daveiscool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Hi Everyone, Am really upset/sad and possibly confused too with what is happening. Currently I am on a break from work for a few months helping my folks out with a few things and trying to figure what kind of direction i should be heading career wise. This girl whom I have known for the past 8 years casually as a friend and colleague initially, started calling me mid 2011 after she went through a very short turbulent marriage. I kind of became the person she would talk to, rather I would listen and she would appreciate whatever little advice I gave her on coping with her situation. She would often ask me to come over but I used to tactfully avoid those situations cause she was quite vulnerable. So this went on and she gradually got much better and finally decided to pursue a course in Vienna. She calls a couple of times once she settles in and then it starts to get regular. She says she feels really comfortable sharing stuff with me and that im a good listener. I tell her that maybe she should focus on her course and you know get to know her class mates etc., basically make some friends. She is extrovert but doesnt really have a friends circle. Anyway the calls go on and I keep telling her that we need to make sure we draw a line so that things don't get complicated. that sharing thoughts and stuff is great The calls got longer, we even stayed off calling each other for a month and restricting the number of times she calls me in a week. Normally she is the one that calls, I haven't initiated any calls unless I missed her call. She starts asking me to say nice stuff at the end of the call or asks me where she would ranks amongst the important people in my life. I tell her I really dont think along those lines and if i say she is one of my good friends, she insisted on being more than a friend to which i said ok (maybe that was wrong). Eventually, I know she wants something serious, but I dont trust myself since I have a tendency to get bored easily (my experience from my only other relationship in college ten years ago, i waited a whole year for a girl and a year into the relationship, i broke it off.). So i told her that now Ive started having feelings for her and that I couldn't let whatever our relation was go on because I wouldn't do justice to it and I needed to work on getting over it. So I told her not to call and that we would contact each other only when we had cleared out that space which each of us occupied in the other's heart. A part of me feels that she is lonely out there, so I was someone she could always talk to and share stuff with. While she was back home, closer to me she wouldn't call all that often even though she was alone here too. She had a bunch of friends whom she would hang out with plus her folks didnt stay too far away either. I took the decision to "end" it (dont know if thats the right word). It feels like the right thing to do if Im not sure of my committment to another. She is all but happy to keep calling me and she told she wants me to like her. Im elated when she calls but sad at the same time too cause something in me says one way or another in the end it wouldnt work and its best to stop it now before things get messy. Now that we're off calling i feel sick and lifeless. I cant share this with anyone around me cause everyone is going through a tough time and I would hate to have people worry about me when they have enough on their minds already. Somebody please knock some sense into me , any words would be appreciated
Author daveiscool Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 How do I stop thinking about her, is this is just a crazy infatuation ??
Philosoraptor Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Sounds like she was trying to rebound and go to what was safe in order to get away from her pain. Realizing that it would have almost surely led to heartbreak should help you move along.
Author daveiscool Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 Sounds like she was trying to rebound and go to what was safe in order to get away from her pain. Realizing that it would have almost surely led to heartbreak should help you move along. Thank you Philosoraptor i think what you say is true... So today I took her off my skype list and unfriended her on facebook and I got a call from her where she was all upset asking me why I would do such a thing and why I was getting so affected, I told her I thought we had decided on just not contacting each other and letting me figure it out for myself. She said we hadn't discussed this whole facebook thing and she wanted to have that connection. If I look at her profile or her snaps I start feeling really low. I obliged her request and added her again on my list . Please help, as I said i want to get over this infatuation or whatever it is and just be myself again...
Philosoraptor Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 After ending a relationship our loyalty needs to be to ourselves. If you don't feel comfortable with having here there then you need to delete here. Take it up a notch and hit delete on facebook all together. It really does help as it stops you from wondering as well. It's so easy to still check in if you still have a facebook account. 1
Author daveiscool Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 That is so true thank you! I always allow myself to be the rebound go to guy for many of my friends, this time it affected me emotionally, and I need to take care in the future After ending a relationship our loyalty needs to be to ourselves. If you don't feel comfortable with having here there then you need to delete here. Take it up a notch and hit delete on facebook all together. It really does help as it stops you from wondering as well. It's so easy to still check in if you still have a facebook account.
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