Boynextdoor Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Hello everyone, I'm here to share you a story. My story goes like this. I've met this amazing woman 2 years and 4 mo's ago. We started dating like the usual and got ourselves in a "LOVE BUBBLE". Lets say that I was a guy from a different world who always party a lot and enjoy the company of different women up until I met her. She changed my life... I know and must say that we both know that we are on a "LOVE BUBBLE" but then at times you get to meet problems. (which is common). Now let me describe her first in 1 / 2 words. "WIFE MATERIAL" shes the type of guy that a man would want to be with for the rest of his existence. (I wouldnt change the way I was if I didnt see it in her) from negativity I turned my life into positive! from a screw up in class next thing I know I was "A Deans Lister". Now she served as my inspiration in life but then we all have our own shortcommings so behind the greatness that I poses, I must admit I am snappy at times. I tend to over react with things when im grouchy or have lots of things in mind. So we were living the dream the company of each other she was my Girlfriend,bestfriend,bandmate,dancemate, foe at times (which only happens once in a blue moon) name it thats us. We've been there for each other through thick and thin.Lets say that these once in a while scenarios are based on my over reaction to a point that you ask for space but then as a man all that I meant was for the moment. Each and everytime it happens it breaks her heart. I admit thats S*** and we aint perfect. You readers may hate me and il accept it. But here is the thing I know I have my shortcommings yes! but I tried to changed. I messed up bigtime when I had my birthday celebration with friends and it came to into a point that I chose to be with her and stop all the negativity so that I could focus more on her. She forgived me and we went on. I know and she knows I treated her like a princess, a queen, my only baby. So things went on fine up until our graduation it was the meet up of our parents so both of us was really happy to finally declare that we are free! Free to give our overflowing love for each other. up until the storm came two weeks after our graduation we had this very silly quarrel of something that wasnt even about us. From the smallest thing up until it went so big that both of us cannot imagine how in the world did it happen. So i'm always annoyed when she always whisper because sometimes she forgets that eventhough its not much of a thing she whispers. Now this time it was something private so it came up to my senses that wait I should stop its something private and not over react. So we both paused for a while and decided to talk by the time we get home. Now we bombared ourselves with messages from teasing to nagging and to asking for space. Here i started it again my intention was to call it a day since we are quarreling with things since I am pre occupied with work and almost in the verge of leaving the company that i've worked with. So when the company gave me an offer so that I wont leave the company. So over excitement and due to mixed of emotions I wanted to tell her that. and she wanted to share something else. So back to the quarrel she kept on nagging me and I was like I could have said sorry but then as mens nature I gave in eventhough it wasnt my intention. So she felt like I was letting her go. But then it was due to the heat of the moment and the nagging but yes I know its not an excuse. Anyway we tried to talk it out the next day. She said I love you 3 times and I was like asking her if she's fine since she sounded sick and if its really ok with us. Now she snapped and said she have no more patience with me and what not and requested for her space. Now the sitation is that she is currently taking up her reviews in preparation for her boards this coming June/July. I know that she decided to do it since I had the idea of it and she just gave me what i've wanted. But then the purpose of me saying that is that i dont want to add up to her burden and nothing else. Now as I was able to understand it seems that i've abandoned her that in the time being that she needed me I was adding up to her pressure. Connected to the pressure of reviews,family and I (accidentaly). I was always there for her all the time when she needed me I was her superman. But then she called it off two weeks before and I am in missery. I am to wait for 4 months and I dont know where does this lead us. maybe the fear of she may think that my services / how I was to her will be dumped forever. Anyone? help?
Philosoraptor Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Sounds like there are real issues here that neither one of you want to bring up in order to keep the image of the relationship that you've built into your heads. The graduation and stepping out into real life was the straw that broke the camels back and these unspoken issues have reached their boiling point. So what are the real issues here? You ramble on about what happened but not why it happened. What are the underlying issues that led this to boil over?
Author Boynextdoor Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 Well speaking of the issues i have this temper of snapping at times but it happens rarely its just that each and everytime we argue "the hulk " in me always shows up. But yes I am not proud of it and will not even brag about it. Each and everytime we argue we make sure that before we sleep we settle things over for a fresh start for both of us. There was this time during my friends birthday that I was really out of control and I messed up bigtime. Next day I went to her bought her 1 gal of icecream and we ate it together and talked about the issue. And yes she forgived me. So it was a wake up call to me so I decided to avoid all the things that will or may hurt her. So I focused on her more. So we went freely and happily. So after the graduation she introduced her parents to mine actually I was supposed to do it. But since I was in a hurry to get a hold of my DEAN since she wanted to speak to my mom I got excited and didnt see her in the center ile with her parents. Well it wasnt my fault because 1. I didnt really see them and I didnt act like an pieh*** not to introduce her. So anyway we were very happy because this is time that we brag about our relationship. Now I've got preoccupied with work and she's has been supporting me will all of my choices. Now it came into a point that I wanted to resign because of some issues lets say greener pasture because I got scared of my future and would not want to waste time doing work w/c is not related to my course. So, as i've understood it I was not able to ask her how she was and all that so basically all eyes are on me. Her attention and my attention to myself only and I forgot to ask her of how she was and how she feels and so on. I admit I missed that one out but it wasnt in my intention to do that. I always make it to a point that Im always there when she needed me its just that this time I was really pre-occupied and busy. So back to the work they gave me an offer that I could not refuse so I was so eager to tell her that. Now, I am fully aware of her issues at home and since she is starting with her reviews in preparation for her board exam. and I understand her pressure of doing that everyday without any rest or any forms of entertainment. Now we had this very little small arguement that went big. She stated that "Not all the time I will accept". I told her to give each other time and space since we are both under pressure but then she felt like I was leaving her. But really it wasnt my intention and not even how I was before. (in my own perspective) because I wanted her to focus with her reviews also and would not want to be a burden to her. It seems like she felt that I abadonned her and left her which broke my heart because it was never my intention. She asked for space for the first time so I gave it to her because I love her. What worries me is that she is the type of person that keeps it within her and will not tell anyone. So I spoke to her mom not to ask for help but to give her a heads up of our situation. Because they were like asking me messaging me via facebook that why they havent seen me for the longest time. I felt really down coz I just dont know what to say. But then I said it with all the feelings that I have and how I see it and how that I think that ive hurt her. Her mom told me "to never give up on her daughter" so basically that gave me hope. Even stated that she is bothered by things (my gf) specially with her reviews. Now another thing is that I told her parents / mom because they are one of the reasons why she is so pressured also. So that they would know the feeling of their daughter and somehow cool down or use a different apporach in their end since she is really pressured with her boards.
Author Boynextdoor Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 I am aware of my shortcommings which is 1 my temper and that is the only thing that is keeping us appart. She's really dependent over me actually and I took the role of being her support system because I wanted her to feel that there is someone like me who will take care and understand her. I came from a broken family yes and I was trained to be alone. Actually I dont want to be alone and that is what scares a lot. So unintenionally I utter those words out of the heat of the moment with the naging and all our quarrels. But this time when we had our last fight / the storm that broke us that wasnt my intention. I asked her to call it a day since we are like somehow to explode. but then We didnt stop we continued with the naging and all so I was like Im not doing it why push it since you asked for it i'll give it. Now it happend but then whats silly about it is that with that very small issue it went so big that all of the bad things that happend before was brought up and I was like am I a D-bag? I always put her first with all of her endeavors in life and I missed out this time with a valid issue (i think) I was really in fear that my emotions are all together. Now its been like almost 3 weeks since we broke up. and still I wanted to be there for her and support her. because I am having this point of view and i know that as soon as she passes her board. We can talk about it already and try to fix it.
Author Boynextdoor Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 She posted this thing on her wall "Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand" according to her she's not growing with me and she wanted her freedom I gave her that. Because when you love that person you dont force them to be with you. YES i know! I called her like 2 days ago and she still talks to me but ofcourse not like we are like lovebirds but then I am aware of that. She wanted to focus with her board since she believes that is her goal. And one thing that I wanted to clear out is that I never ever put myself in a situation for her to choose her priorities and all. I always support her with all of her decisions. Speaking of shortcomings lets say we both over react sometimes we almost have the same attitude. (in terms of over reacting) but then I know she is disturbed and doesnt want to be annoyed by me. She told me that of all the people I would understand where she is coming from and what are her problems. and yet I took part of her problems also. As im seeing it she is so focused with her review that since we both have the idea of breaking up she took that opportunity so that she wont be able to think about it for a while and focus with her reviews alone. She is not the type of lady guys would hate she is the type of lady that a man will love and take care. I always make her feel that she is the most beatiful woman in the world despite of our/her short commings. and she said that to me so I felt so lucky. her exams will be at the end of June and first day of July. its gona be 2 months from now so I decided to cut everything also to be missed by her and will wait til she passes her board. 3 days ago i spoke to her that il be there July 1 waiting for her. but then she tells me not to talk about it first and to shhh. Accdg to her friend she doesnt want to see me hurt and will just take everything since seeing me hurting is like 3 times in her end. So im giving her all the time that she needs. What do you think about my plan? is it good or what? Actually im just trying to be optimistic with everything its just that its like a poision during the transition (waiting time and no contact)She posted this thing on her wall "Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand" according to her she's not growing with me and she wanted her freedom I gave her that. Because when you love that person you dont force them to be with you. YES i know! I called her like 2 days ago and she still talks to me but ofcourse not like we are like lovebirds but then I am aware of that. She wanted to focus with her board since she believes that is her goal. And one thing that I wanted to clear out is that I never ever put myself in a situation for her to choose her priorities and all. I always support her with all of her decisions. Speaking of shortcomings lets say we both over react sometimes we almost have the same attitude. (in terms of over reacting) but then I know she is disturbed and doesnt want to be annoyed by me. She told me that of all the people I would understand where she is coming from and what are her problems. and yet I took part of her problems also. As im seeing it she is so focused with her review that since we both have the idea of breaking up she took that opportunity so that she wont be able to think about it for a while and focus with her reviews alone. She is not the type of lady guys would hate she is the type of lady that a man will love and take care. I always make her feel that she is the most beatiful woman in the world despite of our/her short commings. and she said that to me so I felt so lucky. her exams will be at the end of June and first day of July. its gona be 2 months from now so I decided to cut everything also to be missed by her and will wait til she passes her board. 3 days ago i spoke to her that il be there July 1 waiting for her. but then she tells me not to talk about it first and to shhh. Accdg to her friend she doesnt want to see me hurt and will just take everything since seeing me hurting is like 3 times in her end. She told me that she doesnt want me to expect much from her and will not give me false hopes. I told her to focus on her goal first and let time do its ****. So if i do it right like the love gurus / guidelines in winning the ex back I think I still have th e shot. Considering that the odds are by my side her parents and friends. To make things clear im not trying to put these things in my head its just that these things serves as my hope that we will be back soon. My faith in her will bring us back. So im giving her all the time that she needs. ALso (there is no mumbo jumbo third party issue or any out of this world issues) it was just an arguement that we decided and gave in since we are both under pressure. (I THINK) Actually im just trying to be optimistic with everything its just that its like a poision during the transition (waiting time and no contact)
Author Boynextdoor Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 No advice or whatsoever? man this is sad
Philosoraptor Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Everything I said in my first post is still true. You can't let her mother saying something change your impression of getting dumped. In the end she wanted out. She seems to want to do a good deal of personal growth and work on herself. She even said not to have hope and didn't want to give you false hope. I said that once too and it was because I was done for good. Expecting her to come back is going to do nothing but set yourself up for heartbreak. Truthfully I'd write her off and start working on myself. Life is too short to wait around for someone who has clearly shown that she does not want you anymore. No advice or whatsoever? man this is sad FYI the reason you aren't getting many replies is because you do not use any sort of paragraphs. Most are not as patient as me when trying to sift through a wall of text.
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