Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Here is a situation: If a girl that you have known for years randomly gives you hugs and puts her head on your shoulder and similar, would you think she is interested beyond being friends? Even if you observe that she does it with others too? I just feel like guys don't get that flirting is mostly meaningless...
somedude81 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Ignoring the "known female friend for years" comment. I hate "innocent flirting." Thanks to "innocent flirting," I asked out a girl who happened to have a boyfriend a few hours ago, who gave me no sign that she was already taken. Wouldn't have gotten needlessly rejected if she hadn't flirted with me a couple of times before. But that's "just the way she is," so it's OK
USMCHokie Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 If a girl that you have known for years randomly gives you hugs and puts her head on your shoulder and similar, would you think she is interested beyond being friends? If she had done it the entire time we had known each other, then I wouldn't think anything of it. If it suddenly comes out of the blue, then I'd take notice. It's the changes in behavior that mean the most. And yes, I would interpret it as her wanting a more physical relationship, as she is ramping up her physical contact with me. Even if you observe that she does it with others too? Well, if she did that with others, then I'd know from our previous history, but if she just started hugging everyone out of the blue, then I'd think she had suddenly turned batsh*t crazy... I just feel like guys don't get that flirting is mostly meaningless... I seem to think the opposite actually...that guys don't take enough chances when a girl "innocently flirts" with them...I mean, why not? What is the worst that could happen? Her saying no? Ok, thanks for playing...
USMCHokie Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Wouldn't have gotten needlessly rejected if she hadn't flirted with me a couple of times before. But that's "just the way she is," so it's OK I beg to differ that it was "needless." Two things came out of it: (1) you are still alive after a girl said no...affirmation that rejection ain't all that bad; and (2) you'll stop putting this girl on a pedestal on LS. 1
threebyfate Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 There are three types of guys who don't get lighthearted flirting. Guys who don't get flirted with much, guys that want more from you and guys with ginormous egos who believe every woman wants them! 4
ThatDudeXO Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 It's all fun between girls I'm friends with and sometimes innocent flirting does lead into "real" flirting. I barely ever seriously flirt, when I do there's always some joke or fun behind it. It's easy to tell whether someone's flirting innocently or not. If you can't tell you probably don't have much experience with women.
phineas Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 OP, would you consider it innocent if a woman was doing this to your BF in front of you? The last time a single woman "innocently flirted" with me for the first time I made a move on her & went for the kiss. She didn't freak but she avoided the kiss which told me she wasn't surprised I tried to kiss her. Next time I talked to her she said "hey we should check out (name of very expensive Indian restaurant) I hear they have great food. yeah, I wasn't hungry that day. LOL! Now I have to say once again, since I got in shape the only women who innocently flirt with me are the one's who did it when I was fatter & married women. But most of them stopped once they saw me with someone which tells me perhaps it really wasn't so innocent to begin with. 2
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) Here is a situation: If a girl that you have known for years randomly gives you hugs and puts her head on your shoulder and similar, would you think she is interested beyond being friends? Even if you observe that she does it with others too? I just feel like guys don't get that flirting is mostly meaningless... Flirting is mostly meaningless in your female version of reality, for us it almost always leads to sexual attention. If this happened to me, i would remind her of our conduct code (if there is one), and giver her a warning. Ignoring the "known female friend for years" comment. I hate "innocent flirting." Thanks to "innocent flirting," I asked out a girl who happened to have a boyfriend a few hours ago, who gave me no sign that she was already taken. Wouldn't have gotten needlessly rejected if she hadn't flirted with me a couple of times before. But that's "just the way she is," so it's OK You dodged a major bullet if she truly had a BF. Then again, she could have been lying. Does it matter ? Edited April 30, 2012 by Radu
EasyHeart Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 That's not "innocent" flirting. Playful banter can be innocent. Once you cross the line to physical contact, especially putting your head on someone's shoulder, it's not innocent anymore. It's teasing and it's malicious. 5
Mrlonelyone Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 OP in the secnario you laid out this woman is a mans friend for a long time, then she starts flirting. Thats something anyone male or female would take notice of. As another said it's all about the changes. More generally: Many women will flirt and send strong signals of sexual interest...the demure when the man returns them. Suddenly her doing everything but (and even sometimes including) having sex with you becomes "being nice", "innocent", etc. This happens for many complicated reasons. Most of which reduce to the woman not wanting to admit the flirting, with that particular man, wasn't so innocent. Afterall nice girls who are married don't flirt with other men. Just as in the 50's nice white girls did not flirt with my father...now he's a great grandfather by the children they had with him and were too innocent to tell him about until they were 20's.
EasyHeart Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Another thing: No one flirts with their friends. They joke around with their friends and they tease their friends, but they never flirt with them. A simple test: If you wouldn't do it with your female friends, then don't do it with your male friends. 2
Ross MwcFan Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Here is a situation: If a girl that you have known for years randomly gives you hugs and puts her head on your shoulder and similar, would you think she is interested beyond being friends? Probably not. Even if you observe that she does it with others too? Definatley not.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Here is a situation: If a girl that you have known for years randomly gives you hugs and puts her head on your shoulder and similar, would you think she is interested beyond being friends? Even if you observe that she does it with others too? I just feel like guys don't get that flirting is mostly meaningless... Some do and some don't get that it is mostly meaningless. I understand but I still have a put up or shut up approach when it get to a certain point. I remember in there was a woman that was flirty and eventually got to a point where she was borderline being a tease. I just came out and said "Are we having sex or not?" She looked shocked and was like no. I responded with "Well if you are not going to give me any then stop because I'm not up for someone getting me hard for fun and not doing anything about it." A head on a shoulder is not flirting. I may ask her not to put it on my shoulder because I don't want the crap in her hair to get on my shirt lol. The thing is there are women that take flirting a little too far and men have to call them on it by basically saying either put up or shut up.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 There are three types of guys who don't get lighthearted flirting. Guys who don't get flirted with much, guys that want more from you and guys with ginormous egos who believe every woman wants them! Bolded for emphasis, love it
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Some do and some don't get that it is mostly meaningless. I understand but I still have a put up or shut up approach when it get to a certain point. I remember in there was a woman that was flirty and eventually got to a point where she was borderline being a tease. I just came out and said "Are we having sex or not?" She looked shocked and was like no. I responded with "Well if you are not going to give me any then stop because I'm not up for someone getting me hard for fun and not doing anything about it." A head on a shoulder is not flirting. I may ask her not to put it on my shoulder because I don't want the crap in her hair to get on my shirt lol. The thing is there are women that take flirting a little too far and men have to call them on it by basically saying either put up or shut up. My flirting is more cute than sexual. It's not really possible for me to do sexual flirting unless I am genuinely attracted to the guy.
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Off-course you do, it validates what you did and enables it. God forbid that you should take the critical posts as well.
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 My flirting is more cute than sexual. It's not really possible for me to do sexual flirting unless I am genuinely attracted to the guy. Why even flirt with someone you are not interested in? It can often be misinterpreted so why even do it. It sounds like someone just striving to get attention. I'm hard on "innocent" flirts and teases. They just need to learn 2
ThatDudeXO Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 ES do you mean flirting with a friend as a joke or just flirting with a randomer because it's fun?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Both, but for this thread I had a long time friend in mind. It's not really as a joke, it just feels comfortable because I have known him for a while - it's what I do when I am relaxed and natural. There were signs the other night that he is taking it seriously so I am thinking I better pull back (he is a great guy, I am just not physically attracted).
joystickd Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Both, but for this thread I had a long time friend in mind. It's not really as a joke, it just feels comfortable because I have known him for a while - it's what I do when I am relaxed and natural. There were signs the other night that he is taking it seriously so I am thinking I better pull back (he is a great guy, I am just not physically attracted). Comfort lol. I feel comfortable with a lot of people but I am not going to put myself in a position where someone I am not interest in will think otherwise. That is deceptive in a way. 1
USMCHokie Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 ES, question: if you were dating a guy and he had a female friend whom he knew for a long time before you who "innocently flirted" with him in the same manner you describe (i.e., hugging him in front of you and putting her head on his shoulder), what result?
january2011 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 If a girl that you have known for years randomly gives you hugs and puts her head on your shoulder and similar, would you think she is interested beyond being friends? Even if you observe that she does it with others too? I just feel like guys don't get that flirting is mostly meaningless... If it means nothing, then why do it? In my opinion, crossing the touch barrier like that is not innocent - hugs are okay as long as they are quick ones and you're not actually holding each other, but head-on-shoulder, no way. Not innocent. More like, "poor boundaries."
make me believe Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 If it means nothing, then why do it? In my opinion, crossing the touch barrier like that is not innocent - hugs are okay as long as they are quick ones and you're not actually holding each other, but head-on-shoulder, no way. Not innocent. More like, "poor boundaries." I agree. Putting your head on someone's shoulder is not "innocent flirting." And if a guy reacts to that by thinking you're interested in him, you can't blame him. I guess I judge this kind of thing by how I would react if somebody did it to my hubby or to me. If I saw some chick putting her head on my H's shoulder I would NOT be ok with it, nor would I be ok with a guy doing it to me. I also think that a lot of times girls engage in "innocent flirting" for the male attention, but when the guy tries to take it further suddenly she is all shocked & appalled that her actions could be interpreted as anything other than "innocent." It's ok for her to do stuff because it's "innocent" but if the guy responds, he's crossing the line and taking it too far. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I don't "like" innocent flirting. I understand what it is and all, I just don't like it. If I suspect a woman is "innocently flirting" with me I shut it down pretty quickly and refuse to participate. I don't want or need a flirting buddy.
persevere Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I suppose you could just use the direct approach. "What's with the flirting? I've know you for years.". Follow the response closely. Of course, this kind of direct stuff can freak people out. Especially, a somewhat shy or insecure woman.
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