Hopeles Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 My wife and I have been married for 6 years comming up on 7. We saved ourselves for marriage and all that. From wedding night till now intercourse has been extremely painfull to her. It took us 2 months to go all the way the first time. On that first time she got pregnant and it was 3 years before we made love again. I asked begged and pleaded and was shut down every time. We have been to a Dr. and he said it is just the way some redheads are. Its not endometriosis but some rare skin sensitivity that there is supposedly no fix for. Since then all physical contact is all but gone. She dosent want to hold hands, kiss or even cuddle. I am a very physical guy, I love to be close and to touch and be touched. She is unwilling to try any type of alternative such as manual or oral stimulation of any kind. She is a psychologist and refuses to go see a therapist because that would be a failure on her part to not fix her own problems. I am the first to admit that the physical part of marriage is not everything and she is a great mother to our daughter and a wonderfull cook and does things with our checkbook that I could never do. But when it comes to our sex life or even just being close physicaly(she hates it when i even try to hold her) there is just nothing there. I have been sleeping on our couch(which is very comfortable by the way) for most of the last 3 years now because I cant stand to be so close to her and not be able to touch her at all. I firmly believe in marriage as an institution but I am at the end of my rope. I am basicly still around because I do not want to leave my daughter. Oh and as a side note, when we got married we moved near her family who live 2600 miles away from my family. And if our marriage ends I dont want to be forced to live here forever apart from my family who I miss tremendously. Hope has fled. My lonelyness is complete.
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) A while back there was a thread where professions of Spouses were discussed ... this is why i said to avoid mental health professionals. You are **** out of luck tbh, open relationship ? If you think i'm tough, she had 6yrs to try and fix it ... she can't and she won't, she's just stringing you along instead of dealing with the problem in whatever way there is left. Her needs are above yours, do you honestly believe this is a good foundation for a marriage ? If i was in your shoes i would try to talk to her a few more times, you can't live like this with her decision (not attempting to get it fixed is her decision), and then have her see your side of the argument. You are also hurting your daughter if you think about it ... she needs to see her father express his love for her mother by grabbing her, kissing her, etc ... She will grow up a very messed up individual who will feel that every man she dates needs to sleep on the couch. If all doesn't work, and you two still love each other, try for open marriage but i would get this last one in writing. The reason is that in the case of divorce she will get bonus points because she is female, she could prove 'affair' and she is a mental health specialist (she went into this because of her problem ... i can assure you of this). Edited April 30, 2012 by Radu
findingnemo Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I know this sounds crazy but you need to have a discussion with her about having a one-sided open M. After all, sex isn't something she can do so she won't need to be seeing other people, right? I feel bad for her though because marrying when you're virgins puts you at a big disadvantage when something goes wrong. I assume she didn't know she had a problem with sex either and so probably feels inadequate. It's really not anybody's fault in a strict sense but since she has the problem, she may have to accept an unconventional solution. Do you both want more kids? 1
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 findingnemo ... you really think she didn't masturbate before marriage ?
TigerCub Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 findingnemo ... you really think she didn't masturbate before marriage ? I was wondering that as well. I'm guessing that she knew what problems she had - that's why she most likely pushed for the whole "lets wait till we're married" so that OP doesn't know quite what he was getting into it. Op, I feel for you. Its not fair of her to just expect you to live without sex as well. AND to shut down and refuse to see a specialist on top of all of that. This is not really about her physical problem, its about her being selfish and not caring what you're feeling or going through.
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