FrankMartin Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 (edited) I am suffering from the consequences of a confused and depressed wife, an insolent and disobedient teenage daughter and a meddlesome mother-in-law. My wife is a great person and I love her very much, but she is easily confused and distracted, having suffered from ADHD in childhood and as an adult. She is currently taking medication for this and for depression. She cares very much for our children and is a good mother, although she is a very dependent person, meaning that she needs help with many things such as balancing a checkbook, planning ahead, and organizing things in the house. She has always been that way and we have managed. We have two children, including an 18 year old daughter and a 10 year old daughter. The oldest was born to my wife before we met, and I adopted her when we got married 14 years ago. She has always been a bit defiant, but generally a good kid. There were often times throughout her school years where she had problems with disputes and other kids at school which I found unusual. My wife said that is normal however our youngest daughter does not seem to have the same issues. Our oldest daughter snuck a boy into her bedroom 2 years ago and admitted to us that she had sex with him. This was obviously very upsetting to both of us so we went to counseling. There were other small incidents since then, but then last year (as an 18 year old) she snuck her current boyfriend (a drug user who is often in trouble and has been kicked out of his own house by his parents) in to our house and hid him in the closet. She is not very good at sneaking around. She left his shoes out and I knew something was up so I told my wife and went to work. She forced her way into the bedroom which my daughter had attempted to barricade and found the guy hiding in the closet. We talked about this later and explained to her that we disapprove. A couple of months later she was arrested for shoplifting, and about 3 weeks ago we discovered that her boyfriend was driving her car around (forbidden because she is/was on our insurance and he has a horrible driving record) so suffice to say, she has a problem obeying authority. She is moving in with my wife’s mother and father next week and will be attending college from there. In response to her behavior, my mother-in-law drew up a kind of “behavior contract” that she must sign in order to be able to live there. I think that contract is a great idea. I think we should have done it here too but my wife did not approve. She does not remember that I had brought this up a year ago, but now she agrees with her mother. My mother-in-law is the “doting” type. My wife and her used to see each other every day, but then we had to move to our current town which is 2 hours away. They are both very upset about the distance and my wife’s dependence on her mother has become very evident now that they are apart. It has been 2 years and things have reached a hot point. 3.5 weeks ago, my wife suggested that she wanted to separate, and co-parent our youngest daughter. She said she still loves me but is not in love with me any more. I have read around here that this could be code for her seeing someone else. I don’t think she is having an EA, but instead I think that she is wanting her mother instead of a husband. The day after she told me she wanted to separate, she went on a planned trip with her mother for a full week. We had originally planned a family trip right after she returned from her trip with her mother, but she cancelled that. Upon her return, and after my return from the now-solo trip she handed me a letter stating that she was going to take my youngest daughter back to live with her mother until a divorce was finalized, at which time she would find an apartment and enroll our child in a school in the town where her mother lives. The main reasons for the her wanting a divorce are 1. That I am not romantic (not a news flash, I never was) 2. That I have “given up” on my oldest daughter (I really am at my wits end) 3. She has changed and no longer feels the same way. She said that her life no longer revolves around me, that she needs to focus on herself now. If my wife hates me, I can live with that but she cannot take my daughter away. I have spoken with an attorney and suffice to say she is not taking my daughter away without my consent. So now we have to work this out. We are scheduled to speak to a MC tomorrow (we have seen 4 MC’s over the course of our marriage) and I am not sure what to expect or do now. We have discussed the possibility of living together but staying separated for my daughter’s sake, and for the sake of finances (her max income is probably $14,000/year). We now live in an 1800 sf house. I have doubts that she could afford a place of her own even with maintenance and child support. I believe that financially she would have to lean on her parents. I will do anything to avoid uprooting my daughter. She loves it here and has not been told of our marriage troubles. I can live with the breakup, but I cannot live without my kid. Edited April 29, 2012 by FrankMartin
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