ginastar Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) has anyone ever experienced an on and off relationship where one person will act completely into the relationship and then break up like its no big deal and then 2 months later get back together and be COMPLETELY into it again and have this happen more than once? why does this person break up and not care to talk for 2 months and then get back with the ex and be all over it, going to family events, posting things on facebook, being all affectionate, and then break up again a few months later and cycle continues...this has been going on a few months (since sept 2011-present). what is this person thinking or is he just a psycho? Edited April 30, 2012 by ginastar
flow15 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I've been going through the same thing with my ex, except for a year... I wish I knew what the hell is going through his mind, and why he thinks its ok to do this... perhaps its because I let him as I keep taking him back, but every time he comes back I think its finally the time that hes gonna stick with it.. I think to myself, he wouldn't do it again, put me through that pain again... but no, he runs away again every time!
Author ginastar Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 actually this has been going on a year also..(sorry I am posting for a friend). her bf seems sincere when he wants her back and seems all into it when they get back....is that how your bf is? but then he leaves again or causes a fight or drama which leads to a break up, that always lasts about 2 months. How long you guys break up? What does this mean when a guy does this?
Lucy1722 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Coming from the person that is doing the breaking off constantly maybe I can shed some light. I have been in an on again off again relationship for the last two years. I have probably broken it off more times than I have fingers and toes. So of course you ask, why???? Deep down I know the relationship is not right yet I have feelings for this person. I love this person yet deep down I know she just isnt right for me. So I get strong enough to break it off and then afterwards start feeling lonely and missing her. And there lies the rub, when I start feeling sad and lonely I reach out to her knowing that she'll take me back and my feelings of being sad and lonely will disappear immediately. So my advice for anyone that finds themselves in this situation and is the one that is taking the other back is to stop. Its as simple as that stop taking that other person back. Have some self respect and stop. Everytime you take that person back you are creating another situation where YOU WILL GET HURT. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If your like me and your the axxhole that keeps breaking things off? You need to really look inside yourself and why you are so afraid of being alone. I know I had to and the more i looked the less I liked. Sometimes being alone really sucks cause it forces us to sit in our own shxt. And sometimes that stinks. 1
Author ginastar Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I kinda thought that was the case but when this guy goes back to her it seems as if he is so into her again and not that he was just lonely. It seems genuine and almost better then before he leaves her. Did you feel this way when you went back? And seriously why over n over again, don't you learn after a yr n many times that u might wanna break up again eventually?
Philosoraptor Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I agree that lonliness has a lot to do with it. Things seem much easier when in a relationship than out of one. It seems so easy to hop back in and meet someone else, but it isn't. Many go back because it's easier than what is out there. But they leave again because they still aren't happy with the person that they are with, they are just familiar and safe.
Author ginastar Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 but to do it over and over seems riduculous and is the dumper really falling back in love when they go back, as it seems? what are the chances of a relationship like this working out?
Philosoraptor Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 but to do it over and over seems riduculous and is the dumper really falling back in love when they go back, as it seems? what are the chances of a relationship like this working out? It's always easier to go to somewhere familiar than to take a risk. Did they fall out of love to begin with? Who knows? They may still love, but love is not always enough to make us happy.
Melbufama Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 on and off means one or both of the parties in a relationship are looking for something better. Basically think of a monkey swinging through a tree its not gonna let go the first branch with out firmly reaching another. I suggest u start swinging
Author ginastar Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 so why does this man act like he is back to the honeymoon phase when in reality he should feel like he is settling? and how long will he continue this? hasnt he learned he will get bored again??
Melbufama Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 so why does this man act like he is back to the honeymoon phase when in reality he should feel like he is settling? and how long will he continue this? hasnt he learned he will get bored again?? Basically someone who doesnt know wut they want, or simply just passing time because he is bored with his life, he has ****ty friends or no friends, and is going through a dry spell dating wise.
Author ginastar Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 right but still...to seem like he is back to the honeymoon phase is odd...does he really fall back in love for a little bit? is this somethign that will def not workout?
Philosoraptor Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 right but still...to seem like he is back to the honeymoon phase is odd...does he really fall back in love for a little bit? is this somethign that will def not workout? The love may not have ended. You can love someone and still be unhappy with being with them. When a relationship restarts all of the "ok we did it! We're unstoppable!" type feelings come in hard. After a little while though you are once again faced with the fact that the relationship does not make you happy. I wouldn't expect much here and honestly wouldn't invite him back.
Lucy1722 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Looks like all of the responses are pretty much on the mark. As for myself I keep breaking it off because DEEP DEEP DOWN I know this relationship is not right AND I believe the "RIGHT" one is out there. Oh but why keep going back????? Cause we know we can, cause once loneliness sets in and the reality of being single sets in it can suck. Lets not forget that there's a connection with this other person anyways. I absolutely love this woman and it breaks my heart to keep doing this to her. Think of it this way. If any of you have dealt with an addiction issue you know the similarities are very close. In the beginning the drug (aka woman) makes you feel wonderful, energetic, happy and satisfied. But then the drug (relationship) begins to turn on you and eventually the euphoric feelings become less and less with the negatives becoming more and more. So you take a break from the drug (relationship) for days, weeks or months but when you return you get that same high feeling that you originally got when you first started. But of course it doesnt last as long and doesnt get you as high as the first time. So the next time you ask why someone keeps going back ask yourself why does an addict or alcoholic keep using when they know what the end results will be.
Author ginastar Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 your gf is prob hoping you will just grow up and realize you love her. do you this will ever happen to you? why dont you go find whatever it is you are looking for ?
xxxlouxxx1 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I was with my boyfriend for 5 years with this whole on and off thing and its torn me to bits, i have no self confidence and i am unhappy my parents are sick and tired of seeing me like this and so am i. I feel my boyfriend liked the fact he knew he could drop me at any given moment then snap me back up when he felt lonely. I kind of feel i am the same i sit around and mope all the time until he comes back and i think i go running back to make those sad lonely feelings go away. Looking back i was in a really bad relationship, my boyfriend put me down ALOT and all my friends said to me...whats it going to take for you to stay away from him and honestly i didnt know, but i have to say knowing there a few other people who feel exactly the same way makes me feel like i am not alone.
Author ginastar Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 lou- how long were you on and off with him- the whole 5 yrs?? was ur bf all back into you when he came back all those times and like back in the honeymoon stage for a little while, only to dump you again within a few weeks?
xxxlouxxx1 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 lou- how long were you on and off with him- the whole 5 yrs?? was ur bf all back into you when he came back all those times and like back in the honeymoon stage for a little while, only to dump you again within a few weeks? Yup the whole 5 years, Honestly, I think we spent at the most about 6 months before breaking up again... thats exactly what happens he drops me when he wants then when he comes back he acts like nothing went wrong and everything is fine only to break it off again a few weeks later
Author ginastar Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 so he didnt seem like he was going back to you bc of loneliness?? has anyone ever seen an on and off relationship work out in the end?
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