darran Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Hi guys, Been broke up and OVER the previous relationship for a while now. Feels good. Anyway, recently re-hooked up with someone who lives up the street from me. I always had a thing for her and one day, during work I seen "friends you might know" and there she was. So I sent a friend request. For that a week or so we chatted and chatted as if we'd known each other for years. It was great, felt great too. So we exchanged phone numbers, txt'd, called, and used fb... just question after questions, and talking... it was all good. Come friday she had a night out with the girls. Got a big drunk and lost her bag so called me. I collected her and she said "Can I stay with you tonight"... I said "sure why not, you're absolutely freezing..." and turned the heating up in the car. She kept looking at me and said "You know I've always fancied you for so long...." (I'm 36 -young looking for 36- she is 26). No kids no wives no baggage! Anyway, I look in surprise and say "how come you never said anything"... so the night rolls on and she is really drunk. We don't sleep with each other but we do snuggle and while we're snuggling she said "I will f'in marry you one day...". The thing is, she knows a lot of my close friends and I know all her close friends. We live in the same vicinity so she had been asking everyone all about me. So the following morning, sober time. We wake up and have nothing but fun with each other, talking again, laughing like we've known each other for years... it was amazing really. She said to me "I've been broken up for 1.5 years and not had the urge to be in a relationship again until I met you...." I didn't know what to say, so just basically said "Awww.... thats so nice" and gave her a kiss. After talking and really getting into nitty gritty I notice she is self conscious about her body, I don't know why as she has a very good shape and very attractive. She went to go to the loo and asked for a T-shirt to wear, I said in a sincere way, you dont need to cover up your beautiful! Cos I knew she felt weird... I should have probably said nothing and just gave her the T-Shirt. So rolls on the day and I find out that in her previous relationship her ex would have beaten her, put her down, called her names... basically abused her. I mean I've heard some stories but this was serious. So we stopped talking about that... and started having a wee laugh again. She asked about us meeting again, so i said sure. I said "I'm not up to much later, we are both really tired and I enjoyed your company would you fancy getting a pizza and we'll watch a movie and have an early night (sex wasn't even on the mind)"... she said sure. So I gave her a lift home, got hugs and kisses and wee text when I left her off. I thought this was all good. So Saturday night arrives, we come in and chill out, she seems comfortable. We're talking about whatever and nothing important. Then I sense her closing up... so i asked her "do you like touchy feely guys?" ... I mean, I've just been through the mill with my ex and I want to do something right, I am just a bit off at the moment with what to do thats right. Anyway, enough said, we enjoyed the night and she said "can you give me a lift home please..." ...I was really wrecked and sincerely said "sure you can stay here if you want to, or I'll give you a lift back if thats what you'd rather do... it's cool". She took this very bad and went into like a little hissy fit, I am still confused as to why. So I said laughingly "Whats up? Why are you getting all antsy" she replied "Because I said I wanted to home and you are saying (what I said)". I'll be straight, I thought it was quite normal and sincere what I asked. In no way was I pressuring her to do a thing she didn't want to do! Anyway, she calmed down and I gave her a lift back. She hugged me and kissed me in the car and said good night. 10-15 mins later she text me "I hope you don't think i am a complete bitch for not staying" I replied "What! Of course not! Your alright, have a good sleep xxx" so she replied "Night night xxxx". The following morning I wake up around 11, and around 14 I text 7 word text, something silly to take the weight off things and forget the wee outburst from the night before. Next minute i spend the entire sunday texting her to and fro.... she was saying she didn't need to answer to anyone and that I offended her and made her feel awkward" I could go on and on... I tried and tried to reason with her and said "look, leave it for a few days sure and we'll talk then" and 05:30 I get a text from her... "Stop trying to tell me this that and the other, and stop texting me..." The problem is this, I SERIOUSLY WAS NOT texting her (more like replying to her txts) with anything but calm, cool and "hey... relax." type of text messages. (As I knew she came out of one hell of an abusive relationship I kinda gathered that was the reason for all this). So I replied, "Hey, I'm just up (07:30) and getting ready for work... seriously <hername>, where has all this come from?". She replies but started to try and make me argue back with her, which I wouldn't do. I tried again to reason with her... she then got a little nasty, which I did say whats the reason for all this... I did nothing. And now 100% **** off... NC, completely closed off. I find this very sad as 1) we got along great and 2) she told me some things that she seemed to have genuinely felt and 3) I genuinely did nothing wrong. Later on monday I sent her a facebook message, very sincere and just said (again) just leave it for a while, give it a few days... it's a bit silly what happened. I had no idea what I said made you feel bad. I have already apologised. Sure leave things and get in touch when you're feeing ok." She hasn't defriended me or replied. I ask my friend (girl) who knows her and she said "yes... you and her would be very good for each other but she has serious trust issues, I will talk with her" I wont lie, she genuinely is a nice girl and having both of us fancying each other for ages... I just never expected that to happen!!! Please can anyone tell me wtf has just happened here?
Million.to.1 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 You have to leave it for now. She did totally overreact and it wont be an isolated incident. if this is the way she handles even small problems at the beginning, you aren't even in a relationship, then it's a red flag. I know that you like her, but just because she had an abusive Ex does not mean that she can "freak out". What are you a mind reader? Are you supposed to know all her weird boundaries and insecurities by osmosis? she sounds immature. If i were you, i would leave it now. If she continues to be mad at you for what you said which was ABSOLUTELY FINE.. then she obviously still has major hang-ups and issues she needs to get over before entering into any kind of relationship Just be yourself and be forgiving if she comes back around.. she does need to realise that acting this way is going to push people away if that's her intention. 1
Author darran Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Million.to.1 Hey, yea... I thought I didn't do anything wrong. I tried reasoning and that led to us both texting to and fro... all day sunday into the night! And for no reason! Yea I like her, always did. If she comes round I'll be cool. But how do you say to someone with such issues "It's cool, ya know... don't worry" I'm 50/50 about whether to completely shut the door and just walk away. But as I said, I like her. You're maybe right ya know... ah dear! And ah well. Thanks for your advice
Author darran Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Are you supposed to know all her weird boundaries and insecurities by osmosis? thats actually funny! thanks for bringing a smile to my face
Million.to.1 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 If the 2 of you can't communicate well over misunderstandings, ie; spend all night txting back and forth and it escalating rather than getting solved, then it is a bad sign. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. Keep us updated. I hope with some time she comes around and gets in touch. She needs to forgive you though (not that you did anything wrong) and if she can't, then you are better off without that drama in your life. I would shut the door... let her come knocking.
crazylove Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 She sounds immature to me too. If you want a lot of drama in a relationship, then go right ahead! Sounds like she needs to work on herself before starting any kind of relationship with a guy.
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