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Is quality time normally more of a priority to girls than guys in relationships?

Onlyjonley

By Onlyjonley
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Onlyjonley Established Member

Onlyjonley

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I know every relationship is different, but I feel like this is a common pattern.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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It depends on the individual and is not necessarily gender-based. Check out the "5 love languages" for a better explanation. There's a book. I'd tell you more about it, but I don't know how to read. Hopefully someone else can chime in. :)

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Onlyjonley Established Member

Onlyjonley

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I just recently read a little about that book actually! I'd like to actually read it. I think I've established that my love language is quality time and my boy's is physical touch.

 

But I've noticed that females crave time spent way more often than guys do. Not that my boy doesn't want to spend time together, but he is fine with just a couple hours here and there.

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Onlyjonley Established Member

Onlyjonley

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Also ..my ex was the same way.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I just recently read a little about that book actually! I'd like to actually read it. I think I've established that my love language is quality time and my boy's is physical touch.

 

But I've noticed that females crave time spent way more often than guys do. Not that my boy doesn't want to spend time together, but he is fine with just a couple hours here and there.

 

Yea, I'm sure the book describes certain patterns and trends between men and women and their preferred method of showing and accepting love. It might be a worthwhile read for you!

 

But to address your observation, I'd agree that women are partial towards quality time spent with their man.

Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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Well it depends on how much time you're talking about...

 

A lot of women need an almost obsessive like amount of time...which to me seems like women seek validation and place their self-worth a lot of times on how a man treats them and gives them attention...which wouldn't be a healthy emotional state.

 

However I've seen women who weren't very into their men, just basically better than being alone or didn't really expect more out of "love" than what they had experienced who didn't require a lot of time with their partners.

 

Quality time is not quantity time, so I'm not sure why some women perceive all time spent with their significant other as quality, I mean what would be the distinction?

 

I'm someone who can spend an abnormal amount of time with my SO, I enjoy women more than men in general and I'd rather go and experience something with a SO than with a guy(s). So for myself I can spend a lot of "quality" time because I'm actually interested and want to, rather than just doing it because I have to give my SO her fix on attention. I still need my alone time or do the things I'd like to do whereas In my experience at least women can't get enough...like there's no limit or too much.

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Million.to.1 Established Member

Million.to.1

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I started a thread about the love languages last year:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/261042-love-languages-how-would-you-prefer-receive-love

 

My top language was physical touch. Quality time was third. So, that kinda sucks for me, since I'm in an LDR - his top language is quality time. So the observation doesn't hold for us.

 

 

That's awesome. I have never com across this before.

 

Strangely though, I got 3 equal winners.

Physical touch, Quality time and Words of affirmation 9 each.

Acts of service was 4

Gifts was 0.

 

:o i'm weird.

Radu Established Member

Radu

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I just recently read a little about that book actually! I'd like to actually read it. I think I've established that my love language is quality time and my boy's is physical touch.

 

But I've noticed that females crave time spent way more often than guys do. Not that my boy doesn't want to spend time together, but he is fine with just a couple hours here and there.

 

Off the top of my head, one explanation for this type of behaviour (if seen in many men/women) is that guys are raised to be more independent and girls are raised to be more dependent on group.

It's also a well known fact that women's biology favours group activities and 'figuring out' relationships. (brain make-up, it's in Allan Pease's book)

 

Just look at how 7-8 yr old kids play.

Boys playing together, one scrapes his knee, he is expected to get out of the way so that playtime can continue.

Girls playing together, one scrapes her knee ... well, you know what happens. The wailing, the crying in chorus, the help provided ... GET THE PARAMEDICS !

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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That's awesome. I have never com across this before.

 

Strangely though, I got 3 equal winners.

Physical touch, Quality time and Words of affirmation 9 each.

Acts of service was 4

Gifts was 0.

 

:o i'm weird.

 

No you're not. I have the same top three, they usually tie too. :)

 

Edit: There's now a disparity... 11 WoA, 9 PT, and 6 QT.

Edited by Star Gazer
Million.to.1 Established Member

Million.to.1

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Thank God I'm not alone. :D

Els Established Member

Els

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I do think that on average, women desire 'quality time' more, but I think that's just because the definition of 'quality time' is different for the two.

Edited by Elswyth
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Onlyjonley Established Member

Onlyjonley

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Well it depends on how much time you're talking about...

 

A lot of women need an almost obsessive like amount of time...which to me seems like women seek validation and place their self-worth a lot of times on how a man treats them and gives them attention...which wouldn't be a healthy emotional state.

 

However I've seen women who weren't very into their men, just basically better than being alone or didn't really expect more out of "love" than what they had experienced who didn't require a lot of time with their partners.

 

Quality time is not quantity time, so I'm not sure why some women perceive all time spent with their significant other as quality, I mean what would be the distinction?

 

I'm someone who can spend an abnormal amount of time with my SO, I enjoy women more than men in general and I'd rather go and experience something with a SO than with a guy(s). So for myself I can spend a lot of "quality" time because I'm actually interested and want to, rather than just doing it because I have to give my SO her fix on attention. I still need my alone time or do the things I'd like to do whereas In my experience at least women can't get enough...like there's no limit or too much.

 

Maybe I should have worded that differently. I guess quantity of time together is a bigger priority to most women than men, not quality of time.

 

I'm not talking an obsessive amount. I have to have my alone time just as much as the next person. My boy and I hang out 3-4 days a week, but I'm pretty sure he'd be fine with 1-2 days. He is just the type of person that likes to do his own thing and has a routine he likes to stick to. And I see this more often with guys.

 

For example, I had a conference Friday and Saturday, so we didn't get to spend more than a couple of hours together. While I had the urge to make up that time lost yesterday (a day we usually don't hang out), that wasn't top priority for him since he had already planned on doing what he normally does on Sundays.

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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No, I don't think time together is more of a priority to girls. I've never experienced a guy okay with seeing me like once a week unless he didn't want to be with me. BF and I are great with 3-4x per week, I'd be sad if he only wanted to see me 1 or 2x per week.

 

In your case though, if you'd seen him for a couple hours Fri/Sat, I can see Sunday not being the hugest priority for him to see you. I wouldn't worry about that situation.

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Onlyjonley Established Member

Onlyjonley

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No, I don't think time together is more of a priority to girls. I've never experienced a guy okay with seeing me like once a week unless he didn't want to be with me. BF and I are great with 3-4x per week, I'd be sad if he only wanted to see me 1 or 2x per week.

 

In your case though, if you'd seen him for a couple hours Fri/Sat, I can see Sunday not being the hugest priority for him to see you. I wouldn't worry about that situation.

 

It's not that he doesn't enjoy each time we hang out -- he does. And he makes sure we spend plenty of time together. But if I'm busy and can only hang out 1-2 days a week, he's completely fine with it. If it's the other way around, I get bummed about not seeing him and want to make up that time.

 

I'm probably making him look like a bad guy on here, which is usually what happens when I post about him. He is amazing and we have a great relationship. He shows me how much he cares in so many ways. I just don't think quantity of time spent together is as important to him as other aspects of the relationship (words of affirmation and physical touch, for example). He's just a very independent person.

Els Established Member

Els

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Hey, I would definitely get bummed too, OP. :)

 

I think some discrepancy in most things is normal for couples, and it's up to them to learn to deal with it. TOO MUCH discrepancy, on the other hand, isn't.

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