irc333 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Another friend of ours, met another acquaintance of of mine....and really hit it off, but she had a reputation of two timing guys, dating more than one guy without her knowing about the other...or a history of just dumping guys as soon as he would get himself emotionally invested, and then....she'd flake and dump him. Well, I think she did it to a guy that a lot of friends particularly liked and people are starting to think less than her. She also has this home town boyfriend that lives like 4 states away that she goes sees, while the men she dates locally , doesn't even know about him. What kind of is MORE upsetting the guy (our friend) she recently dumped, is a widower. So how does one give fair warning or figure out that the person their dating could be cheating on you or even PLANS on cheating on you BEFORE you date them? Esp, if they have a reputation, wonder if friends warned him about her?
Author irc333 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Just to note, he also lost weight as a result (in an unhealthy way).
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Another friend of ours, met another acquaintance of of mine....and really hit it off, but she had a reputation of two timing guys, dating more than one guy without her knowing about the other...or a history of just dumping guys as soon as he would get himself emotionally invested, and then....she'd flake and dump him. Well, I think she did it to a guy that a lot of friends particularly liked and people are starting to think less than her. She also has this home town boyfriend that lives like 4 states away that she goes sees, while the men she dates locally , doesn't even know about him. What kind of is MORE upsetting the guy (our friend) she recently dumped, is a widower. So how does one give fair warning or figure out that the person their dating could be cheating on you or even PLANS on cheating on you BEFORE you date them? Esp, if they have a reputation, wonder if friends warned him about her? Very simple, listen to the actions and not the words. As for your example, most women are players. That's why they see the male players in us, takes one to know one.
betterdeal Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 She believes in free love so what would seem to be worth trying is her saying so and that she likes and is in an open relationship. Unless the Taliban have taken over the USA already, most men there must be able to cope with such a concept and either engage or disengage further. But that's her choice. You might have a quiet word in her ear about it, or choose to engage or disengage further with her. If people get hurt around her and she's around you, and nothing changes, you may find distance to be the healthy option for your social wellbeing.
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 If the guys know about each other and accept it, it's not cheating. If the guys don't know about each other, it is a form of control/cheating/manipulation for selfish needs. Funny, if the OP was about a guy doing the same with multiple girls you would have the sisterhood attacking in droves.
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Female Players. Wow I was wondering when someone was going to start a thread about them. No one really talks about it but women are playing their arses off. Everywhere you look they are cheating. It's just another sign of the times I guess.
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Female players are not cheaters, you can be a player and not cheat. Doesn't change the fact that when it comes to relationships they start getting interested earlier then us, have more experience generally, can get sex easier and that their brain makeup favors understanding relationships.
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 You're right they don't necessarily have to be cheaters, just multi-daters.
ThatDudeXO Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Wow women hate is at an all time high in this thread. A lot of hurt men here spewing crap. People are coming here for real advice, stop spewing crap just because someone hurt you. 2
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Don't worry, some women will come in to 'pet' you for being such a gooooooood boy. 1
Emilia Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 As for your example, most women are players. That's why they see the male players in us, takes one to know one. I hope you are smart enough to see the irony in your own statement.
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Wow women hate is at an all time high in this thread. A lot of hurt men here spewing crap. People are coming here for real advice, stop spewing crap just because someone hurt you. I'm a woman and this isn't said because people hate women. Truth is truth. Women have more choices than ever before, make more money than ever before so they are dating more than before. They have alot of men to choose from and want to see what's out there. If a man dates alot of women and is called a "player" what do you call a woman who dates alot? 1
carhill Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 The widower is in a kind of time-warp, having a marriage and losing his spouse to death. He views women through the eyes of a long-time husband. This experience, though painful, is a great eye-opener. I had a similar eye-opener about modern dating by joining LS when in the beginning stages of my D. No time-warp here. I get it. LS, and the members I got to know personally here, were very instructive in how things can be today. If I had a young son, we'd have a nice man to boy talk about the ladies, something my father never really did with me. Education is a healthy thing, even without labeling behaviors as being a 'player'.
dasein Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) I'm a woman and this isn't said because people hate women. Truth is truth. Women have more choices than ever before, make more money than ever before so they are dating more than before. They have alot of men to choose from and want to see what's out there. If a man dates alot of women and is called a "player" what do you call a woman who dates alot? When men take advantage of opportunities afforded by the sexual revolution they are "players," "commitmentphobic," "immature." When women do the exact same things, they are "empowered," "independent," "liberated." White knight men repeat this double standard estimation also, it's not just women. You can see this sentiment repeated constantly all over this board (in this thread) and out in the world. One recent thread had a woman outraged because a man she didn't know well didn't want her to sleepover after sex. Had that OP been a man, the thread results would have been massively different. There would be few if any posters sympathizing with him and he would have been laughed at for stomping around and pitching a fit instead of getting in his car, driving home and respecting her "boundaries." As much as some posters harp on "double standards" in treatment of sexual behavior, the crickets chirp around here with respect to the double standard you describe above. Thanks for being honest and siding with truth. Pretty much any man who doesn't do what a woman wants him to becomes a "player," "jerk" or "commitmentphobe" today. Social insanity. Edited May 1, 2012 by dasein
Lil1 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 So how does one give fair warning or figure out that the person their dating could be cheating on you or even PLANS on cheating on you BEFORE you date them? Esp, if they have a reputation, wonder if friends warned him about her? I think it's well within reason to give a friend a heads up about a person they are dating if you know they could potentially get hurt. It's not that you are bad-mouthing or spreading rumors about her, you are just looking out for your friend. Friends do those sort of things for each other. There have been times when my guy friends have warned me about a particular crush and I know they're doing it because they care and don't wanna see me get played. If you ever find yourself in this situation I think it's ok to clue your friend in! (wouldn't you want to know?) As far as the whole female player issue is concerned.. yeah, they're out there. Players are cowards IMO. Just be upfront about being a multi-dater and no one has to feel like they are getting 'played'.
Sanman Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 When men take advantage of opportunities afforded by the sexual revolution they are "players," "commitmentphobic," "immature." When women do the exact same things, they are "empowered," "independent," "liberated." White knight men repeat this double standard estimation also, it's not just women. At the end of the day, we are all people. Regardless of what you call it, there are those that are after relationships and those that just want a passing dalliance, there are those that will be honest and those that will not, those that will commit to a single person and those that will not. As a previous poster stated, the key here is to look at how a person treats others and assume you are not special. Someone who is a loyal friend is more likely to be loyal lover. Those who are there for their friends will more likely be there for a mate. A good person is usually as good person in many/all life situations and those that lack character do so in more ways than one. It is not rocket science, but you must be willing to face hard truths. Take a look around this site and you will see the these patterns as well.
Woggle Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I see no woman hate in this thread. It's the truth that men get the bad rap on this but women are no better than we are. If you say that it won't be easy to keep playing the victim though. Also you should warn him. Men need to look out for each other.
phineas Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) When men take advantage of opportunities afforded by the sexual revolution they are "players," "commitmentphobic," "immature." When women do the exact same things, they are "empowered," "independent," "liberated." White knight men repeat this double standard estimation also, it's not just women. You can see this sentiment repeated constantly all over this board (in this thread) and out in the world. One recent thread had a woman outraged because a man she didn't know well didn't want her to sleepover after sex. Had that OP been a man, the thread results would have been massively different. There would be few if any posters sympathizing with him and he would have been laughed at for stomping around and pitching a fit instead of getting in his car, driving home and respecting her "boundaries." As much as some posters harp on "double standards" in treatment of sexual behavior, the crickets chirp around here with respect to the double standard you describe above. Thanks for being honest and siding with truth. Pretty much any man who doesn't do what a woman wants him to becomes a "player," "jerk" or "commitmentphobe" today. Social insanity. You forgot creepy. Oh and rapey. lulz Edited May 2, 2012 by phineas
phineas Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I see no woman hate in this thread. It's the truth that men get the bad rap on this but women are no better than we are. If you say that it won't be easy to keep playing the victim though. Also you should warn him. Men need to look out for each other. SHHHH.....Don't you know that a man pointing out that a good portion of women act just as poorly as a good potion of men = "He has issues with women" And any woman that agree's with that man = culling favor with men by agreeing with them. I meet these women all the time at my age. They either have intimacy issues or their just not that into me & bored. They have no problem wasting my time while they search for a guy they are interested in then blowing me off. Hence, their actions are all that matter & when their actions don't match their words I drop 'em. But it's like the women on this forum refuse to admit women act this way & it's frankly pathetic the lengths some female posters will go to, to try & turn it around & put the blame on the man. Blows my mind.
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