JudgeJuryExecutioner Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Essentially the same dime-a-dozen trope about heartbreak. I will therefore not rehash any more detail than necessary. Here is the basic rundown: 4 year relationship, GIGS, self-initiated strict 10 month NC, and a dumper-ex who keeps calling/texting despite all the absurdity. I post to ask the following: does it ever get to the point where NC becomes another thing onto itself? To clarify, when does the concept become exhausted - when the ex-lover is irrelevant? Granted, I understand its instrumental value. But I think at this point I have adopted it out of inertia: I ignore her out of habit and instinct. It's simply what I do. It's a little sad, the loss of respect renders an indifference to her I have for most people: she's no longer special. It's weird, she updates me on her life even though I haven't responded since August. I guess, what I am trying to say is precisely this: next time she calls, should I say what the hell, and simply answer the phone?
facepalm Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Same deal here. My 3.5 years now ex of 3 months still trickles text messages and tries to call (despite blocked number). I mean this bitch cheated on me for over a year, lied to me about it, waited until I had moved interstate to be with her (bringing all her books, CDs and furniture) after a year apart before she started distancing herself and leaving a trickle of evidence for me to find in order to break up with her. And she thinks I have something to say to her? I hate and pity her. Bottom line is that if it's really important she can send an email but it feels like she just can't stop reaching out to quell her massive guilt. Irrelevant SMS topics may include: pointless things you have left in her flat that you don't care about, junk mail to collect, basically nothing worthwhile. I think in your case what you can do to save your sanity is change your number. A huge pain in the ass but it will let you move on.
betterdeal Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 It's surprisingly not a pain changing your number. You get to lose lots of not-really friends' numbers and those that you care about, you call from your new number and that's it - job done. But I sensed something may have changed with the OP. A change of heart? Or just a temporary brain fart? I don't know. I do believe, however, that you need to properly disconnect before you can reconnect (as friends, or lovers) and this doesn't sound to me like they have done so, but it's their relationship, not mine. Only he and she can know what they feel and it is their emotional truth that matters.
wilsonx Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 He isnt the angel that he painted himself to be. He's not a victim of her. He's a victim of himself and is starting to realize it
betterdeal Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 In my view, you didn't have completely no contact, because you left a channel open for more contact. Receiving messages is a form of contact. You had your reasons: perhaps you weren't ready or willing to break the tie completely. It can be nice to know they still think about you. The question is, what do you want right now? Maybe you want to make peace, be on good terms, if not be lovers or friends again; or maybe you still feel hurt by what happened and you want to address that with her. These are just some things I can think of, I'm sure there are many more. So ask yourself, what is it you want, and if you like, tell us.
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