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Women, if you're not interested in a guy, will you p***** not flirt with him?

Ross MwcFan

By Ross MwcFan
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fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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Threads like these are why I think the whole thing is a lost cause.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Threads like these are why I think the whole thing is a lost cause.

Please don't let these threads discourage you.

Feelsgoodman Established Member

Feelsgoodman

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What's your explanation for guys who flirt, have tattoos, wear jeans with their underwear showing, go around with their shirt unbuttoned or a skin tight tee shirt, and get fake tans?

Attention whoring and general douchebaggery are not limited to the womyn folk. Feminized men are prone to the same proclivities.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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Threads like these are why I think the whole thing is a lost cause.
The vast majority of people have no problems within the existing societal framework.

 

So if most people don't have a problem with it, why is it a lost cause? Is it simply because you disagree with flirting that's not flirting with intent, that makes it a lost cause?

 

I honestly don't understand why flirting without intent becomes such a devastating experience for some.

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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The vast majority of people have no problems within the existing societal framework.

 

So if most people don't have a problem with it, why is it a lost cause? Is it simply because you disagree with flirting that's not flirting with intent, that makes it a lost cause?

 

I honestly don't understand why flirting without intent becomes such a devastating experience for some.

 

Flirting is difficult because it leads to disappointment. You flirt, she flirts back, you ask her out or whatever, she acts surprised that you're interested in her in that way, etc. Then you're like well gee, why did I even bother? And then you start to doubt whether you even know how to tell if a girl is interested. I mean even on a date. Maybe you flirt, have fun and then she goes AWOL afterwards.

 

Some people can have that detached flirt for fun attitude. I'm not one of them.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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Flirting is difficult because it leads to disappointment. You flirt, she flirts back, you ask her out or whatever, she acts surprised that you're interested in her in that way, etc. Then you're like well gee, why did I even bother? And then you start to doubt whether you even know how to tell if a girl is interested. I mean even on a date. Maybe you flirt, have fun and then she goes AWOL afterwards.

 

Some people can have that detached flirt for fun attitude. I'm not one of them.

Knowing that other people flirt for fun, why not ask the girls out who you're interested in, regardless of whether they're flirting with you or not?

 

Wouldn't this simplify the process down to the level of easy?

 

What you're worried about is being rejected. But why wait until you're already invested prior to asking these girls out since the odds are that you might or might not reciprocate interest even if she "appears" to be flirting with intent?

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Flirting is difficult because it leads to disappointment.

 

Expectation management. Stop placing such high expectations on such minute things. It's like the guy who goes out for a night on the town hoping to score a one night stand...he creates an expectation in his mind, and if he doesn't fulfill that expectation, his night is labeled a failure. Instead of expecting a date out of some bullsh*t flirting, how about just expect a fun conversation...?

 

You flirt, she flirts back, you ask her out or whatever, she acts surprised that you're interested in her in that way, etc. Then you're like well gee, why did I even bother?

 

Because there will be the times when they are available and interested.

 

And then you start to doubt whether you even know how to tell if a girl is interested. I mean even on a date. Maybe you flirt, have fun and then she goes AWOL afterwards.

 

You don't know a girl isn't interested until she says no when you ask her out on a date. Otherwise, don't reject yourself based on your own speculation of her "interest level."

 

Some people can have that detached flirt for fun attitude. I'm not one of them.

 

Then change. Quality of life will improve.

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Knowing that other people flirt for fun, why not ask the girls out who you're interested in, regardless of whether they're flirting with you or not?

 

Wouldn't this simplify the process down to the level of easy?

That's why I made my public announcement.

 

Guys should just ask out who they want.

 

Just be respectful and nobody would have a right to get mad at you.

 

If for some reason she gets upset or snarky because you asked her out, say it's her fault for giving you signals, regardless if she was giving them or not :p

  • Like 1
threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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That's why I made my public announcement.

 

Guys should just ask out who they want.

 

Just be respectful and nobody would have a right to get mad at you.

 

If for some reason she gets upset or snarky because you asked her out, say it's her fault for giving you signals, regardless if she was giving them or not :p

Refer to the bolded. When men ask women out respectfully, most women won't get mad at you. They might be uncomfortable because it's always awkward to reject someone but if done respectfully, they're not going to snark at you.

 

If the odd one snarks at you, is it the end of the world? Are you really that sensitive that you can't handle a bit of snark?

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Refer to the bolded. When men ask women out respectfully, most women won't get mad at you. They might be uncomfortable because it's always awkward to reject someone but if done respectfully, they're not going to snark at you.

 

If the odd one snarks at you, is it the end of the world? Are you really that sensitive that you can't handle a bit of snark?

 

A lot of them are. This is the point, why else do you think they are dateless? I certainly used to conjure up all kinds of humiliation in my head before I reconciled this issue with myself.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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A lot of them are. This is the point, why else do you think they are dateless? I certainly used to conjure up all kinds of humiliation in my head before I reconciled this issue with myself.
If you consider society in general, especially the workplace, it's worthwhile to toughen up a bit if you want to get somewhere in life.

 

What also doesn't help is being internally hyper sensitive and being externally insensitive, since this won't endear anyone to friends or romantic interests.

  • Like 4
reallyhotguy Established Member

reallyhotguy

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There are people out there who lay on the flirting pretty thick. It's either humorous or saccharine. Asking them "not to do it, please" is as absurd as asking a depressed person to just cheer up already, or a comic to stop making jokes. It's also an obviously hopeless gesture as I am sure the majority of the 7 billion people on this planet are not here to listen to your plight. Giving up on flirting altogether is even worse, like giving up on cooking because one time you had a bad meal at a diner.

 

I think the frustration is understandable because I'm sure we've all been burned by "getting the wrong message" at some point. Being on the sending side can just as bad. Unfortunately, realizing that "this sucks and I wish it never happens!" is only the first step -- you actually have to then adapt to the suck if you are to move past the "elementary school" tier of coping strategy.

 

All flirting confusion is caused by the assumption that the flirting is done for any reason other than its own sake. You will never have a problem again if you stop yourself any time you start to think "hey, she's doing _________ -- that must mean she really wants to ____________" -- no. Flirting is not a 1:1 encrypted text saying "hey I definitely want to sleep with you so ask me out once you've decoded this message" that you're supposed to put into some kind of suave guy translator so you can spit out just the right encoded sexy line to say that will satisfy her encoder and grant you access to her pants. If you are thinking of flirting this way, you'll keep having problems.

 

 

So why do people flirt, then? Well, why do people tell jokes? Flirting excites your emotions like jokes do -- it's just that the emotions are different, and people enjoy that stimulation. I like to think of flirting as a mix between joking and gambling -- investment and risk loom, but in the end, it's just a joke. Some people gamble too hard, and some people make really inappropriate jokes or have no sense of humor -- so it goes with flirting.

Edited by reallyhotguy
PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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And what about the women who don't do any of the above?

They're freaking lesbians who won't f*ck a man because they got brainwashed by feminism. :mad:

 

:lmao:

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Flirting is difficult because it leads to disappointment. You flirt, she flirts back, you ask her out or whatever, she acts surprised that you're interested in her in that way, etc. Then you're like well gee, why did I even bother? And then you start to doubt whether you even know how to tell if a girl is interested. I mean even on a date. Maybe you flirt, have fun and then she goes AWOL afterwards.

 

Some people can have that detached flirt for fun attitude. I'm not one of them.

It seems the moment a girl shows some signs of interested, you start investing feelings in her. Stop liking girls you hardly know, then you won't feel so disappointed. (I'm the same, by the way. I know how it feels. If you can be so into someone just because he/she started to flirt with you, it's you who has a problem. Last year, a guy in a shop flirted with me and I developed a crush on him. I think it's a sign of insecurity and neediness.)

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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It's a scale, it's not a binary yes or no. There are women that I find completely unattractive, then no, I would not have sex with them. But there are women that I don't find them particularly attractive, but it's not like I find them repulsive. Then should the opportunity presents itself, why not?

 

Then surely there must be some sort of sexual attraction there.

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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It isn't going to stop anytime soon mate. It's how a lot of em get free drinks, meals, car repairs, etc.

 

You need to adapt and learn when it's for real or being done for ulterior motives, boredom, etc.

 

I don't know how to learn when it's real and when it's not.

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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Posted (edited)
The vast majority of people have no problems within the existing societal framework.

 

So if most people don't have a problem with it, why is it a lost cause? Is it simply because you disagree with flirting that's not flirting with intent, that makes it a lost cause?

 

I honestly don't understand why flirting without intent becomes such a devastating experience for some.

 

It makes it impossible for a guy to know when a woman is interested. Unless she's actually ****ing him. But even then, maybe she's just doing it for some other ulterior motive?

 

It just makes things way way more complicated and harder for guys. And it leads to a lot of dissapointment.

Edited by Ross MwcFan
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Men flirt without intent just as much as women. Sure, I am also sometimes bummed out when I find out that a cute guy flirting with me has a gf (or a wife and 3 kids :rolleyes:).

 

That's why you learn not to invest into anyone you are not dating. I enjoy flirting for its own sake (giving and receiving :)).

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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You would still have sex with him, be honest.

 

Uh, no :sick:

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Refer to the bolded. When men ask women out respectfully, most women won't get mad at you. They might be uncomfortable because it's always awkward to reject someone but if done respectfully, they're not going to snark at you.

 

I wonder if the women are really getting mad, or if that is just the timid approacher's perception.

 

sd, have you ever been in a situation where someone thought you were mad, but you weren't? That sometimes happens when a person expects anger.

  • Like 1
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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It seems the moment a girl shows some signs of interested, you start investing feelings in her. Stop liking girls you hardly know, then you won't feel so disappointed. (I'm the same, by the way. I know how it feels. If you can be so into someone just because he/she started to flirt with you, it's you who has a problem. Last year, a guy in a shop flirted with me and I developed a crush on him. I think it's a sign of insecurity and neediness.)

 

A lot easier said than done. I can either completely ignore women who flirt (act cold, mean or disinterested) or I can attach feelings pretty quickly. Most of my life I've opted for the former approach so that I don't appear needy and clingy. Thus far that hasn't really helped me get dates or anything.

AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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While i agree people shouldn't take it that seriously you have to understand its harder for those of us getting up there in age who NEVER have had any type of sucess when we get a flirt thats meaningless..

 

It's like telling someone your out of jail early for good behavior then saying i was just kidding go back to your cell..

 

We get our hopes up that finally some women after alll these years is attracted to us then when we find out she was playign aorund we say to ourselves of course a women wouldn't be interested in me seriously who was i kidding..and the hole digs deeper..

 

It's much esier for someone with past sucess attracting women to just shrug it off and move on knowing theyres others out there interested..

  • Like 1
threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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It makes it impossible for a guy to know when a woman is interested. Unless she's actually ****ing him. But even then, maybe she's just doing it for some other ulterior motive?

 

It just makes things way way more complicated and harder for guys. And it leads to a lot of dissapointment.

There are two aspects in your post that I find disturbing. Firstly, it's not anyone's social job or responsibility to make things easier for anyone else. Next, you're trying to systemize human behaviours which only leads to epic fail.

 

Knowing that other people flirt for fun, why not ask the girls out who you're interested in, regardless of whether they're flirting with you or not?

 

Wouldn't this simplify the process down to the level of easy?

 

What you're worried about is being rejected. But why wait until you're already invested prior to asking these girls out since the odds are that you might or might not reciprocate interest even if she "appears" to be flirting with intent?

Refer to this requoted post of mine. Shake the entitled belief that people should or must behave certain ways to make your life easier and consider what I've suggested.

 

I wonder if the women are really getting mad, or if that is just the timid approacher's perception.

 

sd, have you ever been in a situation where someone thought you were mad, but you weren't? That sometimes happens when a person expects anger.

Yes, this occurred to me too but I avoided stating it since sd doesn't appear to be externally focused. It's like he's internally focused where what he believes they're feeling [insert his personal desire or fears], he projects onto whomever he's interacting with, regardless of what these other people are truly feeling.

 

Actually, I think quite a few of the male members who are having dating difficulties are like this. The external social radar/empathy is missing.

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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Guys and girls flirt with people they don't like, it's clearly not JUST girls.

 

It's for attention, period. They do it under the guise of "it's fun!"--WHAT is fun about it? The attention you get back. That's it.

 

Why not just admit it?:rolleyes:

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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The whole idea that people should be expected to change their own harmless social behavior so that others can have things the way they'd like them to be is really off.

 

We already have plenty of social mores, manners and etiquette for that. Flirting falls within the parameters of those social constructs.

 

One of my best friends in high school was one of these chronically flirtatious girls. She was (still is) a true extrovert and LOVED the guys. I was jealous of her - it seemed like every guy she encountered fell in love with her. And even prettier girls seemed to fade into the background when she was around working her magic. Her flirting was not sexual, physical or suggestive AT ALL. I know she left a trail of aching hearts in her wake, but I really doubt that those guys were all butthurt about it. They wished for more, but they still enjoyed basking in the attentions she paid them.

 

There are "shameless" flirts; "heartbreakers," "charmers" of both genders (and I am NOT talking about people who are predatory and out to take advantage of others). If you don't like them - avoid them. If you have a lot of trouble discerning whether their behavior is something you should take seriously - then work on YOURSELF.

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