LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I wanna start off by saying my reason for contscting her is not reconciling. I'm not even romantically interested in her anymore, not since I found out she now has a child (always have turned down girls with kids, I dunno my sisters and mom always told me to start fresh when I was young. So anyways, you see her add I were friends for 5 years before we started dating, we even talked on the phone more than her bf at the time and mines. Even my cell carrier Tmobile rep noticed that me and her talked almost 10 hours a day, crazy, that counts work and school days. This continued all the way until we broke up, she had gigs. So we haven't talked for 4 years now and I really miss the aspect of our friendship, over the last few months I have found myself talking alot with friends that I grew up with, rather high school nor middle school (long ago). Anyways is there any reason why I should not contact her?? I dont have feelings anymore, just miss her as a friend.
stillafool Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I believe in letting sleeping dogs lie. No, move on and meet new people.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 It sounds as though you are in the best place possible for someone who wants to contact an ex. Is there any reason why you shouldn't? Sure, you could rekindle your feelings for her when she is unavailable. That in-turn could lead to mental distress, heartache, etc.
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Its like a dead battery that cant be recharged, I just can't be romantically attracted to the ex, just one of those things that I was taught as a child, can't love a women with kids unlest you have some, I know it can sound ignorant.
shayla Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 As you get older, that will become more difficult to avoid, but if you are young, it isn't a bad policy to have. I don't see anything wrong with you contacting your ex, as long as you are sure that doing so would not churn up old feelings. Good luck to you.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Its like a dead battery that cant be recharged, I just can't be romantically attracted to the ex, just one of those things that I was taught as a child, can't love a women with kids unlest you have some, I know it can sound ignorant. It doesn't sound ignorant so much as it does unrealistic? You were taught that you cannot be romantically attracted to your ex? How does one teach a person what their heart will or will not want? Still, if you are that confident in your inability to have feelings for her, all the more reason to contact her.
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Thanks fellow loveshackers. Granted, she did tell me last time we talked that leaving was the worst thing she could have ever done, and that she was dumb, and would I take her back. I told her no and admitted to her that all I would do is cheat because it would be my way of getting back at , gutsy huh? So basically I told her that I would not be the same loving guy.
Art_Critic Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Why do you think she hasnt contacted you in all these years ?
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 It doesn't sound ignorant so much as it does unrealistic? You were taught that you cannot be romantically attracted to your ex? How does one teach a person what their heart will or will not want? Still, if you are that confident in your inability to have feelings for her, all the more reason to contact her. No, not romantically attracted to a ex, just a girl with kids. Sorry BIG TYPO, so therefore I don't fell nor am I interested in my ex that way now that she has a child.
tipsyleprachauns Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 What's the story with her? Was it a particularly painful breakup?
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Why do you think she hasnt contacted you in all these years ? Because I changed my number to make sure she doesn't contact me anymore, part of some advice I got on Ls many years ago. Plus i'm not on any social websites. Plus we no longer live in the same state. Basically she has no way, plus we share no common friends.
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 What's the story with her? Was it a particularly painful breakup? Yes, the normal GIGS things, she wanted space..she got new bf..I begged...she would throw bread crumbs every few days instead of every few months...I moved on...she cried...she wanted me back...and I was like the hell with that.
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 In that case I would not contact her. Why not?? She still contacted me, even after I said that. Whats the harm that I could get?
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 However I am nervous about how and when to do it. So I guess I will send a text.
tipsyleprachauns Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I see it going one of two ways. You contact her and it's fine, it doesn't bother you, and a friendship rekindles. You contact her and it catches you off guard. You say you're nervous about doing it so I'd guess that deep deep very deep down there are still some sort of feelings there. So you have outcome 1 or outcome 2. Is achieving outcome 1 worth the risk of outcome 2 happening, after how much she hurt you before? You got to the place you could turn her down and say no. I know many of us here, myself included, dream of the ex coming back and saying how much of a mistake she made, but you had that, and you were strong enough to do what was best for you and walk away. Why walk back now?
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 I see it going one of two ways. You contact her and it's fine, it doesn't bother you, and a friendship rekindles. You contact her and it catches you off guard. You say you're nervous about doing it so I'd guess that deep deep very deep down there are still some sort of feelings there. So you have outcome 1 or outcome 2. Is achieving outcome 1 worth the risk of outcome 2 happening, after how much she hurt you before? You got to the place you could turn her down and say no. I know many of us here, myself included, dream of the ex coming back and saying how much of a mistake she made, but you had that, and you were strong enough to do what was best for you and walk away. Why walk back now? I see ur points like I say, I have been catching up with numerous of old friends within the last few months, male and female. I just don't see her as any different, we were friends 5 years before we ever dated, im just not into her romantically, put it like this, im at the stage where it does not bother me seeing her or hearing about her with another guy. I still love her as a friend, just not in love with her lol
tipsyleprachauns Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Then go for it. But accept that there is a risk there and like any risk taking situation (I spend most of my life taking monumental risks with my personal safety) it's a case of whether, for you, the potential prize is worth the possible risk.
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 But outcome number 2 can not happen, we can never be now. Also I do feel that if I never changed my number that she would have indeed gotten in touch with me in some form,or another.
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Then go for it. But accept that there is a risk there and like any risk taking situation (I spend most of my life taking monumental risks with my personal safety) it's a case of whether, for you, the potential prize is worth the possible risk. Thanks, now help me think of a time, still nervous about it.
tipsyleprachauns Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Thanks, now help me think of a time, still nervous about it. If it's a natural thing for you. Approach it naturally. When would you text a mate for a catch up? Usually I'd do it when I'm quiet and don't have much on. My mind wanders and I start thinking of who it'd be nice to see. I don't plan these things, and I think if the outcome you want is merely friends, you shouldn't need to plan it either.
tipsyleprachauns Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Just realise all this advice is coming from me - a guy still extremely caught up in his own clusterf**k of a situation with my own ex I do like helping others though. IT stops me thinking about me. 1
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Just realise all this advice is coming from me - a guy still extremely caught up in his own clusterf**k of a situation with my own ex I do like helping others though. IT stops me thinking about me. Agreed, seems like I also am able to give good advice, just not able to take my own lol.
xenomorph Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 remember though: be very strict about avoiding or mitigating any topics regarding the past relationship. This may inevitably come up. Don't send an out of the blue "hey it's me, here's my new number, blah blah hope you're doing ok" kind of text. Bleh! First text should be about something that reminded you of her, then say you hope she's doing great or whatever. It'll open up conversation without making it too awkward for either of you. and if either of you go negative at any point, STOP, go back to NC for a few weeks and try again later. 1
Author LasVegasGuy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 remember though: be very strict about avoiding or mitigating any topics regarding the past relationship. This may inevitably come up. Don't send an out of the blue "hey it's me, here's my new number, blah blah hope you're doing ok" kind of text. Bleh! First text should be about something that reminded you of her, then say you hope she's doing great or whatever. It'll open up conversation without making it too awkward for either of you. and if either of you go negative at any point, STOP, go back to NC for a few weeks and try again later. Lol woooooow. Like a nude pic that I just found on this very old cellphone in my closest, really I did. Great advice.
Recommended Posts