joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I don't think I disagree with you. I think sexual tension is a type of closeness. A heterosexual person is not going to have those physical intense feelings with a same sex friend, so there is an extra bonus to having an opposite sex friend even if there isn't complete sex in the relationship. I'm not saying this is right or wrong. I'm saying it's a dynamic in many friendships. As far as the FWB bieng more ideal, there are people who are fine with just having the tension in the relationship. Think about it like this, they get the thrill and ego boost of bieng with someone who is attracted to them, but don't have to worry about disease, pregnancy, and bieng stuck if something better comes along. Again, not saying it's right or wrong. Just saying it makes sense for many people to like this relationship dynamic. There is only a one sided benefit to type of relationship you are talking about. It wouldn't last long with me 1
angie2443 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 There is only a one sided benefit to type of relationship you are talking about. It wouldn't last long with me I don't know about you personally, but I've seen many men hanging on to women friends because they like the tension. Maybe they're hoping to get more, I don't know. I do know that when a true boyfriend comes into the picture, the male friends often back off a bit.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I don't know about you personally, but I've seen many men hanging on to women friends because they like the tension. Maybe they're hoping to get more, I don't know. I do know that when a true boyfriend comes into the picture, the male friends often back off a bit. I know of some too and they are called suckers. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I don't know about you personally, but I've seen many men hanging on to women friends because they like the tension. Maybe they're hoping to get more, I don't know. I do know that when a true boyfriend comes into the picture, the male friends often back off a bit. I think most of the men who do this aren't exactly good with the ladies. So they hang on to the friendships hoping to get something more but also fearful of having nothing.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I don't think I disagree with you. I think sexual tension is a type of closeness. A heterosexual person is not going to have those physical intense feelings with a same sex friend, so there is an extra bonus to having an opposite sex friend even if there isn't complete sex in the relationship. I'm not saying this is right or wrong. I'm saying it's a dynamic in many friendships. As far as the FWB bieng more ideal, there are people who are fine with just having the tension in the relationship. Think about it like this, they get the thrill and ego boost of bieng with someone who is attracted to them, but don't have to worry about disease, pregnancy, and bieng stuck if something better comes along. Again, not saying it's right or wrong. Just saying it makes sense for many people to like this relationship dynamic. This borders on manipulation because in order to keep the tension going you have to on some level imply sex will happen at some point. That is very sad and sickening
AD1980 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 As a guy who cant attract women and never has them flirt with me if one flirted with me and it turned out she was just foolign aorund i would think thats kinda of f'ed up and it would crush me.. For guys like me where told look for signs of interest but apparently even these "signs" can just mean nothing and it could just be a typical women attention whoring.. It's why im close to giving up..
wwwjd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 only thing I allow with female friends (and male come to think of it) is a QUICK hug hello or goodbye. no cheek kissing, no hand holding, no inuendo talk, no LONG physical hugs... unless she is crying about something. none of that. flirting is "FLIRTING". The dictionary defines ALL flirting as "without serious intentions". I will say that is incorrect as it can and often DOES lead somewhere: affairs, broken homes, divorce my friends are all the saw way, do the same thing. only play with fire when you WANT to burn.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 As a guy who cant attract women and never has them flirt with me if one flirted with me and it turned out she was just foolign aorund i would think thats kinda of f'ed up and it would crush me.. For guys like me where told look for signs of interest but apparently even these "signs" can just mean nothing and it could just be a typical women attention whoring.. It's why im close to giving up.. Pretty much. I've been around enough "serial flirts" to look suspiciously at any woman who tries flirting with me (not that many but still). It's like honey, I know and you know that you're just engaging in tomfoolery. Let's end the charade.
FitChick Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Taking my hand, putting her hand on my back and creeping down to the ass, rubbing foot on my foot or leg, leaning over and putting lips on ears while whispering, hand on my neck, all things I find women doing when they aren't really interested in escalation at the moment that are over the line and not innocent. I've done similar with someone I am seriously dating not to flirt but to prime him to play later. I'd never do that with anyone else. That is making promises you have no intention of keeping. No wonder guys get frustrated and confused.
FitChick Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I think that the vast majority of opposite sex friendships have a romantic and/or sexual vibe to them. I think that's part of the attraction to the friendship in the first place. Nope. For me it's more of a brother and sister vibe. I don't believe in incest.
veggirl Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I'm not a flirt, at all. Mostly because I don't desire unwanted attention. If I flirt it's cause I am making a point to the guy I am flirting with that I am interested in him. I don't really understand "innocent flirting". What's the point? To get some attention? I just don't see the point. You can't giggle and twirl your hair and poke someone and put your head on his shoulder and then feign surprise when he thinks you are legit interested in him. That's...naive at best. Another thing: No one flirts with their friends. They joke around with their friends and they tease their friends, but they never flirt with them. A simple test: If you wouldn't do it with your female friends, then don't do it with your male friends. I agree with this. ES, question: if you were dating a guy and he had a female friend whom he knew for a long time before you who "innocently flirted" with him in the same manner you describe (i.e., hugging him in front of you and putting her head on his shoulder), what result? Exactly. Even if it was a guy she was just interested in, not a BF, I'm sure it'd be a LS post about omg girls are always flirting with him and he likes it, I should bail right? 1
threebyfate Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Strange. I observe light-hearted bantering all over LS from some of the haters of flirting. Does this mean everyone wants each other, even if they're previously committed?
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Strange. I observe light-hearted bantering all over LS from some of the haters of flirting. Does this mean everyone wants each other, even if they're previously committed? I wonder if anyone has put their head on another person's shoulder on here. Or randomly gives hugs. Might be hard to do through the fiber optic cables but you never know... 1
angie2443 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Nope. For me it's more of a brother and sister vibe. I don't believe in incest. Brothers and sisters are people you grew up with (usually). The comparison made here doesn't make sense to me unless you're talking about a friend you knew since childhood and who you lived with growing up. I'm not saying that you're going to be seriously interested in every opposite friendship you have. I'm just saying that the sexual tension is present in most of these friendships, rather small or large.
threebyfate Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I wonder if anyone has put their head on another person's shoulder on here. Or randomly gives hugs. Might be hard to do through the fiber optic cables but you never know...So you're drawing the line at physical touch? Is that the case with all haters who personally flirt?
ThaWholigan Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 My one crush did that very manoveur though - putting the head on the shoulder. This was the last time I actually saw her in the flesh. I remember not reacting because I didn't want to read too much into it. It really can be confusing, even if you're both single.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 So you're drawing the line at physical touch? Is that the case with all haters who personally flirt? No I'm basing it off the OP which included physical touch. For me personally, if it was a girl I knew for a long time and I knew (or we both knew) that nothing was ever going to happen, harmless banter is fine. If it was a girl I sort of knew but not particularly well but I suspected it was "innocent flirting", I'd refuse to participate.
angie2443 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 "Innocent flirting" … or not? LOL! I loved their expressions. Mostly just awkward, but the guy did keep his hand on the one lady's chest for a couple of seconds. Maybe they both liked it:)
veggirl Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Strange. I observe light-hearted bantering all over LS from some of the haters of flirting. Does this mean everyone wants each other, even if they're previously committed? Oh word, LS seems all kinds of cestpooly with that sometimes. It's a bit different than physical IRL flirting though, I think. Though it is annoying to read when it pops up randomly in threads that are about someone's actual issue or whatever.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Strange. I observe light-hearted bantering all over LS from some of the haters of flirting. Does this mean everyone wants each other, even if they're previously committed? Naw. Light-hearted and slightly flirtatious banter is fun and fine among people who are not interested in having sex with each other or even those who are in relationships with others. SHOCKING! The boundaries are sexual flirtation, and physical touching. I'm counting on my friends to know what those things are. So far, so good. 3
angie2443 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Oh word, LS seems all kinds of cestpooly with that sometimes. It's a bit different than physical IRL flirting though, I think. . I don't ever flirt on LS because I don't really know the people here. Maybe the one's who seem decent are real @holes IRL. You never know. People in real life can fool you, but it's harder when you can see their faces and hear their voices. I guess I only like flirting if it feels real to me.
threebyfate Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 But it's all "innocent flirting" isn't it? Sounds like different people have different boundaries and tolerance levels, instead of any universal belief, like or dislike. So, what happens if you put your head on a friend's shoulder if you're looking for solace? Should this auto-convert into desire or sex? I say the above based on MC's reference to the ghastly assumptions of interest using body language read in PUA terms.
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Sounds like different people have different boundaries and tolerance levels, instead of any universal belief, like or dislike. With all due respect: DUH! 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 But it's all "innocent flirting" isn't it? Sounds like different people have different boundaries and tolerance levels, instead of any universal belief, like or dislike. So, what happens if you put your head on a friend's shoulder if you're looking for solace? Should this auto-convert into desire or sex? I say the above based on MC's reference to the ghastly assumptions of interest using body language read in PUA terms. I don't think ES is talking about solace or comfort.
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