Michael Johnson Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Omg couples counseling for an 18 year old and a 20 year old who have been together for 9 months? Come on. If you are to the point where you need "counseling" and you've only been together a few months, aren't married, and don't have kids... why bother?? Obviously the relationship is not working. Cut the cord and move on! Why drag out something that is clearly dysfunctional and unhealthy? Oh right but if this were the case with a betrayed husband who's been married for 20 yrs to a cheating wife, automatically he should forgive her and listen to a biased feminist tell him that he should accept his marriage as is! OP, as a couple other people have pointed out you seem to have your mind made up already. But this is a ridiculous amount of drama and disrespect for a teenage relationship that's less than a year old. I think that when you look back on this, you will regret wasting time with her and forgiving her for sucking another guy off 1 week after she claimed to love you.And it's quite pathetic 40 yr old couples are going to shrinks for problems they caused themselves. Counseling is not limited to worn-out parents with loads of baggage and 3 kids. If he wants to go, he's well within his rights to, and shouldn't be ridiculed because he's not some old man.
Affair Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 She swears she had no intention of cheating on me and is not attracted to the guy. She's attracted to me. I guess I'm angry because something so pure and great, has been soured by one drunken night. She wouldn't have blown him if she wasn't attracted to him! And if she blew another guy so easy I doubt that it's "pure and great" Also you still have control over what you do when drunk, I wouldn't call it a "drunken mistake" You're young, there's no kids involved. Leave Her
drifter777 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 No, we don't *know* that she will or has only 'trickle truthed' him. How could we *know* that? It can be assumed to be the case, but we simply cannot know this to be fact. I really-really (REALLY) do not like the idea of *telling* someone else how to live thier lives. I am prefectly ok with advising or suggesting but not TELLING...so what I am doing is suggesting but in all realty he is going to do what he wants. Why rally against that? Why not work with it? He's going to have to discover the truth...HIS truth...all by himself. Just giving my opinion based on my personal experiences. I don't really care if you like it or not, my words are directed to OP - not you.
2long Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 So what if they've "just" been together 9 months? Doesn't make their relationship any less important than the one who's been together for more than 10 years. Of course it does! Well, "important" is a personal judgement. A relationship certainly will seem important 2 the parties involved. But a BF/GF relationship between young adults is less serious or committed, certainly, than a 10-yr marriage. And a marriage with kids is a lot 2 disentangle one's self from, if that's called for, after infidelity. The other factor that's involved in making the decision 2 recover is the his2ry one has with their spouse. Meaning, why not go through the pain of recovery and personal growth with someone you know and has lived through it with you (not that this is always possible or desirable by all BSs)? Man, I wish like crazy that I'd only been with my wife for 9 months and had no kids when I discovered her affair 10 years ago. But I wasn't. I was 49, we have 2 kids (young adults at the time), and I'd been married 26 years by that point. Even if I had discovered the affair in my 30s, I could have started over with someone else then. Now, I'd rather not. -ol' 2long
Danie Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Just giving my opinion based on my personal experiences. I don't really care if you like it or not, my words are directed to OP - not you. Same here. My opinion to the OP...and I let myself get sucked into defending my opinion to other posters.
drifter777 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Of course it does! Well, "important" is a personal judgement. A relationship certainly will seem important 2 the parties involved. But a BF/GF relationship between young adults is less serious or committed, certainly, than a 10-yr marriage. And a marriage with kids is a lot 2 disentangle one's self from, if that's called for, after infidelity. The other factor that's involved in making the decision 2 recover is the his2ry one has with their spouse. Meaning, why not go through the pain of recovery and personal growth with someone you know and has lived through it with you (not that this is always possible or desirable by all BSs)? Man, I wish like crazy that I'd only been with my wife for 9 months and had no kids when I discovered her affair 10 years ago. But I wasn't. I was 49, we have 2 kids (young adults at the time), and I'd been married 26 years by that point. Even if I had discovered the affair in my 30s, I could have started over with someone else then. Now, I'd rather not. -ol' 2long Me 2. I would have never tried to move forward with a cheater if not for my 8 year-old son. It complicates things beyond description. I'm sure OP and his girl are very much in love and they believe that this relationship is the most important thing in their world. I wish I could talk some sense into them and tell them how wrong they are; that there can be many wonderful relationships in their future if they have the courage to move on and live life. I'd tell them how important it is for them to experience many other people and live the single life for a few years so they are better prepared to make the decisions that will shape the rest of their lives. They are both so young and to start the long, painful work of trying to reconcile infidelity at this time is really a mistake (IMHO). I'd tell them to learn from this experience, move on to someone else and learn from that experience as well. You're young - be young!
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