confused1069 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I met a very nice man on a dating site a few months ago. We got to know each other online and then by phone for a few weeks before meeting. Since then we have gone on 3 very good dates, all with a week or 2 in between due to his heavy travel schedule for work. We slept together on the 3rd date...which was amazing. We kept in contact via phone and text as usual afterwards but then he got swamped at work and communication started fading. I, of course, started questioning whether his work was the only thing keeping im occupied and I called him out on it in a text. I said if it was his intention to disappear then he shouldn't even bother responding to what I said. He did respond and was disappointed that I questioned his intentions and said we maybe we were not connecting the way we should be. I feel lke an ass for letting my emotions get ahead of me. NOW, I just found out that I am pregnant. I haven't had contact with him in about a week. I know I need to tell him but I am truly hoping he doesn't take this as a ploy just to continue seeing him. I really do like him a lot but right now I just need to know...how should I tell him? It will likely have to start as a text due to his lack of communication. Please help...
USCGAviator Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 WOW congratulations?! I don't see an easy way to approach this rather than directly. Definitely get him on the phone to break the news. Good luck!
SmileFace Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Two questions to think about Do you plan to keep the child? Would you still be contacting him if your weren't pregnant?
Pierre Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I met a very nice man on a dating site a few months ago. We got to know each other online and then by phone for a few weeks before meeting. Since then we have gone on 3 very good dates, all with a week or 2 in between due to his heavy travel schedule for work. We slept together on the 3rd date...which was amazing. We kept in contact via phone and text as usual afterwards but then he got swamped at work and communication started fading. I, of course, started questioning whether his work was the only thing keeping im occupied and I called him out on it in a text. I said if it was his intention to disappear then he shouldn't even bother responding to what I said. He did respond and was disappointed that I questioned his intentions and said we maybe we were not connecting the way we should be. I feel lke an ass for letting my emotions get ahead of me. NOW, I just found out that I am pregnant. I haven't had contact with him in about a week. I know I need to tell him but I am truly hoping he doesn't take this as a ploy just to continue seeing him. I really do like him a lot but right now I just need to know...how should I tell him? It will likely have to start as a text due to his lack of communication. Please help... The man needs to know. Discuss what to do next with him. Tell him you never planned to trap him since you barely know him. In fact, now that you are pregnant you may actually get to know who this man really is. So maybe something good comes out of this. 1
Author confused1069 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 I do plan on keeping the baby...and yes, I would have wanted to contact him again even without the pregnancy. I really like him. The problem was I jumped to a conclusion about his working so often and he kind of took that as if we shouldn't see each other anymore if I had issues with his working. Little did I know, it was the hormones talking when I made that statement to him. I feel like I ruined everything and now I have this HUGE news to throw at him...
Author confused1069 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 The man needs to know. Discuss what to do next with him. Tell him you never planned to trap him since you barely know him. In fact, now that you are pregnant you may actually get to know who this man really is. So maybe something good comes out of this. I don't feel like I trapped him at all. He was with me when we decided to sleep together...not as if I tricked him.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 First of all, how do you know it's his? Second, why on earth would you have unprotected sex with someone you just met on a dating site, of all places?? 3
Pierre Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I do plan on keeping the baby...and yes, I would have wanted to contact him again even without the pregnancy. I really like him. The problem was I jumped to a conclusion about his working so often and he kind of took that as if we shouldn't see each other anymore if I had issues with his working. Little did I know, it was the hormones talking when I made that statement to him. I feel like I ruined everything and now I have this HUGE news to throw at him... This man is on the hook ($$$$$$$$$$$) for 22 years. You need to tell him right away. Make arrangements so the baby has access to the father after the birth. Don't get mad if the guy tries to back out of this and demands a paternity test. You need to get this solved right away.
Author confused1069 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Clearly, I will not get mature advice here...I'm 37 and he is 40, we are not 18. We used protection and this was not planned. My question was not "Do I tell him"? It was How to tell him.....and of course it's his! that was just wrong to even state. Thanks anyway!
Pierre Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I don't feel like I trapped him at all. He was with me when we decided to sleep together...not as if I tricked him. I have to agree with you. This guy decided to go bareback with you. So if anything he is 50% responsible for this unwanted pregnancy. 1
Pierre Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Clearly, I will not get mature advice here...I'm 37 and he is 40, we are not 18. We used protection and this was not planned. My question was not "Do I tell him"? It was How to tell him.....and of course it's his! that was just wrong to even state. Thanks anyway! Bad rubber???
Author confused1069 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 how do you tell him? very tactfully, seriously.. thank you..going to do my best.
Anela Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Bad rubber??? A cousin of mine got pregnant when a condom broke. That scared me silly, and I wasn't the one in her position. She adored her son, though (she died last year - hence the past-tense).
mesmerized Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 thank you..going to do my best. He is definitely going to accuse you of lying and saying that the baby is not his. Be prepared for that!
crazylove Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I think all you can do is call him and tell him directly. He may be upset/angry/shocked/, and you have to be prepared for that and the fact that he may need some time to get his head around it. At least you've had a bit of time to digest it now. Try and stay calm and collected when telling him, and regardless of his response, which may not be good, or could be ok, you have to be prepared for both. Just stick to the facts, it was an accident, and you are planning on keeping the baby, etc. Good luck.
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I met a very nice man on a dating site a few months ago. We got to know each other online and then by phone for a few weeks before meeting. Since then we have gone on 3 very good dates, all with a week or 2 in between due to his heavy travel schedule for work. We slept together on the 3rd date...which was amazing. We kept in contact via phone and text as usual afterwards but then he got swamped at work and communication started fading. I, of course, started questioning whether his work was the only thing keeping im occupied and I called him out on it in a text. I said if it was his intention to disappear then he shouldn't even bother responding to what I said. He did respond and was disappointed that I questioned his intentions and said we maybe we were not connecting the way we should be. I feel lke an ass for letting my emotions get ahead of me. NOW, I just found out that I am pregnant. I haven't had contact with him in about a week. I know I need to tell him but I am truly hoping he doesn't take this as a ploy just to continue seeing him. I really do like him a lot but right now I just need to know...how should I tell him? It will likely have to start as a text due to his lack of communication. Please help... Send him a copy of Juno ? I'd get another phone number he doesn't know and phone him saying that you two need to talk as soon as possible, life and death situation. If he still doesn't come to the meeting (or he won't setup one), say 'didn't want it to do it this way but i'm pregnant'. Take it from there. I hope you are not planning on having a family with this guy. PS: Are you sure it is his ? He will ask.
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Clearly, I will not get mature advice here...I'm 37 and he is 40, we are not 18. We used protection and this was not planned. My question was not "Do I tell him"? It was How to tell him.....and of course it's his! that was just wrong to even state. Thanks anyway! Your hormones talking, if you were in his situation that would be the first thing you would ask. And if i was in his place, i'd ask for a DNA paternity test ... even if i planned to be in the kid's life. Don't get offended if he won't be at the hospital when the baby is born, if he is there he will have his name taken down on the birth certificate.
ascendotum Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I do plan on keeping the baby...and yes, I would have wanted to contact him again even without the pregnancy. I really like him. The problem was I jumped to a conclusion about his working so often and he kind of took that as if we shouldn't see each other anymore if I had issues with his working. Little did I know, it was the hormones talking when I made that statement to him. I feel like I ruined everything and now I have this HUGE news to throw at him... You are going to drop a bombshell with this announcment, you tell him in person. Use txt if you have to, to tee up a date, but its going to be easier to discuss any availability complications if its a phone conversation. My advice would be to not mention you are pregnant just yet, try and see what his true feelings are for you as a gf, without muddying the waters with this news. I want to ask, is having a baby more important to you, than having a family (loving husband + fulltime father in the picture)? 2
Million.to.1 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 People at my age don't just accidently get pregnant unless they are very stupid. I've had a broken rubber. I took the morning after pill about 24 hrs later. I fell pregnant. Sometimes it IS out of your control. What BC were you using OP?
Emilia Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I met a very nice man on a dating site a few months ago. [...] We slept together on the 3rd date...which was amazing. We kept in contact via phone and text as usual afterwards but then he got swamped at work and communication started fading. I, of course, started questioning whether his work was the only thing keeping im occupied and I called him out on it in a text. I said if it was his intention to disappear then he shouldn't even bother responding to what I said. He did respond and was disappointed that I questioned his intentions and said we maybe we were not connecting the way we should be. I feel lke an ass for letting my emotions get ahead of me. Well, prepare yourself for a battle because he isn't a very nice man at all. While you shouldn't have called him out by text, he was fading on you. He won't want much to do with this child I don't think. He will feel foolish for getting someone pregnant after sleeping with them ONCE.
Yare Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Prepare yourself to be a single mother and is not going to be easy at all... 1
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I've had a broken rubber. I took the morning after pill about 24 hrs later. I fell pregnant. Sometimes it IS out of your control. What BC were you using OP? There is a reason it's called the morning after pill, it's supposed to be taken the morning after. They are known to be effective 12-24hs afterwards, you were at the edge of the effectiveness envelope and it didn't work. Hope it turned out OK for you. phines, there are 40yr old guys out there who will have ONS with women without condoms ... maybe your circle of friends is smarter but there are a lot of dumb men out there. 1
stillafool Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 This guy is going to be so angry with himself. I can't believe he didn't use a condom. OMG he just signed on for 20 years of child support and didn't even know it. If I were a man I would use 2 condoms everytime I did it.
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