Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Both, but for this thread I had a long time friend in mind. It's not really as a joke, it just feels comfortable because I have known him for a while - it's what I do when I am relaxed and natural. There were signs the other night that he is taking it seriously so I am thinking I better pull back (he is a great guy, I am just not physically attracted). If you are both straight, it wasn't innocent. Weather or not we see the other person as a potential mate does colour our interaction with that person. The most honest, good advice that i got from women have been from grandma's and gay women (not bi, full gay).
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 ES, question: if you were dating a guy and he had a female friend whom he knew for a long time before you who "innocently flirted" with him in the same manner you describe (i.e., hugging him in front of you and putting her head on his shoulder), what result? I wouldn't like it. But then, I only do it because this friend is single. I feel like I need to be more restrained if they have a gf, out of respect for her. I guess I don't see harm if both people are single.
ThaWholigan Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Meh, my flirt radar has always been sketchy. Lots of girls have "innocently" flirted with me and I have either not noticed or read way too far into it. Innocent flirting is not something I dislike, but I don't always clock.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I wouldn't like it. But then, I only do it because this friend is single. I feel like I need to be more restrained if they have a gf, out of respect for her. I guess I don't see harm if both people are single. How would you feel if he rubbed your thigh? It is innocent flirting and you are both single
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 How would you feel if he rubbed your thigh? It is innocent flirting and you are both single That's too sexual and I would tell him straight up. He seemed to enjoy my flirting though.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 That's too sexual and I would tell him straight up. He seemed to enjoy my flirting though. Too sexual but I thought it was just innocent flirting . Why the change if that happened?
ThaWholigan Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 That's too sexual and I would tell him straight up. He seemed to enjoy my flirting though. He probably doesn't read too much into it and flirts regularly himself (correct us if we are wrong). There are guys who do not get flirted with a lot, or guys like myself who cannot always tell (autistic or socially inept, I am the former) who will probably not react appropriately or accordingly to innocent flirting or anything similar, or at the very least not know how to act and just clam up.
dasein Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Depends on the situation. Have experienced the head on shoulder type touching so many times that I don't really react to that as flirting. Taking my hand, putting her hand on my back and creeping down to the ass, rubbing foot on my foot or leg, leaning over and putting lips on ears while whispering, hand on my neck, all things I find women doing when they aren't really interested in escalation at the moment that are over the line and not innocent. There is a definite double standard at play here, which is fine. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Too sexual but I thought it was just innocent flirting . Why the change if that happened? Because I would tell him so. My friend didn't say anything or pulled back so... Plus the closer to the genitalia, the more sexual it is.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Oh geee, shouldn't have started this thread. Now I will have a mob of angry womenz-bashers after me
ThaWholigan Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Oh geee, shouldn't have started this thread. Now I will have a mob of angry womenz-bashers after me Doubt it. Flirting is a general grey area for me. I tend not to read too much into it, and I'd imagine a lot of the guys here don't either.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Because I would tell him so. My friend didn't say anything or pulled back so... Plus the closer to the genitalia, the more sexual it is. It sounds hypocritical to me. You can touch but he can't. What is this a lap dance at the strip club? 2
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Because I would tell him so. My friend didn't say anything or pulled back so... Plus the closer to the genitalia, the more sexual it is. This is another issue with "innocent" flirting. It can be escalated to something more sexual. You might not want that person but it is misinterpreted and then you are crying foul because someone took something you thought was innocent was something more. Its women like you that are reason there are guy that are against men and women being platonic friends.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Oh geee, shouldn't have started this thread. Now I will have a mob of angry womenz-bashers after me No not angry women bashing. Men just want women like you to stop the BS. If you don't want the man then don't flirt. I'm glad I have only lesbians as platonic friends because they don't do BS like this
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I have several male friends, but the only physical contact we have is when we hug each other hello and goodbye, or if we playfully-hit each other, usually in response to some funny, joking insult. But it's very brother-sister like, and I'd never call it "flirting." There's "that what she said" type banter and physical contact of the type that's exchanged between siblings, and then there's flirting that can be misconstrued as having intent behind it. It sounds like you're doing the type that can be misconstrued. Random hugs and putting your head on their shoulder... that's not very sibling-y.
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I wouldn't like it. But then, I only do it because this friend is single. I feel like I need to be more restrained if they have a gf, out of respect for her. I guess I don't see harm if both people are single. If you'd do it when you're single, and not do it when you're not, then there's an obvious sexual element to it. It's not innocent, it's not friendly. 2
srbbc Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Oh geee, shouldn't have started this thread. Now I will have a mob of angry womenz-bashers after me female behavior. open a can of worms, but take no responsibility.
angie2443 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Its women like you that are reason there are guy that are against men and women being platonic friends. I think that the vast majority of opposite sex friendships have a romantic and/or sexual vibe to them. I think that's part of the attraction to the friendship in the first place. I think just as many women as men have those feelings and are aware of them, but women feel unconfortable admitting that to others or themselves. Maybe it's because they're embaressed about it, or maybe they don't want to deal with the mess of a full relationship and so keep the male friend, but don't take it further.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I think that the vast majority of opposite sex friendships have a romantic and/or sexual vibe to them. I think that's part of the attraction to the friendship in the first place. I think just as many women as men have those feelings and are aware of them, but women feel unconfortable admitting that to others or themselves. Maybe it's because they're embaressed about it, or maybe they don't want to deal with the mess of a full relationship and so keep the male friend, but don't take it further. When it comes to things like this women really need to stop being passive
angie2443 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 thats a bunch of bull. Why would this scare you so much? There is nothing wrong with it. It is human nature. It is a fact that the more attractive a man or a woman is, the more opposite friends they have. For young people, it is a safe way to explore relationships, without the hastles that bieng a couple can bring.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Why would this scare you so much? There is nothing wrong with it. It is human nature. It is a fact that the more attractive a man or a woman is, the more opposite friends they have. For young people, it is a safe way to explore relationships, without the hastles that bieng a couple can bring. You mean a surrogate boyfriend. They get everything but sex. oh yeah its hassles and being.
angie2443 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 You mean a surrogate boyfriend. They get everything but sex. oh yeah its hassles and being. Exactly. I think many men do this to, though. Think about it. If you are young, and not ready to settle down, want a closeness that comes with romantic and/or sexual tension, but don't want to be held down in case something better comes along(another person or something else), why not take on a surrogate boyfriend or girlfriend? Of course, if the person your using for that wants something more, then the situation is not equal and someone is going to end up feeling hurt or resentful.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Exactly. I think many men do this to, though. Think about it. If you are young, and not ready to settle down, want a closeness that comes with romantic and/or sexual tension, but don't want to be held down in case something better comes along(another person or something else), why not take on a surrogate boyfriend or girlfriend? Of course, if the person your using for that wants something more, then the situation is not equal and someone is going to end up feeling hurt or resentful. LOL! sexual tension is not closeness. Notice I said everything but sex. You forget there are FWB type situation that are more ideal than what you are talking about
angie2443 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 LOL! sexual tension is not closeness. Notice I said everything but sex. You forget there are FWB type situation that are more ideal than what you are talking about I don't think I disagree with you. I think sexual tension is a type of closeness. A heterosexual person is not going to have those physical intense feelings with a same sex friend, so there is an extra bonus to having an opposite sex friend even if there isn't complete sex in the relationship. I'm not saying this is right or wrong. I'm saying it's a dynamic in many friendships. As far as the FWB bieng more ideal, there are people who are fine with just having the tension in the relationship. Think about it like this, they get the thrill and ego boost of bieng with someone who is attracted to them, but don't have to worry about disease, pregnancy, and bieng stuck if something better comes along. Again, not saying it's right or wrong. Just saying it makes sense for many people to like this relationship dynamic.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I believe that some people are just naturally flirtatious and their interactions with the opposite sex tend to go that way. I do not think, though, that "head on shoulder" or other physical aspects of "flirting" are quite appropriate if you aren't interested in the person, or if they have a boy or girlfriend (or if you do). This excludes a hug for greeting or if somebody really "needs a hug." Most of us know how to hug our friends without including any type of flirty or sexually suggestive aspects of hugging. If you don't know - don't hug friends. I I hate "innocent flirting." Thanks to "innocent flirting," I asked out a girl who happened to have a boyfriend a few hours ago, who gave me no sign that she was already taken. Wouldn't have gotten needlessly rejected if she hadn't flirted with me a couple of times before. But that's "just the way she is," so it's OK SD, as it's been pointed out to you probably dozens of times, flirting is NOT a magic key to signify that you are on the verge of having a sexual relation with somebody. It's not a "means to an end." It's part of how people relate to one another, and it's enjoyed by many. You probably noticed this girl giggle or touch her hair and thus determined that she was available to you, but you were wrong. If you keep trying to ask girls out, like you should be doing, you will encounter this numerous times. It means NOTHING often. Just move on.
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