DuchessKaye Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 RANT: I wanted us to be exclusive. He didn't. I asked him I wanted us to be exclusive. He didn't. I told him I wanted us to be exclusive. He didn't. I just wanted to make a strong statement that's why I stated it thrice. Now that I made myself cool about us dating each other casually and told him okay fine, let's just see what will happen. And now that he's starting to get a vibe that I am ready to go rock and date other people like what he is doing. He's mad! He's upset! He's angry! He kinda snooped on my phone and there he saw the texts of some other guy asking me out and when he saw that I said yes, I'll be meeting him on this place at this time, he actually acted jealous, he even made some things to delay me from leaving his apartment so that I wouldn't be able to meet this guy. Anyway, we've been seeing each other for almost 2 months. Well, we kind of spent a lot of time together though. We're spending all weekend together. Friday to Sunday. So that means, 8 dates x 72 hours. That's a lot right? We've been doing lots of things together. He has seen me normal, he has seen me crazy, he has seen me laughing, he has seen me crying. He even told me, he knows me pretty well already. So I can say I am at the stage where I am allowed to expect something. But when he made it clear to me that we are not exclusive, I stopped assuming. But what on earth is running on his mind right now? He shouldn't be angry even if I decide to date other guys cause he's the one who made me decide to go explore more. I know that we promised each other we won't be sleeping with other people because we decided to be sexually committed to each other. And of course, I am not going to sleep around, I will just date around to make it fair with him. But why is he acting jealous when he doesn't allow me to get jealous when I am seeing him with other girls? I am pretty aware that he hasn't spending much time with other girls cause he's spending 3 days straight with me ALL THE TIME. And then during the work week, he usually works form 8AM until 8PM so that's why I am pretty sure they are just dining in and out together, and just having some fun. To top it all, I am special than these other girls. I do have a very confusing relationship with this guy, don't I? But I like him a lot. And I really have nothing against him except the fact that he isn't ready to commit to me emotionally. Geez, I am so confused. I asked him to talk to me about how he feels so that we can figure out what to do, he still chose to be silent all day today.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Simple truth: Because you allow them to be Think about it...what incentive does this guy have to give you anything more when you're giving it all up for practically nothing? You're like those starving African children commercials "For just 3 cents a day, you can help a starving woman desperate for your attention and make their lives revolve around you but sticking your penis inside of her on a regular basis and spending adequate time with her...giving her the impression and hope that you'll have a relationship with her...but feel free to cancel at any time!" I mean seriously? what makes you feel so special? congratulations you're his favorite towel (for the time being!) that he likes to wipe himself down with after a shower...feeling valued much? Oh but wait, let me guess he tells you how much more special you are, or how he's just not ready to commit, or how he still has issues, or how you don't deserve him yet...I've heard every excuse in the book of man not to get into a relationship and I can assure you, there is nothing SPECIAL to feel about that. A man who truly values you is not going to tell you how special you are or treat you special on those three days he's banging you sideways but he's going to be exclusive with you because overall nobody else makes him happier or can get in his mind because he's too afraid to lose what he has. The vast majority of men if not all have the desire to "spread their seed" so it takes a pretty wonderful woman all around for us to be exclusive, and the fact that you give it all for pennies a day and bend to his will only decreases your value every single day...It's like stock that plummets on the stock market and everyday instead of investing more and buying up more stocks he actually trades and sells off more, because who wants something that holds little value of themselves? don't you think that is what makes you like most women to this guy? Also the fact that you think he won't stick it in another girl is also comical, I mean really? what do you think he wants to do with these women? talk about the news and chatty chat all day but no no no that won't lead to anything more, you're delusional to the point in this post that makes this post even sound fake to me. You don't have a confusing relationship with this guy, the only confusion to me Is why'd you put yourself through this as a human being, you're basically a rent-a-car turned to a lease, but he has no intentions of buying, he's using you up until you've got enough miles in and up-trading to a newer model when the right time comes. Then he'll initiate the break-up process saying how "emotionally I just can't get there, I'm sorry" and then you'll actually probably be ridiculously into the guy thinking that "oh It's too bad, he's perfect in every way, I'm so sad he didn't want to be with me....oh well I guess It just wasn't meant to be so I don't have to face the reality...poor me, I had no idea, I tried". Of course he's going to be silent, what is a guy supposed to say that is using you? "Hey! I'm using you, you're really not that special, you're just a good time!"...you think the guy is actually going to be honest and express things to you that are going to ruin his 3 day weekends with you playing patty-cake with your vagina? Get a clue here, you're being used, you're not special, and If you need to get hit in the face by a brick to see it well that's your fault at that point because the writing is on the wall you just refuse to read it. And another thing, just because a man sees that you're dating other men and acts jealous doesn't mean he's into you or wants more...he just wants to claim you as territory...It's like dogs pissing on a tree, they just want to cover the tracks of any other animal to say "this tree is mine and nobody else is allowed to piss on it or have it"...nothing more, nothing serious, you're just giving yourself false hope in all the places you can so that you won't feel stupid really. 11
Pierre Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 She spends the entire weekend with the guy. Therefore, the guy fels there is nothing else to gain by being exclusive. Women fail to understand how much power they have. They give away the house for free and then they don't understand why the guy does not want to buy the house. But, in the end OP is simply dealing with a selfish SOB and she should dump him. If I dated a woman for that long and then she told me she did not want exclusivity i would immediately end the relationship. 3
jobaba Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 As a guy, it seems pretty simple to me. Either ... a. He's a player like Ninja suggested. b. He doesn't like your personality very much. 2
Feelin Frisky Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Don't group me in with the guilty. I'm perfect in every way.
USMCHokie Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Will this experience now make you unattracted to white men...?? Oh the humanity!!! :eek: 3
TheFinalWord Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Simple truth: Because you allow them to be Think about it...what incentive does this guy have to give you anything more when you're giving it all up for practically nothing? You're like those starving African children commercials "For just 3 cents a day, you can help a starving woman desperate for your attention and make their lives revolve around you but sticking your penis inside of her on a regular basis and spending adequate time with her...giving her the impression and hope that you'll have a relationship with her...but feel free to cancel at any time!" I mean seriously? what makes you feel so special? congratulations you're his favorite towel (for the time being!) that he likes to wipe himself down with after a shower...feeling valued much? Oh but wait, let me guess he tells you how much more special you are, or how he's just not ready to commit, or how he still has issues, or how you don't deserve him yet...I've heard every excuse in the book of man not to get into a relationship and I can assure you, there is nothing SPECIAL to feel about that. A man who truly values you is not going to tell you how special you are or treat you special on those three days he's banging you sideways but he's going to be exclusive with you because overall nobody else makes him happier or can get in his mind because he's too afraid to lose what he has. The vast majority of men if not all have the desire to "spread their seed" so it takes a pretty wonderful woman all around for us to be exclusive, and the fact that you give it all for pennies a day and bend to his will only decreases your value every single day...It's like stock that plummets on the stock market and everyday instead of investing more and buying up more stocks he actually trades and sells off more, because who wants something that holds little value of themselves? don't you think that is what makes you like most women to this guy? Also the fact that you think he won't stick it in another girl is also comical, I mean really? what do you think he wants to do with these women? talk about the news and chatty chat all day but no no no that won't lead to anything more, you're delusional to the point in this post that makes this post even sound fake to me. You don't have a confusing relationship with this guy, the only confusion to me Is why'd you put yourself through this as a human being, you're basically a rent-a-car turned to a lease, but he has no intentions of buying, he's using you up until you've got enough miles in and up-trading to a newer model when the right time comes. Then he'll initiate the break-up process saying how "emotionally I just can't get there, I'm sorry" and then you'll actually probably be ridiculously into the guy thinking that "oh It's too bad, he's perfect in every way, I'm so sad he didn't want to be with me....oh well I guess It just wasn't meant to be so I don't have to face the reality...poor me, I had no idea, I tried". Of course he's going to be silent, what is a guy supposed to say that is using you? "Hey! I'm using you, you're really not that special, you're just a good time!"...you think the guy is actually going to be honest and express things to you that are going to ruin his 3 day weekends with you playing patty-cake with your vagina? Get a clue here, you're being used, you're not special, and If you need to get hit in the face by a brick to see it well that's your fault at that point because the writing is on the wall you just refuse to read it. And another thing, just because a man sees that you're dating other men and acts jealous doesn't mean he's into you or wants more...he just wants to claim you as territory...It's like dogs pissing on a tree, they just want to cover the tracks of any other animal to say "this tree is mine and nobody else is allowed to piss on it or have it"...nothing more, nothing serious, you're just giving yourself false hope in all the places you can so that you won't feel stupid really. Epic post!
january2011 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Geez, I am so confused. I asked him to talk to me about how he feels so that we can figure out what to do, he still chose to be silent all day today. His silence speaks volumes. After two months and a long weekend together, he doesn't want to be exclusive. Yet doesn't want you to multi-date. He's cake-eating. If this was one of your girlfriends going through this, you'd probably tell her to dump him. And you'd be right. 1
veggirl Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Don't be someone's weekend wifey 2 months in. Spending all weekend with him every weekend is too much at this point. Way too much. I remember when my BF and I first started dating, I told him flat out "we aren't going to be hanging out like every single day and all weeknd, just so you know" and the look on his face was like "whaaa...?" and then I had to explain, and what I told him was like 3x a week was appropriate and I wasn't going to be jumping in feet first, blindly. You need to pull back, and you shouldn't have started this schedule in the first place. 3 day weekends together are for established couples who are in a relationship, not people who are casually dating. Don't you have friends or something you want to hang out with on the weekend? The fact that you drop your whole weekend for him, straight off the bat, seems desperate and clingy. 2 months is absolutely long enough to know if you want to be exclusive. I think BF and I had the "we are BF/GF" talk 1.5 mos in, and he wanted to sooner but was scared I didn't want it It's really important to keep you feet on the ground at the beginning, OP. I mean you are bending around his schedule...he works 8a-8p during the week, so you don't see him, so you give up your whole weekend to fit into his schedule. No no no. I mean actually if I brought up the "what are" talk and he said anything other than "you are my GF", I would bail. I think you should just let it go, this guy will never be your Bf. He will sleep with you "exclusively" until he finds someone else he likes, then she will be his weekend wifey and you will be left with your head spinning wondering what went wrong when you felt so much for this guy and assumed he felt the same---the thing is, he is TELLING you he doesn't feel the same. I repeat, he will NEVER be your BF. If you want a BF, ditch this guy. He will never committ to you. Additionally, 2 mos in and he has seen you "crazy and crying" ?? No no no... When he found out (snooping 2 mos in!! Wow!) you were going on a date, he didn't stop and say "omg, I could be losing you. I want you to be mine. Please don't go. I want you to be MINE". He let you go. He hesitated briefly...then watched you go on another date and didn't care. Not good. 3
Imajerk17 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 (edited) I never liked this "we can see other people but we're sexually exclusive" stuff. What does that mean really to the other guys you date? You can take free dinners and entertainment from them as if you're really available but (because you're really not) you aren't going to give them anything more than friendship for an evening? Seems unfair to give anyone the impression that something might happen when you already know that it probably won't. I was going to say something about why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free but yeah. You've been taken for granted because that was how you allowed things to be set up. Meanwhile, you need to CUT OFF THE SEX with this guy until you're exclusive, and meanwhile, figure out where you and this guy are at before you bring other people into this. Edited April 29, 2012 by Imajerk17
veggirl Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I never liked this "we can see other people but we're sexually exclusive" stuff. What does that mean really to the other guys you date? You can take free dinners and entertainment from them as if you're really available but (because you really aren't) you aren't going to give them anything more than friendship for an evening? Seems unfair to give anyone the impression that something might happen when you already know that it probably won't. This is a good point. I'm trying to imagine being on a date with a guy and being all "oh btw, I'm sexually exclusive with someone else. But we can go on dates" If a guy told me that...I don't even know. I'd be speechless from the shock! It would def be the last time he'd see me! The bolded is a super great point. Beyond what you are doing to yourself, OP, you are now bringing innocent parties into this mess!
verhrzn Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Cause most single men don't want a committed relationship and just enjoy using girls.
jobaba Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Will this experience now make you unattracted to white men...?? Oh the humanity!!! :eek: L ... O ... f@cking L!
Author DuchessKaye Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Will this experience now make you unattracted to white men...?? Oh the humanity!!! :eek: Nah... Like I said, I like him a lot. And I still do I just have to figure out what he really wants. I guess, I'll have to sit and down and have a talk with him regarding the matter.
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Shackle him to the floor first, he seems slippery. 1
Author DuchessKaye Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Don't you have friends or something you want to hang out with on the weekend? The fact that you drop your whole weekend for him, straight off the bat, seems desperate and clingy. He used to be my friend, my best friend, before we started dating... And no, I didn't drop my whole weekend right away. We used to hang out together before he asked me out for 'REAL DATES'. Desperate and clingy? He was the one who wanted this set up. At first, I didn't like it, but he made me like it for giving me the real best for every dates we had. He's real sweet, caring and everything. My friends were even teasing me telling me "He's treating you like a queen in front of the public huh." (But actually I'm his slave elsewhere... ) I mean you are bending around his schedule...he works 8a-8p during the week, so you don't see him, so you give up your whole weekend to fit into his schedule. No no no. No, he picked those days off and schedule cause he wanted to fit into mine. When he found out (snooping 2 mos in!! Wow!) you were going on a date, he didn't stop and say "omg, I could be losing you. I want you to be mine. Please don't go. I want you to be MINE". He let you go. He hesitated briefly...then watched you go on another date and didn't care. Not good. He didn't let me go... When I was about to go, he kept saying he wanted to go here and there, he wanted to see this and that, he wanted to go shopping, he wanted to do this and that, so we went and I was never able to go and see my date.
Author DuchessKaye Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) b. He doesn't like your personality very much. So he lied when told me how much he likes me for my personality and character? He even told me that I have this and that that made me more of what he wanted for a woman... Edited April 30, 2012 by DuchessKaye
kaylan Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) Simple OP Youre his backburner girl and even though he doesnt want exclusivity, he wants to be able to fool around with other women but you not be able to do the same. If he cant deal with you dating others, tell him to get the fvk over it or just bail.Will this experience now make you unattracted to white men...?? Oh the humanity!!! :eek: trolololol. Good one bro. Edited April 30, 2012 by kaylan
Pierre Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 The guy is a loser, but I suspect that now the OP will go on the defensive. 1
kaylan Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 So he lied when told me how much he likes me for my personality and character? He even told me that I have this and that that made me more of what he wanted for a woman... And if this was true hed be with you. He may dig you, but youre not good enough to be his gf. Hes basically been letting you down easy, but not being so blunt that hed ruin his FWB situation. A guy who really cares about a woman and wants to be with her, will be exclusive to her. He wont risk losing her to other men. So at the end of the day, you are not his "it" girl. You are the "weekend wifey" booty call. You are the fill in girlfriend that satisfies his emotional and physical needs until he finds the right girl for him to date exclusively. Youve been warned.
yongyong Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Have you had things that 'you don't want to keep it for yourself but you don't want to give it away to someone'? Like those stuffs sitting in a garage. you ask them if you could have it but they won't give to you even though they are not using it?
Author DuchessKaye Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 You've been warned. Thanks! ...........................
Author DuchessKaye Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 The guy is a loser, but I suspect that now the OP will go on the defensive. Oh cool... but no, I'm not going to defend anything...
Author DuchessKaye Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 He's cake-eating. That's it! I'm gonna kick his ass!
Pierre Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Oh cool... but no, I'm not going to defend anything... He does not think you are worthy of exclusivity. Please move on or become his f****ing FWB.
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