nanbullen Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I’ve been reading a lot of posts here and I’m wondering about something I’ve seen mentioned here, and elsewhere. What do people mean when they say “you have to feel the pain so you can process thru it”? I feel pain. How can you not feel it? I wish I knew! How do you *process* thru it? Cry? Feel horrible? I already do that naturally. What does that even mean?
Philosoraptor Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 You just allow yourself to feel it. You don't try to avoid the pain as all that does is delay it and make it hurt worse in the future. One thing I will say is to always have something on hand if the pain gets too much. If you start having thoughts regarding doing something to harm yourself or others then hop to your "on hand" discraction until you can think clearly again. A handheld game, a book, or anything else that can give you a breather. It's ok to hurt, we all do it.
k100danny Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 It basically means you think it through and just let yourself go through the motions until you are ok. Lots of people try to fill the void which is natural but everyone has to go through stages of grief to fully get over a relationship or a loss. there are 5 stages that most psychologists agree on. the final one is acceptance and this is when you are basically healed and you have processed all the emotions and come to terms with it. Basically dont drink or hide from it because you HAVE to go through it.
Chi townD Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I’ve been reading a lot of posts here and I’m wondering about something I’ve seen mentioned here, and elsewhere. What do people mean when they say “you have to feel the pain so you can process thru it”? I feel pain. How can you not feel it? I wish I knew! How do you *process* thru it? Cry? Feel horrible? I already do that naturally. What does that even mean? Well, I look at it as the roller coaster of emotions. It's a ride all of us that have lost someone has to go on. First, your gonna feel the pain, then maybe indifference. Then, you'll be angry as hell, then feel apathy. Then you'll be laughing one minute and crying the next. It's a roller coaster and you have to ride it out....or process through it.
Author nanbullen Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 It sounds to me like something you have to "allow" yourself to do. Like you have to make an effort. I thought there was some special way to "process" it that everybody is talking about. If this is all it is, then i'm processing the pain just fine. Actually, I think it would be more helpful to fill the void, and not be miserable. I already take medication and it doesn't really help. I just don't see how getting drunk and crying and carrying on "fills the void" but I’m not much of a drinker.... Well, I look at it as the roller coaster of emotions. It's a ride all of us that have lost someone has to go on. First, your gonna feel the pain, then maybe indifference. Then, you'll be angry as hell, then feel apathy. Then you'll be laughing one minute and crying the next. It's a roller coaster and you have to ride it out....or process through it. I want to know how long this roller coaster lasts. I don't see how I'm ever going to stop feeling lonely until I fill the void left by my ex with someone else. Oh I know everybody says, no, that's the problem, I need to learn how to love myself. But I do love myself...that's why I want myself to be happy, not lonely. But then, if I love myself so much why do I always choose these a**holes? That's what I don't understand! I try to be honest with myself, and I honestly can't say I hate myself. I want to be happy and I think I deserve it. what.am.I.missing.
Philosoraptor Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Of couse you should find fulfillment in your life. Your goal right now has to be taking care of yourself and finding ways to make yourself happy. Sure, you allow yourself to wade through your emotions... but always work on yourself. Find new hobbies, spend time with friends and family. Find happiness and fulfillment within yourself.
Chi townD Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I want to know how long this roller coaster lasts. I don't see how I'm ever going to stop feeling lonely until I fill the void left by my ex with someone else. Oh I know everybody says, no, that's the problem, I need to learn how to love myself. But I do love myself...that's why I want myself to be happy, not lonely. But then, if I love myself so much why do I always choose these a**holes? That's what I don't understand! I try to be honest with myself, and I honestly can't say I hate myself. I want to be happy and I think I deserve it. what.am.I.missing. Everyones roller coaster is different. No one can say how long they last, that's a ride that you have to take. Look, I know you're hurting. Believe me, most of us have been there and got the T-shirts to prove it. But, jumping to another relationship while your hurting....well, that isn't fair to you and it certainly wouldn't be guy that you would date. I truely believe that there's a guy out there that is for you and you alone. The guy that going to rock your world and make you think that this is too good to be true. That is going to become your best friend and you can't imagine a life without him and certainly make it hard to remember a time in your dating life before him. He's out there. And he's looking for you. But, he's never going to find you until you learn to let go of these a**holes and find yourself. He's going to find you when you least expect it. So, you have to put yourself out there. Go back to living your life for you and he'll find you.
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