Women, if you're not interested in a guy, will you p***** not flirt with him?

May 1, 2012

Guys and girls flirt with people they don't like, it's clearly not JUST girls.

It's for attention, period. They do it under the guise of "it's fun!"--WHAT is fun about it? The attention you get back. That's it.

Why not just admit it?

Just keep in mind who the OP is. He probably doesn't care if guys flirt, because well, he's not interested in guys.

May 1, 2012

Guys and girls flirt with people they don't like, it's clearly not JUST girls.

It's for attention, period. They do it under the guise of "it's fun!"--WHAT is fun about it? The attention you get back. That's it.

Why not just admit it?

It depends on what is considered flirting.

If it is putting my boobs in some guy's face and touching his leg, that's for attention. That's more of a direct "come on" than flirting, anyway, and is definitely a "tease" if she's not interested in him. That's the time for "put up or shut up".

But if it is bantering, laughing, connecting, and engaging in innuendo-laden humor--that's just having fun. That happens in mixed company all the time.

May 1, 2012

The whole idea that people should be expected to change their own harmless social behavior so that others can have things the way they'd like them to be is really off.

We already have plenty of social mores, manners and etiquette for that. Flirting falls within the parameters of those social constructs.

One of my best friends in high school was one of these chronically flirtatious girls. She was (still is) a true extrovert and LOVED the guys. I was jealous of her - it seemed like every guy she encountered fell in love with her. And even prettier girls seemed to fade into the background when she was around working her magic. Her flirting was not sexual, physical or suggestive AT ALL. I know she left a trail of aching hearts in her wake, but I really doubt that those guys were all butthurt about it. They wished for more, but they still enjoyed basking in the attentions she paid them.

There are "shameless" flirts; "heartbreakers," "charmers" of both genders (and I am NOT talking about people who are predatory and out to take advantage of others). If you don't like them - avoid them. If you have a lot of trouble discerning whether their behavior is something you should take seriously - then work on YOURSELF.

Agree, it doesn't make sense to penalize flirting.

The butthurtness doesn't come from dislike or flirting or even trouble discerning it. It's simply the lack of interest that grinds their gears. They need to reconcile that issue quite clearly.

May 1, 2012

People keep throwing around the word banter. No one said banter is flirting, that I noticed. No one is saying you must be serious and stoic and never ever have fun around the opposite sex lest they think you're interested. Flirting is...here is the dictionary definition:

to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.

Attention hounds of either sex annoy me a bit, just seems immature and obnoxious. No it doesn't ruin my day or anything like that, I don't think I need any major psych adjusting because of it, lol, but when I see it, yes I do roll my eyes.

May 1, 2012

Here is what concerns me.

If flirting is nothing more than "just for fun." How is a guy supposed to know if a girl likes him or not?

Is the only thing a guy can do is just ask out everybody?

How would women look at a guy who goes from woman to woman asking them out and getting rejected?

May 1, 2012

Ross and sd are the posters currently complaining about the flirting. These are their descriptions:

Strong eye contact, laughing, joking, touching, talking about sex through obvious innuendo. Hell she actually said sex a couple of times. This was all in our first real conversation

Got it all from a girl with a BF.

Anything really, as I guess any kind of flirting can make a woman look as though she's interested.

What sd describes sounds like normal, playful banter to me.

Ross saying "anything" leaves it pretty open.

May 1, 2012

Here is what concerns me.

If flirting is nothing more than "just for fun." How is a guy supposed to know if a girl likes him or not?

Is the only thing a guy can do is just ask out everybody?

How would women look at a guy who goes from woman to woman asking them out and getting rejected?

You're not getting the message:

That women aren't put on this earth to make life clear or easy for men.
Social behaviours aren't linear or equational, in that if you take "x" action, it will manifest in a set result.
Why would you ask everyone out? Why wouldn't you solely ask women out that you're interested in where to avoid social faux pas, you find out if they're previously committed within a first or second conversation with a subtle question or lead in? Or ask around to find out if a woman's got an SO.

May 1, 2012

Here is what concerns me.

If flirting is nothing more than "just for fun." How is a guy supposed to know if a girl likes him or not?

Is the only thing a guy can do is just ask out everybody?

How would women look at a guy who goes from woman to woman asking them out and getting rejected?

On some level, flirting can open the door to her liking you. It isn't an "if/then" relationship, but it can contribute to your appeal in her eyes.

If you like a girl, ask her out. Keep it light. Joke and flirt even if she says "no" (I love the suggestion to come back with "we can bring your bf a doggie bag" Joke!) . No one will look down on you for giving it a shot.

May 1, 2012

A lot easier said than done. I can either completely ignore women who flirt (act cold, mean or disinterested) or I can attach feelings pretty quickly. Most of my life I've opted for the former approach so that I don't appear needy and clingy. Thus far that hasn't really helped me get dates or anything.

I thought the PUA term "oneities" is a really great one. What I do now is, no matter how much I'm into the guy, I still flirt and go out with other guys. It helps a lot, trust me. I think fixating my attention on one thing is just not good, whether it's men or anything else.

Another example, I have plants at home and in my office. The ones in my office I don't really pay attention to and they look healthy and are blooming. The ones at home (they all belong to the same species) I initially didn't pay attention to either. Then one day I started noticing flower buds on some. Since then, I touched them, paid attention to the water, made sure that they get enough sunlight, etc. The result is, they didn't like my attention at all. I think I watered them too much, the buds started drying up, they stopped developing new buds and the whole growth seems to have slowed down. Others were standing in more hidden places, meaning I paid less attention to them. They continued developing buds and are blooming now.

May 1, 2012

While i agree people shouldn't take it that seriously you have to understand its harder for those of us getting up there in age who NEVER have had any type of sucess when we get a flirt thats meaningless..

It's like telling someone your out of jail early for good behavior then saying i was just kidding go back to your cell..

We get our hopes up that finally some women after alll these years is attracted to us then when we find out she was playign aorund we say to ourselves of course a women wouldn't be interested in me seriously who was i kidding..and the hole digs deeper..

It's much esier for someone with past sucess attracting women to just shrug it off and move on knowing theyres others out there interested..

I couldn't agree more mate.

May 1, 2012

You're not getting the message:

That women aren't put on this earth to make life clear or easy for men.
Social behaviours aren't linear or equational, in that if you take "x" action, it will manifest in a set result.
Why would you ask everyone out? Why wouldn't you solely ask women out that you're interested in where to avoid social faux pas, you find out if they're previously committed within a first or second conversation with a subtle question or lead in? Or ask around to find out if a woman's got an SO.

You're not getting my message.

I am extremely frustrated about not being able to get a relationship and I don't have a clue how this dating thing is supposed to start.

I am trying to find answers, something that can actually help me.

This process is nothing but a struggle for me.

No I'm not going to ask everyone out, but I need to ask out a bunch more women, and I can't even tell which ones would even like me. It's like somebody gave me a gun and told me to go hunt deer, and then put a blindfold on me.

On some level, flirting can open the door to her liking you. It isn't an "if/then" relationship, but it can contribute to your appeal in her eyes.

Is there anything I can do that would help women start to like me?

Right now, it feels that every woman I ask out is going to reject me by default.

That doesn't give me much hope to keep trying.

I thought the PUA term "oneities" is a really great one. What I do now is, no matter how much I'm into the guy, I still flirt and go out with other guys. It helps a lot, trust me. I think fixating my attention on one thing is just not good, whether it's men or anything else.

Oneities is primary a guy thing and it happens to those who get stuck on one girl, and don't have any other options.

When I was crushing on that girl for so long, she was my oneities and every other girl that I asked out rejected me or had a boyfriend. What was I supposed to do? It would have been fantastic if I could have dated somebody else instead of being obsessed with her, but it just wasn't possible.

May 1, 2012

I couldn't agree more mate.

Once again, this is predicated on the belief that others have a responsibility to you. It also makes everyone else responsible for your happiness, particularly anyone you've invested in, who haven't asked for your investment.

It's time to break out of the belief that what's in your mind is the center of the universe. Other people also have thoughts and feelings, ones that aren't based on your needs.

May 1, 2012

There are two aspects in your post that I find disturbing. Firstly, it's not anyone's social job or responsibility to make things easier for anyone else. Next, you're trying to systemize human behaviours which only leads to epic fail.

Yeah I understand now, that flirting without it meaning anything is totally normal, common, and it doesn't confuse or bother most guys. So I don't expect people to change their behaviour.

I just thought at first that it would lead guys on/confuse them/dissapoint them. And that's what made me think that it wasn't a good thing to do.

I don't think I 'expected' women to change their behaviour for me or anything though.

May 1, 2012

Other people also have thoughts and feelings, ones that aren't based on your needs.

How the hell is that relevant?

Do you think a homeless guy who can't remember the last time he had a decent meal, cares about the starving children in Africa?

May 1, 2012

How the hell is that relevant?

Do you think a homeless guy who can't remember the last time he had a decent meal, cares about the starving children in Africa?

I'm not suggesting you care. What I'm stating is that your needs are irrelevant to people who have no connection with you so don't expect them to bend over to meet your needs.

I'm going to throw this personality test out for the somedudes and rosses on this site. It's based on Big Five theory which is viewed in a more positive light than other personality theories. If you can, take the test and post your results. It might help me to understand how to communicate with you in a way that makes sense to you.

Big Five Personality Test

May 1, 2012

Once again, this is predicated on the belief that others have a responsibility to you. It also makes everyone else responsible for your happiness, particularly anyone you've invested in, who haven't asked for your investment.

It's time to break out of the belief that what's in your mind is the center of the universe. Other people also have thoughts and feelings, ones that aren't based on your needs.

I don't think like that TBF.

I don't expect anyone to change what is normal behaviour for my benefit.

And I understand now that if anyone get's dissapointed, finds things confusing, whatever, because of a woman flirting, then it's they who have the problem, since it's normal behavour and most guys don't react like that.

Edited May 1, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

May 1, 2012

I don't think I 'expected' women to change their behaviour for me or anything though.

uh....the very title of this thread was to ask women to stop doing something.

But you were nice and said please That was polite and respectful tho. So there is that. Thanks

May 1, 2012

uh....the very title of this thread was to ask women to stop doing something.

But you were nice and said please That was polite and respectful tho. So there is that. Thanks

Well, I guess I thought that it leads most guys on and makes things more harder for them (heck, maybe I thought that most women were aware that flirting for no other reason than to flirt would do this, I dunno), and that's why I asked them to not do it. I don't see that as so bad.

In that circumstance it's kinda like making a thread asking guys not to cheat, or whatever.

May 1, 2012

I'm not suggesting you care. What I'm stating is that your needs are irrelevant to people who have no connection with you so don't expect them to bend over to meet your needs.

How is wanting somebody to be mindful of their words and actions, equal to expecting them to bend over and meet my needs?

(Obvious dirty joke left out )

Why is it so hard to understand that being flirty and sexually suggestive with a guy can give him the wrong idea?

May 1, 2012

(To add to my last post)

Is it disturbing for that person to prefer it if guys would change that behaviour? Of course not.

May 1, 2012

Not going to respond any further unless you two take the suggested Big Five test. We're only going around in circles.

May 1, 2012

People keep throwing around the word banter. No one said banter is flirting, that I noticed. No one is saying you must be serious and stoic and never ever have fun around the opposite sex lest they think you're interested. Flirting is...here is the dictionary definition:

to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.

Attention hounds of either sex annoy me a bit, just seems immature and obnoxious. No it doesn't ruin my day or anything like that, I don't think I need any major psych adjusting because of it, lol, but when I see it, yes I do roll my eyes.

Yeah, when I say flirting, don't mean banter, I mean actually 'acting' as though you're interested.

Up until recently, I had always thought that if a woman flirts with you as in acting interested, then it means she must be interested, unless it was just for a joke to make fun of you, or to just get you to spend money on them or something.

I guess I must be out of the loop since I've never really been flirted with or have flirted with anyone offline. And when it's happened online, most times the women did turn out to be interested.

I've always pinned my hopes on a woman showing me she's interested offline, since no one ever has shown interest to me offline before. And that's why I would've felt butt hurt if a woman did act interested offline, only for me to find out it didn't mean anything.

Edited May 1, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

May 1, 2012

I'm wondering right now if the guys who claim that women flirt too much without meaning it were really experiencing a flirt or did they just think it was a flirt?

May 1, 2012

I'm not suggesting you care. What I'm stating is that your needs are irrelevant to people who have no connection with you so don't expect them to bend over to meet your needs.

I'm going to throw this personality test out for the somedudes and rosses on this site. It's based on Big Five theory which is viewed in a more positive light than other personality theories. If you can, take the test and post your results. It might help me to understand how to communicate with you in a way that makes sense to you.

Big Five Personality Test

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion |||||||||||||| 56% Orderliness |||||||||||| 42% Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||| 66% Accommodation |||||||||||||| 60% Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||| 70%

The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:

Extroversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, scattered, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Emotional Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Accommodation results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex).

Inquisitiveness results were high which suggests you are very intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Your Global5/SLOAN type is SCUAI

Your Primary type is Inquisitive

-------------------------

interesting.......

May 1, 2012

I'm wondering right now if the guys who claim that women flirt too much without meaning it were really experiencing a flirt or did they just think it was a flirt?

Does it even matter?

BTW, I've already posted what happened between me and that girl.

I've posted other times where it seemed obvious to me that the girls were flirting. Lets not forget the fact that I'm actually pretty dense on these things so when I think a girl is flirting with me, it's pretty extreme.

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Women, if you're not interested in a guy, will you p***** not flirt with him?

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