stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 What's wiith the backlash against the OP for keeping "her" baby? Is there a backlash against her for keeping the baby? Where? I didn't see that.
SmileFace Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Is there a backlash against her for keeping the baby? Where? I didn't see that. No, the emphasis was on "her", since you know this is only about the women.
ascendotum Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 What's wiith the backlash against the OP for keeping "her" baby? Its actually "their" baby...unless she is totally happy to have zero input from him. She made a descision without any regard to him or consulting him that is going to have a huge impact on his future, and the childs, if it is to be raised with a family or a single mother. If she expects something from him then it "his" baby too.
FitChick Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Last time I heard, men can get vacsectomies if they truly want to protect themselves. I don't understand why some men are such babies when it comes to this procedure. It's not much worse than going to the dentist, at least according to the men I've dated who have had them. Helluva lot cheaper than $250K in child support. If I were a man I'd get it done and then 'play' with a clear conscience. 3
kaylan Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Situations like this are exactly why I plan to always know a girls stance regarding pregnancy before we have sex. I dont like the idea of raising a kid with a woman I wont be in a family with. If a chick and I had opposing views on the topic of pregnancy scares, then Id just refrain from having sex until (if) we became serious. Also, Im not surprised OP wants to keep this strangers baby given her age. The clock is ticking, so I understand...but I dont see this going well. I never liked the idea of two parents raising a child yet having never truly having much history together. Maybe these two can end up in a happy relationship...time will tell.
Anela Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I don't understand why some men are such babies when it comes to this procedure. It's not much worse than going to the dentist, at least according to the men I've dated who have had them. Helluva lot cheaper than $250K in child support. If I were a man I'd get it done and then 'play' with a clear conscience. My Dad willingly went that route, once my sister was here. He hadn't wanted children at all, but had me because my mother wanted babies, and he loved me right away. After baby number two, he told my mother he was having the procedure, and went ahead with it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I'm not sure what the debate is going on about how they were acting in an unsafe manner or whether she's trying to trap him...although I'm sure she'd like to have children I'm not sure she intended on trapping him, however I'll say that not being on birth control is kind of like saying "well If it happens It happens" From a guys point of view, someone who's only been with you on 3 dates and someone who is clearly showing that he had a good time with you but doesn't want a relationship is probably going to be pretty pissed off...since this is very likely not something he wanted, who knows If he has children already and he might want to run for the hills as soon as he finds out. Therefore I would try to tell him in person face to face, telling him over the phone just gives him a chance to cut you off and forget about you. There's really no way to go about it other than sitting down and talking to him about it before anything else continues...don't have sex with the guy again or tip toe around and not get around to it. It's anybody's guess how he's going to react to it, but he has to know since he's apart of this process and asap...If he refuses to meet in person or pretends to be too "busy" tell him It's important and that you insist...hopefully you have his last name or some personal info on where to reach him and get in touch In the event he tries to run, you shouldn't just let him dash out of this situation if he tries...but he may take this seriously and be responsible about it...not sure If that necessarily means he wants to be with you in a relationship.
kaylan Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Well the vasectomy route is not for guys who want kids one day...and many of us do want them one day. So its not that men are babies about it. And I do know two guys who had the surgery. One had his third child and then decided he was done having kids and was happy with the size of his family. The other guy decided at a young age that he didnt want any kids, and if his mind changed he said he would adopt.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Well the vasectomy route is not for guys who want kids one day...and many of us do want them one day. So its not that men are babies about it. And I do know two guys who had the surgery. One had his third child and then decided he was done having kids and was happy with the size of his family. The other guy decided at a young age that he didnt want any kids, and if his mind changed he said he would adopt. men can now freeze their sperm ding ding ding! there are so many options available nowadays people nedd to stop acting like it's an end all or be all affair.
threebyfate Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 If you're planning to abort, I wouldn't tell him. Just get it over with and move on with your life.
kaylan Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) men can now freeze their sperm ding ding ding! there are so many options available nowadays people nedd to stop acting like it's an end all or be all affair. And plenty of guys, especially religious men, want to have kids the natural way. I personally dont want to freeze my potential kids...no thanks. I actually appreciate the series of love-making involved in bringing a child into this world. I like to be able to make the decision to have kids with my wife and then make it happen naturally. Fvk test tubes and pietry dishes all for the sake of sleeping around. Id rather remain an in tact male until I decide I dont want kids. Rebuttal? Edited May 2, 2012 by kaylan 1
phineas Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 And plenty of guys, especially religious men, want to have kids the natural way. I personally dont want to freeze my potential kids...no thanks. I actually appreciate the series of love-making involved in bringing a child into this world. I like to be able to make the decision to have kids with my wife and then make it happen naturally. Fvk test tubes and pietry dishes all for the sake of sleeping around. Id rather remain an in tact male until I decide I dont want kids. Rebuttal? For some reason this made me think of that scene in Hot Tub Time Machine. Carry on.
Stephanie Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) Thread closed for moderator review. UPDATE: Does anyone have any advice to the OP regarding "how to tell him"? That was the question. How this turned into a discussion regarding frozen sperm, paternity testing accuracy, vasectomy, and questioning OP for her sexual choices is just beyond me. I'm going to re-open this thread in the hopes that OP can actually receive some advice. Instead of completely editing this thread, I'm going to let it go with a warning. Anyone else who posts on this thread without addressing OP's question (and keeping their replies totally on topic) will receive the appropriate infractions. Tread lightly. Edited May 2, 2012 by Stephanie
NeverDated Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 UPDATE: Does anyone have any advice to the OP regarding "how to tell him"? That was the question. How this turned into a discussion regarding frozen sperm, paternity testing accuracy, vasectomy, and questioning OP for her sexual choices is just beyond me. I'm going to re-open this thread in the hopes that OP can actually receive some advice. Why yes I do... I was in a similar situation back in November, although the man wasn't distant (we were "serious" at 4 months into the relationship). Hormonal birth control failed, I got pregnant, not pro-life but couldn't have an abortion myself. Long story short, he decided to continue the relationship, I'm 6 months pregnant and we're happily living together. Set a date with him. Before you leave to meet him, take another pregnancy test to ensure you are still pregnant. Meet in a quiet, semi-private area (park, for example) before the date and just tell him you are pregnant. Give it a few minutes to sink in, and expect some confusion and possibly verbal hostility. Then give him his out. Let him know that he can choose to be involved or not, and it has no bearing on your decision. Do NOT tell him you want him to do [x] or [y]. At this point, you can either continue on with the date and discuss more, or part ways to give him time to think. Under no circumstances should you contact him first if he decides to cancel the date to think. Give him space, but do consider yourself a single mother until he proves otherwise.
FitChick Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Before you leave to meet him, take another pregnancy test to ensure you are still pregnant. This is a good point since 80% of miscarriages occur in first three months. This may turn out to be a non-issue after all.
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