Kasey70 Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 Hello, I'm posting for a friend of mine. Let me give you a little background first. She has be seeking the advice of a counselor for about a year now in relation to whats going on with her H. She says the counselor is very nice and helpful. He has never crossed the line in any of their conversations. However she did say that she finds him sometimes looking at her alot. At church that is, he is her pastor. She said she can see him through her sunglasses when outside and he looks at her. She said it doesn't make her feel uncomfortable, maybe a little flattered but was wondering what others thought about him doing this. Also she said she felt that they have this bond going on because she had shared alot of things with him about her situation. Maybe its only natural to feel that way when confiding in someone, I don't know. She said when she first started talking to him about a year ago, he would call sometimes to check and see how things were. Sometimes they would end up talking for about an hour or so about nothing. Then one day out of the blue, the calls stopped. I told her maybe he was getting to attatched or to emotionally involved and took a step back and looked at the situation. She said she felt it went from him giving advice as a "friend", back to giving advice from a "pastor". Also she said sometimes when she speaks with him about the situation with her and her H, that he becomes very involved in her questions about things. Example: she has talked with him about her H's involvement with porn and told the pastor that to her theres a difference between kinky and extreme. He then asked her to give him some examples of what she thought was kinky and what was extreme. I personally think thats crossing the line. But then again since hes a counselor maybe he wanted to get the whole picture so he can help. Any thoughts please? Thanks.
moimeme Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Sharing one's thoughts and feelings with someone creates intimacy. Because of this, people being counselled very often develop feelings for their counsellors. And vice versa. It sounds as though this pastor has got his act together and is keeping his professional relationship with her. Example: she has talked with him about her H's involvement with porn and told the pastor that to her theres a difference between kinky and extreme. He then asked her to give him some examples of what she thought was kinky and what was extreme. I personally think thats crossing the line. But then again since hes a counselor maybe he wanted to get the whole picture so he can help. Any thoughts please? It's a perfectly legit question because people's limits are VERY different. Some folks think oral sex is 'kinky'. Others don't call it 'kinky' until animals are involved. As long as he didn't ask for lengthy graphic descriptions of things they've done or would like to do, his question was fine.
Kasey70 Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Hey moimeme, thanks for your reply. Yes I think hes a good person and very helpful. He seems to have it together. I do think at one point there was some feelings developing on both parts but I think he got back on track, which was the right thing to do. And by him doing so I think it helped her as well. Thanks again.
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