Jimmyboy101 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 So I (age:26) have a strong relationship of over a year and a half now. I recently found out that only a few weeks before my girlfriend and I made things official she had a drunk one night stand with a guy she met from her job. Listening to the details about what happened that night disgust me for the fact that her and I were already intimate and close (we agreed not to be intimate with anyone else). It was inevitable that we were going to have a future together. We are a good year and a half in and immensely in love and were good friends another year and a half before that. I know she had a bad spell of sadness going on in her life (family issues) at the time she had that night out. I was working late that night and unaware of what happened. The next day she called me and within our convo. she said that "I am so happy you are not someone who tries to take advantage of people". I did not think too much about asking her what she meant by it. It was totally random. So fast forward over a year later, the truth comes out about that night. I guess I am just hurt because this guy called her to invite her out recently and she said no, that she has a boyfriend. Again, he persisted by texting her to come out and she strongly declined. He then goes on and tells her, "Did you not enjoy that night we had together and that good ****?". At first she denied to me that anything happened, but eventually told me the truth and how she is disgusted by what happened. I asked her to tell me exactly what happened (I do not know what I did this). I know she is sincere about what happened. I guess I feel hurt and disgusted with the details. Do I have a legit reason to be mad and upset by the event that took place? I can not get it out of my mind. When I think about it I get very upset and it is apparent to my girlfriend (age: 28). If anyone has any advice or stories of their own I would be very appreciative.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Hard to say what my advice would be as I'm not exactly clear from your post what the overall timeline was. The two of you were friends for a year and a half before you started dating. You made an agreement before you started dating not to be intimate with other people? If that is the case, you certainly have a right to be angry with her. I wouldn't be suprised if some other posters say you have a right to hold a grudge and to consider the relationship tainted. However, to play devil's advocate, if she slept with this guy before the two of you were dating exclusively, personally I wouldn't necessarily consider that a blemish on your relationship with her. That being said, I wouldn't blame you if you did. 1
CC12 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Yeah, the timeline is a little confusing for me as well. Do I have a legit reason to be mad and upset by the event that took place? I suppose you do. The answer to "Was it cheating?" is made a little murky by the fact that this happened before you were official. But since you had both already agreed to only be intimate with each other (which, in my opinion, makes it "official") then it was a betrayal on her part. Does your girlfriend think you should have no problem with it? Also, why are you reading her texts?
Author Jimmyboy101 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I apologize for the timeline. Before we made things official, we were really great friends who became intimate. We started having feelings but never acknowledged the situation, though, asking each other not be intimate with others out of respect for what we were doing. I still do not know if that makes complete sense. I did not just grab her phone and look at her text messages when this came up. She was honest and open enough to show me what was said to her and the her responses back to him. At the time, she didn't know how serious I was about her and whether or not I was going to make things official. She explained she was disgusted and embarrassed with how she acted that night and told the guy to never call her or text again. It is such a fine line. Reason for my mixed feelings. I know one night stands happen often in our society but I feel disgusted with what she said happened and the details that came with. Also know, I am using this for a venting mechanism to let me feelings out. It is nice to have a place to ask without any bias towards one or another.
Wibbly Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Hey man, While you had somewhat of an agreement in place, you guys weren't official yet and from the sounds of it you've had a pretty awesome 1 1/2 years together. She did make a mistake, and she clearly regrets it and doesn't seem to want to hide anything from you. This guy keeps messaging her because HE wants what YOU have and she only wants to give herself to you. If you think of it that way, there's a self esteem boost to be had. She made one mistake when you guys weren't technically a couple. I understand the thought of your girl being with someone can drive you bonkers, but based on the happiness she seems to bring to you, don't make a mistake and throw it all away because of it.
Author Jimmyboy101 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 You are absolutely right Wibbly. When I think of it that way, I do feel better about things. We have had an amazing time and it would be unnecessary to ruin it all based on a mistake that happened before we were officially together (though it hurts as so). It will take a little time to get rid of these thoughts out of my mind and knowing who the other person was and the type of guy he is.
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