uptowngurlie01 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 So I recently got dumped by my ex bf about a month ago completely out of nowhere. Just to give a little background...we were dating for 8 months, had from what I thought a perfect relationship, we never fight, always were happy together, and always treated each other amazing. I'm 26 and this is the first relationship where I had no doubts about, I really thought we were going to go the distance (I've been in a 4 year and a 5 year relationship before). So to give a little background on him. He's 27 and was in a mentally abusive relationship with his ex for 6 years on and off. Apparently she was bipolar would scream, curse, pick fights with him, and break up with him all the time so he was always trying to grasp onto the relationship. He proposed to her and ended it 3 weeks later bc he realized he made a big mistake. 4 months later we met and he started dating me. So when he broke up with me he basically said he I was amazing and he know he'll never find someone again like me but doesn't feel that spark anymore. So I work with this guy still. Still talks to me at work like nothing happened, I am always the first person he says hi to when he walks in, always says goodbye to me before he leaves and 2 weeks ago I asked him if he thought he made the right decision breaking up. And he said do u want me to be honest...I don't know. So needless to say I'm getting kinda mixed signals. I'd do anything to get a second chance with this guy. A part of me has faith he'll realize he's a complete idiot and come back at some point but I also am not the girl to wait around for false hope. I asked him the other day in a text if he wanted to hang out at some point this week and he said "yea, definitely. That sounds good". Am I wasting my time and guys please tell me what the he'll is going through his head?
Ajax Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Why can't you have faith and walk away? First of all, you're not the one who's lost faith. If anyone has, it was your ex losing faith in the relationship. Despite what you believed, whether founded or otherwise, his trust and satisfaction in your relationship was not enough to sustain it for him. Maybe he made a mistake. Maybe he didn't. But that's for him to discover on his own, and his problem if it was. He walked away first. So by you holding onto something that no longer exists you are not demonstrating "faith," but fanaticism. Faith is walking away, accepting the truth of the situation, and understanding that there are things in this life that are out of your control. His feelings for you as well as his actions among them. This isn't to say that your ex hasn't done wrong by you. It's entirely possible that he mislead you and was careless with your feelings. But he did do what he felt was in his best interests, and that was having a life without you in it. Now you have to do the same thing, do what's best for you. And that probably means having your life without him in it. I know it takes time to shake it, (took me about a year) but holding onto the hope that he'll have a change of heart is self defeating. Have the faith that whatever happens to you will ultimately be for the best, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. 1
M2155 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 You should have faith to walk away. Your guy probably didn't have a long enough time to process with his feelings from the previous relationship, it sounds like it was pretty intense. Can you imagine going from that kind of intensity to nice and no fighting? Logically it's better but I have had a ton of guys tell me as much as they don't like drama, they gravitate to it because they know the chick is passionate-and these drama queens mess these dudes up for the next girl. I'm not saying it makes sense, it's just something I've heard. Maybe he just isn't ready or didn't know how to move further with you and needed a break because it was too heavy for him right now. Stay friendly and understanding, but let him initiate the hanging out etc so he doesn't come to expect you to be there for him all the time without him having to change anything. Sounds like you are in a good position to move things along when the time is right, but right now it has to be at his pace because he has asked for time to figure himself out. So don't waste your time trying, sounds like he knows what he has and will come around when he is ready. Hopefully for him it won't be too late.
Author uptowngurlie01 Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 I know. I just wish I knew what was going through his head. thanks for the advice guys <3
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