truffelo Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Okay, I posted my story already some weeks ago and i started reading other stories her. I'll try to summarize the story I and my ex gf have been together for 6 years ( I'm 25 now, she's 23). I was her first relation, she was my second. We had a very balanced relation where we both had space to have our own projects and friends. We didn't live together officialy but in fact we were living together for 3-4 days a week. We had that special thing between us: we could talk about everything, if one of us was sad because of family/friend/school/work etc. issues, the other one was always able to make me/her feel better. Even after six years we were still pretty crazy about each other and have never had real problems in our relation. A lot of people, including both of us, thought that we had something really special. So i didn't worry when she was leaving for 4 months to Italy( we're from belgium) for her studies. We had the idea that now while we're still young, we should able to do things separately and we would have our projects together later. So ok, she was in italy, the first weeks were terrible for her. She missed me like hell. I tried to tell her she had to go out and do things with new people and i promissed her I'll visit her soon. After 3-4 weeks I took the plane and we had a lovely weekend. She didn't want me to go back home, but we said goodbye and we planned the next visit a month later. but the days and weeks after that i felt that her interest in me was fading away and she was only talking about party's and how much she drunk (normally she wasn't like that) and she acted pretty childish and her priorities were changing. Untill one day ( a month ago) i felt she showed no interest in me at all and after a terrible conversation on skype she told me she needed a break and she couldn't do what she wanted when she always had to think about me. She said she wanted to have that experience without me and that this "break" was going to be good for the both of us and our relation looking for the long term. She said she realized what we had was too good to give up but she needed time and full freedom. Off course i tried to change her mind and even if she said she wasn't sure about her decision and she was very confused, she said she needed time. We still had some contact, a lot in the first days (facebook chat, skype). I tried to tell her that it was better for me to not have contact and she said she'd understand it but that she still wanted to hear me. One night I got a text she was thinking about me. But general she was acting very cold. She's completely into her new friends and they're like gods to her. Pretty soon i confronted( not on a hard way) her with this guy who was always on the pictures and posting things on her facebook. She admitted she started something with that guy and she didn't knew if it was serious but she just wanted to amuse herself. A few days later she send me a mail in which she was giving me explanations and she told she was impressed by the way i reacted, then she listed some reasons why she broke up ( she wasn't in love anymore, she lost connection with me etc). I think the fact she's partying all day and i'm working here at 1500 km from her should be an excuse but I don't think i should argue now with her about what she "feels". I've allready send an email saying I understand her but I will work on myself and When she returns from italy i will do anything to get her back. She said she was impressed on my perseverance but she couldn't promise anything. Now she asks me each 4-5 days how i am and she asks about my weekends etc. when I ask the same to her she always says thinks like how much she drunk at that party etc. Now I don't know if i should use the NC or the LC. Should i answer her? I really want this girl back because i now how good things were between us, but i also can understand she wants to explore the world. She's abroad in a total unrealistic world ( everyday she meets 100 people, she only have to think about partying) but in 2,5 months she has to return. Will this have any affect on her ? Does this look like a GIGS?
gibson Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 G.I.G.S. all the way. If she "sowed her wild oats" and has that out of her system... Cross that bridge when it gets there. If I had to guess, she will come back home and "use" you while searching for / establishing the same environment she just left. Basically what I am saying is... I don't think when she comes "home" that she will done "sowing her wild oats".
Philosoraptor Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 It matters not why she left. You need to accept that she left and you need to give her what she wants, you gone. You don't need to remain in contact and you don't need to be her backup or "safe place" while she is figuring out what she wants. The thing is that in the end you might not be what she wants and it's not worth pondering too much on. The hard truth is that she may find exactly what she wants while away from you and might meet the man of her dreams. What should you do for you right now? Take care of yourself and live to make your own dreams come true. You might just meet the perfect person for you after you've taken the time to heal.
Recommended Posts