TNGUY881 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I have have been married for 9 years. My wife and I have not been the same people that we were in the last 2 or 3 years. I dont know if I should seperate, divorce or just stick it out. My situation... We have 2 kids, 6 and a 2 year old. I find myself thinking that out of any given month I am happy with my marriage about 5-10 days at any random time of the month.. Is this normal? I mean how many days should I be happy? Our sex life is about once every 10 days. Is that normal for a couple in their early 30's? My wife is a smoker and I despise that. We constantly fight about it and she says eveytime she is going to quit but never does. Actually the reason I feel this way is because every issue I have with her she acknowledges and says shes gonna change but nothing ever changes. I know im not perfect too and I dont expect her to be I just want a little effort. My wife is the kind of person that has no initiative in life. Anything we do is brought on by me. If I never planned anything for the us or the family then we would sit at home every day and do nothing. Dont get me wrong she likes to go out but for that to happen I have to make the plans, find a babysitter, etc.. If not then it aint happening. I, on the other hand, am a very social person. I love to be out and meet people, and hang out with friends. She is good about letting me go and honestly I like going without her. I sometimes are out with friends and meet a woman who shows intrest in me. I would never cheat on my wife but I do think about how it would be nice to be able to have a relationship with someone who is full of life just as I am. Usually the next few days after I meet somone while Im out I feel depressed and feel like I want my marriage to be over.. However, I also know that I sometimes think if I hadnt met that someone who showed intrest in me then I probably wouldnt be feeling this way.. Is this my brain saying, you only want that person temporarily to feel young and fun again? It may also be my brain saying you need to feel that way again and you can but not as long as you are in this marriage. Another thing is I 100% know in my heart that if we did not have kids I would have left long ago. I have heard people say dont stick it out for the kids but thats easier said than done. I love my kids so much and I feel like I am abandoning them if I leave, especially because its for my happiness. I work nights and seeing them would be really hard. I have only mentioned a few of the issues I have in my marriage but I literally could make a list of things that I feel are not issues that anyone should have to live with. I am a very reasonable person and would not nit pick over minor things. All of the issues are border line serious to me. Any help or suggestions anyone has would be greatly appreciated.
jphcbpa Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I know how you feel in regards to being different people, you like spending time with your friends/going out/making plans and she does not. I would like to have people over, but my wife is not a fan of that. in fact since being in our home the past couple of years, we have not had many people over, no house warming party and no one has even spent the night in our guest room. i too feel like a different man since i have been married. i am not the same happy go lucky person i once was. might be helpful to go see a MC regarding this.
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