Elnino Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Hi All, My boyfriend and I broke up almost 4 months ago and I need some advice on how to proceed. We were together for almost 6 years before the break up but we had recently started a long-distance relationship (6 months before the break up). I had moved to a new city to start a job and he was supposed to meet me in 6-8 months. Needless to say, the distance stressed our relationship although we had issues before I moved. When I came home for the visit when we broke up, I was a little hard on him about not making as much progress as I would of liked in looking for a job in the new city. A couple of days after this conversation, he said that he felt like he needed a break. I immediately packed up my things and headed back to my new city. We spoke for about 20 minutes a month after I left about getting back into communication, but I when I called him, he didn't pick up or return my phone call. We emailed back and forth a couple of times after that but about nothing of note. This weekend I returned to the city we used to live in together to see friends and family and have a heart to heart with him. We both expressed our regret about the relationship and he apologized for being aloof and abandoning our friendship. I expressed that I had tried to moved on (seeing other people), but I only wanted him. He said that he has not starting dating or seeing anyone since we broke up. We both said that we missed what we had at our core but were afraid that it was not repairable. He said that we should start communicating again but I'm afraid that he only wants to be friends. We ended the meeting with a deep 20 second hug that we both whispered how much we missed each other. My question is, should I end all communication with him if I am unsure of his feeling? I miss him but I do not want to get hurt again if he doesn't want anything past a friendship. My feelings for him just have not changed at all over these 4 months. Any advice would be appreciated...Thanks in advance:)
Sophia12345 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Hi All, My boyfriend and I broke up almost 4 months ago and I need some advice on how to proceed. We were together for almost 6 years before the break up but we had recently started a long-distance relationship (6 months before the break up). I had moved to a new city to start a job and he was supposed to meet me in 6-8 months. Needless to say, the distance stressed our relationship although we had issues before I moved. When I came home for the visit when we broke up, I was a little hard on him about not making as much progress as I would of liked in looking for a job in the new city. A couple of days after this conversation, he said that he felt like he needed a break. I immediately packed up my things and headed back to my new city. We spoke for about 20 minutes a month after I left about getting back into communication, but I when I called him, he didn't pick up or return my phone call. We emailed back and forth a couple of times after that but about nothing of note. This weekend I returned to the city we used to live in together to see friends and family and have a heart to heart with him. We both expressed our regret about the relationship and he apologized for being aloof and abandoning our friendship. I expressed that I had tried to moved on (seeing other people), but I only wanted him. He said that he has not starting dating or seeing anyone since we broke up. We both said that we missed what we had at our core but were afraid that it was not repairable. He said that we should start communicating again but I'm afraid that he only wants to be friends. We ended the meeting with a deep 20 second hug that we both whispered how much we missed each other. My question is, should I end all communication with him if I am unsure of his feeling? I miss him but I do not want to get hurt again if he doesn't want anything past a friendship. My feelings for him just have not changed at all over these 4 months. Any advice would be appreciated...Thanks in advance:) I mean its easy to say 'cut of all connections and move on' but i think it depends on how strongly, how much love you have for him now - has any of the love you have for him dissappeared? I think if you love him unconditionally give it a chance but take it REAL SLOW allow yourself to prepare for the worst, understand that itll take time. Thats what i would like to think i would do in your situation. I feel that if i can give so much time to one person then im willing to go through some hurt to have a chance at experiencing the more than amazing. Although i think most people would disagree and tell you not to bother I dont know I just think that if you really love him you might not want to live with any regret of not giving this atleast ago even if it goes wrong. Depends what you can take more
Author Elnino Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Thanks Sophia12345. I appreciate your advice. My love for him has not decreased but has changed during the time we have been broken up. I see him different but I cant' forget how easy it was to talk to him and he just understood truly the person I am. I also believe that I made a lot of headway in changing myself during the time and recognizing the behaviors I participated in that were toxic to the relationship. During our relationship, we didn't argue over money or family, etc. - I think what ultimately did us in was a failure of communication and was never rectified.
Author Elnino Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Need a little more help from everyone. I wrote him an email saying that I'm glad that we met this weekend and had a chance to talk. I also said that I have had a chance to examine the things that I did wrong and I want to not start over, but make changes and see if things can work. We never did the make up and break up thing. This is are first and only break-up. Missed him and hope we can speak soon. I send this email the day after we talked and have not heard back from him. Should I hang it up? I feel like I'm in serious emotional limbo:(
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