Riot/Clone Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Been seeing a guy for 3 months. He came on pretty hot & heavy. I was "sooo awesome" and more for the 1st 2 months. The guy is divorced and has 2 kids under 15 years old which he has every other week for a week, lives an hour away and has a 1.5 hour commute to/from work 5 days per week. He has introduced me to his family, taken me to spend time with them on several occassions. The kids seem to like me. We were spending a lot of time together for a while there, taking turns driving to each others homes, mostly on the weeks without the kids, We starting having sex a few weeks ago. He seems to have changed in his interest level since, but has told me that he is having a really hard time with his job right now, is struggling to pay his child support & rent and has to find a lower cost place to live so he can financially take care of the kids. I understand that these are huge life stressors. He continues to text me daily- we never talk on the phone. He has cut back on making plans/inviting me over for the most part. The plans have dwindled very dramatically, in fact . A couple of weeks ago we were in a discussion about divorces & he told me that he won't marry again until his kids are grown. He doesn't want them to see him sleeping in bed with me & when I'm there & sleeps on the sofa. He also happened to mention that his divorce was final in December of last year. I knew they had not been together for a couple of years, but didn't know about how recent the divorce was. We have been distant friends for many years and yesterday, because the situation was bugging me so much- I gave him an easy out. Told him that I was completely ok with reverting to the friendship status with no hard feelings whatsoever, if he's not into it. He said that 'it's not that he's not into it" but that he is overwhelmed with things going on in his life and could understand why I thought he's not into it. He then said he wasn't overwhelmed by me, though. I reiterated that if at any time he wasn't feeling it to say so & it's all good. He became super attentive & was texting the crap out of me since then. Still no offer of getting together at all though & we haven't seen each other in a week. Finally I was like "do you want to get together this week?". It took him 2 hours to respond. He told me how broke he is & then suggested a day for him to come here. I felt bad about the money thing & said maybe it'd be easier if I come there. We agreed on that. So I'm to see him tomorrow and want to talk about the issues I'm feeling. Not sure what to say. I can't let him off the hook any easier than I've tried to. Should I wait it out for a while or just cut the cord already?
oldschool1 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 That is a tough one. Perhaps this man is telling you the truth. He is extremely stressed and does not know how to juggle everything right now. Now, it COULD be that he's just not into you (or into you enough), but you could also take him at face value and try to figure out how to make things work. Men are often fiercely independent after a divorce, so it may take awhile for this guy to soften his stance. Many of my divorced male friends swore off marriage initially but changed their tune later on. Then again, he's telling you NO on marriage, so I suppose you should respect his opinion. If you push him into full disclosure and an immediate solution, he may run for the hills. In my experience, overwhelmed men do not respond well to additional pressure. Better to wait for a more relaxed moment to make your needs known. Assuming he is simply overwhelmed/broke/freaked out, you will have to think about what you want out of the relationship. Are you willing to deal with his issues? Are you intending to marry soon? A semi-long distance divorced man with kids and financial struggles has certain limitations, but you probably know that.
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