Are women better at hiding cheating?

[Nikki Sahagin]

I personally have never cheated, but many of my female friends. There boyfriends/partners never know or have found out with the exception of one, who was quite controlling/possessive anyway.

 

There reasons were unusually the same as mens for the most part:

1) sex with their partner was boring/predictable

2) they wanted excitement/novelty

 

But there were always elements of wanting attention or some kind of connection/thrill.

 

Do you think women are generally better at concealing their cheating? Or is this a myth?

 

I think women ARE better at hiding it because men tend to want to boast when they cheat or have good sex, but with women, due to social stigma, women tend to hide/conceal the cheating to keep their reputation intact.

[fortyninethousand322]

No I think men are better at hiding it. And they do it more often. Probably why they're so good, they get lots of practice.

[dasein]

Yes, women are better at hiding it. There may be a boasting element in men, but that's not a big reason.

 

1. Men are ridiculed for being cheated on by society as cuckolds, not manly, women are not ridiculed in this way but rather given support and sympathy. The upshot is that many men cheated on, even obviously, turn a blind eye and act like everything is ok out of fear of social stigma and being the butt of jokes. So it may not be so much that women are better at hiding it, but that men are worse at acknowledging the truth of what's going on in front of their face due to ego concerns. Women have been taught to seek out victimhood to obtain sympathy, so are less hesitant to shoulder the embarrassment IMO.

 

2. Men do not have, or at least don't use, the power of rationalization to the extent women do. People generally are averse to telling baldfaced lies, but if the lie can be rationalized around into an alternate reality, liars are much, much more convincing. Women are much better at rationalizing false realities than men.

 

3. Current pop culture and society conditions us to believe what women say and discount what men say. This attiude is entrenched in our legal system and pounded into our heads by mass media via thousands of messages daily. Men are very often portrayed as craven, dishonest buffoons, constantly lying and conniving in media, women almost never are, more likely portrayed as wise, honest, all-knowing.

 

4. Many men are suckers for tears, and haven't learned that most tears women shed are shed on their own behalf, their own predicament, being caught doing something wrong, and not on behalf of anyone else or out of any sense of adult accountability or responsibility for their actions.

[Feelsgoodman]

I personally have never cheated, but many of my female friends. There boyfriends/partners never know or have found out with the exception of one, who was quite controlling/possessive anyway.

 

There reasons were unusually the same as mens for the most part:

1) sex with their partner was boring/predictable

2) they wanted excitement/novelty

 

But there were always elements of wanting attention or some kind of connection/thrill.

 

Do you think women are generally better at concealing their cheating? Or is this a myth?

 

I think women ARE better at hiding it because men tend to want to boast when they cheat or have good sex, but with women, due to social stigma, women tend to hide/conceal the cheating to keep their reputation intact.

I don't think that women are necessarily better at hiding cheating, but they are better at uncovering it when their partners are cheating. Females are naturally more cunning and suspicious than men. They are always on the lookout for signs that their BFs/husbands are cheating, so if a man is indeed cheating, it would be harder to hide it because he is constantly under the microscope. Men, in contrast, are often clueless when it comes to recognizing even fairly obvious signs of cheating. You wouldn't believe how many men fall for the "he's just a friend" explanation (which is pretty much the oldest trick in the book).

[Radu]

I personally have never cheated, but many of my female friends. There boyfriends/partners never know or have found out with the exception of one, who was quite controlling/possessive anyway.

 

There reasons were unusually the same as mens for the most part:

1) sex with their partner was boring/predictable

2) they wanted excitement/novelty

 

But there were always elements of wanting attention or some kind of connection/thrill.

 

Do you think women are generally better at concealing their cheating? Or is this a myth?

 

I think women ARE better at hiding it because men tend to want to boast when they cheat or have good sex, but with women, due to social stigma, women tend to hide/conceal the cheating to keep their reputation intact.

 

Social stigma coming from evolutionary concerns (my personal belief).

 

But yeah, women are better at hiding.

 

When men lie, it's pretty obvious as they boggle down in the lie.

When women lie, they change the subject as best they can.

 

Add to the fact that many women expect men to read their minds, that they are better at relationships than men generally ... you get a pretty bad picture.

 

I don't agree that one gender cheats more than the other.

Seriously, how can you say that ... who do those ppl cheat with ?

[AD1980]

Yes..my friend is in the middle of getting divorced he walked into his room one day and found his wife with another guy..he later found out she was "going out" with this guy the past year..

 

There were no signs at all..they were only married a year but together about 11.she seemed like the sweetest most innocent girl..she was the last girl id ever bet could do something like that..you just never know..

 

Funny part is she still trying to blame this on him somehow

[ThaWholigan]

I don't know to be honest, both genders have varying levels of cunning depending on the type of person they are, but in all honesty, I have seen a lot more women who were better at hiding their extra-curicular activities than men.

[Pierre]

To hide cheating requires that a person learns how to lie effectively.

 

Cheating also requires living in compartments.

 

Cheating also requires lack of empathy for the betrayed spouse.

 

Both sexes are capable and able.

 

Women often do it for attention. Men do it for sex.

[Radu]

Yes, women are better at hiding it. There may be a boasting element in men, but that's not a big reason.

 

1. Men are ridiculed for being cheated on by society as cuckolds, not manly, women are not ridiculed in this way but rather given support and sympathy. The upshot is that many men cheated on, even obviously, turn a blind eye and act like everything is ok out of fear of social stigma and being the butt of jokes. So it may not be so much that women are better at hiding it, but that men are worse at acknowledging the truth of what's going on in front of their face due to ego concerns. Women have been taught to seek out victimhood to obtain sympathy, so are less hesitant to shoulder the embarrassment IMO.

maybe ...

 

2. Men do not have, or at least don't use, the power of rationalization to the extent women do. People generally are averse to telling baldfaced lies, but if the lie can be rationalized around into an alternate reality, liars are much, much more convincing. Women are much better at rationalizing false realities than men.

this ... this ... THIS.

backwards rationalization is an amazing power that women have and use

I don't think it's fully used by women but i do believe that generally speaking women use it more often than men.

 

3. Current pop culture and society conditions us to believe what women say and discount what men say. This attiude is entrenched in our legal system and pounded into our heads by mass media via thousands of messages daily. Men are very often portrayed as craven, dishonest buffoons, constantly lying and conniving in media, women almost never are, more likely portrayed as wise, honest, all-knowing.

i'd add also maternal, the source of life ... and so on.

I've also seen this a lot and can give examples.

 

4. Many men are suckers for tears, and haven't learned that most tears women shed are shed on their own behalf, their own predicament, being caught doing something wrong, and not on behalf of anyone else or out of any sense of adult accountability or responsibility for their actions.

 

Not to say that women don't cry genuinely and feel emotion genuinely but you need to start to figure out when she is crying for her own selfinterest and when she isn't.

 

Added stuff in bold.

 

The ammount of men on these forums who say 'but she started crying' so 'she must feel bad' when their cheating spouses are caught is evidence of how easily men are swayed by tears.

[threebyfate]

This will depend on how effective a liar the person involved.

 

I'd say men are more effective at cheating since they're more capable of compartmentalizing. When someone compartmentalizes, their behaviours towards their existing partners don't radically change.

[Imported]

I think people that can seperate sex from love are more capable of hiding it, because to them it means nothing. My experience was with a woman that could hide it well. She gave no indication at all. Zero. Completely cold. The guy (that I know of) she cheated with was someone I talk to every now and than and he couldn't hide it. I knew something was up when I talked to him with her there. His whole behaviour made it obvious. Her on the other hand, completely stone cold. I am not gonna blame her on other women though.

[PratyekaYana]

It's not that women are better at concealing their infidelities. What gives them their comparative boost in stealth is the fact that most men are socialized to give no credence to that part of their intelligence that we commonly call intuition. Unfaithful significant others always leave indications of their double lives, but the signs revealing their duplicity are most often subtle and only registered by the betrayed spouse as a gnawing sense of "not rightness."

 

Women, so I've experienced, generally give high priority to this sense of something being amiss while men typically dismiss it outright because of an absence of linear, rational evidence suggesting wrongdoing on the part of their girlfriends or wives.

[Pierre]

One more thing about cheating.

 

Women are 100% sure about who is the mother of her kids.

 

OTOH it has been said that about 10-15% of fathers out there are unknowingly fathering the child of another man.

[Joaquin]

Women who cheat are very likely to have some kind of emotional dysfunction or personality disorder. It's a very unnatural thing for a woman to do unless there is some underlying emotional problem.

 

For men it's usually about a sexual need not being met by their partner.

[gaius]

Women usually know their men better than the men know their women.

[threebyfate]

Women who cheat are very likely to have some kind of emotional dysfunction or personality disorder. It's a very unnatural thing for a woman to do unless there is some underlying emotional problem.

While I agree that many cheaters have Cluster B personality disorders, I disagree that cheating is anymore or less natural to women.

 

For men it's usually about a sexual need not being met by their partner.

Again, incorrect. It's more about the need for external validation for both genders where men are socialized to believe that sexual conquests validate them and women are socialized to believe that emotional conquests validate them. This is a clear distinction.

[Joaquin]

While I agree that many cheaters have Cluster B personality disorders, I disagree that cheating is anymore or less natural to women.

 

Again, incorrect. It's more about the need for external validation for both genders where men are socialized to believe that sexual conquests validate them and women are socialized to believe that emotional conquests validate them. This is a clear distinction.

 

I didn't say women were more likely to cheat.

[Oxy Moronovich]

No I think men are better at hiding it. And they do it more often. Probably why they're so good, they get lots of practice.

I agree with this 100%. You can find out a woman's cheating easily by her behavior: her acting cold or quarrelsome toward you and trying to start fights over petty things.

 

When guys are dating, they are not big on noticing their girl's behavior. However, when guys are married, they notice their wife's behavior a lot. They notice the drastic change in behavior and become much more aware. Why? Because now that he's paying for her in the marriage, he's keeping tab on her to make sure it is worth it.

 

I've heard many stories about unfaithful wives and how they get caught real quick. I've heard an equal amount of stories about unfaithful husbands who cheat for years (even over a decade) without their wives knowing.

 

I'd say women are easy to spot when their cheating. Cheating is an emotional experience for them and their behavior is too obvious. Her man will see it and only blind himself, so it may look like he never knew. On the other hand, guys can be hard to spot when they are cheating. Men cheat with detachment and still treat their women like they do when they are faithful.

[Woggle]

I think they hide it better because people don't suspect it. Men always get the bad rap when it comes to cheating when in reality women are just as bad.

 

They get away with it because women in many ways are still seen as innocent victims.

[threebyfate]

I didn't say women were more likely to cheat.

Didn't say that. What I'm disagreeing with is your reasoning for why men and women cheat and what's biologically "natural" to them.

[Woggle]

I agree with this 100%. You can find out a woman's cheating easily by her behavior: her acting cold or quarrelsome toward you and trying to start fights over petty things.

 

When guys are dating, they are not big on noticing their girl's behavior. However, when guys are married, they notice their wife's behavior a lot. They notice the drastic change in behavior and become much more aware. Why? Because now that he's paying for her in the marriage, he's keeping tab on her to make sure it is worth it.

 

I've heard many stories about unfaithful wives and how they get caught real quick. I've heard an equal amount of stories about unfaithful husbands who cheat for years (even over a decade) without their wives knowing.

 

I'd say women are easy to spot when their cheating. Cheating is an emotional experience for them and their behavior is too obvious. Her man will see it and only blind himself, so it may look like he never knew. On the other hand, guys can be hard to spot when they are cheating. Men cheat with detachment and still treat their women like they do when they are faithful.

 

Very true. A man who knows what to look for can spot a cheating woman in a second. Men who don't know don't want to know.

[Radu]

I think they hide it better because people don't suspect it. Men always get the bad rap when it comes to cheating when in reality women are just as bad.

 

They get away with it because women in many ways are still seen as innocent victims.

 

This is what i don't get when i hear people and especially women say this about men.

If these men cheat and homosexuality in men is something that is harder to accept in society than women's, who the hell do these men cheat with ?

 

I seriously doubt they screw eachother. o.0

 

One more thing about cheating.

 

Women are 100% sure about who is the mother of her kids.

 

OTOH it has been said that about 10-15% of fathers out there are unknowingly fathering the child of another man.

 

Very well said !

[Nikki Sahagin]

Women who cheat are very likely to have some kind of emotional dysfunction or personality disorder. It's a very unnatural thing for a woman to do unless there is some underlying emotional problem.

 

For men it's usually about a sexual need not being met by their partner.

 

I completely disagree with this personally.

Cheating is not unnatural at all. Monogamy is unnatural.

Marriage traditionally was just a way to control assets and sexuality. Nowadays for many people it works, and for many it doesn't, but there is no 'unnatural' when it comes to sex. We have socially and culturally created constraints for our sexual desires to become civilised and raise families. Notice animals do no such thing.

Edited May 1, 2012 by Nikki Sahagin

[Pierre]

I completely disagree with this personally.

Cheating is not unnatural at all. Monogamy is unnatural.

Marriage traditionally was just a way to control assets and sexuality. Nowadays for many people it works, and for many it doesn't, but there is no 'unnatural' when it comes to sex. We have socially and culturally created constraints for our sexual desires to become civilised and raise families. Notice animals do no such thing.

 

Despite the cultural rules one can observe that men and women that are deeply in love are uneasy about sharing the sexual partner. This is quite universal despite cultural rules.

[KathyM]

I completely disagree with this personally.

Cheating is not unnatural at all. Monogamy is unnatural.

Marriage traditionally was just a way to control assets and sexuality. Nowadays for many people it works, and for many it doesn't, but there is no 'unnatural' when it comes to sex. We have socially and culturally created constraints for our sexual desires to become civilised and raise families. Notice animals do no such thing.

Actually, some animal species mate for life, and only have one partner during their lifetime.