Lexa Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) How do we reconcile who we're naturally inclined to be with an idealized image of ourselves, or who we want to be? Can a person fake security while working on themselves? What are some giveaway signs that a woman is insecure? What about hiding behind sexuality? Laughing too much? How do you project confidence in what you're saying even if you're unsure about it? I'm having an epiphany about how cripplingly insecure I am. I have a lot of good qualities, but I always feel like I'm not very good at anything so I don't try, and thus when people ask me about myself I get nervous. I have weak boundaries. I just let people, circumstances, and emotions influence me. I'm happy with who I am overall, but incredibly unhappy with how I present myself and what I do (or rather how little I do). I don't feel like I drive my own life and I'm so tired of living this way. What are your experiences of/opinions on insecurity, particularly from a paradigm of interpersonal relationships? Do you think an insecure person can develop and maintain a coherent identity and learn to validate themselves? Edited April 30, 2012 by Lexa
JesseJames Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 How do we reconcile who we're naturally are inclined to be with an idealized image of ourselves, or who we want to be? Can a person fake security while working on themselves? I tend to steer away from being indicative of myself. Becoming a unique and dynamic individual set to grow and change throughout life requires the belief that you already, in essence, are that. You can fake it in a nursing home, but otherwise... not really. What are some giveaway signs that a woman is insecure? What about hiding behind sexuality? Laughing too much? How do you project confidence in what you're saying even if you're unsure about it? Some people do not need much to see that side-stepping stance to everything she takes. Steer a conversation toward things you know. Being honest projects the most confidence in many situations. I'm having an epiphany about how cripplingly insecure I am. I have a lot of good qualities, but I always feel like I'm not very good at anything so I don't try, and thus when people ask me about myself I get nervous. I have weak boundaries. I just let people, circumstances, and emotions influence me. I'm happy with who I am overall, but incredibly unhappy with how I present myself and what I do (or rather how little I do). I don't feel like I drive my own life and I'm so tired of living this way. An epiphany is good, but better is a true catalyst. If that isn't found, you'll have to do it the old-fashioned way and leap right into things way beyond your comfort zone. What are your experiences and opinions are on insecurity and interpersonal relationships? In my experience, I found a catalyst and experimented extensively. This lead to dating, a desire to start my own business, and a general feeling of breaking out of a shell so-to-speak.
Mr Scorpio Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Do you think an insecure person can develop and maintain a coherent identity and learn to validate themselves? Yes. But sadly I don't have any advice on the topic as I haven't myself yet reached a secure place. Therapy could help, but is expensive if you don't have insurance. Self-help books might come in handy. I would search previous threads on the topic and see what advice you might be able to find. I highly doubt you are the first person to raise this issue on this site.
Mr Scorpio Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 No. I am a Leo, although the Chinesse zodiac generalization seems to fit my personality better. I am paradoxically secure with who I am. I say paradoxically because I rather hate who I am, but I have come to an apathetic peace with it. In regards to interpersonal relationships -- at least those with the opposite sex -- it destroys them before they ever exist.
Author Lexa Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Well that's negative.. I mean if you think that way, it will become true..
Mr Scorpio Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I find it to be a chicken-and-egg type situation. Rejection creates doubt which leads to insecurity which fuels subsequent rejection which leads to loathing. Rinse. Repeat. Recycle.
SpiralOut Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 How do we reconcile who we're naturally inclined to be with an idealized image of ourselves, or who we want to be? Can a person fake security while working on themselves? What are some giveaway signs that a woman is insecure? What about hiding behind sexuality? Laughing too much? How do you project confidence in what you're saying even if you're unsure about it? I'm having an epiphany about how cripplingly insecure I am. I have a lot of good qualities, but I always feel like I'm not very good at anything so I don't try, and thus when people ask me about myself I get nervous. I have weak boundaries. I just let people, circumstances, and emotions influence me. I'm happy with who I am overall, but incredibly unhappy with how I present myself and what I do (or rather how little I do). I don't feel like I drive my own life and I'm so tired of living this way. What are your experiences of/opinions on insecurity, particularly from a paradigm of interpersonal relationships? Do you think an insecure person can develop and maintain a coherent identity and learn to validate themselves? Yes. I have to believe it's possible because it's something I'm working on. There's a thread here outlining my journey towards self-confidence. I believe a few other members of LS have similar threads. It sounds like you already know what you need to work on and that is half the battle . . . learning to set up boundaries is a good step to take. As for how to fake confidence . . . could you give an example of something you want to be more confident about? Like do you mean asking someone to do something, explaining an idea to someone, telling someone to stop acting a certain way? It's hard to give advice without more specifics. But I do believe that speaking/acting with a certain amount of confidence is part of where your confidence comes from.
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