somedude81 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Somedude, I can't get a BF and I'm an attractive female who's fun to be around. Women struggle with dating too! I also have fabulous guy friends and dating isn't something any of us have considered. You don't seem to understand that just because two people are single, it doesn't mean they should date by default. I have a gay friend who gets offended when people learn that he's gay and they suddenly want to set him up with the one gay person they know--not because they will be compatible, but because they both like guys. Can you see why he'd be upset by this? Just being single is not enough in common to build a relationship on. I would lower my standards if I had never been able to get a BF, or accept being single. I'm not familiar with your situation iris. Why do you think you are having trouble? BTW, my standards have been significantly lowered. Any further and I would be chasing girls that repulse me.
joystickd Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 yeah... I'm unfamiliar with that at all thanks to the way I do things. But that is my decision, not hers. How do you do things?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Guys have zero interest in maintaining mere "friendships" with women they wouldn't prefer to be banging. You can call that coworker, neighbor or that woman on the train each morning your 'friend'... but you've done nothing to cause that person to go anywhere near you, so that isn't really 'friendship' in this context. For the tangents here, the good old The Ladder Theory is a useful read.
phineas Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 How often does that really happen? I mean, it's a very popular myth and I do think that it happened to me recently. Sufficient to say ... I don't want any part of a skank who thinks like that. What I've usually experienced is the woman cock-blocking me or getting possessive with me when women do show interest. They don't want to get with me & don't want me getting with anyone else. That isn't a friend. When that happens I freeze them out until they have something real to offer me. A few came around, but they turned out to be really selfish people & I had to end it because I got tired of their crap.
phineas Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Guys have zero interest in maintaining mere "friendships" with women they wouldn't prefer to be banging. You can call that coworker, neighbor or that woman on the train each morning your 'friend'... but you've done nothing to cause that person to go anywhere near you, so that isn't really 'friendship' in this context. For the tangents here, the good old The Ladder Theory is a useful read. Best lines. Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive. Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too. I've had to watch that movie a few times back in the day, this scene made it somewhat tolerable.
Leigh 87 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I am seeing two male friends' one fri night for dinner at the the shopping mall ( we call it shopping centre in AUs, btw) and one on sat. Do they think I am hot? Yes. They are guys who like big boobs and I have huge ones for my size, and they both think I am hot enough to shag. One finds me very attractive. The thing is - they both know it is never going to happen. I have made it clear, literally. Would they want to hang out with me if I was not attractive to them? Maybe, maybe not. If we met through WORK or school, and got along well, and they thought I as awesome and loved being around me, and I was NOT attractive to them, I am sure they would want to hang out with me, though. I happened to meet them elsewhere, but my point is that if a dude is around an unnatractive or average girl, he may love being around her and be friends with her, with no intention of sex. If she is also attractive, although this is the basis of dating ( attractive and also GREAT girl, want to spend more time with them....) there is no harm trying to see if u can just hang out casually, not regularly if she has a b/f or u a g.f, maybe just see them in group settings, because hanging out with pepople u LIKe to be around adds good value.
Scottdmw Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I am seeing two male friends' one fri night for dinner at the the shopping mall ( we call it shopping centre in AUs, btw) and one on sat. Do they think I am hot? Yes. They are guys who like big boobs and I have huge ones for my size, and they both think I am hot enough to shag. One finds me very attractive. The thing is - they both know it is never going to happen. I have made it clear, literally. Leigh, In my opinion, it is simply impossible to do this. You can tell a man 10,000 times you are not interested, were never interested, and never will be interested. You can describe in excruciating detail why. He can nod his head the whole time and agree vociferously. None of that means he actually believes it. And, why would he? Most men, myself included, have had the experience of personally witnessing a woman swear up and down that she didn't like a particular man, would never date a particular type of man, or whatever, and then proceed to do it anyway. NEVER is a very long time! Now, a healthy man understands that in a case like you describe the odds are very low, and he is not counting on it or hoping for it but simply understands in the back of his mind that it is possible. An unhealthy man fixates on it and it does not pursue other options. That is the important distinction. Scott 2
Author irc333 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) I got a follow up on "how" they decided to date romantically. She said "They've ALWAYS been friends, just CUPID struck" And end of story. Must've been a timing thing or something. So there....the FZ and the myth of it all. None of that means he actually believes it. And, why would he? Most men, myself included, have had the experience of personally witnessing a woman swear up and down that she didn't like a particular man, would never date a particular type of man, or whatever, and then proceed to do it anyway. NEVER is a very long time! EXACTLY, you can NEVER say never! Though a man may not be holding his breath for her, he's probably seeing other women, but he is definately considering her as a romantic option until...as with my friend above..."Cupid strikes randomly" I guess only certain conditions may exist where there is perfect timing where a friendship becomes a romance. Edited May 2, 2012 by irc333
Author irc333 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 does CUPID mean "biological clock"? She's in her early 40's and has an 18 year old son....so....nope
zengirl Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Just because you've known someone for a long time doesn't mean they're necessarily in the friendzone. You might be attracted to them, but you've never both been single at the same time. That's happened to me on several occasions. Right. Additionally, you might not have been interested in them or pursued them for various reasons prior. I've dated 2 men I knew fairly well before dating them seriously, and in one case it was because a combo of we worked together and had both been in Rs prior we needed to get over and in another it was because another friend REALLY fancied him, so I never felt comfortable dating him till that friend was paired up and I had her blessing. I also have fabulous guy friends and dating isn't something any of us have considered. You don't seem to understand that just because two people are single, it doesn't mean they should date by default. I have a gay friend who gets offended when people learn that he's gay and they suddenly want to set him up with the one gay person they know--not because they will be compatible, but because they both like guys. Can you see why he'd be upset by this? Just being single is not enough in common to build a relationship on. THIS is a very important point.
TheFinalWord Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Well, had a recent experience with a friend of mine (don't worry, I had no interest in dating her, different belief systems entirely) but anyhow, she mentioned that she had been busy with her NEW boyfriend. Was kind of a shocker, because she's been single for a good while. She said she's known him for years, and just started dating a month ago. I've seen this happen countless times though...so the myth of the "If you're in the FZ and NEVER getting out.....well, you can't always say that" Why did it take years for them to get together? She was single and he was taken? Hopefully she isn't the rebound! Not saying this can't happen, but it would help us if you gave the reasons it took so long for both of them to realize romantic feelings.
TheFinalWord Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Why did it take years for them to get together? She was single and he was taken? Hopefully she isn't the rebound! Not saying this can't happen, but it would help us if you gave the reasons it took so long for both of them to realize romantic feelings. The reason I say this is because as a guy it's never taken me years to figure out if I wanted to be with a girl. Another relationship or the girl given clear vibes she isn't feeling it would be the only factor preventing me from acting. Girls, yeah I can see, especially if she has trust issues.
fishtaco Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 No, friendzone is real. I do it to women. And I seriously doubt I'm the only one that does this.
Author irc333 Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Why did it take years for them to get together? She was single and he was taken? Hopefully she isn't the rebound! Not saying this can't happen, but it would help us if you gave the reasons it took so long for both of them to realize romantic feelings. Just found out from my female friend that this guy she was such "friends" with for a long time, is finishing up the divorce papers from his previous marriage. She's started dating him before the ink is dry. She was just crushin' on a married man this whole time. LOL
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