What Exes' Treatment Says About Me

[verhrzn]

1. Broaden your social horizons.

2. Approach more people.

 

... Except it's been confirmed that women approaching men only works if the woman is attractive. Which as you and other posters have pointed out, I am not, which is why I got dumped in the first place.

 

So... how exactly does that work?

 

And what exactly does "broden social horizons" mean?... Go hang out with guys who are into sports? If male nerds aren't accepted into those social circles, why the heck would ugly nerd girls who hate sports be??

 

Ugh, nothing in this thread makes sense.

[jobaba]

... Except it's been confirmed that women approaching men only works if the woman is attractive. Which as you and other posters have pointed out, I am not, which is why I got dumped in the first place.

 

So... how exactly does that work?

 

And what exactly does "broden social horizons" mean?... Go hang out with guys who are into sports? If male nerds aren't accepted into those social circles, why the heck would ugly nerd girls who hate sports be??

 

Ugh, nothing in this thread makes sense.

 

You're unreal. Sometimes I question if you're a real person or a very slick and bored troll. I'm not sure how anybody could be so negative. I mean you're much worse than SD. At least he nods his head at some of the advice.

 

This forum does not represent the real world. There is a higher proportion of shallow people on here because it is focused on dating and the people who appreciate and treat dating like a sport tend to be shallow.

 

Other forums and the real world are better. I've read posts from guys on other forums who have no trouble getting women and are not shallow whatsoever.

[dasein]

So... how exactly does that work?

 

1. Broaden your social horizons.

2. Approach more people.

 

Neither necessarily involve approaching men for dates. You have to start somewhere. I spent some time in the past working in a crappy town for meeting women, was about your age. I used to rail and complain to my friends. Looking back on my behavior, living in that town, it was all on me. I never bought into the community, I formed friendships only with weird, transitory people who I thought were "cool" enough, with very little community involvement at all. No wonder my results weren't different. I'm trying to save you the same kind of realization down the road.

[verhrzn]

You're unreal. Sometimes I question if you're a real person or a very slick and bored troll. I'm not sure how anybody could be so negative. I mean you're much worse than SD. At least he nods his head at some of the advice.

 

This forum does not represent the real world. There is a higher proportion of shallow people on here because it is focused on dating and the people who appreciate and treat dating like a sport tend to be shallow.

 

Other forums and the real world are better. I've read posts from guys on other forums who have no trouble getting women and are not shallow whatsoever.

 

How nice for them, getting women and then being "not shallow." I'm really not sure why that applies or even matters. My experience has been, guys don't find me attractive, which is exactly why I get dumped with the "I just don't feel attracted to you anymore."

 

You live in my body, in my life, and let's see how long you can stay positive. I manage it for a day before I realize that, hey, I suck, and if I died tomorrow, no one outside my immediate family would notice. How would you feel about this realization?

 

Be honest; if one day you realized that every ex has dumped you because they only dated you out of desperation, that no person of the opposite sex is attracted to you, that you have no talent or things of value to add to society, that your death would make no difference to anyone, and your future is nothing but watching "Project Runway" episodes over and over alone in your ****ty apartment with a cat, would YOU be very positive?

 

And the worst part is, no matter what I try, nothing changes. I am totally helpless in my own sh*tty existence. And all I get on this forum is criticism: I'm too negative, I'm too unattractive, I'm too broken. Even when I try starting out from a place of introspection, it does nothing but dovetail down into all the ways I suck, and New Age advice that makes no sense to me.

[mesmerized]

What it tells me is that they were never really into you to begin with. Really, it's very simple. And what it says about YOU, is that you get into relationships without realizing or caring that the guys don't really like you all that much, both are not good.

[Cracker Jack]

Maybe you need to try seeking advice on another forum, since you're not getting the feedback you want. Plenty of people here have difficulty in the dating world, so your situation isn't the least bit special.

 

I'm sorry if it sounds like you're getting nothing but criticism, but after awhile, you need to realize that it isn't the people giving the advice that are the issue. If none of it is good enough for you accept, perhaps there's no suitable advice for you to receive here.

[jobaba]

 

Be honest; if one day you realized that every ex has dumped you because they only dated you out of desperation, that no person of the opposite sex is attracted to you, that you have no talent or things of value to add to society, that your death would make no difference to anyone, and your future is nothing but watching "Project Runway" episodes over and over alone in your ****ty apartment with a cat, would YOU be very positive?

 

 

That's your problem. I have plenty of things to contribute to society even if I can't get a woman (which right now may be a very REAL possibility for a VERY long time).

 

I'm much older than you and have gone very real stretches without so much as a woman being interested in me in any whatsoever.

 

Get out and volunteer. Go help people with real problems, who need food and care.

 

Become an engineer and build a bridge.

 

There's tons of things you can do with your life.

[verhrzn]

Maybe you need to try seeking advice on another forum, since you're not getting the feedback you want. Plenty of people here have difficulty in the dating world, so your situation isn't the least bit special.

 

I'm sorry if it sounds like you're getting nothing but criticism, but after awhile, you need to realize that it isn't the people giving the advice that are the issue. If none of it is good enough for you accept, perhaps there's no suitable advice for you to receive here.

 

Well advice other than "You're negative" or "You're ugly" would be helpful.

 

But thanks for telling me to GTFO, very appreciated.

 

 

That's your problem. I have plenty of things to contribute to society even if I can't get a woman (which right now may be a very REAL possibility for a VERY long time).

 

I'm much older than you and have gone very real stretches without so much as a woman being interested in me in any whatsoever.

 

Get out and volunteer. Go help people with real problems, who need food and care.

 

Become an engineer and build a bridge.

 

There's tons of things you can do with your life.

 

I already do things like volunteer. But it doesn't make a difference. And as far as "building a bridge," you'd need to be good at math for that. Which I am not. I'm not good at anything that people would pay me for.

 

There are so many people in this world that define themselves through their relationships, and their family. I know I could be a good mother, and I think I could be a good wife. When those are the only things you're good at, and yet you can't achieve them, it starts feeling a little hopeless.

Edited April 29, 2012 by verhrzn

[Cracker Jack]

There's been plenty of advice that didn't pertain to your negativity or looks at all. Most of the time you act as if it's not good enough. More people spend a hell of a lot more time trying to convince you that you're not ugly than otherwise. Prove me wrong.

 

Also, no one told you to leave. But considering how drastic you are about everything, I can't pretend to be surprised.

[verhrzn]

There's been plenty of advice that didn't pertain to your negativity or looks at all. Most of the time you act as if it's not good enough. More people spend a hell of a lot more time trying to convince you that you're not ugly than otherwise. Prove me wrong.

 

Also, no one told you to leave. But considering how drastic you are about everything, I can't pretend to be surprised.

 

I get angry because the advice doesn't make sense. "Work harder." "Expand your social horizons." How?? In what way am I not? A lot of the advice even seems to contradict what I've already said. And maybe if people just stopped trying to convince me I'm not ugly, we could stop wasting time on it. If people just accepted the fact that I'm ugly, they could stop completely disregarding my opinion ("You're not ugly, so I'm going to ignore everything you said about how tough ugly women have it.")

 

Honestly, if the answer really was "Guys think you're ugly," that pretty much WOULD solve all my problems. Why don't guys approach me? Cause I'm ugly. Why do guys dump me? Cause I'm ugly. It's the Ochman's Razor of my situation, and yet people continue to refute it. Why??

 

Please point out where that was advice that didn't in some way say I'm negative/unattractive. And gee, why ever would I take "You're not in any way special, you should find another forum, you're the issue" as a "GTFO"? Hmmm.

[ThaWholigan]

I get angry because the advice doesn't make sense. "Work harder." "Expand your social horizons." How?? In what way am I not? A lot of the advice even seems to contradict what I've already said. And maybe if people just stopped trying to convince me I'm not ugly, we could stop wasting time on it. If people just accepted the fact that I'm ugly, they could stop completely disregarding my opinion ("You're not ugly, so I'm going to ignore everything you said about how tough ugly women have it.")

 

Honestly, if the answer really was "Guys think you're ugly," that pretty much WOULD solve all my problems. Why don't guys approach me? Cause I'm ugly. Why do guys dump me? Cause I'm ugly. It's the Ochman's Razor of my situation, and yet people continue to refute it. Why??

 

Please point out where that was advice that didn't in some way say I'm negative/unattractive. And gee, why ever would I take "You're not in any way special, you should find another forum, you're the issue" as a "GTFO"? Hmmm.

*sigh*

 

I think we would be better off not giving you any advice anymore, it's clearly not what you want to hear. I'm sorry it makes you angry, but we are only trying to help....

[verhrzn]

*sigh*

 

I think we would be better off not giving you any advice anymore, it's clearly not what you want to hear. I'm sorry it makes you angry, but we are only trying to help....

 

What I want to hear is constructive, specific advice. Advice like "Your exes clearly weren't into you" is helpful, but where do I go from there? The whole "fix your people picker!" advice is confusing and vague.

 

Can you see how, from my perspective, this is very frustrating?? When I'm trying and getting nowhere?

[Cracker Jack]

I get angry because the advice doesn't make sense. "Work harder." "Expand your social horizons." How?? In what way am I not? A lot of the advice even seems to contradict what I've already said. And maybe if people just stopped trying to convince me I'm not ugly, we could stop wasting time on it. If people just accepted the fact that I'm ugly, they could stop completely disregarding my opinion ("You're not ugly, so I'm going to ignore everything you said about how tough ugly women have it.")

 

Again, this shows that you're quick to disregard advice rather than try to understand what it is people are trying to get across to you. No one needs to accept something they don't believe. If people don't believe you're ugly and refuse to feed into your opinion of it, then that's how it is. No one needs to share your opinion.

 

I also think it's funny how you'd rather not hear advice regarding your ugliness, yet wish others accept that you're actually ugly. Makes no sense.

 

Honestly, if the answer really was "Guys think you're ugly," that pretty much WOULD solve all my problems. Why don't guys approach me? Cause I'm ugly. Why do guys dump me? Cause I'm ugly. It's the Ochman's Razor of my situation, and yet people continue to refute it. Why??

So, once it's agreed upon by everyone here that you're ugly, what's next?

 

 

 

Please point out where that was advice that didn't in some way say I'm negative/unattractive. And gee, why ever would I take "You're not in any way special, you should find another forum, you're the issue" as a "GTFO"? Hmmm.

No need to. I can't be assed to find every post from Elswyth, Zen, threebyfate, wholigan, and the various other people who've constantly tried their best to get through to you. You're very stubborn. Also, I said your "situation" isn't anything special. Some people here have been through worse, or haven't had anything at all.

 

The only reason why I said you might want to find another forum is because you specifically said the advice here makes "no sense", and is only about your ugly looks or negativity. What's the point of saying otherwise when you've said this forum isn't very helpful? You might want people to tell you everything you want to hear, but I won't. Sorry.

[mesmerized]

I just wanted to say that I take what I said about you being "smart" back. Your reactions to poster's advices here is ridiculous. Why even post if you have everything already made up in your head?

[Feelsgoodman]

What I want to hear is constructive, specific advice. Advice like "Your exes clearly weren't into you" is helpful, but where do I go from there? The whole "fix your people picker!" advice is confusing and vague.

I gave you constructive, specific advice. I told you to lower your expectations and aim for men that you actually had a chance with. And you got all uppity and started saying that you are not interested in guys who are ugly, unemployed, etc. It's interesting that you say that you are ugly, yet you wouldn't date ugly guys. Seriously?

[ThaWholigan]

What I want to hear is constructive, specific advice. Advice like "Your exes clearly weren't into you" is helpful, but where do I go from there? The whole "fix your people picker!" advice is confusing and vague.

 

Can you see how, from my perspective, this is very frustrating?? When I'm trying and getting nowhere?

I can't tell you exactly where to go though, that's the point. You have to figure out for yourself. You claim you have done every possible thing to help yourself outside of plastic surgery and other drastic options, so any pragmatic advice we can give you is out the window. Any internal issue has to be figured out primarily by you, all we can do is make educated suggestions.

 

If you want to believe these things about yourself and feel hopeless, then any advice we give you is 1) not going to work and 2) is going to be ignored or attempted half-heartedly before it even has a chance to work. This is why we continually tell you you are not ugly. We have to break that forcefield in your head that keeps telling you that you are. Or, more appropriately, you have to break it.

[verhrzn]

I gave you constructive, specific advice. I told you to lower your expectations and aim for men that you actually had a chance with. And you got all uppity and started saying that you are not interested in guys who are ugly, unemployed, etc. It's interesting that you say that you are ugly, yet you wouldn't date ugly guys. Seriously?

 

I did not say I wouldn't date ugly guys. I said "disfigured." (Which, unattractive as I am, my pieces are still all in generally the right place.) I've already pointed out that I've severely lowered my standards, considering that all I require right now is "breathing" "male" and "somewhat employed." (10 hours a week at Burger King? Yep, counts!) And apparently, those are STILL too high. At some point, lowering my standards anymore just becomes ridiculous.

 

I just wanted to say that I take what I said about you being "smart" back. Your reactions to poster's advices here is ridiculous. Why even post if you have everything already made up in your head?

 

I haven't made anything up in my head before I post threads. But I become increasingly frustrated when I do not get what people are saying, because the advice is vague and actually seems to ignore what I've said about my situation, and yet I then get yelled at for not following it!

 

I posted this thread generally wanting opinions on why this situation happened over and over with my exes and what I could do about it. And the responses I got back were: you're negative, you're negative, you're negative and draining, you're negative AND your people picker sucks, you're ugly. (And some parts about how to not look at an ex's updates and how guys have it worse.)

 

I just consider it ironic and infuriating that posters tell me to "look at new angles," but give the same advice over and over. Hell, I think I could post a thread about how my car broke down and how to fix it, and someone would STILL blame my "negative attitude."

 

You think it's ridiculous. How exactly should I react to getting the same advice over and over, when none of it makes sense and no one will actually address my concerns with it?

[mesmerized]

 

 

I haven't made anything up in my head before I post threads. But I become increasingly frustrated when I do not get what people are saying, because the advice is vague and actually seems to ignore what I've said about my situation, and yet I then get yelled at for not following it!

 

I posted this thread generally wanting opinions on why this situation happened over and over with my exes and what I could do about it. And the responses I got back were: you're negative, you're negative, you're negative and draining, you're negative AND your people picker sucks, you're ugly. (And some parts about how to not look at an ex's updates and how guys have it worse.)

 

I just consider it ironic and infuriating that posters tell me to "look at new angles," but give the same advice over and over. Hell, I think I could post a thread about how my car broke down and how to fix it, and someone would STILL blame my "negative attitude."

 

You think it's ridiculous. How exactly should I react to getting the same advice over and over, when none of it makes sense and no one will actually address my concerns with it?

 

It's not just that. One poster tells you that you might want to get advice from other people/forums as people said what they had to say and you respond with : thanks for telling me to GTFO. Isn't this just being overly dramatic?

 

You're angry and it shows in every single post of yours. Perhaps people see that and get distracted from your actual problem as they see one other obvious problem going on.

[dasein]

If you feel that posting here and the advice you receive is a GIGO type proposition, why do you continue soliciting advice?

 

Will make you a deal, if you will go out and document meeting and beginning to establish casual relationships with 20 new people, not necessarily men, just people outside your workplace, over the next few weeks, I will gladly refrain from complaining the next several times you want to link Jezebel or any other "men are bad" type articles here.

 

Oh, they can't be via the net, must be IRL. Also they can't be monkeys in the same barrel as you, i.e. women who feel put upon by the cruel old world. Just people out and about whom you might like to get to know better.

[verhrzn]

It's not just that. One poster tells you that you might want to get advice from other people/forums as people said what they had to say and you respond with : thanks for telling me to GTFO. Isn't this just being overly dramatic?

 

You're angry and it shows in every single post of yours. Perhaps people see that and get distracted from your actual problem as they see one other obvious problem going on.

 

It was more the "your situation isn't special, you are the problem, go to some other forum" that I got the GTFO vibe from. If you went to a therapist/friend, and they told you that, you wouldn't honestly assume they meant they wanted you to go away and stop talking about it?

 

Most posters would be thrilled if I went the f*ck away and stopped posting. I'm sure Cracker Jack would. So why am I dramatic for correctly saying out loud what everyone is thinking?

 

And yeah, I'm angry. I'm angry that I keep trying and failing, and I'm angry that I get no sympathy or helpful advice, and yet get BLAMED for it. Lots of people compare me to SD: the guy has been here for years, posting the same thing over and over, and never doing anything about the advice he's given. Yet his threads get up to 20+ pages, with people reaching deep into his psyche, even as he argues with them.

 

I actually TRY things, and yet I get the same advice over and over, and worse, I get posters being constantly frustrated with my "arguing." How is that fair? Why does SD get away with it on the whole, and I don't?? And then when I get angry about that fact, more people just pile on about my negativity??

 

Do ya see where the frustration might come from?

[Cracker Jack]

Not really. I'm not sitting here wishing you go away. I'm sitting here wishing you start channeling your energy into a more positive things--like a more healthy mindset, instead of wasting time believing you're ugly, have no value, and other things you usually say. I know, I know. That's just your "realistic" outlook, but it doesn't mean it isn't a flawed way of thinking. Your general opinion of single men is pretty nasty, so don't expect to find someone if you continue to see things in that light.

 

If I see someone not getting what they want, of course I'd suggest another option. It was in no way implying GTFO at all. Seriously. And I'm not sure SD is really getting away with much, anyway.

Edited April 30, 2012 by Cracker Jack

[Feelsgoodman]

I did not say I wouldn't date ugly guys. I said "disfigured." (Which, unattractive as I am, my pieces are still all in generally the right place.) I've already pointed out that I've severely lowered my standards, considering that all I require right now is "breathing" "male" and "somewhat employed." (10 hours a week at Burger King? Yep, counts!) And apparently, those are STILL too high. At some point, lowering my standards anymore just becomes ridiculous.

There are so many ugly guys out there who are desperate for a girlfriend...they'd literally take ANYONE with a pulse and vagina. There is NO way you couldn't find a BF if all you required was a breathing male who is "somewhat employed". In fact, you could probably do better than the Burger King guy.

Edited April 30, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Els]

Honestly, if the answer really was "Guys think you're ugly," that pretty much WOULD solve all my problems. Why don't guys approach me? Cause I'm ugly. Why do guys dump me? Cause I'm ugly. It's the Ochman's Razor of my situation, and yet people continue to refute it. Why??

 

So is this the reason you have refused to try out any of the constructive advice offered you here? Sounds to me like you've made up your mind what the 'problem' is, and all you want is for people to tell you that. Then you can say that you've tried everything pertaining to your appearance, and it's all genetic... thus exonerating you from any blame or need to try.

 

You don't need us to do that for you. If all you want is a pass to 'not try and not care about dating' anymore, then give it to yourself! In another thread you said you'd realized you don't need a guy to be happy. For you, that's really pretty great progress. Why not build on that?

[verhrzn]

There are so many ugly guys out there who are desperate for a girlfriend...they'd literally take ANYONE with a pulse and vagina. There is NO way you couldn't find a BF if all you required was a breathing male who is "somewhat employed". In fact, you could probably do better than the Burger King guy.

 

Tell ya what; let's do an experiment. Let's set up two OKCupid accounts. Both of them will have my exact same information. In one will be my pictures, and in the other, you can put up pictures of a girl you deem is "hot". I GUARANTEE your account will get messages, and mine will get none. You can even monitor the inbox.

 

I have been on OKCupid, Match, sat at bars for hours... never been messaged, never been hit on, and been REJECTED by the guys you claim just require a pulse and a vagina.

Edited April 30, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mesmerized]

Tell ya what; let's do an experiment. Let's set up two OKCupid accounts. Both of them will have my exact same information. In one will be my pictures, and in the other, you can put up pictures of a girl you deem is "hot". I GUARANTEE your account will get messages, and mine will get none. You can even monitor the inbox.

 

I have been on OKCupid, Match, sat at bars for hours... never been messaged, never been hit on, and been REJECTED by the guys you claim just require a pulse and a vagina.

 

Put this guy on ignore, simple.

Edited April 30, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator