mikeonetwo Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 My girlfriend is a really awesome girl. We've been together for about 6 months and I totally love this girl. A few months ago in the beginning of our relationship, while at a friends house she expressed extreme interest in a break up of a couple that I had never met. She wanted to know all about the guy and expressed enough interest (should I say, I perceived it as excitement?) that it raised a flag. I let it go, after all, I don't know who these people are or where they live. Move forward to this weekend and the guy (nice guy too, funny and smart) is at a dinner party we attend. She sits next to him on the couch (it seemed to me she was seeking his attention) and they chat and laugh (normal stuff, right?) and later in the night they lean closer together (this happened a few times) and while laughing their heads touch softly together and shoulders too. I got upset by this because she was ignoring me and openly accepting his flirtations (this is my perception of the account). I think part of getting close to a new person for the first time is these little things (touching, leaning on each other). This seems small right? My issue is not with him, it's with her accepting his flirtations. We talked, smoothed it out. But I'm still not sure. A few weeks before that she went out to the bar to wing woman for her single girlfriend/roommate (this is okay for me too). They ended up going to an apartment of , 3 guys they met that night, after the bars let out (1:30am) (bothersome). The girls went home to their apartment after (2:30am)and the encounter with these 3 guys was, in her words, "innocent". Later I found a condom in her wallet (she asked me to get a CC for her). We rarely use them. I asked her about it and she said it was for us. These instances have got me questioning our relationship. I'm curious, is this normal behavior for women? Do you do this to the man you're in love with (we often joke about what we'll name our kids and what our wedding will be like. not normal relationship behavior for me)? Am I wrong to get upset about these presumably little things? The guy above, I've learned, this was the third time she has ever met him. All three times I was there too. Is there something I'm missing about relationships? Am I wrong to be upset over these things? Now I must add, that when we are together everything is great. We are happy, laugh all the time and I'm completely confident. This weekend I lost my confidence over this account. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks
Philosoraptor Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 This screams trouble and it certainly seems like she was flirting openly right in front of you. I'd be worried if I was in your shoes.
k100danny Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I think you are making excuses for her. Now this is not a little thing, openly flirting in front of you is not ok, I mean of course your girlfriend talking to guys is fine id never be that controlling were i asked my gf not to speak to other guys, guy friends is cool too but no leaning in touching heads ect is not cool. Going out with her girlfriend who is single is fine, going back to guys appartments they met that night is NOT. If you go back to someones place wether in a relationship or not its just not right unless of course its friends you know. This gives off the wrong signal. As for condoms in the purse and saying you dont use them often i assume you arent having sex outdoors in the heat of the moment or when you are out so these would usually be kept in the bedroom. I am really sorry to say this but i think you are denial that you are being taken for an idiot. She may not have done anything and may not plan on it but i just think it doesnt show respect for you and i dont think it is normal behaviour in a loving relationship with respect for each other.
Chi townD Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Yeah dude, this isn't normal behavior. Do you think that if you were at a party and you were all "touchy feely" with some other girl, she wouldn't go high and to the right? Condom in her wallet? No way dude, I don't know too many women that do that often. If it was for you then why wasn't it in the nightstand? 1
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Any one of these things taken in isolation isn't worth getting upset over, BUT cumulatively, it's clear something is up. You have every reason to be concerned.
Author mikeonetwo Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Thanks everyone. It helps to have a chance to process everything. Your comments make sense, however, I'm not ready to give up on this one today. I'm going to have a talk with her about what I find acceptable an unacceptable in a relationship and go from there. The reaction will be key.
daisy088 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 To be honest, I think sometimes people on these boards are a little overly suspicious and assume the worst (who could blame them/us? Weve been dumped and cheated on!). While I do think that what she is doing is inappropriate, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is cheating on you. I know this because my boyfriend broke up with me because I had humorous texts about other guys to my single girlfriends/texts to my guy friends who he knows about/knows personally. While this could be perceived as shady or unacceptable- I can tell you, I never cheated, never considered cheating, and was in love with my boyfriend. I would look for other signs as well that she may be pulling the wool over your eyes: Does she treat you well? Do nice things for you? Is she affectionate and kind? Does she help you through the hard times? Do you spend a lot of time together? If you can answer yes to all of these questions, she most likely does love you and her weird behavior could be insecurity (wanting attention from another man... immature) or coincidence/oddity (the condom thing). I would wait this out and observe her behavior in the coming weeks. Good luck 1
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Thanks everyone. It helps to have a chance to process everything. Your comments make sense, however, I'm not ready to give up on this one today. I'm going to have a talk with her about what I find acceptable an unacceptable in a relationship and go from there. The reaction will be key. Based on her disrespectful actions so far I would wager that she is going to accuse you of being controlling, storm out and save you the trouble of dumping her. Just a hunch.
Author mikeonetwo Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 In my difficulties let this also be a lesson for those who have been hurt, moving forward. Laying down boundaries of things you each find acceptable and unacceptable is very healthy. For instance, if she wants to go the bar with friends and have fun talking to whomever she wishes that's totally cool. But going home from the bar with a group of guys is not. That would be a boundary that I am not okay with. It's up to her to accept my lines in the sand or not. Likewise she should do the same for me. It's not controlling, it's about laying out expectations. Meeting them is a choice.
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