stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Condoms are overrated and SO 1990's. Well how does a man protect himself from disease and unwanted pregnancies?
ascendotum Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 This guy is going to be so angry with himself. I can't believe he didn't use a condom. OMG he just signed on for 20 years of child support and didn't even know it. If I were a man I would use 2 condoms everytime I did it. Its not clear if he went bareback but I get the impression he did since no mention of condom coming off inside her or similar mishap. First time sex with an online date, yeah he's going to be a little speechless when she breaks the pregnancy news, and then the 'I've already decided we are having a baby' news. Hey he might really like the OP and would love to have kids, but his future is still not quite going according to plan. If he really does not want children at his age, then a guy who's 40 and dating childless women of a similar age and just being cool with the woman saying she's on the pill, is taking a huge risk.
manup Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 This guy is going to be so angry with himself. I can't believe he didn't use a condom. OMG he just signed on for 20 years of child support and didn't even know it. If I were a man I would use 2 condoms everytime I did it. This decreases effectiveness.
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 You are going to drop a bombshell with this announcment, you tell him in person. Use txt if you have to, to tee up a date, but its going to be easier to discuss any availability complications if its a phone conversation. My advice would be to not mention you are pregnant just yet, try and see what his true feelings are for you as a gf, without muddying the waters with this news. I want to ask, is having a baby more important to you, than having a family (loving husband + fulltime father in the picture)? What difference does it make if he if wants her for a gf or not? She has already decided she wants the baby whether he wants her or not. I think she should tell him anyway she can as soon as she can. OP just pick up the phone and tell him you are pregnant and want to keep it.
ascendotum Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 What difference does it make if he if wants her for a gf or not? She has already decided she wants the baby whether he wants her or not. I think she should tell him anyway she can as soon as she can. OP just pick up the phone and tell him you are pregnant and want to keep it. My thoughts were that she would like to know he is staying on the scene because he found her attractive (more then just sex) and had feelings for her as regards being in a relationship, as opposed to him feeling railroaded into still seeing her or obligated to do the right thing by the child. This could still happen whether she tells him tomorrow or in 3 dates time, but I thought by holding off a bit she get to know his real personality/feelings beforehand, since she's only been in his company for a few hours all up, and he could well play a huge part in her life over the next 20 yrs. Likewise, I'd like to ask you, why do you feel she have to tell him asap (assuming he is not going to convince her to change her mind)?
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I understand what you are saying. I feel she should tell him ASAP because his life is going to be turned upside down and it is fair that he should know this. I would want to know immediately if I was going to be on the hook for 20 years of payments.
xxoo Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 This man is on the hook ($$$$$$$$$$$) for 22 years. You need to tell him right away.. OMG he just signed on for 20 years of child support and didn't even know it. A mother with an unplanned pregnancy is JUST as on the hook for 20+ years of parenting and support. I don't understand why this is considered more of a hardship for men? Two people conceived this baby, and 2 people's lives will change. Tell him, give him some time to digest, and then see how he responds. I've seen this go a lot of ways--from the man never seeing the woman and child again, but paying child support, to the man and the woman have full 50/50 custody, and no child support in either direction. The latter depends on the father being willing to have that kind of custody of the child. 2
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 A mother with an unplanned pregnancy is JUST as on the hook for 20+ years of parenting and support. I don't understand why this is considered more of a hardship for men? Two people conceived this baby, and 2 people's lives will change. Yes but this is her choice to have the baby. She probably is looking forward to raising a child.
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 A mother with an unplanned pregnancy is JUST as on the hook for 20+ years of parenting and support. I don't understand why this is considered more of a hardship for men? Two people conceived this baby, and 2 people's lives will change. Tell him, give him some time to digest, and then see how he responds. I've seen this go a lot of ways--from the man never seeing the woman and child again, but paying child support, to the man and the woman have full 50/50 custody, and no child support in either direction. The latter depends on the father being willing to have that kind of custody of the child. Because the man doesn't have as much of a choice about this as the woman. Men can't get abortions you know. Men also have control over just 1 (one) form of BC.
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I do think it is his own fault for not be better protected.
xxoo Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Yes but this is her choice to have the baby. She probably is looking forward to raising a child. Maybe she is. Maybe he is looking forward to raising a child. Still, an unexpected pregnancy with a virtual stranger is a shock for both. I am fully pro choice, but abortion should never be expected of any woman. 1
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Can't edit my last post : And last but not least, in the US from the number of DNA tests being done to establish if the man is actually the father or not about 30% turn out to be false. That is 300k tests a year, out of which under 100k show that the man is not raising his own child even though he was lead to believe so. And you cannot reverse this (legally). And if you do not pay, you go to jail. Try to see the man's side of the argument. There are a lot of men out there who would gladly take a pill for BC instead of the women if such a thing existed ...
xxoo Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Can't edit my last post : And last but not least, in the US from the number of DNA tests being done to establish if the man is actually the father or not about 30% turn out to be false. That is 300k tests a year, out of which under 100k show that the man is not raising his own child even though he was lead to believe so. And you cannot reverse this (legally). And if you do not pay, you go to jail. Try to see the man's side of the argument. There are a lot of men out there who would gladly take a pill for BC instead of the women if such a thing existed ... He absolutely should require a paternity test. My policy has always been not to have intercourse with a man if I would not be willing to have a child with him. Unreasonable? 1
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Not at all, my policy has always been to check my condems throroughly after the fact, and make sure that we discuss this issue BEFORE we have sex. I also take interest in what BC she uses. Read this : Paternity Fraud: What Would You Do? | Shrink4Men Again, this is not representative of all the women, but a general estimation is that as much as 10% of children are raised by the man who did not father them and neither of them knows this. 1
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I am fully pro choice, but abortion should never be expected of any woman. I don't think anyone expects her to get an abortion. I was talking about his obligations in this matter. Maybe he does want to one day have children but whether he wants them with her or not remains to be seen. Since he didn't properly protect himself he now has no choice in the matter.
FitChick Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Women fought long and hard to make abortion legal. It's sad that more women don't choose to avail themselves of that option to save themselves and their child a miserable, impoverished, lonely life. It's also sad that so many educated, financially well off couples who would love to give a child two parents and a wonderful home and future will be unable to because of the lack of available babies. Adoption is an incredibly, unselfish act that few women choose. 2
ASG Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 There is a reason it's called the morning after pill, it's supposed to be taken the morning after. They are known to be effective 12-24hs afterwards, you were at the edge of the effectiveness envelope and it didn't work. Hope it turned out OK for you. phines, there are 40yr old guys out there who will have ONS with women without condoms ... maybe your circle of friends is smarter but there are a lot of dumb men out there. er... it's actually 72 hours after. So taking it after 24h is well within the effectiveness window. 2
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Hmm, i'll need to find the prospects then ... i knew it was just 24hs after.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 What's wiith the backlash against the OP for keeping "her" baby? Condoms aren't 100%effective in fact there was an article I read today that half of american pregnancies are unplanned. If she wants to keep the baby no one can change her mind. Everybody seems to think the guys the victim here. You seem to forget the hormonal issues a wman can go through to carry a baby to terms she's going to lose her figre and probably get stretch marks. Last time I heard, men can get vacsectomies if they truly want to protect themselves.
SmileFace Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I really don't care about the guy. You have sex expect the chance getting some one pregnant. I am more worried about the child. Then again people with two parents can still have fuxked up lives.. Shrugs
Anela Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 What's wiith the backlash against the OP for keeping "her" baby? Condoms aren't 100%effective in fact there was an article I read today that half of american pregnancies are unplanned. If she wants to keep the baby no one can change her mind. Everybody seems to think the guys the victim here. You seem to forget the hormonal issues a wman can go through to carry a baby to terms she's going to lose her figre and probably get stretch marks. Last time I heard, men can get vacsectomies if they truly want to protect themselves. No backlash from me. I mentioned my cousin, because she had an unintentional pregnancy, but she loved her boy. She didn't expect the father to marry her - he proposed, but she said no. His father is still in his life, and married to another woman.
Anela Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Because the man doesn't have as much of a choice about this as the woman. Men can't get abortions you know. Men also have control over just 1 (one) form of BC. Have you ever had an abortion? No, you haven't. I know more than one woman who has, including my mother (when she was involved with a sociopath, and it was just sinking in). It isn't like a day at the spa, and coming out of there, ecstatic over the fact that you're no longer pregnant. 4
veggirl Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Have you ever had an abortion? No, you haven't. I know more than one woman who has, including my mother (when she was involved with a sociopath, and it was just sinking in). It isn't like a day at the spa, and coming out of there, ecstatic over the fact that you're no longer pregnant. Umm, it is for some people. And you haven't had one, so I suppose you are in no place to talk about how women feel afterwards. They feel a range of emotions, and yes some of us are happy to not be pregnant! Also, the Plan B pill (morning after) yes is effective up to 72 hrs, but less so than if you take it right away. And if the sperm has already combined with the egg (whatever)--it ain't gonna work. Anywho, I notice OP hasn't been back. She did say BC was used, what form though is not mentioned. Condoms do break of course, I've had it happen once, there's NO way the guy wouldn't know that happened if that *is* what happened. I was assuming failed hormonal BC. Maybe OP will come back to clarify! 1
Anela Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I realized that as I was writing, but the women I know have never been happy with what they experienced. Relieved to not be pregnant, but a wide range of emotions that top that. They didn't come home happy, and they felt gutted over the fact that they had to make the choice in the first place. 2
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