Jono85 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I'm actually the dumper, trying to get my ex back. Broke up with her in February after she betrayed my trust (flirted with a guy on Facebook and lied about it/deleted the convo). So upon breaking up with her I stressed I'd lost my trust, was hurt, and that she wasn't right for me. She was pretty hurt, and stressed how big of a mistake it was, and she only did it because I'd never fully committed to her (partially true). Throughout out 7 month relationship I never returned an "I love you" and we had our fair share of fights due to her insecurities of how I felt. I actually broke up with a couple times last year too, b/c I thought she was in too deep and I didn't want to lead her on further b/c I didn't feel the same way (deeply in love). But I always caved when she broke down; I care for her really deeply and we were best friends, etc. So we were never broken up for more than a day (I realize this wasn't healthy). So finally the last time, when I actually had a reason to break it off, and I was serious about the breakup (for 2 weeks or so I stayed strong with it), she seems to have reached her tipping point. And I can't blame her. The last month and change, I've been telling her how much I miss her and how much she means to me. 3 weeks ago I told her I realized I do love her deeply, and want her back more than anything. I tried for a couple weeks, until I couldn't take her hot/coldness anymore and gave up, and we went no contact. A week later she again called me up, and we decided to meet. But we got into a fight shortly after and went into NC again (2 weeks ago). We went the entire last 2 weeks without talking, the most time since we met almost a year ago. She texted me this past Friday though and here is the exchange... Her: (paraphrase) My boss is giving me a raise at work and says if I keep working so hard and doing so well we will discuss another one shortly. Me: That's great, I'm happy for you. Her: Thanks How is your new job going? Me: Good, can't complain. the ppl are really cool which helps. Her: Well that's good Me: Yea Her: In my dream last night you told me you were sleeping with your ex (she was always insecure about my ex who'd occasionally text me, and I wouldn't even text her back usually unless just a brief response) Me: =/ weird. sorry? lol Her: lol have you guys hung out? Me: k going for a run, i'll ttyl (i sent this just after she sent the question) Her: ok... Me: nope Her: oh Her: k have a nice run Me: thanks (we haven't talked since) so i'm confused. I put my heart out there, and finally opened up to her (albeit very late, I realize) about how much she means to me, and that I love her, and want her back. And she says how she's not ready and needs time. But we've gone 3 weeks since I told her that, and most of that in NC. I have a feeling she's talking to other guys (she's told me she has, but not dating anyone and wants to be single...but all girls say this...). But why is she texting me asking about my ex. I wanted to say "well it's none of your business anymore to be honest" but didn't want to be confrontational. thoughts? ps. I fully expect many to say something like 'well you blew it and don't deserve her' etc. I realize I messed up, and I've conveyed to her clearly how I want to try again and how i'd be excited to be a better more loving bf, etc. I was always affectionate and caring towards her, just never said those 3 words..
wilsonx Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 You rebounded, she knew you still had feelings for your ex and you do because you never returned a single i love you and you probably talked about her to her.. Now you want her back? Seriously? Can't be alone? 1
Author Jono85 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 You rebounded, she knew you still had feelings for your ex and you do because you never returned a single i love you and you probably talked about her to her.. Now you want her back? Seriously? Can't be alone? totolly wrong as usual wilson... why not just ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions about people. it would make you come off much less of a douchbag. just saying. this ex is an ex from like 5 years ago. i literally haven't seen her in like 3 years. she just happens to be the only one of my exes that was on my facebook, and remained civil (not friends) post breakup. she msgs me like every few months. i never talked about her. she did happen to recently move back into my town, and wanted to hangout. i was honest with my recent ex about this, and she got very insecure, even thought i told this other ex that i was in a relationship now and it wouldn't be a good idea to hang out. i'm not in any way still pining for that ex. nice assumptions though, as always.
LasVegasGuy Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Ok, so you haven't talked to her in 3 years and she texted you?
fucpcg Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I find it sad that people can come bleed their hearts in here, a generic forum with definitely a few helpful people, but a large base of idiots... but they can't do that with the object of their affections. If you have something you feel compelled to share with this girl, don't tell this forum buddy, tell her. Wherever that takes you, so be it. I always speak what is on my mind, without fear of rejection or any other type of undesired outcome. I make my peace, however the girl takes it or responds is not my ultimate concern. 1
Author Jono85 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Ok, so you haven't talked to her in 3 years and she texted you? from post... i literally haven't seen her in like 3 years
Author Jono85 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 I find it sad that people can come bleed their hearts in here, a generic forum with definitely a few helpful people, but a large base of idiots... but they can't do that with the object of their affections. If you have something you feel compelled to share with this girl, don't tell this forum buddy, tell her. Wherever that takes you, so be it. I always speak what is on my mind, without fear of rejection or any other type of undesired outcome. I make my peace, however the girl takes it or responds is not my ultimate concern. The last month and change, I've been telling her how much I miss her and how much she means to me. 3 weeks ago I told her I realized I do love her deeply, and want her back more than anything. I tried for a couple weeks, until I couldn't take her hot/coldness anymore and gave up, and we went no contact. As I've stated, I've tried all that. She says she's "not ready" and "needs time". I can't continue to pour my heart out to her and get hurt when she doesn't respond in the way I'd hope. So I implemented no contact, but then this past friday is when she broke it and we had that text exchange. I'm just curious what ppl think about it, and whether it gives any info on what's going on inside her (ie. is her inquiring about me and an ex a good thing b/c it could mean she still cares whether i am hanging with other girls? or not necessarily, etc).
Reddice Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 .... If you have something you feel compelled to share with this girl, don't tell this forum buddy, tell her. Wherever that takes you, so be it. I always speak what is on my mind, without fear of rejection or any other type of undesired outcome. I make my peace, however the girl takes it or responds is not my ultimate concern. I understand where you're coming from, though I do not fully agree. Managing your own expectations is more important than speaking your mind. What do you expect to come out of the contact, and how realistic is it? If you want to get together with someone, but you know that person does not want to be with you, why continue contacting him or her? Though it is true that love comes from the heart, moving forward comes from the mind. If both your mind and your heart are in the past, you will never heal.
HollyBolly Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Seems odd that your ex would ask you whether you had hung out with your other ex, if you haven't even seen the latter in 3 years.
fucpcg Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I understand where you're coming from, though I do not fully agree. Managing your own expectations is more important than speaking your mind. What do you expect to come out of the contact, and how realistic is it? If you want to get together with someone, but you know that person does not want to be with you, why continue contacting him or her? Though it is true that love comes from the heart, moving forward comes from the mind. If both your mind and your heart are in the past, you will never heal. Well this guy is questioning what is going on in her head, they are communicating, and he is asking us what we think is going on in her head based on that ridiculously brief exchange. I have no idea, not would anyone else in here, so why not just talk to her about what is going on in her head? However she IS communicating with him, and is probing. If we were talking about my ex, for example, NC all the way. However, I did write her my feelings, I did try to communicate, but she made it clear she will not communicate, or even be nice to me. So since I tried what I could, and she is not reciprocating, I won't continue to pursue. Time to move on. Totally different scenario, that I would suggest a totally different response.
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