Broken up with fiance, now at a bit of a loose end as to how to keep myself busy?

[wheeler]

Hi everyone,

 

I just broke up with my fiance last week (2 months til the wedding) after pretending to myself that I was happy and everything would change - I realised over the last couple of weeks that I'm wrong so finally plucked up the courage to break it off.

 

We're still on good terms, no one has done anything wrong (apart from me breaking her heart ) and we're still living together while she sorts herself out.

 

She's been gone over the weekend and although I was busy through the day yesterday, on the evenings I'm struggling to find things to do to keep me busy.... What the hell did I used to do before I met her????

 

I've been on facebook but since I've lost touch with most of my friends since I met her, I now only really have 2 close male friends, and about 2 female friends who are her best friends.

 

I broke up with the ex before my ex-fiance and vowed I would be single for a long time. I toyed around with dating sites for a little while and then met my current/ex fiance on there and the whole thing progressed a lot quicker than I really liked. That was only a 2 month gap between the ex-ex and the current ex.

 

I'm not falling into that trap this time, but I still want a bit of social interaction or something to keep me busy. I'm going to dig my guitar out of the garage (she never liked it) but just wondered what you guys have done in the past to keep yourself occupied?

 

Thanks, wheeler

[wheeler]

just re-read my post... I sound like an all star loser lol.

 

Feel free to give me some abuse

[beyond]

just re-read my post... I sound like an all star loser lol.

 

Feel free to give me some abuse

 

Wheeler, I don't think you sound like a loser. Tbh, I read your post earlier and my first reaction was 'wow, he seems to have gotten over her quickly while she is probably devastated. I realise thats unfair of me as you did a brave thing breaking it off if it wasn't working - better now than after the wedding.

 

Anyway, as for things to do - well depends what you are into. I think you should keep away from the dating sites as you said that was your mistake last time - getting into a new relationship too quickly. So, what do you like? If it's dancing then maybe do classes, or join a gym. Doing something physical combined with meeting new people and getting out of the house seem like a winning combination.

 

Good luck to you both

[wheeler]

thanks for the reply beyond, really appreciate it..

 

It's only just occurred to me over the last few days how unhappy I've been with everything for quite a while, so although it's all chaos and shock for her, it's been quite a relief for me in all honesty... I feel really sad when I think she won't be there in the future but I know deep down I've made the right choice.

 

I went mountain biking yesterday (threw myself in at the deep end and took on a huuuge mountain. I nearly cried it was so hard but I enjoyed it).

 

Then last night I just went to bed at 8pm and slept through til 7, got up, twiddled my fingers for a while, had a toasted bagel..

 

I used to be so busy with all my friends before I met her but one-by-one she decided that she didn't really like many of them and I slowly stopped speaking to them. Now they're all busy with their own lives and I'm feeling a bit stumped as to how I let myself fall into this trap (again!).

 

I guess the weather's not really helping, it seems to have been raining for a month so I can't even go for a run or anything. Tried going to the gym but it was shut. Sat with my guitar for a while but can't concentrate. I don't know, I think I just need to go out and do some stuff but like I say the weather's putting a hold on any plans I could come up with.

 

Thanks again though

[beyond]

thanks for the reply beyond, really appreciate it..

 

It's only just occurred to me over the last few days how unhappy I've been with everything for quite a while, so although it's all chaos and shock for her, it's been quite a relief for me in all honesty... I feel really sad when I think she won't be there in the future but I know deep down I've made the right choice.

 

I went mountain biking yesterday (threw myself in at the deep end and took on a huuuge mountain. I nearly cried it was so hard but I enjoyed it).

 

Then last night I just went to bed at 8pm and slept through til 7, got up, twiddled my fingers for a while, had a toasted bagel..

 

I used to be so busy with all my friends before I met her but one-by-one she decided that she didn't really like many of them and I slowly stopped speaking to them. Now they're all busy with their own lives and I'm feeling a bit stumped as to how I let myself fall into this trap (again!).

 

I guess the weather's not really helping, it seems to have been raining for a month so I can't even go for a run or anything. Tried going to the gym but it was shut. Sat with my guitar for a while but can't concentrate. I don't know, I think I just need to go out and do some stuff but like I say the weather's putting a hold on any plans I could come up with.

 

Thanks again though

 

Hey, as a fellow Brit, you can't let the weather put you off or you would never do anything!

 

I went out today for a 'power walk' in icy driving wind and rain up the steepest hill I could find. I was actually crying thinking about my ex but the rain lashing on my face mixing with the tears meant that no one else knew, plus after a while the sheer cold and exhaustion of getting up that hill in those conditions concentrated the mind wonderfully. Passed lots of runners on my way too, so get out there! lol

 

It's a shame you have lost contact with your old friends, although I think we all do that to a certain extent when we get into relationships. Maybe send the ones closest to you a text, along the lines of 'hey, long time no see, sorry I've been so bad keeping in touch, how are things?'. Good friends realise that at times its hard to keep in close contact all the time.

[Meg717]

I agree with beyond... contact some of your old friends. if they're true friends, they'll understand how relationships can sometimes get in the way of friendships. Just try to avoid doing it to them again.

[wheeler]

Cheers meg & beyond, appreciate your input - like I said earlier I re-read my post and I don't half sound like a whinging whiner.

 

My motorbike is off getting fixed at the moment after the engine blew up, once that's all sorted I'll be able to get off exploring the UK and catching up with old friends (the good ones)/making new ones, so that'll be a big step forward.

 

First things first we've gotta sort out somewhere for her to live and all our stuff.