Crossroads

[Sunflower22]

Hi everyone,

I I need some unbiased opinions. My husband travels for work and we have two very young children. One just turned 2 and the other is 5 months old. I also work 3 days in the office, two days at home. My mom and dad watch the kids the 3 days I'm in the office cause I can't seem to bring myself to leaving them with a stranger. They are my world. My husband use to only travel minimally but since I had the baby he is gone every week for 4 days. He seems to like it even though he says he doesn't. But he has night events at these things and is out until 11. When he's gone I barely even get to speak to him cause he says he's tied up. It has been so hard on me having my kids by myself four nights out of the week, doing dinners just us and to be quit honest working my ass off. Putting two kids to sleep, two kids with dirty diapers, it's been tough and I honestly have given it my best shot. I feel like a single mom and thank god for my parents. So my husband who is unbothered by any of this and seems to be the only happy one in the family wouldnt listen to me nor our 2 year old daughter who is terrified every time he's home that he's leaving her again cause she loves him very much. Well I blew up finally, I told him I wasn't welling to live like this anymore. I couldn't be alone week after week for days I'm lonely, it's to hard for me. Not to mention his inappropriate conversations with women he works with. I told him that I wanted out of my marriage if this was the only life he could offer us. And it hurt to tell him that it hurt bad but I'm also hurt every time he leaves. I don't want a life time of being hurt. I'm only 33 I'm attractive weight 107. I want a husband not a part time man and daddy. I want him but not like this. Emotionally I honestly can't do it anymore. Be didn't listen at first but then when I was literally walking out the door to sign a separation agreement with lawyer he stopped me and has agreed to stop traveling which means he has to find a new job. He has put in 1 app. So far. He keeps complaining that it's a huge pay cut but in honesty it's a 5,000 pay cut. He makes decent money. But I told him and I meant it with every fiber that I didn't care if he makes 50,000 a year and we sale the house. I don't care where I live or anything at this point I can't do this by myself anymore and be married to him. I make decent money so I know wherever we live will be clean and my kids will have what they need but the standard of living we have now is not necessary and it's not enough to make me happy. I want him home with us at night. Am I terrible for this? Don't I matter at some point? Even though I married him does that mean I have to live this way, don't I have a say. I have been the best wife and mother I can. I do complain but I have been faithful I have tried to make his travel work for me. There is no other man in the picture for me I just want a husband who cares how I feel and how hard it's been on me. I'm not sure if on these business trips he has cheated on me or not. I can't prove anything. So he tells me he's not happy he has to quit his job but that he understands he has to to keep our family together. I just hope he's not lying to me cause he keeps pouring about it.

 

Thanks for listening

[jaymz]

This is a classic case of you two NOT communicating with each other.

 

You want emotional security and don't care about the money.

 

He wants to give you financial security and doesn't understand about your need for emotional security. He is providing what he is genetically programmed to do, provide food/shelter etc. And probably resentful that what he IS providing is not "good enough"

 

Act now while you both want this to work. There is marriage councilling, books, resources on the net you can both get involved in.

 

For books, I recommend you get "his needs, her needs", both read it, it is a huge eye opener. To help communicate with each other, I recommend "for men only" and "for women only".