conehead Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 For those who've read my previous thread know my bf is leaving for hong kong for 2 wks for a friends wedding and vacation. He is leaving in 2 days. Over the wknd I asked him how often wed be able to talk while he's gone and he said he won't have internet access and long distance calls are expensive so we won't be talking. My heart sank. I felt upset. I said 2 wks of no contact is very long time ad I suggested just talking for few minutes every few days or getting a calling card. He said he never heard of calling cards, 2 wks isn't that long, n he said he might be able to email me if he is able to find an internet cafe. He doesnt know when or if he can find an internet cafe. I once again suggested we get a calling card n he reluctantly said yes. I saw his reluctance n said 'fine, ill be nice. You can just email me when u can and if u can't find an internet cafe then its okay.' He looked at me with a sad face and didn't say anything. Am I being unreasonable? I felt so hurt he thought it would be ok to not talk for 2 wks. I don't expect long daily calls, just a few minutes of phone time every once in awhile. There IS a time difference and cost of calls...but if I were in my bf's shoes I wouldn't let that stop me, id miss my SO too much. I guess I stopped forcing him to get the calling card to see if he'd actually care enough to call, but even if he called, I know he'd only be doing it out of obligation not because he wants to. I feel like I'm coming off needy and demanding gf, and I hate feeling this way
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Look, do you know what an asian tiger is and how they came to be ? HK is one of the information capitals of the world and internet (good one) is damn cheap in Asia in the developed countries. Also, while HK is technically part of China it is an independent, so you can access google there. He is bull****ting. 3
xpaperxcutx Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 since I used to live in china I can tell you right now, the one thing it does not lack are computers. And HK being a having its own self ruled provincial government despite veing parf of China, still has internet access. the country is more lenient in regards to setting up a firewall blocking out US sites as compared to mainland china. and you can definitely expect to find an internet cafe every block or so. you bf is lying through his ass. if he really wants to keep in contact with you he will do so without prompt. something tells md he sees this trip as a proposition to cheat. one thing I know about Westerners who vacations in Asia, they tend to meet pretty girls along the way.
Author conehead Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I need to mention nearly half his trip will be in taiwan, how does that compare to hk?
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Even more computers and internet. Seriously, they converted huge ships into factories. Most of the computers are either produced in China or in Taiwan.
wow04 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Didn't you loan him the money to take this trip? Now he says he won't be able to talk to you while there? I would be questioning this.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Taiwan is an independent ' country " on par with japan. politically its US backed especially since it has had tension with china. look never mind politics, Asia is very developed especially when technology is invovled. there's no way je can't access a computer or a phone unless he was intentionally avoiding you. also international calling with cards can be cheap if you know what you're doing. like I said your bf is lying.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 "2 wks for a friends wedding and vacation." Sounds like trouble to me, especially no contact for several weeks. That just gives him time and freedom to delve into his own little world over there (partying, going out) without the monkey on his back (you). You're not coming off as needy and demanding, you're just coming off as a gf. Him however, he's playing the independent card and at least from what I know...that's pretty much almost never a good thing, guys get into trouble easily...they feel "single" in an environment like that. He should be interested in contacting you and staying in touch. 1
Negative Nancy Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) he is up to something else there, and it certainly is no good. who knows if he's really attending a wedding, and if he is, he's probably gonna hang out in stripclubs, bang hookers and meet other women in general. typical male behavior. that's probably also the reason why he claims he "can't" call or get in touch with you. he is full of it, get rid of him. Edited April 30, 2012 by Negative Nancy
FitChick Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I wonder who else is going to be at that wedding...
Author conehead Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Well I don't think he's there to cheat as his brother who I know very well is going with him. We see his brother once a week or so
Author conehead Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 My concern is whether my bf actually loves me as much as he claims
Author conehead Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Btw I never loaned him the money, he wouldn't take it
Fondue Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Everyone is running under the assumption that he is planning on cheating. Why the pessimism? The guy wants to enjoy some time with his friends and family. He doesn't necessarily want to feel like he's "tied" to you. If you have no reason not to mistrust him, then shouldn't have trouble accepting 2 short weeks of no contact. I think what's really bothering is the fact that you don't trust him. Isn't that the real issue here? It's funny to see that neither does anyone else on this board. I have a hard time believing that any of these posters have healthy relationships .
xpaperxcutx Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Everyone is running under the assumption that he is planning on cheating. Why the pessimism? The guy wants to enjoy some time with his friends and family. He doesn't necessarily want to feel like he's "tied" to you. If you have no reason not to mistrust him, then shouldn't have trouble accepting 2 short weeks of no contact. I think what's really bothering is the fact that you don't trust him. Isn't that the real issue here? It's funny to see that neither does anyone else on this board. I have a hard time believing that any of these posters have healthy relationships . Long distance does not equate to NC which is bwhat this guy wants. Technology makes it easier to keep in contact you can even do video calls in asia nowaday. Why this need to avoid contact! She is his girlfriend their relationship warrants that at least shed know he's thousands of miles away and doing well. If a guy can just emotionally distance himself like that then I. Wouldn't want to be the girl who waits at home while he's out doing something secretive. 3
Els Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Well, umm, to be fair to the guy, in Asia Internet always depends on where you will be staying. Remote areas often don't even have electricity or phone connectivity, much less Internet (as opposed to developed countries where every tom dick and harry farm or backpackers has Internet). Cities definitely are rife with cybercafes, but if he's going to a remote area in Taiwan they may not be accessible. That being said, if you TOLD him it was important to you to receive some form of contact (within reasonable limits, of course, an hour a day is definitely not feasible) once in a while, and he still refuses, I would personally be worried. Not because of cheating - you don't know that - but the degree of priority he places on you. Also, is this the bf of 6 months whom you were asking about loaning 1.5k to to go on this trip? He's evidently able to go now, so... you gave him the money?
Leigh 87 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 My boyfriend is fiercly independant; when he is on vacation, he LOVES to explore new cities, and has endless things he would love to do every day, every minute of it. However, he would always text or call me. Even before we were " official bf and g/f'' ( but still exclusive), when I went to Hong Kong, he would go online to talk to me on facebook. The only time he did not contact me was on a cruise, when he could not get reception; even then, he tried contacting me the rare days he got reception, and went on facebook once for me. I told him I went out with some guys to a pub, and a few days later when he responded he asked " did you hook up" ... Even secure and not jealous guys would CARE ABOUT your actions, while they are away. It sounds like he does not even had a healthy bit of " wondering" about you or your actions! Surely, he would wonder what you get up to? Not jealous of other guys, but wanting to see if your okay, and if your partying with other people? 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I know all guys are different; some guys can go weeks without seeing their g/f, and still come back to them... but MOST guys that are really into their girl, will need to contact them, without prompting, within a 2 week period. Your boyfriend is either the rare guy who can go 2 weeks with a girl he is really into: it is early days with you guys, as in a week or two in, and therefore he does not know if it is serious yet, even though he likes you a lot: or, in ALL LIKELYNESS, he is not that into you. 1
darkmoon Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 OP how does this guy show he loves you? gives you something you never had before? just so we are not too hard on him
Emilia Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 My concern is whether my bf actually loves me as much as he claims Is it possible that he really doesn't know anything about HK and Taiwan? Maybe he thinks there will be no technology. He doesn't seem that worldly judging by your posts. Maybe he is miffed about your not wanting to lend him the money and he is being passive aggressive. Perhaps this is a test to see how he deals with conflict. Maybe you are better off without him if he is being a little boy. 2
Author conehead Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 He will not be in remote areas of asia. He will be in the cities only. He said he will ty to find places with wifi but he is not sure if he will be able to until he gets there and see..I'm not exactly satisfied with that answer but I guess I will see if he actually does end up contacting me once I'm there. He's told me he's excited to shop for jewelry and gift for me but I told him id rather he spend that time and money to call me instead...that was bad of me to say I know. I know he will be very busy with the wedding and traveling town to town..but I still can't find a good readon he can't contact me. If he ends up not contacting me during the trip, I might feel like its the end of the line. He was an amazing bf the first 3 months we were together and he put in lots of effort to see me, cook for me, make me CDs for my car, fix my tires, got me airfresheners for my car, got me flowers, stuffed animals, gives me massages and cheers me up when I'm down, picks up my fave desserts for me. Intensity of it waned a bit but he's still a caring bf. him being ok with no contact for 2 wks is very disheartening
FitChick Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Sometimes a short separation gives each person the opportunity to miss the other -- or not. Time will tell.
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