zengirl Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 ... If they're attracted to THAT kind of personality, I have no idea why they dated me in the first place. That makes even LESS sense than them not being physically attracted to me. I dunno, I find Flo fake and kind of annoying. It makes me a little whoozy to think THAT'S what I need to be to attract guys. Well, to attract and keep THAT guy maybe but certainly there are women with a myriad of personas and styles that attract men. Flo's style is (toned down for real life) actually very similar to my own in a social setting, for instance, but plenty of people I know are not like that AT ALL and are in Rs and have social personas that work for them. I think it's important to understand that just because you aren't who one person (or even five) wants that it doesn't really transfer into any meaningful content for what ALL men want. I would say your general feelings with dating stem from some level of dissonance between how you date & who you are. Positive attitudes almost always work better, however. So, you have to find a way to make social interactions positive (with people who you feel positive about -- this doesn't mean you have to like everyone) that is true to who you are.
zengirl Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 If making a change in terms of diet and exercise, which would cause weight loss makes her feel better that will increase her social value. I get that idea in theory. But it probably won't make her feel better. Especially since I see no reason why V could use weight loss tips. V's problem with weight is that she doesn't like her body shape or that the female body naturally has some fat to distribute. She's not fat, but she's short (5'1'') so she's going to be curvy and so forth, rather than thin and statuesque. Such is life. Height, more than anything, helps you look thinner. It's nearly impossible for a girl who's 5'1'' to be a waif. She doesn't have the height required to distribute the natural weight. That's fine because MOST MEN WOULDN'T CONSIDER V OVERWEIGHT AND HER WEIGHT WOULD NOT CAUSE HER TO BE UNATTRACTIVE at the stats listed, nor is her weight distribution a problem in the pics I've seen (i.e. she has pretty nice curves). She's not thin, she's not a waif, but she's not overweight. I've seen the breakdown of what she eats, and it's depressing. She also exercises quite regularly and posted a decent routine. She could perhaps push that more for greater muscle impact, and I think she's doing so. tl;dr - Basically: I fail to see how fixating on something she already over-fixates on would make her happier.
iris219 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 ... If they're attracted to THAT kind of personality, I have no idea why they dated me in the first place. That makes even LESS sense than them not being physically attracted to me. I dunno, I find Flo fake and kind of annoying. It makes me a little whoozy to think THAT'S what I need to be to attract guys. Not all guys are attracted to a Flo-like personality. I think you're dating the guys you happen to come into contact with, without considering compatibility, and these guys are all wrong for you. They dated you for the same reason: you were there. You definitely need to expand your social circle. I know you self-identify as "nerdy," but I don't think you've really discovered who you are because you're so busy trying to be who you think the people in your social circle want you to be. Many years ago, I lived in a beach community and ended up dating surfer/sporty/sometimes slacker types. Totally not my type! I had to move to discover more intelluctual, artsy guys were my type. 1
zengirl Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Not all guys are attracted to a Flo-like personality. I think you're dating the guys you happen to come into contact with, without considering compatibility, and these guys are all wrong for you. They dated you for the same reason: you were there. You definitely need to expand your social circle. I know you self-identify as "nerdy," but I don't think you've really discovered who you are because you're so busy trying to be who you think the people in your social circle want you to be. Many years ago, I lived in a beach community and ended up dating surfer/sporty/sometimes slacker types. Totally not my type! I had to move to discover more intelluctual, artsy guys were my type. Right. Cultivating a persona that works for who you are and who you want to attract doesn't mean long-term faking. It's just carving out your own spot. Hell, the men I wanted to attract would pretty much NEVER approach me. I was actually rather reserved and shy in social situations when I was younger. So, I had to get braver, more social, and do new things. I was also rather sarcastic, and I found men who I preferred for deeper emotional connections tended not to like people who were deeply sarcastic in early meetings and that the men who responded well to that sarcasm turned out to be incompatible with me in more important ways. So, I skewed my wit in a different direction that led to more satisfying connections. I also found life was a lot happier when I was less sarcastic, so it worked out brilliantly for me. A lot of what we do we just accept as who we are, but in establishing your OWN persona, rather than just doing what you do, I think you can be more authentically yourself and who you truly are your happiest and most successful at.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 V's problem with weight is that she doesn't like her body shape or that the female body naturally has some fat to distribute. She's not fat, but she's short (5'1'') so she's going to be curvy and so forth, rather than thin and statuesque. Such is life. Height, more than anything, helps you look thinner. That's just it... she does not feel good about her body. She's walking around projecting through body language and attitude, such a feeling. Again it's just a suggestion. Also no one's talking about being a waif. Remember when I first wrote on this I was going on her self description as "fat". I have seen the pictures I don't think she's fat. What we think does not matter. If she feels fat, and loosing 10 lbs makes her feel sexy... which perhaps changes her attitude towards life and relationships that's a good thing. No one's talking about being a waif. People jump on anyone who advocates fitness as encouraging bulimia or something. Another topic for another time.
Author verhrzn Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Not all guys are attracted to a Flo-like personality. I think you're dating the guys you happen to come into contact with, without considering compatibility, and these guys are all wrong for you. They dated you for the same reason: you were there. You definitely need to expand your social circle. I know you self-identify as "nerdy," but I don't think you've really discovered who you are because you're so busy trying to be who you think the people in your social circle want you to be. Many years ago, I lived in a beach community and ended up dating surfer/sporty/sometimes slacker types. Totally not my type! I had to move to discover more intelluctual, artsy guys were my type. Well I think it's more they were compatible for me, but I wasn't compatible for them. I adored at least two of my relationships. My last one was probably the happiest and least "drama-tastic" I've been in. I actually thought he made me a better person cause he has an infectious kind of energy(I wasn't as cynical or negative! Imagine that!) ... It's actually always kind of a shock when they dump me. As to my type, nope, I totally am a nerd, and I adore nerds. Well I would if they didn't reject me so much. Shared hobbies are a big deal for me. I've met some intellectual boys, who you'd think I'd spark with, but I just found them boring and pretentious. There's something infectiously sweet and fun about guys who are obsessed with the same things I am, and we can be silly together. (My last ex and I loved watching My Little Pony, for goodness' sake.) To quote my idol Tina Fey," For many people, college is a time for sexual experimentation and discovery and I am no exception. After a series of failed experiments with Caucasian men, I discovered what I am really into is Caucasian men."
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Let's see how V responds now that she actually has gotten what I would say is good, "real" advice. She automatically responded to the only post she could argue with, once again ignoring advice that might help her.
Author verhrzn Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 She automatically responded to the only post she could argue with, once again ignoring advice that might help her. Everything else I'm still thinking about. I just didn't want posters to go down the "Yeah get away from nerds!" branch.
iris219 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Well I think it's more they were compatible for me, but I wasn't compatible for them. I adored at least two of my relationships. My last one was probably the happiest and least "drama-tastic" I've been in. I actually thought he made me a better person cause he has an infectious kind of energy(I wasn't as cynical or negative! Imagine that!) ... It's actually always kind of a shock when they dump me. As to my type, nope, I totally am a nerd, and I adore nerds. Well I would if they didn't reject me so much. Shared hobbies are a big deal for me. I've met some intellectual boys, who you'd think I'd spark with, but I just found them boring and pretentious. There's something infectiously sweet and fun about guys who are obsessed with the same things I am, and we can be silly together. (My last ex and I loved watching My Little Pony, for goodness' sake.) To quote my idol Tina Fey," For many people, college is a time for sexual experimentation and discovery and I am no exception. After a series of failed experiments with Caucasian men, I discovered what I am really into is Caucasian men." If you adamantly believe you are being your most authentic self and are dating the right kinds of guys, then fine--relax. It's not unusual to have long periods where you're single. I'm not telling you to stay away from nerds, but I still think you'd benefit from expanding your social circle. There are so many different types of people out there. Why limit yourself to one small group? (I assume it's small, because I've never met adults who are into Magic or cosplay!) I feel like you must be interacting with a VERY small group of people on a regular basis. I like tattooed hipsters, but I'd really be limiting myself if that's all I would date.
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Everything else I'm still thinking about. I just didn't want posters to go down the "Yeah get away from nerds!" branch.Fair enough although it would help if you expressed as such instead of ignoring as you usually do. A simple "thanks, there's a lot here that I need to think about". It's funny how thanking people for time and again putting in effort to try to help you, can create a positive synergy.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Everything else I'm still thinking about. I just didn't want posters to go down the "Yeah get away from nerds!" branch. Getting way from nerds might be what you need. Do you really think people who are mentally stuck in perpetual childhood will make for good, mature relationship partners? In rare cases, perhaps. It may not be what you want to hear, and I already know your response: "I can't get anyone but nerds! What am I supposed to do?" You've dated pretty much the same type of guy your entire life and it has never worked out for you. What on earth makes you think that doing the same thing over and over again will get you a different result? Isn't that an informal definition of "insanity?" Zengirl and Elswyth already told you how to alleviate this problem. You find ways to broaden your appeal.
Author verhrzn Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Getting way from nerds might be what you need. Do you really think people who are mentally stuck in perpetual childhood will make for good, mature relationship partners? In rare cases, perhaps. It may not be what you want to hear, and I already know your response: "I can't get anyone but nerds! What am I supposed to do?" You've dated pretty much the same type of guy your entire life and it has never worked out for you. What on earth makes you think that doing the same thing over and over again will get you a different result? Isn't that an informal definition of "insanity?" Zengirl and Elswyth already told you how to alleviate this problem. You find ways to broaden your appeal. The whole "nerds are overgrown children!" is kind of an unfair stereotype. Some nerds are... but there are overgrown children in every stripe of life. I've met plenty of non-nerds that go out and drink 3-4 nights a week... are they really any better than guys who play video games 3-4 nights a week? At least during video games, a guy isn't making any questionable moral decisions while his brain is swimming in booze. (Driving, hitting on that hot chick, spending $50 on shots, etc.) From my observations, "nerd" really just defines someone who is very passionate about a particular topic that society deems "abnormal." I mean, no body claims that guys who work on their cars all the time are childish or make for awful relationship partners. Are some nerds childish? Sure, but most of the "nerds" I know have full time grown up adult jobs, perfectly healthy relationships, and just really like cosplay/video games/Magic/DnD, what have you. I mean, I love those things, and I don't think anyone would rush to label me childish or immature. Has dating nerds worked? No... but dating "other types" has worked even LESS. Like I said, shared hobbies is a must for me. Other types of guys are just... turn-offs. I have nothing in common with them, nothing to talk about or activities to do with them. I hate cars, I don't like sports, I hate running/biking/fishing/camping/drinking... that's pretty much 80% of the guy population right there. ... Yes, I am still thinking about the rest of the advice, thank you everyone for your input.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I mean, I love those things, and I don't think anyone would rush to label me childish or immature. Has dating nerds worked? No... but dating "other types" has worked even LESS. Like I said, shared hobbies is a must for me. Other types of guys are just... turn-offs. I have nothing in common with them, nothing to talk about or activities to do with them. I hate cars, I don't like sports, I hate running/biking/fishing/camping/drinking... that's pretty much 80% of the guy population right there. ... Yes, I am still thinking about the rest of the advice, thank you everyone for your input. How much running, biking, fishing, camping and sports have you actually tried? You want better relationships but you're limiting yourself to a very, very limited amount of people. In fact, since 80% of guys in your area have hobbies you dislike, and shared hobbies are a must for your relationships, that means only 20% of guys are truly dateable to you, correct? Your standards aren't as low as you try to portray them, milady.
zengirl Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Getting way from nerds might be what you need. Do you really think people who are mentally stuck in perpetual childhood will make for good, mature relationship partners? In rare cases, perhaps. It may not be what you want to hear, and I already know your response: "I can't get anyone but nerds! What am I supposed to do?" You've dated pretty much the same type of guy your entire life and it has never worked out for you. What on earth makes you think that doing the same thing over and over again will get you a different result? Isn't that an informal definition of "insanity?" Zengirl and Elswyth already told you how to alleviate this problem. You find ways to broaden your appeal. TBQ, you haven't met enough nerds. I like nerds, too, V, but there are a myriad of types of nerdy people to varying degrees of nerdy. Neither my hubby nor I would be socially identified as nerdy unless we chose to (which we sometimes do and sometimes don't, depending on where we are) but are interests are definitively nerdy. Most self-proclaimed nerds I know are not stuck in perpetual childhood, but that's why you so often hear terms like "secretly nerdy." People think I'm secretly nerdy because I'm socially adept and pretty, but that's stupid. There's nothing secret about my nerdiness and there are plenty of people who are socially inept and don't have nerdy hobbies.
Author verhrzn Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 How much running, biking, fishing, camping and sports have you actually tried? You want better relationships but you're limiting yourself to a very, very limited amount of people. In fact, since 80% of guys in your area have hobbies you dislike, and shared hobbies are a must for your relationships, that means only 20% of guys are truly dateable to you, correct? Your standards aren't as low as you try to portray them, milady. Well I thought we were talking about ideals and what I actually want. What I will TAKE is "breathing" "male" "single" etc. Fortunately, no "loves campin' and fishin'" guy has thrown himself into my path. Now THAT would be a disaster of a relationship. I have tried the activities mentioned. I did not like them. Like, visceral hatred. I watch football only because I was born in Wisconsin and my father would disown me if I don't like the Packers, and I play tennis occasionally, but that is the extent of my enjoyment of sports. Um... what was the other advice that I didn't address? In regarding Zengirl's advice about being "warm, positive (downright ridiculously so), a wee bit sassy but in a non-intimidating way, mildly assertive without being combative, and sociable"..... well, I'm screwed. Maybe it's just that my personality and my looks are completely at odds. I'm short and have nothing outright alarming about my appearance, but I also have a very loud voice, am very opinionated, argue passionately/combatively, and am very talkative. So in personality I am the absolute OPPOSITE of Flo. So, the guys dumped me for being ugly and because I have a personality they hated?... I'm not sure that's better... (I go with "ugly" because they immediately hooked up with girls that were way hotter.)
Mrlonelyone Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) They think of the various stereotypes. They think of Sheldon and Leonard from the big bang theory, or Steve Urkel. Or they confuse a nerd with the idea of a totally 1 dimensional geek (who only has one or two geeky interest). In real life a Nerd is anything but an overgrown child. As an adult to really be a nerd you need to be a hard core person with a job/certification/degree in STEM. Some historical nerds who had interesting and often healthy social and sex lives. Marie and Pierre curie (a scientific super couple). Albert Einstein and Mileva Maric (a scientific super couple for 8 or 9 years). Niel Degrasse Tyson (married) Carl Sagan (Married) None of them acted like overgrown children. They are more representative of reality that what you see on TV. TV is made by art/literature types to resented having to learn science as part of their education. V, as Zengirl said you need to date more nerds. You will find one who you are more interested in. Remember the nerd Hierarchy. It closely maps to experience and education. i.e. the Curies were two ambitious nerds who lied the same work and had about the same rank. The Einsteins's weren't..and it did not work out. Edited May 1, 2012 by Mrlonelyone
Author verhrzn Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 They think of the various stereotypes. They think of Sheldon and Leonard from the big bang theory, or Steve Urkel. Or they confuse a nerd with the idea of a totally 1 dimensional geek (who only has one or two geeky interest). In real life a Nerd is anything but an overgrown child. As an adult to really be a nerd you need to be a hard core person with a job/certification/degree in STEM. Some historical nerds who had interesting and often healthy social and sex lives. Marie and Pierre curie (a scientific super couple). Albert Einstein and Mileva Maric (a scientific super couple for 8 or 9 years). Niel Degrasse Tyson (married) Carl Sagan (Married) None of them acted like overgrown children. They are more representative of reality that what you see on TV. TV is made by art/literature types to resented having to learn science as part of their education. I think there are lots of ways to be nerdy. There are science nerds. There are grammar nerds. There are culture nerds (that's probably the type I belong to.) I don't think it's fair to say "only THIS type of nerding is allowed!" If you are very passionate about a topic that a smaller subset of people likes, then you're a nerd.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 TBQ, you haven't met enough nerds. I like nerds, too, V, but there are a myriad of types of nerdy people to varying degrees of nerdy. Neither my hubby nor I would be socially identified as nerdy unless we chose to (which we sometimes do and sometimes don't, depending on where we are) but are interests are definitively nerdy. Most self-proclaimed nerds I know are not stuck in perpetual childhood, but that's why you so often hear terms like "secretly nerdy." People think I'm secretly nerdy because I'm socially adept and pretty, but that's stupid. There's nothing secret about my nerdiness and there are plenty of people who are socially inept and don't have nerdy hobbies. Au contraire. I've met plenty of nerds. I don't want to get into a "geek" vs. "nerd" vs. "dork" debate, but for our purposes, can we agree that a nerd is someone with a keen interest in anime, gaming and and all its offshoots (video games, tabletop gaming, cons, cosplay, furries, whatever)? If so, yes, most of the ones I've met are not particularly well adjusted when it comes to relationships. Most are inexperienced and a lot of them will develop the "grass is greener" syndrome that V is desperately trying to avoid. The kinds of nerds she's talking about dating are very much the highly stereotypical ones. She's not talking about the highly intellectual ones that read books about Godel's incompleteness theorems just for fun. In fact, I think she said she was turned off by that type of nerd.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I think there are lots of ways to be nerdy. There are science nerds. There are grammar nerds. There are culture nerds (that's probably the type I belong to.) I don't think it's fair to say "only THIS type of nerding is allowed!" If you are very passionate about a topic that a smaller subset of people likes, then you're a nerd. I think what you describe is more precisely a geek. I know allot of people use the terms interchangeably. ie someone who knows everything there is to know about starwars episodes I through VI and the novels ==> geek Someone who knows the known laws of physics/chemistry/electronics/medicine.....and helps find new ones. (could design a real life spacecraft) ==>nerd. Geeks gather specific knowledge... Nerds discover new knowledge. Star wars fan....geek George Lucas...nerd.
Author verhrzn Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Au contraire. I've met plenty of nerds. I don't want to get into a "geek" vs. "nerd" vs. "dork" debate, but for our purposes, can we agree that a nerd is someone with a keen interest in anime, gaming and and all its offshoots (video games, tabletop gaming, cons, cosplay, furries, whatever)? If so, yes, most of the ones I've met are not particularly well adjusted when it comes to relationships. Most are inexperienced and a lot of them will develop the "grass is greener" syndrome that V is desperately trying to avoid. The kinds of nerds she's talking about dating are very much the highly stereotypical ones. She's not talking about the highly intellectual ones that read books about Godel's incompleteness theorems just for fun. In fact, I think she said she was turned off by that type of nerd. Not all of its offshoots, no. Some people like anime but not gaming. Some people like tabletop gaming but could care less about cosplay. Furries are... very much their own special brand. As to the "grass is greener," I've experienced that with "pretentious" types as well. At least the culture nerds don't think they're better than me just because they enjoy reading books on Godel's incompleteness theorems. Intellectual guys are SO competitive and superior it's exhausting.* *Remember how 4 out of my 5 relationships were the guys dumping me and getting with someone hotter? The odd-relationship out was a guy who mixed nerd and pretentious. He certainly was very intelligent and well-read... and he never let you forget it. He was constantly making comments about how much smarter, more cultured, better read, WIDER read, and artistic he was. (Example: "I find your writing pedestrian. It doesn't have the academic grace of Ahmed Rashid." "Your painting is derivative of my early high school works." Yes seriously.) I got so sick of it we finally fought ourselves into a corner... and he started pursuing someone hotter. I think what you describe is more precisely a geek. I know allot of people use the terms interchangeably. ie someone who knows everything there is to know about starwars episodes I through VI and the novels ==> geek Someone who knows the known laws of physics/chemistry/electronics/medicine.....and helps find new ones. (could design a real life spacecraft) ==>nerd. Um, EXTREME splitting of hairs.
zengirl Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) Well I thought we were talking about ideals and what I actually want. What I will TAKE is "breathing" "male" "single" etc. Fortunately, no "loves campin' and fishin'" guy has thrown himself into my path. Now THAT would be a disaster of a relationship. I have tried the activities mentioned. I did not like them. Like, visceral hatred. I watch football only because I was born in Wisconsin and my father would disown me if I don't like the Packers, and I play tennis occasionally, but that is the extent of my enjoyment of sports. I love watching soccer, and I play a few sports, but I don't really want to share those activities (except the soccer watching in a pub with a microbrew -- I'm also a beer nerd) with a partner. So, we are similar in this way. Um... what was the other advice that I didn't address? In regarding Zengirl's advice about being "warm, positive (downright ridiculously so), a wee bit sassy but in a non-intimidating way, mildly assertive without being combative, and sociable"..... well, I'm screwed. That's what Flo was, not what I told you to be exactly. I'd start with simply being more positive and less combative, both easy social skills to work on. Maybe it's just that my personality and my looks are completely at odds. I'm short and have nothing outright alarming about my appearance, but I also have a very loud voice, am very opinionated, argue passionately/combatively, and am very talkative. So in personality I am the absolute OPPOSITE of Flo. I have a very loud voice as well, fwiw. I actively try to temper it with softness almost every day -- not really around Hubby, but in general. But anyway, what is so great about being combative? Why do you associate being social and talkative (which Flo also is, btw) with being combative or arguing? So, the guys dumped me for being ugly and because I have a personality they hated?... I'm not sure that's better... (I go with "ugly" because they immediately hooked up with girls that were way hotter.) They dumped you because you had not developed a deep connection and they did not like the relationship. Most people get dumped at some point. It's generally because the R has incompatibility. I think there are lots of ways to be nerdy. There are science nerds. There are grammar nerds. There are culture nerds (that's probably the type I belong to.) I don't think it's fair to say "only THIS type of nerding is allowed!" If you are very passionate about a topic that a smaller subset of people likes, then you're a nerd. Most people I meet who are culture nerds are also other kinds of nerds. Au contraire. I've met plenty of nerds. I don't want to get into a "geek" vs. "nerd" vs. "dork" debate, but for our purposes, can we agree that a nerd is someone with a keen interest in anime, gaming and and all its offshoots (video games, tabletop gaming, cons, cosplay, furries, whatever)? If so, yes, most of the ones I've met are not particularly well adjusted when it comes to relationships. Most are inexperienced and a lot of them will develop the "grass is greener" syndrome that V is desperately trying to avoid. The kinds of nerds she's talking about dating are very much the highly stereotypical ones. She's not talking about the highly intellectual ones that read books about Godel's incompleteness theorems just for fun. In fact, I think she said she was turned off by that type of nerd. That's the kind of nerd Hubby and I are, and the kind of nerd (to some degree) almost everyone we know is, many of whom are married or in very solid Rs. I actually see very little GIGS in my social circle, and most of the men I know who are nerds have had GFs --- generally since a young age. They haven't always had a ton of casual sex (some have, some haven't) but they are generally -- IME at dating various types of men and preferring introverted, nerdy guys -- looking for serious LTRs and many are quite adept at finding them, unlike the stereotypes on The Big Bang Theory. Hubby and I watch anime, go to cons, and spend a HUGE amount of our free time tabletop gaming. Right now, Arkham Horror is set up on our table, and we love cooperative games. I'm not a huge fan of D&D because I , but hubby likes it. We both like the D&D board games. A huntin' & fishin' guy would never do for me either, but I never found that type to be more relationship-ready anyway. That doesn't mean all nerds are great or all H&F guys are jerks or whatnot --- but the idea that nerds are overall inexperienced guys doesn't mesh with what I've seen at all. Edited May 1, 2012 by zengirl 1
Author verhrzn Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 That's the kind of nerd Hubby and I are, and the kind of nerd (to some degree) almost everyone we know is, many of whom are married or in very solid Rs. I actually see very little GIGS in my social circle, and most of the men I know who are nerds have had GFs --- generally since a young age. They haven't always had a ton of casual sex (some have, some haven't) but they are generally -- IME at dating various types of men and preferring introverted, nerdy guys -- looking for serious LTRs and many are quite adept at finding them, unlike the stereotypes on The Big Bang Theory. Hubby and I watch anime, go to cons, and spend a HUGE amount of our free time tabletop gaming. Right now, Arkham Horror is set up on our table, and we love cooperative games. I'm not a huge fan of D&D because I , but hubby likes it. We both like the D&D board games. A huntin' & fishin' guy would never do for me either, but I never found that type to be more relationship-ready anyway. That doesn't mean all nerds are great or all H&F guys are jerks or whatnot --- but the idea that nerds are overall inexperienced guys doesn't mesh with what I've seen at all. Seconded with all this, which is why I haven't given up on nerds yet. Honestly, my trouble is finding single ones who want to date me... most of the ones I encounter at cons and things are either taken, or single and not interested. Heck, my last ex is a huge nerd, and he's slept with DOZENS of women. Also yay Arkham Horror! Can I share my truly nerdy achievement that come July, I will have my first professional cosplay outfit? (Though I'm making the cloak myself.) Pretty stoked about it... though it's a skin-tight spandex leotard sooooo... not sure how that is gonna go... I think DnD really depends on your DM and the group you're with. I've had fun DnD experiences, and I've had knaw-my-arm-off experiences.
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 There appears to be some confusion about nerds and geeks, in a non-perjorative sense. A nerd is someone who's usually focused on academically complex intellectual pursuits where a geek is focused on technology based pursuits, where he can list off large swaths of concrete facts but lacks the ability to focus on heavily theoretical concepts and theories. From the sounds of it, verhrzn is talking about geeks, not nerds. 1
InJest Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 The way your exes treat you is a reflection of them, not you. The only thing about their treatment, that reflects on you, is the fact that you chose them. What did these guys have in common?
Author verhrzn Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 The way your exes treat you is a reflection of them, not you. The only thing about their treatment, that reflects on you, is the fact that you chose them. What did these guys have in common? *Shrugs* Hard not to take it personally when they dump me after a fair amount of time, immediately forget about me, and instantly jump into someone else's bed. I mean, seriously, 4 out of 5 times. I guess the entire relationship was just worthless from their point of view, and they were all too glad to be rid of such an awful girlfriend?... (Looks and/OR personality being to blame, I guess.) The only thing they really had in common was they were guys with nerdy interests, who were marginally-to-very successful with women, who I thought were nice guys.
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