guy is doing me a favor not being interested :) But you have a point, there is something about him which exudes confidence. He always knows where to go, he makes plans as if it was obvious i cannot say no, he kisses me as if i do not have option .. and yes, he is honest meaning that he never tried to fool me. Well, this one is case closed :D

 

Guy B is attractive and funny but there is a lack of masculine attitude. Maybe he is just respectful or he cares more. I guess part of the confidence about the other one is that if I say no he has lots of hot girls lined on so what ?

Yes, a man who has lots of options tends to be a more attractive prospect usually. It's like some sort of validation of his attractiveness.

 

I totally get it to be honest, I have lots of friends like Guy A (and Guy B). Guy B lacks masculinity, it's something I was thinking when I read the OP. Probably a little bit too nice, and lacked the ability to pull the trigger or be bold when he needed to be. I can understand how that would turn some girls off.

 

Guy A has a lot of comfort with who he is and how he expresses himself, that's one of the reasons why he is popular.

 

:laugh:. I'd imagine that a lot of guys are jealous of Guy A too. My "Guy A" friends are the scourge of a lot of guys who wish to have the same level of confidence and personal authority.

  • Like 1
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amythan Established Member

amythan

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Mr Savage: To b very honest ... we went out, got drunk, he told me "i want you", he head his apartment and we had sex. I had no expectations at this point. Then he asked for my number, got in touch briefly, flirting and we met a few more times. It was during this time I started to really like him. Of course I thought he was hot from the beginning but it was when we started going out and talking that i started to be really interested.

Mr. Savage Established Member

Mr. Savage

Posted
Posted
Go with Guy A, that's clearly what you want. Let someone who actually wants Guy B have him.

 

Yeah but she's not gonna get Guy A. He's not gettable. All she will be is an object for him to conquer. Which it seems he already did.

 

I'm not saying go after Guy B though cause sorry but he is way more mature than you. You are living in fantasy land.

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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As for Guy B, as you say, he is attractive and funny. So I suspect that if he is comfortable with his own expression, or becomes so, he will have no problems. He will attract a woman who likes what he has to offer, as long as he has acceptance of his character, tries to augment that to his benefit, and doesn't become bitter if it doesn't all go his way, as life tends not to at times.

Cracker Jack Established Member

Cracker Jack

Posted
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I'm curious....what exactly is the age difference between you and Guy A?

 

Also, is Guy B still contacting you often? If he was a bit more aggressive with you, could you possibly change your opinion on him?

Feelsgoodman Established Member

Feelsgoodman

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They say women start going for guy B when they're ready to "settle down."

That's not exactly complementary to Guy B :laugh:

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amythan Established Member

amythan

Posted
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Guy A is ten years younger than me :), Guy B is around my age.

 

Yes, he contacts me often. Not clingy by any means, just showing interest without being invasive. I didn't write him off completely, i can picture myself being content and having a good time with someone like him but not really rocking my world.

I have been there in the past and it was exactly what happened.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
Mr Savage: To b very honest ... we went out, got drunk, he told me "i want you", he head his apartment and we had sex. I had no expectations at this point. Then he asked for my number, got in touch briefly, flirting and we met a few more times. It was during this time I started to really like him. Of course I thought he was hot from the beginning but it was when we started going out and talking that i started to be really interested.

 

That's your idea of masculine? When I think of a man being masculine I think about him building something, knowing how to solve problems with my car, extreme sports, etc. I guess I'm old and old fashioned.

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
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That's your idea of masculine? When I think of a man being masculine I think about him building something, knowing how to solve problems with my car, extreme sports, etc. I guess I'm old and old fashioned.

You're thinking of masculine in a practical sense. Masculine in a sexual sense is perhaps what she's alluding to. Masculinity covers a hell of a lot :D

  • Like 1
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
That's your idea of masculine? When I think of a man being masculine I think about him building something, knowing how to solve problems with my car, extreme sports, etc. I guess I'm old and old fashioned.

 

That is what masculine is these days. I am so glad I am not on the dating market anymore.

joystickd Established Member

joystickd

Posted
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It not about why you like them its really about why they make you feel the way you feel. On some level players tap into that primal urge and a level of excitement. The other thing is the challenge. Women like to be chased but sometimes given the right circumstances they like to chase. You probably think guy B is boring. You like him but he doesn't make you feel like guy A does.

SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

Posted
Posted (edited)

Its important to tap into a womens primal urges.. Contrary to popular belief women act on their hormones as much if not more then Men they just cant be as blunt about it because its not as acceptable for women to say shes lookign for signs to make her want to animalistically **** you right away..but its there

 

On a primal level in their brain if they look at a guy who they think will dominate them in the bedroom and do with them as they please banging the ever living **** out of them maybe stick their head in the toilet and flush it that turns them on..[maybe not the exact acts but u get my point] Being "nice" is not a masculine trait that turns women on in any way..Why do you think powerful jerkoffs or dictators do well with women? the power..

 

Women are turned on by our dominance power strength compared to them..they arent turned on by our "niceness" they dotn even really care for men to be nice accept to them otuside the bedroom..being nice reminds thme of thmeslves and will get them looking at you like a brother not a guy they want to pound them int submission..

Edited by SteveC80
  • Like 2
dasein Established Member

dasein

Posted
Posted

Good for you for being honest. If more women here and elsewhere would own their real feelings and preferences as you do instead of making up the feelings and preferences they think they are -supposed- to have, men wouldn't be nearly as frustrated and annoyed dealing with women today.

 

As far as what is wrong with you, nothing. You want what you want, and there are millions and millions of women out there just like you. You will definitely have to do more work if your goal is marriage or a LTR to one of the top % of men.

 

I hope all the guys out there who have trouble with women and hesitate to learn to seduce because it's supposedly "fake and not who they really are" read this thread very carefully.

  • Like 1
Necromancer Established Member

Necromancer

Posted
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Yes, a man who has lots of options tends to be a more attractive prospect usually. It's like some sort of validation of his attractiveness.

 

I totally get it to be honest, I have lots of friends like Guy A (and Guy B). Guy B lacks masculinity, it's something I was thinking when I read the OP. Probably a little bit too nice, and lacked the ability to pull the trigger or be bold when he needed to be. I can understand how that would turn some girls off.

 

Guy A has a lot of comfort with who he is and how he expresses himself, that's one of the reasons why he is popular.

 

:laugh:. I'd imagine that a lot of guys are jealous of Guy A too. My "Guy A" friends are the scourge of a lot of guys who wish to have the same level of confidence and personal authority.

 

Looks is the ONLY thing that keeps the A guy getting girls...take his looks away and see how all the women will go away.

 

I have a VERY VERY good looking friend he is in the top 5% of guys(you could just look at him for years no homo).....if i would look like him i would walk around my school and ask girls for sex.

 

I asked him once: dude why don´t u just approach random girls at the mall/school? if i looked like you i would hit on everything that moves! he said:

"If i can possibly get rejected by a girl i don´t make the move, because i hate rejection".

 

Girls come to him, it´s not his super confidence or funny personality.

 

Please stop this confidence bull****!......There are many many many guys who will blow this A guy confidence away but still don´t get girls, IT'S ALL ABOUT LOOKS.

 

I hope one day i will be very good looking(witch i am aiming at).

 

Look up "Zyzz" he was a wow player skinny virgin kid til 18, then after he became good looking girls started drooling over him. I loved how he rejected girls like :you´r only 7/10 at best i don´t want my kids to drop 2 points in rating and you´r probably a whore for messaging random guys on facebook......but we can still be friends.

manup Established Member

manup

Posted
Posted
Haha you are right. I always liked charmers ! My ex-bf was the italian charmer cliche and my heartbreak was massive so this guy is doing me a favor not being interested :) But you have a point, there is something about him which exudes confidence. He always knows where to go, he makes plans as if it was obvious i cannot say no, he kisses me as if i do not have option .. and yes, he is honest meaning that he never tried to fool me. Well, this one is case closed :D

 

Guy B is attractive and funny but there is a lack of masculine attitude. Maybe he is just respectful or he cares more. I guess part of the confidence about the other one is that if I say no he has lots of hot girls lined on so what ?

 

I think this is a case where you need to be honest with yourself. Let guy B find a nice girl who will appreciate him. You also need to come to terms with the fact that you like getting pumped and dumped. There's nothing wrong with it, just don't expect anything romantic to ever happen with that type of guy.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

OP, do you have about as much to offer as Guy A, a piece of ass? I've observed that people appreciate that which they value and offer themselves...

 

Or simply, A is hotter than B. Case closed.

 

Or have sex with B, and then reassess.

joystickd Established Member

joystickd

Posted
Posted
OP, do you have about as much to offer as Guy A, a piece of ass? I've observed that people appreciate that which they value and offer themselves...

 

Or simply, A is hotter than B. Case closed.

 

Or have sex with B, and then reassess.

Guy A made her feel a certain way that only she can describe. Sex with guy B is out of the question now because she is already starting to invest emotionally with guy A. No matter what guy B does at this point it won't matter because she has already made her choice. Guy B is so close to friendzone he can see it.

 

Look at it like this:

Guy A: Went partying and slept together right away. He is hot, charming, a flirt, social butterfly, a player always surrounded by stunning girls, and much younger than me. Sex was just incredible but it is just that, sex. He leaves right after and never texts me the day after. We went out a few times but mind you, he does not give a ****. And I have a huge crush on him.

 

Guy B: Friend of a friend. Last saturday we went partying, we went to his place and he made clear that I can sleep there and just cuddle. He walked with me under the rain in the morning just to find a cab, asked for my number, texted me the same day to say he had a great time and wanted to see me again. Added me in fb, texted me again today .. He looks like a good and caring person.

 

1. Guy A is always surrounded by women so he is a challenge and is seen as a man that is in demand by women

2. Guy B offered to cuddle. This woman if she wanted to go to his place probably gave off the vibe that she wanted sex but he ignored it because he was "nice".

3. This woman has to work for guy A and as described about guy B its easy for her to get him. People only respect things they have to work for

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