irc333 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Well, had a recent experience with a friend of mine (don't worry, I had no interest in dating her, different belief systems entirely) but anyhow, she mentioned that she had been busy with her NEW boyfriend. Was kind of a shocker, because she's been single for a good while. She said she's known him for years, and just started dating a month ago. I've seen this happen countless times though...so the myth of the "If you're in the FZ and NEVER getting out.....well, you can't always say that"
somedude81 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Well I've been in the friendzone with more than a few girls and it's never progressed into a relationship.
Necromancer Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I wouldn't bother with girls that see me almost only as a friend that´s a low interest. I want a girl that has as much interest in me as i have in her.
Author irc333 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 I wouldn't bother with girls that see me almost only as a friend that´s a low interest. I want a girl that has as much interest in me as i have in her. Well, in my friend's case, it worked out. So, keep hanging around yoru female friends, but continue to see others...and you never know, things MIGHT Happen. ;-)
carhill Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 OP, the new BF might have been married or LTR and she was 'waiting'. I went through a long period of that, unhealthily, with one MW many years ago. The dynamic is likely different relevant to gender but it is one potential.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) I think there's a difference between being friends and being in the friendzone. For example a woman could be friends with a guy, but have romantic feelings towards him/be sexually attracted to him. Whereas if a guy is in the friendzone, that means the woman 'only' sees him as a friend and nothing else. Maybe the woman that the OP is talking about had always fancied that guy. Edited May 1, 2012 by Ross MwcFan
dasein Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 OP the point is not that it's impossible to get out, but that the odds are so slim that it's a more productive use of one's time to cultivate other options.
Leigh 87 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 ... is it that hard to find people who you think are really great people, whome you would love to hang around with again; all the while not being romantically interested? Some people are not into you. For your looks or personality. However, they MAY think your a really great person! Really worthy, a persn they want to associate with. I understand it could be insulting or offensive to some people to be not attractive enough for another person to DATE, and in turn. not want a friendship... Although I feel that hitting it off with someone you clearly have a connection with, worth keeping and having around, is clear. WHY is it all about either finding a member of the opposite sex attractive, or not?
Author irc333 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Although I feel that hitting it off with someone you clearly have a connection with, worth keeping and having around, is clear. WHY is it all about either finding a member of the opposite sex attractive, or not? Yeah, I get a long with women, some are even comfortable with me, this last women I went out with, met her on POF, says she's not ready to date anyone due to trust issues....but really likes staying in touch with me because I make her laugh and she has fun being with me. But she said, she might have a problem if I should ever attempt to make any physical contact with her, so that's why she's hesitant about seeing me again, one-on-one. SHe's afraid I might develop feeilngs for her...which COULD happen. But I just can't seem to CROSS that threshold BEYOND that.
somedude81 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 ... is it that hard to find people who you think are really great people, whome you would love to hang around with again; all the while not being romantically interested? Some people are not into you. For your looks or personality. However, they MAY think your a really great person! Really worthy, a persn they want to associate with. I understand it could be insulting or offensive to some people to be not attractive enough for another person to DATE, and in turn. not want a friendship... Although I feel that hitting it off with someone you clearly have a connection with, worth keeping and having around, is clear. WHY is it all about either finding a member of the opposite sex attractive, or not? How would you feel if you were never able to get a boyfriend, and every guy you could be interested in, wanted nothing more than to be your friend? That also means you are never able to get any from of sex.
Leigh 87 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Somedude - Honestly? I would try to, like I always talk about on here, its about being a lovely, positive , nice guy to be around in general. At least you wll have friends who are crazy about you, and some of thowe friends/ people who think your great will come to like you, either initially or afterwards. It is frustrating how you come across as funny with your sense of humour to me ( I love to laugh and you strike me as funny), and also intelligent enough to write well and have intelligent, meaningful conversations. And yet, you cannot really thrive on what you have, to draw people in. Are you negative/ come off as lacklusture in terms of your contentment each day? I always say on here, being positive and happy goes a long way. If you learn to take what you naturally have, with your personality, and make it appear more charismatic and attractive to be around, more girls will be your friend AND girlfriend. easier said than done, but it IS a legit theory and thing I am taking about, no? Being a nicer, positive person helped me, that's all. I am no stunner. Yet guys suddenly warmed to me much more. As friends and otherwise. . 1
somedude81 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Somedude - Honestly? I would try to, like I always talk about on here, its about being a lovely, positive , nice guy to be around in general. At least you wll have friends who are crazy about you, and some of thowe friends/ people who think your great will come to like you, either initially or afterwards. That's great but not what I asked. You love having a boyfriend right? All the things you can do with him and to him? Now imagine never being able to get that from him or any other guy ever. Would you be content with just friendship? It is frustrating how you come across as funny with your sense of humour to me ( I love to laugh and you strike me as funny), and also intelligent enough to write well and have intelligent, meaningful conversations. And yet, you cannot really thrive on what you have, to draw people in. Are you negative/ come off as lacklusture in terms of your contentment each day? I always say on here, being positive and happy goes a long way. I have very little to actually be positive about. But when I go outside I try to forgot about all of that and just enjoy my day. Even I know that moping around is only going to hurt my chances with women. And thank you for the compliments. Yes it is very frustrating for me, having all these supposedly good things about me, and I'm still unable to actually make anybody like me in an intimate way. If you learn to take what you naturally have, with your personality, and make it appear more charismatic and attractive to be around, more girls will be your friend AND girlfriend. easier said than done, but it IS a legit theory and thing I am taking about, no? You said it. But I continue to try.
jobaba Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Well, had a recent experience with a friend of mine (don't worry, I had no interest in dating her, different belief systems entirely) but anyhow, she mentioned that she had been busy with her NEW boyfriend. Was kind of a shocker, because she's been single for a good while. She said she's known him for years, and just started dating a month ago. I've seen this happen countless times though...so the myth of the "If you're in the FZ and NEVER getting out.....well, you can't always say that" It's not that it doesn't happen. It's just that for certain guys, going about that method is clearly not the most productive method because you are not playing the odds. Also, the pain that comes from that kind of rejection sucks and is substantial. So it's just not the best method overall. But yea, I know two guys that have chased women for 10 years where the women originally rebuffed and were involved with other men in the interim. I'm going to the wedding of one this month.
EasyHeart Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Just because you've known someone for a long time doesn't mean they're necessarily in the friendzone. You might be attracted to them, but you've never both been single at the same time. That's happened to me on several occasions.
jobaba Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Just because you've known someone for a long time doesn't mean they're necessarily in the friendzone. You might be attracted to them, but you've never both been single at the same time. That's happened to me on several occasions. Yup. I hate to say it, but the myth of the friendzone usually only applies to men that particular woman finds physically unattractive. She could be friends with a good looking guy and hook up with him 4 years after having met him when everything was platonic before that. This exact same thing happened to a male and female friend of mine in college ... while the female friend was in a relationship with the male's best friend. What friendzone?
wwwjd Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 don't forget that after you are with someone as a friend over a longer period of time, their true character shows up - usually gets worse or better depending on ideals - but you can grow to love someone after knowing them deeper. 1
somedude81 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Just because you've known someone for a long time doesn't mean they're necessarily in the friendzone. You might be attracted to them, but you've never both been single at the same time. That's happened to me on several occasions. Usually the guys who get friendzoned on any regular basis aren't in a relationship when the girl they want is.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 don't forget that after you are with someone as a friend over a longer period of time, their true character shows up - usually gets worse or better depending on ideals - but you can grow to love someone after knowing them deeper. Yes. There is a difference between actually being friends and being in the "friend zone". A friend is someone you have common interest with, or your part of the same social circles and are on good terms. They are someone you would spend time with and socialize with for those reasons. The friend zone is where you send failed or unwanted romantic prospects who you really don't care about on any level and have no common ground with. A person can go from being in the friend zone to being a friend. I have even see men who were FZ'ed by women suddenly become attractive to that woman once they get a GF. But that's something else. As my parents put it. All the good marriages they know of are based on friendship. 1
Necromancer Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Yup. I hate to say it, but the myth of the friendzone usually only applies to men that particular woman finds physically unattractive. She could be friends with a good looking guy and hook up with him 4 years after having met him when everything was platonic before that. This exact same thing happened to a male and female friend of mine in college ... while the female friend was in a relationship with the male's best friend. What friendzone? True and the unattractive guy´s are often being used.
Necromancer Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Yes. There is a difference between actually being friends and being in the "friend zone". A friend is someone you have common interest with, or your part of the same social circles and are on good terms. They are someone you would spend time with and socialize with for those reasons. The friend zone is where you send failed or unwanted romantic prospects who you really don't care about on any level and have no common ground with. A person can go from being in the friend zone to being a friend. I have even see men who were FZ'ed by women suddenly become attractive to that woman once they get a GF. But that's something else. As my parents put it. All the good marriages they know of are based on friendship. They want what they can´t have so if a guy is taken? you get the point.
iris219 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 How would you feel if you were never able to get a boyfriend, and every guy you could be interested in, wanted nothing more than to be your friend? That also means you are never able to get any from of sex. Somedude, I can't get a BF and I'm an attractive female who's fun to be around. Women struggle with dating too! I also have fabulous guy friends and dating isn't something any of us have considered. You don't seem to understand that just because two people are single, it doesn't mean they should date by default. I have a gay friend who gets offended when people learn that he's gay and they suddenly want to set him up with the one gay person they know--not because they will be compatible, but because they both like guys. Can you see why he'd be upset by this? Just being single is not enough in common to build a relationship on. I would lower my standards if I had never been able to get a BF, or accept being single.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 They want what they can´t have so if a guy is taken? you get the point. Exactly. Men are that way to an extent too. A man usually will not keep someone he's not interested in, in any way, around.
jobaba Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I have even see men who were FZ'ed by women suddenly become attractive to that woman once they get a GF. But that's something else. How often does that really happen? I mean, it's a very popular myth and I do think that it happened to me recently. Sufficient to say ... I don't want any part of a skank who thinks like that.
wwwjd Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 The friend zone is where you send failed or unwanted romantic prospects who you really don't care about on any level and have no common ground with. yeah... I'm unfamiliar with that at all thanks to the way I do things. But that is my decision, not hers.
wwwjd Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Exactly. Men are that way to an extent too. A man usually will not keep someone he's not interested in, in any way, around. SOME men, not all
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