Author PrincessLuna Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 I don't 'spose someone poly could reply could they?
John Bigboote Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I'm poly, but I don't have much to add. I essentially agree with Teal: if you feel you're naturally monogamous and she feels she's naturally polyamorous, then this relationship is not likely to work out. There are mono/poly couples out there, many of which are rewarding, healthy relationships, but they are very difficult to navigate and require that the monogamous partner be able to let go of the feelings of hurt that you're feeling right now, when she is with her other girlfriend. From what you've said, I don't think that's likely to happen. The other alternative is that she dump her other girlfriend for you, which won't work, because then you'll be the evil GF who made her betray her love. She'll resent you forever. Perhaps, if that other relationship were to die a natural death, then you could talk about closing yours. Assuming this is real, honest, open poly, then you should have known about the other woman immediately. This can't be something that just came up this week. How did you feel when you heard about her? Did you tell your GF you didn't want to be in that kind of relationship then? What was that discussion like? What are the discussions like today? 1
Author PrincessLuna Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 Well, we came together naturally, we have a strong attraction to each other. I knew of her gf's, I know one of them myself. We do seem to be working through it, whether there is an "end" or not I am not sure, but I know we do love each other greatly. I think, being monogamous it is difficult for me to comprehend some of the "why's", but in being loved by her, I can see and feel how she feels the same about me as I do her.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I don't 'spose someone poly could reply could they? Don't you have that perspective already, from your girlfriend? You either need to learn how to not be hurt by the difference, break up, or just live in pain. The first two are acceptable, IMO. The 3rd is not fair to yourself, or to your partner. Who wants to be in a relationship that is defined by misery, sadness and drama. Wait. Lots of people do. If you're one of them, carry on. 1
John Bigboote Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 We do seem to be working through it... Are you working through it? Are you learning to not be hurt in this kind of relationship? That's really the only thing that will make it work in the long run. If you're deciding on that direction, you probably will want to try going out with your girlfriend and her girlfriend, the one that you know, together as a group. If you and your metamour are friends, it will humanize her and you may not feel as much pain. It will also inform you of your own emotions when you see them together, which you surely will do regularly in the future if you stay in this relationship. Whatever you decide, good luck. Love is hard.
TakeMeasIam Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 You are monogamous she is polygamous? This is nothing so complicated. She likes multiple partners you prefer exclusivity. The bottom line is - she is cheating on you in the open. That's really all it is. Polygamous relationships are only valid as such - if everyone is on board and accepting the situation, which you clearly don't. So basically she is having her pudding and eating it. At your emotional expense. And your decision is quite plainly - ether accept the fact that she cannot be faithful to you alone, or find someone who can.
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