Gulf-Delta Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I'm still in a tornado of emotion regarding my ex. The wounds are still too fresh for either of us to enjoy each other's company more than a short, casual catching-up. And I accept that NC is the only way to keep my head from spinning. But this woman is my friend. And I always want her to be my friend. And so does she (she cried and begged me to stay her friend when I initiated NC). I've accepted that a relationship probably isn't in the cards for us, but I still do care about this person and would one day like to reconnect with this person, but not for a relationship. My question is, is this kind of thing possible, once you're over the person or should NC be forever?
USMCHokie Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Does NC have to last forever? Yes. Disclaimer: Sorry, but I didn't read a single word of your post... 1
Author Gulf-Delta Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Yes. Disclaimer: Sorry, but I didn't read a single word of your post... That made me laugh for some reason
USMCHokie Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 My question is, is this kind of thing possible, once you're over the person or should NC be forever? I'm feeling generous, so I read your first post. Once you're over the person, you won't care whether you're still NCing "forever." She won't even be on your radar. I'm 2 and a half years removed from my epic breakup, and I don't even think about whether I'm still in NC...because she's long gone...don't know, don't care...
Author Gulf-Delta Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I'm feeling generous, so I read your first post. Once you're over the person, you won't care whether you're still NCing "forever." She won't even be on your radar. I'm 2 and a half years removed from my epic breakup, and I don't even think about whether I'm still in NC...because she's long gone...don't know, don't care... I think the differences in attitudes are caused by the way the breakup was executed. If the break up wasn't an ugly one, why would contacting the person later (after you're over them, whenever/whatever that means) be a bad thing?
USMCHokie Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I think the differences in attitudes are caused by the way the breakup was executed. If the break up wasn't an ugly one, why would contacting the person later (after you're over them, whenever/whatever that means) be a bad thing? Mine wasn't an ugly one either. I was just very heartbroken over it... And it's not necessarily a bad thing if one day in the near or far future, you contact them, but you won't truly be over them until you don't care whether you'd even consider contacting them. If you are still thinking about sh*t like this a year or two years from now, then you're not over them. It's that simple...
Author Gulf-Delta Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Mine wasn't an ugly one either. I was just very heartbroken over it... And it's not necessarily a bad thing if one day in the near or far future, you contact them, but you won't truly be over them until you don't care whether you'd even consider contacting them. If you are still thinking about sh*t like this a year or two years from now, then you're not over them. It's that simple... Ah, I misunderstood what you meant before. I agree mostly with what you said. I was questioning whether or not completely abandoning a relationship (and I don't mean a "relationship") is something that can be avoided
USMCHokie Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) I agree mostly with what you said. I was questioning whether or not completely abandoning a relationship (and I don't mean a "relationship") is something that can be avoided I'm sure it can be done, but more often than not, a person's motivation for accepting a friendship after a breakup is to foster hope of reconciliation. Ask yourself this...if you reconnected with her at some unknown point in future, would you have any thoughts of having sex with her again...? If the answer is yes, then you are simply casting your line out to her and hoping she bites. If the answer is no, then I think you're full of sh*t... But seriously though, there'd be no legitimate reason to bring her back into your life. You'll make new friends, and you'll be in new relationships. She was part of only a small segment of your life, and I'm sure it was great at some point. Leave her there. Life doesn't stop just because she's not part of it. And you're not "abandoning" anything. The friendship ended when the relationship started. The relationship ended when you broke up. What's left to abandon...? Absolutely nothing. Edited April 30, 2012 by USMCHokie 1
ThatDudeXO Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Hokie got it right. My friend, your ex was just a part of your life that didn't fit or work out, therefore she didn't belong in your life. So it's time you replace her with someone else, whether it's a new parter, a new friend or improve your current friendships. Friendship after a breakup when you still love them is the worst decision to make.
dreamscape123 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 one other thing to think about is this..... I went NC for ages, but what hurt even more, is when I broke NC, she DIDNT reply.... and that hurt even more......
Million.to.1 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I think you both need to have both had another proper relationship before reconnecting on a friendship level is possible. That or a significant amount of time. I mean years, not months and definitely not weeks. You need to have moved on emotionally, have had a good amount of physical time apart. You need to completely break down the attachment before you can re create a different one. Otherwise i think you just make the whole process much harder. You need to set yourself and the other person free to seek love somewhere else. It's hard to do that when your heart strings are being pulled in confusing directions. If you are happy to watch her meet someone else and fall in love right in front of you then keep being friends. if you can watch her watch you do the same then be friends. But NC , seriously. Best way to move on, and so best way to reach the point of indifference you need to be. Then reconnecting in the right way one day may be possible.
Philosoraptor Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 NC does not have to last forever. It needs to last until both people have removed all feelings greater than ones you would have for a friend. Once that has happened, and both people want to stay in contact, a friendship can proceed. 1
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