David Posted October 5, 2000 Posted October 5, 2000 she dumped me a month ago. It's her birthday in 3 weeks. Should I send her a card? We care about each other but our relationship did not work out.
kalik Posted October 5, 2000 Posted October 5, 2000 Hey, I'm in the same boat! Luckily, I won't have to deal with it for another 5 weeks. Anyone?
Tony T Posted October 5, 2000 Posted October 5, 2000 Do the two of you still talk? Are you friends? Nah, nevermind, it doesn't make any difference right now. If you didn't send her birthday cards before you started dating, don't send them now. I seriously doubt the two of you will soon be best buddies. She cares about you now but she won't give you the time of day when she gets into another relationship. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you're thinking about her by sending her a card. It will only look like you are using it as an excuse to kiss her butt and invite a call that could lead to other things. As a matter of fact, you get double points from her if you don't send her a card. That will make her really think about what she brought about in dumping you. Listen up!!! Your relationship with her is over and I promise you she is on the prowl for someone else. You better go there too. Stop thinking about her. And, for a few months, I would keep contact with her to a very minimum. If she doesn't call you, don't call her, mail her, send her cards or gifts, or have any other form of communication with her at all. IT IS O-V-E-R!!!
bryan Posted October 6, 2000 Posted October 6, 2000 well done guys..... i too was in the same boat - well am. broke up 10 weeks ago. last week it was her birthday and i DID send her a card. a very impersonal one though. couldn't anyone have suggested that i don't do it earlier. but we were friends long before we became lovers and we have always sent each other gifts and cards even before being involved so i don't think she should read too much into it. well even if she does - so what?? now my birthday is in 3 weeks - will she send me a card?? why am i even thinking of these things??
Tony T Posted October 6, 2000 Posted October 6, 2000 Part of fully realizing a relationship is O-V-E-R is giving up on the birthday stuff. It is very unreal to just forget and pass by the birthday of someone you have cared very much about. It is extremely tempting to want to send a card, not necessarily because we think it may get them back, but it just feels awkward to just forget about the birthday of someone who has been very special to us. But it just has to be. It's a big part of the process of letting go. For many, it may seem phony that for so long we remembered a person's birthday, sent them a card, and now we are to stop. But that's just the way life is. During our lifetimes, we will get many cards and phone calls from people who will not keep up the practice forever. For sensitive people, and for people who are still in love, it just doesn't seem right to pass over the birthday of an ex we still have feelings about. But a break up is a break up...and the cards, letters, email, calls, etc. are all things of the past...things we have to let go of.
Taressa Posted October 6, 2000 Posted October 6, 2000 I'm in complete agreement with Tony on this one. Gentlemen, especially at this time of year with the emotionally charged holidays coming up, it's time to let go and start rebuilding NOW. It's not cruel to her to let the birthday pass. It will help her move on as well.
Deejette Posted October 6, 2000 Posted October 6, 2000 Don't do it. It's over, Kalik. I have followed your posts and see that you are still obsessing over the girl who has told you to stay away from her. This birthday thing is just another sentimental excuse to keep contact when you need to move on. Hey, I'm in the same boat! Luckily, I won't have to deal with it for another 5 weeks. Anyone?
Deejette Posted October 6, 2000 Posted October 6, 2000 What the card says is, "You have moved on, but I haven't. I am still obsessing about you and have not gotten a life since the break-up." I'm in complete agreement with Tony on this one. Gentlemen, especially at this time of year with the emotionally charged holidays coming up, it's time to let go and start rebuilding NOW. It's not cruel to her to let the birthday pass. It will help her move on as well.
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